How to Talk About Wednesday Night's Loss

You might be searching for the words to describe Wednesday's 11-6 loss to Detroit. "Gutpunch" and "kick in the teeth" and potentially even "worst loss of the season," if this site's founder deems it so on his next podcast. That combination of bad loss plus improbable comeback plus blown win in extras really makes it a marvel of sadness.

In short, you may have been left speechless.

Fortunately, I'm here on Fridays, and I can offer you the following metaphors, figures of speech, and bitter, angry sentences to use at the water cooler or in your group chats. These phrases are free to use for all Twins Daily readers.

MAN, THAT LOSS WAS LIKE:

• An inch-long splinter under your fingernail.
• Watching a Rob Schneider film.
• Watching a Rob Schneider film while getting an inch-long splinter under your fingernail.
• Harassing a lady bartender in front of Jack Reacher, telling Jack Reacher to mind his own business, then finding yourself hurtling through a chair, hardwood table, and plate-glass window.
• Getting hit in the face with sadness.
• One of last year's losses.
• Finding a $100 bill on the street, thinking about how cool it is to find a $100 bill on the street, when all of a sudden the wind blows it out of your hand and it blows right into the hand of Joe Pohlad, who lights it on fire because paper money is for poor people.
• Watching J.J. McCarthy throw a touch pass.
• Watching J.J. McCarthy throw a touch pass to Rob Schneider.
• Listening to Gleeman and Hayes argue about a prospect at a loved one's funeral. 
• Listening to Gleeman and Hayes argue about a prospect at your funeral. They're in the casket with you. It's a tight fit, but this discussion about Emmanuel Rodriguez is not going to wait. Bonnes does an ad read for BetterHelp.
• Being a godless Chicago White Sox fan before this year.

We hope these provide some level of relief in this difficult time.

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