PeanutsFromHeaven

Even though it's summer, and I'm free from teaching for a few blissful weeks, I have to keep going...with that here's my Cliff Notes Guide to June, in case you're just now joining this Twins season already in progress. Summary: Ch. 3 "June" Entering the month of June the Twins were still lurking on the fringes of what could be defined as a "dangerous" team. One that didn't know it wasn't good enough to be playing like it was. One that could rely on youthful exuberance, energy and enthusiasm to see them through good days and bad, perhaps best symbolized by Oswaldo Arcia's triumphant return to the fan base's hearts and minds against Milwaukee. Yet Arcia's twisted ankle in the next inning was an obvious harbinger of the difficulties to come. Because into this scene of insouciant optimism came the Houston Astros, the Twins' mirror image in both youth, recent history and foolish optimism. Faced with their mirror image, and given an opportunity to own their identity, the Twins instead reverted to a feeling of smug superiority and were critically exposed in a series loss to a "team" in name only. Download attachment: image.jpg Rather than grab hold of our inadequacy and owning it in a moment of self-realization, the Twins sought external intervention from Kendrys Morales. Morales' veteran acumen made him a likely mentor-figure, but his tragic flaws of both doughy physique and extended absence from the game made it challenging for him to halt our emerging malaise. Sure enough, the longer we journeyed away from our safety net, our security blanket (if you will), the harder it became for us to survive as up-and-comers. Step by step the Tigers, Red Sox, Angels and Rangers battered our fledgling optimism until it and all other hopes for greatness were bundled away for the year, as the rose sheaves in Robert Browning's poem. Whether or not this recognition serves to benefit or bedraggle the Twins has yet to be seen...that's what the second half of the season is for...obviously. Character Development Kyle Gibson/Phil Hughes--The dueling courters for the fickle fans' hearts, these two pitchers seem to alternate hot and cold by the month. Their mystique is engaging, yet aggravating, as fans continue to quest for their one true pitching love. Brian Dozier--Dozier's progress continues in fits and spurts. Blooms of triumph are tempered with the storms of inaccuracy and self-imposed pressure. His emergence still makes him the closest thing to a protagonist this season has. Joe Mauer--As with all things Mauer, his month featured both flickers of hope and shadows of despair. His hitting stroke returned, but the team faltered again. His command of the strike zone was more evident, but he was injured near the end of the month and seemed poised to vanish again into the backdrop of the story as swiftly as he had emerged. Glen Perkins--Joining Mauer in the ranks of under-developed static characters of the season is closer Glen Perkins. Rumors of his tremendous performance are everywhere. Like graffiti tags asking "Who is John Gault?" or the infamous red "V" from Alan Moore's dystopian graphic novel: V for Vendetta. Yet, he appears so infrequently that there's little to appreciate and even less to dissect. Kendrys Morales--The third chapter of our season introduces a new character, a rarity for the Twins' series of season-long books, but a welcome one. Morales' dualism--symbol of contender status/presence on a losing team; designated hitter/ineffective hitter--offers another confounding presence that is hotly debated in literary/baseball circles. Key Quotes/Stats Explained Pitcher WHIP with 3-5 Runs of Support--1.505. Unsurprisingly, the Twins perform poorly when they have 2 or fewer runs, and are great when they have more than 6. But most of the season they've been in the 3-5 runs of support range. Unfortunately, that's when the pitchers have had their worst Walks + Hits Per Inning Pitch (a measure of average base runners allowed per inning). To reach that average we likely have three base runners every two innings. That's not bad if you have one single in one inning, but it gets rougher when you have a walk followed by a double; you're playing with fire. Team Road tOPS+--91--the tOPS measures how far above or below the total On-Base Plus Slugging Percentage is (100 = the same, 0-99 = Worse, 101+ = better). For all the talk about Target Field not being a hitters park, the Twins as a team are significantly better at home than on the road, and that's most apparent in the driving forces for the team. Brian Dozier's tOPS+ is 69 and Kurt Suzuki's is 79. While each is an increasingly beloved fixture for the team, their performances near loved ones is clearly different than their performances elsewhere. Literary Term to Impress your Teacher/Attractive English Major Friend: In time almost every baseball season shifts its focus away from the starry-eyed romantic or idealistic perspective towards the genre of Naturalism. This stark, honest, appraisal of reality is clearly evidenced in the tonal shift of the Twins' June. Gone are the fanciful imaginings or idyllic appraisals of our present and future. Instead, we confront the world as it is with a fuller experience of both the trials of frequent defeats interspersed with notable joys (e.g., sweeping the White Sox). While this may seem disappointing, cynical or unpleasant in comparison with the happy fluffy early stage of the season, Naturalism is really a genre designed to rediscover the beautiful by stripping away the false claims and artificial window dressing that most artists rely on. If you have wanted the Twins to be focused on the future rather than the present, you really want them to be as Naturalistic as possible the rest of the season. Click here to view the article

