PeanutsFromHeaven

[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] http://ww2.hdnux.com/photos/23/72/01/5218401/3/628x471.jpg [TD=class: tr-caption]It's sweet of you to keep trying Pedro, really, it is.[/TD] [/TABLE] Entering the final week of the season there are many dramatic moments left in Twins territory. We could see a team clinch the central division, we could see a team clinch the wild card, neither of those teams could be us...but still...drama! Still there are a few people who are hoping to see the Twins win a lot this week (other than fans of Texas, Kansas City, and New York). Well..there's one...well there's me. After all, I've got a bet with my wife and father and law on how many games the Twins can win this year Again, the wagers are Stinky: 0-69 Wins Scruffy: 70-74 Wins Gouger: 75-81 Wins Where We Are Now [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LoF23tzGRLU/SFb5dTSQ9TI/AAAAAAAAAjo/E_btyqwO6mE/s200/PFH.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]The smart one is the one on the left[/TD] [/TABLE] It's official...the Gouger is out, his prediction of a .500 record was pretty hard to believe back in March, it was even harder to believe last week when he needed the Twins to win 11 games in two weeks. So we know that he'll buying a scotch, the only question is for whom. Stinky's got the best chances if the Twins lose 3 or more games this week. And since they'll be facing the top two teams in the Central division (both of whom are still fighting for playoff spots) there's a very, very good chance of that happening. Stinky: No more than 4 wins Scruffy: At least 5 wins in the last 7 games Gut Feeling Here's a shocker. My wife is right. She was right. She will be right for the foreseeable future. As much as I want to imagine an incredible, amazing, staggering rise from the ashes to victory over two rivals, punctuated by triumphant interviews with Brian Dozer in which his southern drawl says: "this one's for that scruffy blogger who thought we could win marginally more games than standard oddsmakers predicted! You've earned a scotch just for having faith!" it's not going to happen.

Last Friday, I attended what will likely be my last game of the year. As you would expect, I ate more than was good for me, and watched the Twins go down in ignominious defeat. I also heard a noise I had never heard before at the ballpark. There were men at first and second with one out when a ground ball rolled harmlessly to Trevor Plouffe. One out, easy as pie...but did he throw the ball to second base for the double play? No. No he did not. I've heard fans boo; I've heard fans jeer; I've heard fans scream and cry and gnash their teeth in frustration, but until that play I had never heard fans make this noise in unison: [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kYOpd-bmN6Q/UjuqjZV6zJI/AAAAAAAACNY/LUV-4bDats8/s200/PlouffePants.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]BAD PLOUFFE!![/TD] [/TABLE] "YAA--waahhhh--ohhhhh....uuuggghh..." It took me a while before I realized what that was. It was the sound of resigned disappointment. It was the sound of hundreds of Twins fans having a reaction that was not only instantaneous, it was bred from months and now years of watching Trevor Plouffe play baseball. YAA--it starts with excitement, potential, possibility, familiar thrills. Waaahhhhh--then comes disbelief, sharp, incredulous, dumbfounded. Ohhhhh--then there's recognition, a sense that this has all happened before, particularly when there's that number 24 on the jersey. Uuuggghh--finally there's dismay, dissatisfaction, and acceptance that this is our lot in life. As if to say: "Of, course you did that, Trevor, of course you did." Best of all, the sound can be reversed for a pleasant appreciation of underrated talent (only this time, when Trevor Plouffe is at the plate). A single, a double, the rare high arching home run. They're all moments of pure Plouffey pleasure starting with rumbling fear (uuuggghh), recognition (ohhhh), disbelief (waaahhhhhh) and excitement (YAA!) That's what Trevor Plouffe adds to the Twins: a familiar face and even more familiar reaction. Whatever else we think of the Twins, whatever we think they ought to do in the offseason, who they ought to fire, hire or blow up in a quest to reverse the bad juju, we can all agree on Trevor Plouffe. Maybe Plouffe's doing it intentionally. Maybe, like Haley Mills (or more accurately, like Lindsey Lohan), he's offering us a Parent Trap like chance to rekindle our love for each other. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LjZsmbwD2LA/UjuqjQLdHHI/AAAAAAAACNU/sreGEu1ar2A/s200/PlouffeDaddy.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Good Plouffe![/TD] [/TABLE] If we're torn between whether to rebuild the pitching staff internally or cast our lot amongst the free agents--Trevor Plouffe reminds us that we can all agree on his crappy fielding. If we're arguing fiercely over whether Joe Mauer ought to move to first base or keep his catching gear--Trevor Plouffe reminds us that he too can hit from time to time. If we're arguing over whether Trevor Plouffe totally stinks or only mostly stinks...well...you get the idea. In a season of lost causes and hopeless false starts, it's important to appreciate the little things: Trevor Plouffe uniting us all in agreement is one of them. Bravo Trevor, Bravo.

