SirLoin

It's a miracle.....Well, at least one was rain-shortened.....
 

 
There's no question that we're in desperate times. Outside of a night with the Ice Capades or a total system failure of the Pentair Water Recycling System, there's not many solutions out there to salvage this incinerating trash receptacle of a season. However, for the long term health of this franchise, there are some moves that absolutely need to be made:
 
Send the following players to AAA: Miguel Sano, Brian Dozier, and Trevor May
 
Hear me out.... It's no secret that Miguel Sano didn't put in the work in to make the move to the outfield. He's overweight, apparently has attitude issues and appears to be happy just to be a Major League Baseball Player. So basically, he's the Twins version of Cordarrelle Patterson. He needs to earn his way back to this roster. Send him down to AAA, have him play 3rd and if and when it becomes time to trade Trevor Plouffe, bring him back if performance allows.
 
Brian Dozier is hitting .199. Enough said. Give Jorge Polanco an extended opportunity to see what we have while Dozier works on his swing.
 
Trevor May isn't cutting it out of the bullpen. And I've seen a few calls on this page to make him a starter again. At this point, perhaps we should see if he's capable. Send him down to "stretch him out" so he can be ready when another starter eventually goes on the DL.
 
Call up the following players from AAA: JT Chargois, James Beresford, Jorge Polanco
 
Chargois is absolutely dominating AAA. Sure it's a small sample size, but he has the potential to be a dominant reliever. And could he be much worse than what's being thrown out there day after day?
 
One of the main criticisms around Jorge Polanco is that he never gets an extended opportunity. This would be his chance while Dozier figures out his swing. Then around the trade deadline, maybe one or the other could be a potential trade chip.
 
With Perkins having a setback, they could place him on the 60-day DL in order to create the roster spot for Beresford. He's done everything he can at AAA and has earned the chance to at least play a utility role.

TWINS TO PARTNER WITH XCEL ENERGY FOR NEW SUSTAINABILITY INITIATIVE
 
Target Field to be MLB's only sustainable ballpark by June 2016
 
From Wire Services
 
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- The Minnesota Twins announced an initiative in conjunction with Xcel Energy to install an fully operational wind farm beyond the center field wall in Target Field. Upon opening in 2010, the center field wall included several evergreen trees which were subsequently removed due to complaints that such a natural setting was distracting to the batter's eye. The windmills, which will be painted white, will provide a permanent visual experience for fans and players alike. Coupled with it's first-of-its-kind rainwater recycling system resulting from the team's partnership with Pentair, a worldwide leader in water solutions, Target Field is expected to be fully sustainable by early June 2016.
 
At a strikeout rate of 11.3 per game, Twins management expect the repetitive swings and misses should generate enough wind to power the entire stadium for the remainder for the season. "Should we fall below that average" indicated Team President Dave St. Peter, "we are prepared to call up Adam Brett Walker and Kennys Vargas to start in Left and Center Field, respectively". St. Peter also disclosed that the wind farm can be run in reverse for whenever Phil Hughes has a home start.
 
When reached for comment, Twins television analyst Bert Blyleven added, "Why don't they add some [redacted] tulips so I can pretend I'm back in Holland whenever Byung Ho Park comes to the plate?"