This is the first in a series of three articles evaluating the Twins 2013 Season. First we introduce the stat, then we use it to analyze hitters, then we use it to analyze pitchers. There's plenty of time to dissect the Twins' season, and there are plenty of people to do it. Rather than crunch the numbers or analyze the trends, I prefer to dissect it in the best way I know how: poorly! It's in that spirit that I offer the following new statistic: AARP or Amusement Above Replacement Player. [i am well aware that AARP is also the name of the American Association of Retired People, which gives AARP a 8.43 AARS (that's Amusement Above Replacement Statistic) score.] Download attachment: Logo-AARP.jpg Copyright/Schmopyright Why invent such a meaningless statistic you ask? Why not? I answer. Statistics are not fixed or holy things, they get to be whatever we want them to be. While much of baseball is designed to be measured and quantified (from the 90 feet between the bases, to every degree of drop on a curve), much of it has yet be measured or quantified (from how important it is to have "good guys" in the clubhouse to how willingly we as fans will watch bad baseball because the way a hitter waggles his bat makes us giggle). And since no one else was doing it, I figured I might as well. Assigning a number to something like "amusing antics" may seem unnecessary or even stupid. Of course it's stupid. So is measuring the degree of drop on every pitcher's curveball. This is America, and this is the internet. If you're looking for necessary and intelligent things, you've clearly come to the wrong place. So, what is AARP and how do we measure it? As I envision it (and since I'm making it up, that's all that matters), AARP measures a player's contributions, on the field and off, to the amusement and enjoyment to fans. Certainly a player's actual performance has an effect on that: hit a homer, boost your AARP, come into a tie game and give up five straight hits, your AARP takes a hit. We like successful players, but we also like players just because they are themselves. So the statistic also considers things like: a player's ability to earn and maintain a nickname (and no, adding -y/-ie to the end of a name doesn't make it a nickname--sorry fans of "Frankie" Liriano),his notable physical and personality traits (thereby giving credit to the short, the squat, the bearded and the crazy),his general attitude and demeanor (the more personable and interesting and less robotic the better) andmiscellaneous oddities (i.e. Delmon saying his favorite book is The Great Gatsby or Eduardo Escobar's at-bat music being a song from Grease). Like WAR (Wins Above Replacement) or VORP (Value Over Replacement Player), AARP can have a positive or a negative score. Each category has a range of -2 to +2 and totals up to give their overall AARP. A positive score reflects a player who makes the game enjoyable to watch (however mildly), zero reflects someone whose existence you forget about between games, and a negative one reflects a player who leaves you so bored, depressed or upset that anything (even Kardashians, Ginsu knife infomercials, or "Channel Not Available" notifications) seems to be a more valuable source of entertainment. How would the stat work? Consider these examples http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site569/2013/0917/20130917__9-17%20Twins%20Fryer_400.jpg Eric Fryer: The Forgettable type (-.5 to .5) Play: Below average at an inconsequential time -0.1 Nickname: None -0.2 Traits: None noticed 0.0 Demeanor: None noticed 0.0 Oddities: None 0.0 AARP: -0.3 http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ca/0923_286c_Jason_Bartlett.jpg Jason Bartlett: An everyday major leaguer (.5-2.0) Play: Adequate (slightly better once he left the team) 0.7 Nickname: None -0.2 Traits: Little scruffy goatee 0.2 Demeanor: Calm 0.2 Oddities: Name might remind you of The West Wing or a book of quotations. 0.4 AARP: 1.3 http://www.prosportsblogging.com/psb/uploads/2011/08/ben-revere-catch-bmp1.jpeg Ben Revere: A local favorite (2.1-5.0) Play: Great in the field, great base runner, terrible at hitting 0.8 Nickname: None (Save for maybe Midnight Rider) 0.0 Traits: Big smile, giddy laugh 0.7 Demeanor: Happy and excited 0.4 Oddities: Superman style leaps after balls, summersaulting triples 0.4 AARP: 2.3 http://www.artbyjon.com/070126EMT-111.jpg Michael Cuddyer: a nationally notable player (5.1-8.0) Play: Impressive arm, above average bat. 1.7 Nickname: "Cuddles" "Magic Man" 1.8 Traits: Big dimples, fondness for magic 2.0 Demeanor: Personable, engaging, happy to talk with fans 1.3 Oddities: Not many--typical dude. 0.0 AARP: 6.8 http://i.cdn.turner....arlos-Gomez.jpg Carlos Gomez: A player who captivates casual and serious fans alike (8.1-10) Play: Phenomenal defense (recently, good offense) 1.5 Nickname: "Gogo" "Mojo Gogo" "Go, go, Gomez" "Rin-go!" 1.8 Traits: Hyperactivity, silliness, goofiness, sporadic bouts of petulance, funny little beard 1.9 Demeanor: Happy, excitable, willing to talk about anything even if you don't understand him 1.7 Oddities: Smelling bats, raptor yells in dug out 2.0 AARP: 8.9 http://siextramustar...jpg?w=600&h=600 Alex Rodriguez: A player who irritates casual and serious fans alike (Less than -.5>) Play: Very good at the plate, above average in the field 1.9 Nickname: A-Rod, A-Hole .2 Traits: Really toolish, egotistical, self-obsessed, obnoxiously pretty -2.0 Demeanor: Egotistical, better than thou, convinced of massive conspiracy against him -2.0 Oddities: Supposedly has a portrait of himself as a centaur, has movie star girlfriends feed him popcorn -2.0 AARP: -3.7 Sure there's room to debate the accuracy of these scores, especially since what is amusing to me may not be amusing to you. After all, if a statistic is subjective, is it really a statistic anymore? Then again, this is a totally made up statistic that doesn't actually exist beyond the confines of this weird little corner of cyber space, so maybe we shouldn't spend too much time worrying about that and just use this as a mildly amusing way to pass the offseason. In that spirit I'll use AARP to analyze how the Twins did in 2013, staring with a few notable hitters, then moving on to the pitchers and front office staff. And while the management seems generally disinclined to consider statistics in their evaluations of talent, maybe a made up statistic will have more credence with them and we'll build for a future when the Twins are both talented and fun! You can check it out at Peanuts From Heaven. Click here to view the article

Download attachment: draft-2014.jpg Sure we're a couple weeks late, and several hundreds of posts short...but we couldn't resist the temptation to continue our annual tradition of giving a run down of every single Twins draft pick for the busy fan. So keep your detailed scouting reports, don't bother worrying over their ETAs in the big leagues. All that information is covered in tremendous detail by Seth Stohs and Jeremy Nygard. Just appreciate the simplicity of five words for every player. (As always, numbers and punctuation don't count) Right Handed Pitchers Nicholas Burdi (Round 2)--College reliever of the year Michael Cederoth (Round 3)--Twins like right-handed relievers Jake Reed (Round 5)--Really, they're great. John Curtiss (Round 6)--You can always use them Andro Cutura (Round 7)--Good thing our pen is big. Keaton Steele (Round 8)--Holy cow...another one? Really? Randy LeBlanc (Round 10)--Alright, we get it...Righties = Good Zach Tillery (Round 13)--Stop. Just stop. Trevor Hildenberger (Round 22)--Hilden Burgers served with Gorgonzola Miles Nordgren (Round 23)--Long way to north green. Orynn Veillon (Round 32)--Fun names > Right-handed relievers Mike Bauman (Round 34)--Hey, a Mahtomedi product! Left Handed Pitchers Samuel Clay (Round 4)--Never give up on Lefties. Mat Batts (Round 17)--Pitchers deserve less ominous names Onas Farfan (Round 21)--First RBI alum Twins drafted Taylor Heam (Round 25)--Lefties + Give Up? NO! Cameron Avila-Leeper (Round 29)--Fortunately, not Avila-Leper. Theo Theofanopoulos (Round 30)--Ποτέ μην εγκαταλείπεις στις Αριστεροί Sam Hillard (Round 31)--Strong sinker...cross-fingers Infielders/Catchers Nick Gordon (SS, Round 1)--Flash's kid could be great Patrick Kelly (2B, Round 12)--Red Wing native, Cornhusker alum Tyler Mautner (3B, Round 14)--Not Lautner, sorry Twilight fans. Tyler Kuresa (1B, Round 16)--Communications major! Baseball better work... TJ White (3B, Round 18)--From Las Vegas to....Elizabethton? Jarrard Poteete (C, Round 19)--You say PO-TEEEEE-TAY, I say...? McCarthy Tatum (3B, Round 20)--Not Channing, sorry ladies. Erwin Real (C, Round 24)--Could be MLB's 1st Erwin since 1913. Blake Schmit (SS, Round 26)--Part of Maryland Shortstop pipeline Gabriel Ojeda (C, Round 27)--Estudiante a Colegio Hector Udaneta!! Trey Vavra (1B, Round 33)--Coach Joe's Kid, so sweet... Brad Mathiowetz (C, Round 35)--Hope Mientkeiwicz coaches pronunciation Kirvin Moesquit (SS, Round 36)--Played with Mathiowetz = SCRABBLE WIN Brett Doe (C, Round 38)--Likely to toil in anonymity John Jones (C, Round 39)--Finally, a bland name Dalton Guthrie (SS, Round 40)--Mark Guthrie's boy, again, sweet. Outfielders Max Murphy (CF, Round 9)--Local boy comes home, hopefully... Tanner English (CF, Round 11)--Speedy center-fielder...God I hope so. Roberto Gonzalez (RF, Round 15)--Lots of potential Austin Diemer (CF, Round 28)--Proudly tweeting about us...awww.... Tyree Davis (CF, Round 37)--Straight outta Compton...had to be said. Click here to view the article

IT HAS HAPPENED!! LUIS PERDOMO HAS BEEN PROMOTED TO THE MINNESOTA TWINS!!!Download attachment: Luis Perdomo.jpg Anthony Swarzak went on the 15 day DL with a rotator cuff strain, and Carl Pavano moved to the 60 Day DL to make room for our beloved Adopt-A-Prospect. For those who don't know: Luis Perdomo is a relief pitcher who spent a brief while with the San Diego Padres and a briefer time with the New Britain Rock Cats, and the briefest time yet with Rochester. But more to the point Luis Perdomo is a man with a beard, and not just any beard, a beard that bests the scruffiest climbers of Mount Everest, a beard that the Visagoth's themselves envy, a beard that has prepared him to enter the long line of Jeff Reardon and Rick Aguilera as a Neckwarmer Nightmare Reliever! [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK] AND! It's possible that he may end up better known in the Twin Cities than the Jazz pianist who shares his name: ALL HAIL LUIS PERDOMO! (Specifically the pitcher, but also the pianist, but mostly the pitcher!!) Click here to view the article

