Though the Twins' offense has struggled to generate many runs in the month of June, their tremendous success in May and the method of their outburst against the White Sox yesterday reminds us all of what has worked for the team all year: Hit Clusters.
Now, the Twins, along with local business partners in the breakfast cereal industry are out to share the secret of their winning ways with the populace at large in this new advertisement for a special Twins Centric Cereal!
[Our first shot is of Twins clubhouse where a dejected looking Kennys Vargas and Byron Buxton sit at the team breakfast table]
Kennys: It isn't easy to be a big leaguer...
Byron: Yeah, and you'd think they'd be able to afford something better than simple toast for us too...
[Brian Dozier enters, with a big smile and, if possible, animated unicorns and ninjas]
Brian: Are you guys tired of your boring breakfasts and wishing you could score more runs?!?
Kennys: That is literally what we were just saying.
Brian: Try HIT CLUSTER CEREAL! A joint venture of the Minnesota Twins, General Mills, and Malt o Meal! The official Cluster-Based Cereal of the Minnesota Twins!! http://www.350sweets.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/whitchocclusters2.jpg
Byron: Do we have an Official Non-Cluster-Based Cereal?
Brian: Don't change the subject Rookie!! HIT CLUSTER CEREAL contains all the valuable nutrients you need to connect hits together for a big inning!!
[A series of other smiling Twins players appear with the cereal]
Joe Mauer: Sometimes, when I really want to cut loose, I even have some with vitamin rich Milk.
Torii: For the last time Joe, don't flaunt your decadent party life style in front of the kids!
Joe: Sorry...
Brian: C'mon Guys! Try a bite!!
Kennys: Wow! That taste sure comes through in the clutch!
[All the Twins Laugh heartily before the final Voice Over]
VOICE OVER: Hit Cluster Cereal is available for a limited time only, and is part of a balanced breakfast with other great Official Minnesota Twins foodstuffs like "Base on Balls Bread" and "Orange (You Glad We're Facing White Sox Pitchers) Juice"
The headline here is a reference--if you do not know somehow--to a line from The Big Lebowski. It's the scene in the car where Walter has brought "the ringer" ("the whites") and The Dude loses it on him. The Dude is a very chill guy who smokes pot, listens to CCR, and bowls. But in this scene he yells (editing profanity) "You (screwed) it up! You (screwed) it up!" Walter responds with the quote in the headline.
Well it's that time of year when the Twins opening day roster becomes finalized and many, including myself, are screaming what The Dude was screaming in the car. I mean it all seems ridiculous. Maybe not each individual move taken separately, but when looking at the totality--Milone, Pelfrey, Boyer, and Robinson as choices over May, Meyer, Tonkin/Oliveros/Achter, and Hicks/Rosario, on top of the additions of Hunter and Stauffer--it looks like a big roster mistake based on some strange notion of trying to compete with aging guys instead of rebuilding with younger guys.
That's all true. I don't think the truth is on the Twins side here. This seems like a bizarre way to approach the season, especially since this doesn't mean merely having the young guys "earn" a promotion to the Twins . . . they are now forced to compete with one another down in AAA and even AA in some cases. It would seem like a rebuilding team promotes the young guys to get a sense of who is going to be worthy of keeping in 2016 and beyond. I cannot imagine any of those six--Milone, Pelfrey, Boyer, Robinson, Hunter, and Stauffer--being on the team in 2016.
But screaming about this isn't going to do any good and it isn't good for oneself. It is indeed being very un-dude. Here's a breakdown:
A. It's baseball. Baseball isn't like bowling . . . but watching baseball is like bowling in that you do it for fun and you drink beer while doing it.
B. There might be value in finding even one of those six guys who puts up a legitimate year that adds wins to the team this year. Stauffer and Hunter are the best bets there. ST stats mean very little. Stauffer is a good reliever.
C. Maybe this new focus on the changeup will improve the staff, including Boyer.
D. The young guys can all be together and work together and help each other out that way. Rochester suddenly has Rosario, Hicks, and Danny Ortiz in the OF. May and Meyer will be leading the rotation with the likes of Wheeler, Rogers, and maybe Duffey. Tonkin, Oliveros, and Achter are going to be in the bullpen with O'Rourke, Darnell (if I were Darnell, I would advocate for a full-time bullpen role), Hamburger, and Pressly. Rochester actually should be full of prospects, which is rare. It should be good though.
E. Nothing is really stopping a mass movement upward. This isn't Gardenhire's team, so we don't really know what to expect. If the oldsters aren't getting the job done, then I do think Molitor will replace them. And this can include a Schafer-Robinson for Hicks-Rosario swap. First, Rosario is going to get some time at second base in Rochester, and thus he still has that going for the Twins as another backup for Dozier. Second, Hunter is going to need days off, as will Mauer, and younger guys like Arcia and Vargas. There are innings and at bats there. Also, with each passing day the Twins are paying Mike Pelfrey less and less. Milone and Stauffer aren't making all that much, and Boyer is making very little. They are all replaceable and will be replaced with one wave from AAA and then another from AA.
F. We don't know what is going to happen, so let's just enjoy it. There are still a number of things to be excited about. First, a fully recovered Joe Mauer. Second, Santana and Vargas soph seasons. Third, Oswaldo Arcia is going to go ape this year. I guarantee that. Fourth, Eduardo Escobar is still going to get plenty of at bats and be a doubles machine. Finally, a new manager and pitching coach. This is the most important thing. Those old, ridiculous days are gone.
G. Being un-Dude is a terrible way to be.
It's understandable that we are "not into the whole levity thing" right now. We have ideas about what should be done and the Twins make mistakes. But it is clear that this is still the beginning of baseball season and that is something to be quite pleased about. I do think that these problems are going to work themselves out. The September roster should be pretty sick. There will be trades made that will help support a minor league system that hopefully is seeing its last top 10 overall pick this year.
There are still plenty of good things occurring outside of the decisions regarding players 21-25 on the roster.