[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] http://mng-twincities.smugmug.com/photos/i-bH52wwS/0/L/i-bH52wwS-L.jpg [TD=class: tr-caption]If I win that 18 year old Highland Park, you get a taste Josmil[/TD] [/TABLE] As some of you might remember, we Peanuts have found a way to make the last few weeks of yet another lost season slightly interesting: GAMBLING! Okay, so we don't have any real money on the line, just requests for Scotch that we likely would have spent money on anyway, but still, every little bit of interest helps the cause. And we have Stinky's dad, the Gouger, in on the action too...sadly he won't be in on it for much longer To refresh your memory: the wagers are Stinky: 0-69 Wins Scruffy: 70-74 Wins Gouger: 75-81 Wins Where We Are Now http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LoF23tzGRLU/SFb5dTSQ9TI/AAAAAAAAAjo/E_btyqwO6mE/s200/PFH.jpgDespite initial success against the Angels and A's the Twins quickly reverted to their uninspiring ways (including on Friday night for what will likely be our last live game of the year). After today's stunner over Tampa, the Twins stand at 64-84 for a winning percentage of .432. Based on that winning percentage the Twins stand to win 69.9 games, which some would call mathematically impossible...but then again this is baseball...what's that...even in baseball it's impossible to receive credit for a partial victory? Oh...never mind then. Here's what we're rooting for heading into the final two weeks of the season. Stinky: No more than 5 wins Gouger: No more than 3 losses Scruffy: Anything between 6-8 and 10-4 Gut Feeling All of the sudden a three game set in Chicago is really really important. If the Twins sweep then I'm in a fantastic position. If they get swept I'm pretty well dead to rights because there's very little chance of our posting a winning record against Oakland, Detroit and Cleveland as they fight for the playoffs and we fight for...what's that thing...the opposite of the shame-y feeling we have at most Twins games? Oh yeah! Less Shame!!

[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] http://stmedia.startribune.com/images/434*328/1%20gal%20twins090713.jpg [TD=class: tr-caption]Kevin Corriea: Determined to Win My Wife a Scotch[/TD] [/TABLE] At the start of the year my wife (aka Stinky), her father (aka Gouger) and I made a bet. The winner of this bet would win two glasses of scotch (redeemable at any time they chose), the losers would buy said scotch. The subject of the bet, naturally for a set of Twins fans, was how many games the Twin would win this year, so as we near the end of the season, it seems only right to check our progress and odds of winning the bet. (What else is there to root for this year?) The Wagers http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LoF23tzGRLU/SFb5dTSQ9TI/AAAAAAAAAjo/E_btyqwO6mE/s200/PFH.jpgStinky: 0-69 WinsScruffy: 70-74 WinsGouger: 75-81 Wins Where We Are Now The Twins stand at 61-80 for a winning percentage of .433. Based on that winning percentage the Twins stand to win 70 games (or 71 if you prefer the science behind predictionmachine.com). The team has 21 games left. which means we're each rooting for the following outcomes. Stinky: 8-13 or worse wins or lessScruffy: 9-12 to 13-8Gouger: 14-7 or better Gut Feeling For the time being the math is in my favor. But I'm increasingly hard pressed to see how the Twins can win even 9 games, especially as they face a string of playoff teams. Fielding a team of Rochester's best against the A's and the Rays this week seems like the recipe for an underwhelming week. Maybe they could pull something off against the Angels (if Pedro Hernandez gets his act together) and maybe they can sneak one from the A's...but more than two seems unlikely. We'll check in on this again next because, again...why the heck not?