This is the 5th story in "Those Damn Yankees" series, stories about Twins-Yankees rivalry by some of our favorite Twins Daily writers, leading up to the Bombers visit July 1st to the 4th. Most people have a "Yankees fans stink" story. Back at the Metrodome, my wife and her father sat in front of three "woo-girls" from Iowa, so desperate for Derek Jeter's attention that they squealed and shouted "pretty much every time he existed". The game didn't matter, just Jeter's existence. [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK] http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/images/yankee_fans-600.jpgI was in a grad school class on research methods in education, proudly sporting a Twins jersey during game one of the 2009 ALDS. A guy in a gray Yankees jersey standing outside the room stared me down until I turned to see him. He then pounded his chest like a silverback gorilla and mouthed a few "you sucks" at me. Later in the class he returned, having written down the scoring in the different innings to gloatingly inform me of the Twins' loss. ~~~ This post (and a wealth of other goofy ones like it) is available at our independent website: Peanuts From Heaven Inc. ~~~ I trust that many readers have their own stories: stories about bandwagon hoppers, profane screamers, self-deluded wannabes thinking their shirsey is partially responsible for one of the 27 world championships. It's the kind of self-important egomania that is totally anathema to Minnesotan nice/humility/shame/self-deprecation. The easy solution is to get mad, get defensive or get dismissive. But consider--for a moment--the tragedy of being a Yankees fan. Part of this has to do with a long-standing theory (one that might support Nick Nelson's conjecture that: "A record that horrible [23-61 over 10 years] goes beyond what would be expected with even the most lopsided talent differentials. No, there's something else at play here, as if the universe were conspiring to keep the poor little Midwestern Twins under the thumb the Evil Empire") which we at Peanuts from Heaven hold. [TABLE] http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mrhn9eiw-Us/S-3RXKAGW4I/AAAAAAAABmw/veuuKo0IEVs/s200/Sparkles.jpg Don't be fooled bythe sparkles... he's a Yankpire [/TABLE] You see, years ago Stinky/Mrs. Peanut discovered that, according to recent scholarship: vampires are the fastest, strongest, most powerful baseball playing creatures on the planet. As my wife reasoned, the Yankees are that fastest, strongest, most powerful baseball playing creatures on the planet. Ergo, the Yankees are vampires. (Or for the sake of our trademark: Yankpires) Over the years we have found a lot of photographic evidence to support this accusation. But there's more to vampires than simply dominating baseball games. Since Bram Stoker first reported Count Dracula's ability to exercise total control over the minds of others, innumerable observers of the Living Dead have also averred that vampires possesses psychic powers. So it's reasonable to assume the Yankpires also have psychic powers...psychic powers which they use to drain unsuspecting Yankee fans of their money, brain cells and human decency. By doing so, they add to their payroll which helps add to their speed, strength and power through free agency, thereby creating more Yankpires who need more Yankee fans to feed on...it's a vicious circle. [TABLE] http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1058525/baseballyankeefans.gif Yankpire victims...oh the humanity [/TABLE] Sure there are decent Yankees fans just as there are jerky Twins fans. I have a former student from New York who politely applauds everyone, a cousin who wears pinstripes to fit in at middle school, and a friend from that grad school class who disdained the jerk out the window as much as I did. But if we have any hope of ending the Yankpire hex on us--and any interest in making the world a better place, we have to cut off the Yankpire's source of sustenance...Yankee fan stupidity. [Cue "Arms of an Angel] Won't you please help us save as many potential Yankpire victims as we can. [TABLE] http://s7d5.scene7.c...t_id=0301682001 Won't you please help this babyavoid a future of jerkiness. [/TABLE] It's so simple. Just donate your time and energy to not being a jackass. When you encounter a jerk-Yankee fan, don't repay their stupidity in equal measure. Chances are, there are other, duly embarrassed, Yankee fans near by. By not being a total tool, you can help diminish the appeal of being a knobbish Yankee fan. Also, if you happen to play for the Twins...beating the vile vampires might also be helpful. You can make a difference, both to the present and to your children's future. Thank you for being a Twins fan, a Yankees fan, a baseball fan...AND a decent human being. Click here to view the article

News broke yesterday that former Marlins/Dodgers pitcher, Ricky Nolasco will be signing with the Twins. There are many things to consider in this signing: the sudden acquisition of a (relative) strike out artist for a "pitch-to-contact" team; the possible commitment through 2018 (making Nolasco one of only three Twins guaranteed that long a deal); the degree of responsibility and position of "leader" foisted on a player who has only recently tasted meaningful baseball; the question whether or not this will make any real difference to a team with so many pitching questions. Download attachment: Nolasco_Ricky_Twitter.jpg But rather than ponder any of those things, we at Peanuts from Heaven will do what we do best: bring up something stupid and pretend it's important.[PRBREAK][/PRBREAK] Consider, if you will, Ricky Nolasco's twitter feed (my brother--who has helped me start another site here--pointed to the change in logo as proof that he was in fact coming here). It is no stretch of the imagination to say that Nolasco's twitter feed makes ample use of the exclamation mark (19 in 6 posts, plus two more just for "LA")-- a device that some writers of the English language use to show "excitement, vehement commands or emphasize the intensity of an emotion." Or, as we refer to that in Minnesota, "going crazy". There have been very few Twins players or even fans in recent years who could be accused of being either excited, vehement, or even having an intense emotion of any kind. So naturally we wonder, what Ricky Nolasco's first few days as a Twin will be like. **Dream Sequence** Ricky Nolasco sits at a press conference table with Terry Ryan, Ron Gardenhire and (face of the franchise) Joe Mauer Ryan: We are very proud to introduce Ricky Nolasco as the newest Minnesota Twin [polite applause from assembled reporters]. Nolasco: YEAH!! What's up TWIN CITIES?!?!?!!!! Reporter: Ricky, how do you feel about joining the Twins? Nolasco: Amazing!!! Obviously! I get to be in the land of 10,000 Lakes!! That's 9,999 more than LA could offer!!! Reporter: Do you feel any pressure because of your contract? Nolasco: Sure!! But I can do it!!!! We've got a tremendous group of guys here, including one of the greatest hitters of all time in Joe Mauer!!! I'm so pumped to play with you Joe!!! Mauer: Thanks, Ricky. I'm...ummm...really excited to play with you too...you know? Nolasco: And I get to be coached by a former manager of the year!!! That's awesome!! Nothing against Don Mattingly or Mike Redmond, but, c'mon!!! This is Ron Freaking Gardenhire!!! Gardy: Thanks Ricky-y...'preciate that. Nolasco: It's gonna be amazeballs, you guys!!! I know you've had some hard times, but there are some total badasses coming up from the minors!! It'll be great to see them mature! And I'm so grateful that management trusts me to be a leader on a team destined for greatness!!!! Ryan: Easy, Ricky, let's not get too riled up just yet. Nolasco: What do you mean!!!?! This is just how I talk!!! Gardy: We normally try to be very calm and level- headed whenever we can. Nolasco: Oh, for sure, Skip!! Being level-headed is the BEST!!! Mauer: What about, you know...polite, non-offensive, mutterings about trying hard and...ummm...stuff. Nolasco: Sure, Joe! I'll try anything!! Why don't you try an exclamation!?!?! Mauer: What would I exclaim about? Nolasco: Anything!! Anything that makes your life great!! Your wife! Your kids!! Your job!!! Download attachment: Nolasco_Ricky_Peace_720.jpg Mauer: Wild Rice Soup! Nolasco: OH MY GOD!! YOU GUYS HAVE WILD RICE SOUP!!?!? *End....Scene....* Thank you Ricky Nolasco for reintroducing such a valuable punctuation mark to Twins Territory. Or, should we say: Thank you Ricky Nolasco for reintroducing such a valuable punctuation mark to Twins Territory!!!! Click here to view the article

