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Riverbrian

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  1. 1. John Adams – We all remember the drama that John Adams caused a young boy named Elliott. This courageous young lad who had to escape the feds on a flying bicycle with a funny voiced extra-terrestrial blocking his view… sitting in a crate strapped somehow to the front. It was John Adams who set everything in motion when he signed the Alien and Sedition Acts into law. That’s why the Feds were involved and that’s why Aliens are very careful to avoid detection when they visit… That’s why when they are discovered… they are rarely seditious. It’s all because of John Adams and the story doesn’t end there. John Adams is… the most fatherly American of all time. John Adams was the father of John Quincy Adams who was our 79th President of the United States… John Adams was a Founding Father of our nation as a signer of the Declaration of Independence and because he was such a strong supporter of national defense… John Adams has been called the father of the U.S. Navy. He built a bunch of boats and after you took the time to Adam all up, the numbers suggested that we had enough for a navy. 2. Gomez Addams – Another important father in our history. Always dressed in a double breasted pin stripe suit… Gomez liked to hang upside down and dynamite model trains. He kept lit cigars in his pocket and was easily distracted by his wife for whom he had great fondness. Gomez and his importance can’t be understated. Without Gomez as a father… Tuesday would roll right into Thursday when the clock struck midnight. 3. Adam West – Not many people know this but Batman is the father of 6 children. This has always been a closely guarded secret because he had many enemies who would have loved to have that information for selfish evil blackmail reasons. He made the tremendous sacrifice to live the solitary life of a billionaire playboy while his children… Pow, Bam, Biff, Whammo, Zap and Zonk lived in the countryside outside of Gotham undetected and in total poverty. 4. Darwin’s Frog – Native to South America… this species of Frog plays a very unique role as the father. The female Darwin's frog will lay her eggs in water like most other frogs but when they are tadpoles… the dad Darwin's frog protects them from predators by putting the tadpoles into his mouth and storing them in his vocal sac until they are fully developed frogs. At that point… he regurgitates them out and they are introduced to the world. If the Human male had to do that to keep our species alive… it would be the end of the human race. 5. Father’s Day Gift – I’m not sure what I will get for a gift on Sunday. Two years ago… my sons got me a coffee cup that said “#1 Dad” on it. Last year… I got another coffer cup… This one said “#87 Dad”. ____________________ Lineups: YANKEES Jacoby Ellsbury(L) CF Brett Gardner(L) LF Carlos Beltran(S) RF Alex Rodriguez[R] DH Brian McCann(L) C Starlin Castro[R] 2B Didi Gregorius(L) SS Chase Headley(S) 3B Ike Davis(L) 1B CC Sabathia (L) P TWINS Eduardo Nunez[R] 3B Robbie Grossman(S) LF Brian Dozier[R] 2B Trevor Plouffe[R] DH Byung-Ho Park[R] 1B Eduardo Escobar(S) SS Max Kepler(L) RF Kurt Suzuki[R] C Byron Buxton[R] CF Kyle Gibson [R] P Game-time forecast: Clear and sunny (until 9:02 pm when the sun sets), 78 deg F, 1% chance of precipitation, winds from the E at 8mph. Go Twins!
  2. The Cards reportedly offered $210 Million... According to Chief
  3. 12 Year Old: A Grand... Sure... Here Ya go Glunn: Do you take Visa or American Express?
  4. Yes I was I was sitting along the 1st baseline and he hit it out to LF. I almost had it.
  5. I would have bought his third. Why Not
  6. I was actually there for his first. In Detroit on a Sunday Afternoon. He's gotta have a superstar career after that so I can say I was there for his first.
  7. I believe he said "Think THIS' as he swung.
  8. http://www.musee-rodin.fr/sites/musee/files/styles/zoom/public/resourceSpace/3564_fee51463caa859c.jpg?itok=NE478aZL This is not Giavotella.
  9. Reached base on an E5... I RULE!!!
  10. My son's softball team was short a player so they called me to play. A 50 year old playing with a bunch of 22 year olds. I haven't swung a bat or put a glove on for a couple of years. What do you think I did in my first AB?
  11. You forgot to mention that I also need some Home Runs for my fantasy team.
  12. 8th Inning That was when my chin hit my chest.
  13. Disclaimer: I'm an equal opportunity Make Fun of anything type guy. Jewish Guy was accidentally shot in a hunting accident and he was in tremendous pain. Too much pain to handle and he asked his friend to finish him off. Friend: "I'm sorry I don't have any Bullets left" Jewish Guy "It's Ok... You can buy some from me"
  14. That is pretty strange Almost as strange as a Hockey Player named after a City in Missouri.
  15. Buxton and Grossman are like Hockey Players trying to go bar down.
  16. I was at the Bank and the old lady in front of me wanted to check her balance. So I Pushed her and it wasn't very good.
  17. And he asks the bartender... "Have you heard the joke that doesn't have a punchline" and the Bartender says "No"
  18. Reminds me of the true story of Greenpeace activists spray painting the fur of Seals so their pelts would be worthless and this effort was supposed to save their life from poachers. The spray painting didn't really blend in with the snow anymore and they became easy meals for predators.
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