Download attachment: Twins_Glove_Hat_Betsy_720.jpg It hasn't been easy being a Twins fan the last few years (though if you're committed enough to the team to find my little corner of the blogosphere, I hardly need tell you that). It's been even less easy to be a positive Twins blogger, to dedicate time and energy to finding the silver linings in a team that often looks over-matched in almost every facet of the game. My writing life would be easier, and probably more pleasant, if I could just sign off from the blog, let it wither and dry up like the husk of so many other abandoned websites in internet ghost towns, and find something else to occupy my time. But I keep coming back. I can't seem to stop. No matter how long I go between posts, I keep turning up to write something. Just like I keep turning up at Target Field to see something, anything that resembles baseball. My father-in-law, the Gouger, had tickets for Friday night, and I was, as ever, excited to go. But with Mrs. Peanut off in Los Angeles studying to become a yoga teacher, my Parental Units (Mr. No-Ass and The Knitting Queen) in a jet lag stupor after a 40th anniversary trip to Barcelona, my little brother exploiting his fraternity, and my best dude friend on a date, it was just the pair of us. Weaving our way through a packed downtown, we were both grimly aware that the Twins, these Twins, were as likely to provide an evening's entertainment as the stand-up comedy stylings of Joe Mauer. ("Hey, have you ever noticed how things are...you know...things?") Heading down to Target Field plaza, we saw a mother shepherding a pair of logo-bedecked boys into an elevator. The boys were glowing with excitement, all smiles and bouncing knees. Gouger asked "are the Twins going to win tonight?" The littlest boy replied "YEAH!!" with the kind of absolute certainty that you only hear in children and religious fundamentalists. We could have shaken our heads, or muttered something, but instead we high-fived, cheered and headed on to the gates. Since we arrived an hour early (pre-emptive parking before the Wolves and Twins fans descended en masse), I actually had time to peruse the clubhouse store, and all the food offerings I wanted. Part of me always thinks that, as fun as baseball can be, working in baseball (or at least in a baseball stadium) could leave you tired and dismissive. And yet I found myself hearing cheery recommendations from the beer vendor (Day Tripper APA: solid and satisfying after a long week), getting sincere service from the food vendors and sharing jokes and memories with clubhouse store cashiers. Everyone had a smile on his face, everyone seemed excited to see you, and more than willing to pause their work to appreciate a little sunshine and the promise of baseball ahead. And while the top of the first put me in mind of a long, bumpy road ahead (Pedro Florimon's sudden apathy had something do with that), it was easy to push that aside and appreciate the little things: Jason Kubel chugging as only Jason Kubel can on a triple, Josmil Pinto's big screen photo looking like nothing so much as a forlorn Teddy Bear, Joe Mauer's robotic RBI delivery system and awkward 1st base chatter, Kyle Gibson finishing a fine performance with a strike out and a standing O, Brian Duensing dropping the hammer, Kurt Suzuki joining a long list of players whose early performance pauses any cranky critique I could make. It was a beautiful night, and I was feeling warm and welcomed, watching a solid game of baseball and finding, five seats down, a likeminded fan in our old pal Betsy Bissen. Seeing her and talking (in person) for the first time in years, I got to hear all about her life as a Twins Daily photographer in the well, her stories about cupcakes and curveballs, pranks and--above all--positivity: why she always stays optimistic about the players, why the only people who drive her nuts are the people who can't stop complaining (and occasionally those who use ipads to take pictures), and why I should keep on keeping on with quirky little photoshops and random observations. The whole night was a long, joyful reminder of why I come back to baseball and blogging again and again. It's easy to get sucked into my own private world: my house, my Netflix queue, my Scotch bottles. But baseball makes sure I remember everyone around me: the little kids abuzz with excitement, the random strangers who have a smile, handshake and piece of advice, the players who become constants in your life, the other writers, photographers and talkers who share in the silliness with me, and the family which is always there. Gouger said it at the start of the night. There's no where else in sports where you can feel as tied into the community as you do you do at a baseball game. There's nowhere else I feel like my writing has as much chance to connect with like-minded readers and thinkers as in this baseball blog. It's not easy to be a Twins fan right now. It's not easy to be a Twins writer right now. But no matter how hard it gets, it's worth it, to be tied in to a community of the excited, the kind, the constant, the silly and the family that makes baseball great. ~~~ Thanks to the Twins win over the Royals on Sunday, it means that on Monday you can get 50% off a Large or Extra Large pizza when you use the “TWINSWIN” promotion code at PapaJohns.com. Click here to view the article

Again, all this is available at our personal website...only with pictures!! YAY PICTURES! I'm surprised to note that I have not blogged about an all-star game in three years. Not in Kansas City, nor in New York. Maybe I was actually off living my life. But with the game in the Twin Cities, I was eager to both celebrate the festivities in person, and watch the game (with all the excellent athletes and irritating announcers that come along with it). Here's what I learned. Atmosphere > Imagine Dragons--I'm not much of a musical person, but I have to say that going to the All-Star weekend concert (free courtesy of Mrs. Peanut's work connections) was much more enjoyable for Atmosphere's presence rather than Imagine Dragons. However, for future reference major touring pop bands that play all-star games (because I know you all read my blog), if you want to make fans forever, play a personalized version of that team's "song". If Imagine Dragons had played "We're Gonna Win Twins"...or even the first 8 measures, I'd have been a fan for life. My mom makes interesting bets--Rather than predict or argue over silly inconsequential things in the baseball game, like who will win, or how they'll score, my mother had a fun time predicting exactly what stupid things singers would do during All-Star Festivities. Singing for a living has that effect, and though the exact number of trills, flats, sharps, and unfortunate breath marks were never exactly cross-referenced with any website, it was good fun to bet on it never the less. Joe Buck Can't Read--My father prefers to channel his baseball watching towards the announcers. Usually, this involves rolling his eyes at Bert or clapping along with Dick Bremer, but when the national announcers call the game it involves total exasperation with Joe Buck, who doesn't seem to understand that it's a good idea to read a scorecard while calling a game to cover simple things like: the teams, who's batting, the score and which inning it is. But by god he can say "cold Coors Light" better than any other announcer in history so, he'll keep on announcing until we're all old and gray. Alcohol Helps--Speaking of cold Coors Lights...I don't drink them. But I do drink other things, and when subjected to Joe Buck, I encourage others to do the same. John Bonnes/Nick Nelson Help--Speaking of drinking, special kudos to Twins Daily peoples for hosting a fantastic happy hour at Mason's on Monday night. Attending with the better half of the blogging duo (Mrs. Peanut/Stinky/Kristina) we were treated to beer and cheery conversation--even if John doesn't approve of Little Big League like we do, it was nice to talk to fellow nerds. Everyone has a connection to Derek Jeter--Speaking of nerds, did you know that Derek Jeter's not a nerd? Did you know that Derek Jeter has known Derek Jeter all of his life? Let's see if Derek Jeter would sit down for a candid interview with Derek Jeter to discuss how Derek Jeter Derek Jetered Derek Jeter. (Any more broadcasts like this Fox and I think he's legally allowed to file a restraining order) We need to love water more than oil--Fans at the game spotted a sign above the jumbotron around the fourth inning, and Twitter responded as it usually does, with one giant "#WTF?!?!" Still, point taken giant sign, I'll stop cuddling my own personal barrel of crude oil and start snuggling with an 8 pack of Evian. Local Boys Done Good--Glen Perkins got the save, Kurt Suzuki had a nice relaxing day in the bullpen catching other guys and Pat Neshek...well...maybe we shouldn't mention Neshek as he took the loss. But he did make it to the All-Star game by a far more circuitous route than any of us would have expected when he was on the final ballot 7 years ago. So in a truly Minnesotan spirit let's just say "good for him." Minnesotans Don't Like Loud Noises--Fireworks went boom, we were upset, that's all that really needs to be said. Mike Trout is Good at Baseball--Unfortunately, when he makes his retirement tour the first question he'll be asked was "how did it feel to win the All-Star Game MVP in Derek Jeter's final season?" So we're on to the second half, and with the World Cup done I might actually blog more frequently! Oh wait, school starts in a month...well, it'll be a fun month at least.

Even though it's summer, and I'm free from teaching for a few blissful weeks, I have to keep going...with that here's my Cliff Notes Guide to June, in case you're joining this Twins season already in progress. Summary: Ch. 3 "June" Entering the month of June the Twins were still lurking on the fringes of what could be defined as a "dangerous" team. One that didn't know it wasn't good enough to be playing like it was. One that could rely on youthful exuberance, energy and enthusiasm to see them through good days and bad, perhaps best symbolized by Oswaldo Arcia's triumphant return to the fan base's hearts and minds against Milwaukee. Yet Arcia's twisted ankle in the next inning is an obvious harbinger of the difficulties to come. Because into this scene of insouciant optimism came the Houston Astros, the Twins' mirror image in both youth, recent history and foolish optimism. Faced with their mirror image, an given an opportunity to own their identity, the Twins instead reverted to a feeling of smug superiority and were critically exposed in a series loss to a "team" in name only. Rather than grab hold of our inadequacy and owning it in a moment of self-realization, the Twins sought external intervention from Kendrys Morales. Morales' veteran acumen made him a likely mentor-figure, but his tragic flaw of both doughy physique and extended absence from the game made it challenging for him to halt our emerging malaise. Sure enough, the longer we journeyed away from our safety net, our security blanket (if you will), the harder it became for us to survive as up-and-comers. Step by step the Tigers, Red Sox, Angels and Rangers battered our fledgling optimism until it an all other hopes for greatness were bundled away for the year, as the rose sheaves in Robert Browning's poem. Whether or not this recognition serves to benefit or bedraggle the Twins has yet to be seen...that's what the second half of the season is for...obviously. Character Development Kyle Gibson/Phil Hughes--The dueling courters for the fickle fan's hearts these two pitchers seem to alternate hot and cold by the month. Their mystique is engaging, yet aggravating, as fans continue to quest for their one true pitching love. Brian Dozier--Dozier's progress continues in fits and spurts. Blooms of triumph are tempered with the storms of inaccuracy and self-imposed pressure. His emergence still makes him the closest thing to a protagonist this season has, but his fall may mirror the story's as well. Joe Mauer--As with all things Mauer, his month featured both flickers of hope and shadows of despair. His hitting stroke returned, but the team faltered again. His command of the strike zone was more evident, but he was injured near the end of the month and seemed poised to vanish again into the backdrop of the story as swiftly as he emerged. Glen Perkins--Joining Mauer in the ranks of under-developed static characters of the season is closer Glen Perkins. Rumors of his tremendous performance are everywhere. Like graffiti tags asking "who is John Gault?" or the infamous red "V" from Frank Miller's dystopian graphic novel: V for Vendetta. Yet, he appears so infrequently that there's little to appreciate and even less to dissect. Kendrys Morales--The third chapter of our season introduces a new character, a rarity for the Twins' series of season-long books, but a welcome one. Morales' dualism--symbol of contender status/presence on a losing team; designated hitter/ineffective hitter--offers another confounding presence that is hotly debated in literary/baseball circles. Key Quotes/Stats Explained Pitcher WHIP with 3-5 Runs of Support--1.505. Unsurprisingly, the Twins perform poorly when they have 2 or fewer runs, and are great when they have more than 6. But most of the season they've been in the 3-5 runs of support range. Unfortunately, that's when the pitchers have had their worst Walks + Hits Per Inning Pitch (a measure of average base runners allowed per inning). To reach that average we likely have three base runners every two innings. That's not bad if you have one single in one inning, but it gets rougher if you have a walk followed by a double, you're playing with fire. Team Road tOPS+--91--the tOPS measures how far above or below the total On-Base Plus Slugging Percentage is (100 = the same, 0-99 = Worse, 101+ = better). For all the talk about Target Field being a hitters park, the Twins as a team are significantly better at home than on the road, and that's most apparent in the driving forces for the team. Brian Dozier's tOPS+ is 69, and Kurt Suzuki's is 79. While each man is an increasingly beloved fixture for the team, their performance near loved ones is clearly different than their performance elsewhere. Literary Term to Impress your Teacher/Attractive English Major Friend: In time almost every baseball season shift their focus away from the starry-eyed romantic or idealistic perspective towards the genre of Naturalism. This stark, honest, appraisal of reality is clearly evidenced in the tonal shift of the Twins' June. Gone are the fanciful imaginings or idyllic appraisals of our present and future, instead we confront the world as it is with a fuller experience of both the trials of frequent defeats interspersed with notable joys (i.e. sweeping the White Sox). While this may seem disappointing, cynical or unpleasant in comparison with the happy fluffy early stage of the season, Naturalism is really a genre designed to rediscover the beautiful by stripping away the false claims and artificial window dressing that most artists rely on. If you have wanted the Twins to be focused on the future rather than the present, you really want them to be as Naturalistic as possible the rest of the season.

So I've been more or less completely consumed with the World Cup this month. Watching every match I can, reading interviews, reports, reviewing highlights, and writing like a maniac. But I still think of baseball (and can prove it with stuff on another blog), perhaps never more clearly than when I was watching a World Cup match with some friends last Thursday. We needed a point against Germany, or some good fortune in another match. Being Minnesota sports fans, we fully anticipated that everything would turn against us at any given moment. As a result, every flaw, every foul, every mistake increased our anxiety and our ire, and nobody got under our skin as much as Michael Bradley. For those who don't know, Bradley is widely believed to be the best American player. A creating midfielder he basically serves as the point guard, distributing, defending, inventing and supporting every aspect of the game. A favorite in European leagues, bigwigs and pundits think that Bradley could easily make every one of the other 31 teams at the World Cup (even intimidating German and Brazilian squads). But that didn't excuse Bradley's lackluster play. He was nowhere in the first match. He gave away the ball that became the equalizing goal against Portugal. And in the final match versus Germany he was sloppy: losing the ball frequently, making clumsy/ineffectual challenges. Suddenly my friends were out for blood. "Bradley, what is wrong with you?!?!" "Bradley gives it away every time, I'm telling you!!!" "God, Bradley, just stop! STOP!!" I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard so many people, so upset, with such a talented athlete. Until I remembered my last trip to Target Field and the shouts at #7...Joe Mauer. "Mauer, what is wrong with you?!?!?" "Mauer grounds out every time, I'm telling you!!!" "God, Mauer, just stop! STOP!!" I sort of assumed it just revolved around the old story: big name, big expectations, minimal delivery, maximum reaction. But there's a little something more to it than that I think. After all, we seem perpetually enamored of other players, even though they certainly have down moments too...why be enraged by Mauer and Bradley and not the others? I think the reason might lie in our selection of heroes. We love the strong, the powerful, the mighty men who never cease to amaze with their offensive exploits: think Harmon Killebrew, Jim Thome and, in the soccer world, Clint Dempsey. We also love the daring, the bold, the unbelievable save-the-day types: Kirby Puckett at the wall, Johan Santana at the end of a losing streak, Tim Howard any time of day. But those two styles of heroes do not match well with either Bradley or Mauer. They won't win things single handedly (either with goals or home runs). They won't save the day (either with sparkling defense/pitching or miraculous goal keeping). They are more like artists than heroes. Doing things that seem unusually beautiful and nearly impossible to quantify. They distribute the ball where it's least expected (either with passes or with spray singles hitting through defensive shifts). They provide a team with a reliable pillar requires opponents to develop specific plans. They are lauded by many--particularly those who see them at a distance and know their reputation. Sure some artists can also be powerful or save the day (Magic Johnson comes to mind), but if you can't you drop in stature rapidly (looking in your direction Ricky Rubio) Of course there's one big gap between an artistic athlete and a straight forward artist: artists don't need to win anything, athletes always do. So, when an artistic athlete goes from great to average, it's easier to abandon them than hold on to the quietly valuable work of the past. And if they have a run of bad form while the team succeeds in spite of them, fans can get down right angry at the waste of talent who should be making a good team great rather than holding them back. Those who hate on Mauer and Bradley would be rather like if art fans got pissed when Monet refused to change style when Seurat and Van Gogh got more experimental, or if movie goers whined about David Strathairn never getting back to his Oscar nominated potential. Of course, that hate doesn't have to last forever. Every World Cup match brings a new slate of heroes and raft of scapegoats. In the last week alone, Joe Mauer went from washed-up to offensive lynchpin. A weak bit of artistry inspires nothing but frustration, but even the weakest artist is still an artist, and capable of transcendent moments. When those moment comes, I look forward to hearing all the jeers and frustration die away, and for one word to supplant them. One word when Bradley hits Clint Dempsey in perfect stride. One word when Mauer knocks in two with a single to the opposite field. One word, in city/state/nationwide chorus: "YES!"

Should you be inclined to see this post with some pictures of my ugly mug posing with the cards check out my main blog page. Otherwise...WORDS AHOY! I finally did it. I told myself I ought to. I explained all the ways why. I made sure that I actually could do it, and then I did it. I sold a large chunk of my baseball card collection. It wasn't doing anything, it was sitting in a box in my attic. When my neighbor set up a yard sale and offered me a chance to sell some things, I went to get them. Sure enough, old DVD players, printers, and stereo systems...passed...a couple hundred 1988 baseball cards...gone in a flash. I don't need more baseball cards (no one does...really), but I still make an annual pack a special ritual for myself. A reward for a year worth of teaching, a method of keeping my place in a mountain of books. As I've done before, I thought it might be fun to write about the process of opening up my packs (both a regular and a heritage set) First the flashy new deck, as my dog sits at my feet, hopefully looking at me like I've unwrapped a treat for us both to eat. No luck pup. Paul Goldschmit leads off...I know him, power hitter prospect, okay...then Hiroki Kuroda who excites me as a fan of good pitching, and churns my stomach as a symbol of Yankee wealth. Michael Brantely and Jonathan Pablebon follow, so far a solid crew. There we go: Yordano Ventura...do you know who Yordano Ventura plays for? Did you know there was a person in the world named Yordano Ventura? Apparently he was a September call up who has an active twiter account (#LetsThrowFire)--I wonder what the old cigarette companies who started this tradition would have written on the back in lieu of twitter: "When walking down the street, King Kelly shouts out: 'I ATE A PASTRAMI SANDWHICH, POUND SYMBOL YUM!' Oh that Kelly, always a fan favorite." Back in the swing of things, an old school Buster Posey card...the same psuedo style as a lot of the cards I just sold...perhaps the universe is giving me a sign to track down the buyer and steal them back. No, wait, Francisco Liriano follows him up, that's a sign that you should just appreciate your memories, lest the regret eat you alive. Ahh...and here they are, at the back of the pack...the also rans: Wily Peralta, Nick Hundley, Eric Sogard, Scooter Gennett and Jack Hannahan. The only who remotely stands out is Scooter...and it's far more for he fact that his name is Scooter than anything else. What about the classic pack, fewer cards, classier stock than the ultra shiny newbies, a little more price. Perhaps here will be the bonafide stars, the exciting pack of a full blown team of all-stars I wouldn't trade for a Byron Buxton rookie...oh who am I kidding, they're just cards... Opening it up, I swear I could smell that old cardboard gum, the stuff that made my jaws hurt as a kid, but that I stubbornly ate, piece after piece, because I felt bad turning down the gift of gum each company had so thoughtfully inserted for me. (I admit it, I've always been naive). Andres Torres tops the deck, glum and dead-eyed, then Jayson Werth with a more manageable beard than usual...Aha, a bulky Prince Fielder in his new Rangers uniform...just what I was hoping for, and just what Rangers fans were hoping for...a positive image, regardless of the injuries and disaster that lay ahead. John Neise is alright, but Darin Ruf makes me wonder if these cards are all that special...apparently he had a strong power swing for the Phillies at the end of the season...but I'm not sure I buy it. Just like I didn't buy in to most "Impact Rookie" cards Topps chucked into my packs as a kid. A throwback Jim Plamer card reflecting on his 1965 debut (the year the heritage pack is emulating), is solid and nice to imagine as a rookie card slipped among your mom/dad's old belongings. Travis Wood and Brett Lawrie won't have the same effect on my kids I'm sure. Finally a card of AL ERA leaders Annabelle Anibal Sanchez and Bartolo (Semi)Colon. That's it. I confess myself disappointed*. 21 cards and not a single Twin. I pick out a few I'd like to hold on to--both for the fun of bookmarking my pages and on the off chance they develop into something special (Gennett, Kuroda). But there were no Twins. No favorites. And I wonder if it wouldn't have been better to save my money and wrap a random selection of my old cards in paper for the same illusion. It's silly to repeat this ritual, silly to spend money (any money) on an easily abandoned, quickly forgotten distraction. But I'm not really paying for a long term investment. I'm not even paying for short-term distraction. I'm paying for a certain feeling, a memory of childhood, and a reminder that potential is so much more fun than reality, like dreaming on what Prince Fielder can accomplish in Texas before he plays a game. (I mean, if I had gotten a Brian Dozier, I wouldn't give a fart about the deluge of relievers and middling talent). I love the moment of anticipation, the wait, the hope, the discovery. Like seeing runners in scoring position with less than two outs, I have all manner of hopes and wishes for how they score, or how the pitcher dances out of danger. It doesn't matter if it lives up to my expectations or not, it's the thrill of the not knowing that gets me every time. Maybe I'll find someone to give me two bucks for the cards at another garage sale, or maybe they'll get chucked by my wife in a burst of spring cleaning. I'm not concerned about what happens to the opportunity lost, I'm already dreaming about the opportunities to come. If that doesn't make me a baseball fan, I don't know what does. *Though I do pause to fulfill another fun distraction--imagining the best line up I can make with the cards I was dealt--Pitcher Palmer, than Posey-2; Fielder-3, Gennett-4, Lawrie-5, Sogard (out of position)-6, Torres-7, Brantley-8, Werth-9...Underwhelming as they are, I'm pretty sure they could beat the Astros.

Sorry gil 4, comparing with all the teams was a thought, but I couldn't figure out how to wrangle it with 32 teams (plus I felt bad trying to think of a Twins parallel)...good-ish defense, inconsistent offense, and the top athletes (pitchers) are middling at best...I think we might be Russia...

Sure we're a couple weeks late, and several hundreds of posts short...but we couldn't resist the temptation to continue our annual tradition of giving a run down of every single Twins draft pick for the busy fan. So keep your detailed scouting reports, don't bother worrying over their ETAs in the big leagues all that information is covered in tremendous detail by Seth Stohs and Jeremy Nygard, just appreciate the simplicity of five words for every player. (As always, numbers and punctuation don't count) Right Handed Pitchers Nicholas Burdi (Round 2)--College reliever of the year Michael Cederoth (Round 3)--Twins like right-handed relievers Jake Reed (Round 5)--Really, they're great. John Curtiss (Round 6)--You can always use them Andro Cutura (Round 7)--Good thing our pen is big. Keaton Steele (Round 8)--Holy cow...another one? Really? Randy LeBlanc (Round 10)--Alright, we get it...Righties = Good Zach Tillery (Round 13)--Stop. Just stop. Trevor Hildenberger (Round 22)--Hilden Burgers served with Gorgonzola Miles Nordgren (Round 23)--Long way to north green. Orynn Veillon (Round 32)--Fun names > Right-handed relievers Mike Bauman (Round 34)--Hey, a Mahtomedi product! Left Handed Pitchers Samuel Clay (Round 4)--Never give up on Lefties. Mat Batts (Round 17)--Pitchers deserve less ominous names Onas Farfan (Round 21)--First RBI alum Twins drafted Taylor Heam (Round 25)--Lefties + Give Up? NO! Cameron Avila-Leeper (Round 29)--Fortunately, not Avila-Leper. Theo Theofanopoulos (Round 30)--Ποτέ μην εγκαταλείπεις στις Αριστεροί Sam Hillard (Round 31)--Strong sinker...cross-fingers Infielders/Catchers Nick Gordon (SS, Round 1)--Flash's kid could be great Patrick Kelly (2B, Round 12)--Red Wing native, Cornhusker alum Tyler Mautner (3B, Round 14)--Not Lautner, sorry Twilight fans. Tyler Kuresa (1B, Round 16)--Communications major! Baseball better work... TJ White (3B, Round 18)--From Las Vegas to....Elizabethton? Jarrard Poteete (C, Round 19)--You say PO-TEEEEE-TAY, I say...? McCarthy Tatum (3B, Round 20)--Not Channing, sorry ladies. Erwin Real (C, Round 24)--Could be MLB's 1st Erwin since 1913. Blake Schmit (SS, Round 26)--Part of Maryland Shortstop pipeline Gabriel Ojeda (C, Round 27)--Estudiante a Colegio Hector Udaneta!! Trey Vavra (1B, Round 33)--Coach Joe's Kid, so sweet... Brad Mathiowetz (C, Round 35)--Hope Meintkeiwitcz coaches pronunciation Kirvin Moesquit (SS, Round 36)--Played with Mathiowetz = SCRABBLE WIN Brett Doe (C, Round 38)--Likely to toil in anonymity John Jones (C, Round 39)--Finally, a bland name Dalton Guthrie (SS, Round 40)--Mark Guthrie's boy, again, sweet. Outfielders Max Murphy (CF, Round 9)--Local boy comes home, hopefully... Tanner English (CF, Round 11)--Speedy center-fielder...god I hope so. Roberto Gonzalez (RF, Round 15)--Lots of potential Austin Diemer (CF, Round 28)--Proudly tweeting about us...awww.... Tyree Davis (CF, Round 37)--Straight outta Compton...had to be said.

The World Cup kicks off on Thursday--but whom to root for? Luckily, if you're a Twins fan, in your heart of hearts you already know, just follow our guide to find out. You can also see the guide embedded in our own personal site at heavenlypeanuts.blogspot.com, and leave comments as to the foolishenss of likening Kent Hrbek to anything French.

We know how it is. Life is busy: with work and family and social engagements, there are a lot of demands on your time. So, if you tune out for a while during the long season, you're perfectly normal. Missing baseball games is not unlike missing reading assignments for school, so we're happy to provide this series of Cliff Notes to summarize, explain and analyze the story that is the 2014 Twins Season. (This post is illuminated with pretty pretty pictures on our personal site: Peanuts From Heaven Incorporated) "Chapter II: May" Summary: Boosted to a .500 record by the promising performances of a few "youthfully exuberant" protagonists, the Twins are forced to acknowledge the strains and challenges that accompany any growth spurt. The initial tokens of optimism are cashed in or squandered like an arcade push game. The patience, increased on base percentage, boosted power numbers all dissipated in a flurry of National League fire-ballers from Los Angeles and San Francisco. The seemingly stable squad suddenly slipped and staggered, revealing that those who believed the team had undergone a total shift of character to be holding mere fools' gold. But those who foresaw wreck and ruin have been similarly debunked, as the team made the most of the opportunities they did have, besting dangerous teams from Detroit, Boston and Baltimore. While offensive improvement and pitching performances might be temporary, gone for good are the days of apathetic and self-defeated baseball. At this stage in the story we know the truth about our setting and characters--they are not unstoppable forces for goodness and light, but neither are they morally bankrupt derelicts, squatting in dugouts and pocketing their paychecks regardless of their performance. That complexity encourages the audience to read on, curious to find how this newly complex cast of characters changes (if at all) over the season. Notable Character Developments: Kyle Gibson, Chris Colabello--Symbols of both the team's initial success April, and their slow decline in May. Brian Dozier--After coming into his own in the first chapter of the season, Dozier very much savors the attention that surrounds him in the second. Heads turn when he goes by, channel surfers stop to watch him, and the internet bursts with mutterings of "extension"--an ugly slump near the end of the month shows he must beware overconfidence. Phil Hughes--The newest IT pitcher, for a group that falls in love with briefly-successful starters like contestants on "The Bachelorette" fall in love with being on TV. Yet he boasts signs of sincerity, including the fact that he walked no one for the entire month. (As walks are a symbol of ghostly, haunting presences, he seems poised to vanquish the ghosts of previous It pitchers--Scott Diamond, Francisco Liriano and Nick Blackburn) Joe Mauer--Mauer continues to be a presence in name more than in production, posing the question of whether or not the offense is trapped in an absurdist play: "Waiting for Mauer". Perhaps it's poor luck, perhaps it's great defensive positioning, perhaps it's a sign of the apocalypse--fans and critics debate this matter fiercely. Aaron Hicks--With Mike Pelfry nursing his groin (and all the Freudian meaning associated with that) the Twins' latest lost man in centerfield has taken on the mantle of ominous chasm where hope goes to die. The lowest Slugging and OPS on the team last month (save for the historically popular Jason Kubel), and questions about his work ethic, defense and engagement have soured his once bright future. Key Quotes Explained: Team Walks Percentage: April 12%; May 7%--A lot of the success of the team in the first month rested on their ability to coax walks from opponents, the drop in runs and the drop in walk rates have an impressive correlation...impressively bad that is. Pitching Staff's Strike out to Walk Ratio: April 1.67; May 2.71--This is a major boost, especially given that we're talking about the Twins starting pitching, and sure a lot of it has to do with Phil Hughes, but Glen Perkins was similarly walk-less, and Kevin Correia, Ricky Nolasco and Jared Burton all improved their rates by 1 run or more. The tide turned because of everyone, not just one. A Literary Device to Impress Your Teacher/attractive English Major Friends: Pathetic Fallacy--This term summarizes any time an author takes a lazy, cliched route to story telling and setting. Ever notice how when someone's in love there's sunshine and blue skies? Pathetic Fallacy. How it's always raining, when a character is in tears, depressed, isolated or alone? Pathetic Fallacy. Maybe they feel the way they do because of the weather, maybe the weather is blatantly reflecting their mood, but obviously, when the Dodgers crushed the Twins after a week of miserable weather...it was the pathetic fallacy. When we fought off one last frost warning and the team stank in San Francisco--pathetic fallacy. If this keeps up, here's rooting for 72 and sunny every day this summer. (Wait it's Minnesota...we're screwed).

.500 or not, any team that has both Brian Dozier's southern drawl and Josmil Pinto's quirky walk up music is too entertaining to ignore.

Even as a non-Minnesotan, and a relatively apathetic fan for everything but baseball I tallied 18 too--a glutton for self-reflection/flagellation. I forgot about the Marbury/Allen trade--I remember hating that even in Montana, thousands of miles from real basketball anywhere. I would add the Morneau Concussion, the '08 Game 163 and Johnny Flynn to the list for sure.

We know how it is. Life is busy: with work and family and social engagements, there are a lot of demands on your time. So, if you've missed some developments in the first month of the season, you're perfectly normal. Missing baseball games is not unlike missing reading assignments for school, so we're happy to provide this series of Cliff Notes to summarize, explain and analyze the story that is the 2014 Twins Season. "Chapter I: April" Summary: At the beginning of the season, the Twins are a team in the doldrums of an interminable struggle for meaning and purpose, like the Joads on the road to California, the Crachits on December 23rd, or the Kardashians...anytime. As they take the field for the first time in a cold and forbidding Chicago, there are few notes of spring (a symbol of hope) to be found. While an initial flurry of subpar performances and predictable defeats confirm that perception, there are some causes for optimism. One impressive pitcher and three solid hitters offer the sense that younger, less experienced players possess a kind of indefatigable patience and work ethic that renews the spirits of weary souls. Soon, jaded on-lookers are speaking in positive tones, and the initially laughable albatross of the manager's "1,000 Victory" humidor is forgotten. Yet uncertainty pervades the atmosphere. Will these younger talents maintain their performance or flame out like those common symbols of youthful exuberance in literature: foolhardy soldiers and mid-90's boy-bands? Will older veterans sign on to the model set by their juniors, or lapse into old habits? Notable Characters: Kyle Gibson--long-standing Twins prospect, recovered from initial struggles in the previous year posting the best season of the major league starters. Brian Dozier--Southern gentleman second baseman with inexplicable, and heretofore unknown, strength and OBP. Chris Colabello--a journeyman, young by world standards, old within the context of his career, leading a charmed existence. Josmil Pinto--The third potent hitter, very much in the "quiet giant" genre of characters. Ron Gardenhire--The wise teacher/sensei/jedi master trope, only coming up with less inventive nicknames. Joe Mauer, Glen Perkins--Two of the weary-souled veterans, capable but worn by the past. They do not perform much in this chapter, but are likely to factor more prominently as the book progresses Mike Pelfrey--While the novel lacks an antagonist, Pelfry serves as its foil and counterpoint. Every strong outing from Gibson, every hit from the sluggers is balanced by his ongoing collapse, balancing the new life of the season and players with a "memento mori"--or death omen. Key Quotes Explained: Team On Base Percentage: .353 (#1 in the American League)--The statistic combining hits (traditionally a Twins strength) and walks (a new focus) demonstrates the growth and development of the team as they grow into a more patient, mature team. Team ERA for Starters: 6.08 (#15 in American League)--Despite one pitcher's success, the team continues to flounder in this particular area--the ominous presence of Pelfrey has particular relevance here. A Literary Device to Impress Your Teacher/attractive English Major Friends: Bildungsroman--This is the term for a novel that covers the moral or mental growth of its main character (in this case the Twins), or as people less fond of German might say it "a-coming-of-age-story". At this point in the season, the story of the Twins of 2014 very much resemble a bildungsroman, both in the development and maturation of younger players (Gibson, Dozier, Josmil), inexperienced players (Colabello), and in team philosophy (increasing the walk rate and on base percentage). However, it is notable that the bildungsroman motif must be maintained for an extended time period--and a single chapter may be a little early to make that call. [IMG]http://media.animevice.com/uploads/0/4/81215-fma_super.png[/IMG] View full article

We know how it is. Life is busy: with work and family and social engagements, there are a lot of demands on your time. So, if you've missed some developments in the first month of the season, you're perfectly normal. Missing baseball games is not unlike missing reading assignments for school, so we're happy to provide this series of Cliff Notes to summarize, explain and analyze the story that is the 2014 Twins Season. "Chapter I: April" Summary: At the beginning of the season, the Twins are a team in the doldrums of an interminable struggle for meaning and purpose, like the Joads on the road to California, the Crachits on December 23rd, or the Kardashians...anytime. As they take the field for the first time in a cold and forbidding Chicago, there are few notes of spring (a symbol of hope) to be found. While an initial flurry of subpar performances and predictable defeats confirm that perception, there are some causes for optimism. One impressive pitcher and three solid hitters offer the sense that younger, less experienced players possess a kind of indefatigable patience and ethic that renews the spirits of weary souls. Soon, jaded on lookers are speaking in positive tones, and the initially laughable albatross of the manager's "1,000 Victory" humidor is forgotten. Yet uncertainty pervades the atmosphere, will these younger talents maintain their performance or flame out like those common symbols of youthful exuberance in literature: foolhardy soldiers and mid-90s boy-bands? Will older veterans act on the model set by their juniors, or lapse into old habits? Notable Characters: Kyle Gibson--long standing Twins prospect, recovered from initial struggles in the previous year to post the best season of the major league starters Brian Dozier--Southern gentleman second baseman with inexplicable, and heretofore unknown strength. Chris Colabello--a journeyman, young by world standards, old within the context of his career, leading a charmed existence. Josmil Pinto--The third potent hitter, very much in the "quiet giant" genre of characters. Ron Gardenhire--The wise teacher/sensei/jedi master trope, only with less inventive nicknames Joe Mauer, Glen Perkins--Two of the wearily-souled veterans, capable but worn by the past. They do not perform much in this chapter, but are likely to factor more prominently as the book progresses Mike Pelfry--While the novel lacks an antagonist, Pelfry serves as its foil and counterpoint. Every strong outing from Gibson, every hit from the sluggers is balanced by his ongoing collapse, balancing the new life of the season and players with a "memento mori"--or death omen. Key Quotes Explained: Team On Base Percentage .353 (#1 in the American League)--The statistic combining both hits (traditionally a Twins strength) and walks (a new focus) demonstrates the growth and development of the team as they grow into a more patient, mature team. Team ERA for Starters: 6.08 (#15 in American League)--Despite one pitcher's success, the team continues to flounder in this particular area--the ominous presence of Pelfry has particular relevance here. A Literary Device to Impress Your Teacher/attractive English Major Friends: Bildungsroman--This is the term for a novel that covers the moral or mental growth of its main character (in this case the Twins), or as people less fond of German might say it "a-coming-of-age-story". At this point in the season, the Twins of 2014 very much resemble a bildungsroman, both in the development and maturation of younger players (Gibson, Dozier, Josmil), inexperienced players (Colabello), and in team philosophy (increasing the walk rate and on base percentage). However, it is notable that the bildungsroman motif must be maintained for an extended time period--and a single chapter may be a little early to make that decision. http://media.animevice.com/uploads/0/4/81215-fma_super.png