I don't think TR's quite at Plan 9 From Outer Space or The Last Airbender levels yet; but I love making that the metaphorical premise of the conversation. I figure the declining performance of recent traded commodities is more responsible for the mediocre return than any GM accumen, give Ryan an up-and-comer to swap and we might still swindle somebody...I just don't think we have any body who is both up-and-coming AND easily given up.

Years ago, back when there were frequent playoff berths and easy jokes to crack amid winning seasons, we debuted a segment called: Sargent Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band. Part Beatles homage, part McLaughlin Group homage, all goofy. Few people read them...but I was amused enough to make a t-shirt in their honor. I was wearing that t-shirt yesterday when my father-in-law sent the following text message: "Morneau is gone-hope they can get him back next year." My wife and I reacted as most fans did, simultaneously upset and yet hopeful that Morneau gets a shot at the World Series. But soon enough I realized that Morneau's trade would officially end Sargent Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band...in Minnesota...but now that three of the four members are in the National League, perhaps it's only the beginning. Below is the first installment of their reunited panel discussion show, almost four years in the making: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BkqTQyYlOYE/SOeuDBbDtLI/AAAAAAAAAsM/2mHrtMMUhwM/s400/Lonely+Hits+Club+Band.jpg [Theme Music plays, lights come up on four men in various far flung hotels, all wearing Beatles inspired military regalia] McNeau: Welcome, at last, to the reunion of Sargent Gardy's Lonely Hits Club Band. The most elite roundtable of baseball minds ever to play in Minnesota. Ringomez: AND MEE!!!! McNeau: I'm Justin McNeau, the adorable one, and with me as always are Denard Spannon in Washington.... Spannon: The cerebral one. McNeau: Brendan Harrisson in Round Rock Texas... Harrisson: The quiet one. McNeau: And Carlos Ringo-mez in Milwaukee... Ringomez: BOODLEDEE BOP!! McNeau: Gentlemen, I'm new to this whole playing for a totally different team, what is the best part of going elsewhere? Spannon: You have the magical appreciation of a new realm of potentialities which, of late in Minnesota, have diminished in attainability to becoming a mirage of athleticism in a desert of despair. Harrisson: Yeah...the chance to win is nice, but I really like getting to know real people elsewhere, beyond the bright lights big city scene [the other three snicker], seriously [snickering grows louder] I don't need to play in the majors [everyone just laughs] I AM MY OWN MAN! McNeau: Good one Brendan...Carlos, what's your favorite part of playing elsewhere? Ringomez: CHEESE CURLS!! Oh, and I hit home runs now!! McNeau: Sure you do... Spannon: No...actually...he does... McNeau: Huh, well, issue number two, what differentiates the National League from the American League? Brendan? Harrisson: There is a real beauty in the purity of having pitchers hit. Spannon: Even if they hit better than you do? Harrisson: They do not! Ringomez: Hehe! Brendan can't hit! Spannon: Ancient systems are uninteresting to me, we are only whatever we can be in the moment. The National League has won more recent all-star games and the world series. This is the thrill of what is immediate and makes it truly both a and the present. Harrisson: Even if your team's barely over .500? Spannon: At least my team's playing in front of more than 500 people! [Everyone begins talking at once] Harrisson: You guys are too fixated on the fame and the popularity of what we do, what about the art behind it! My sitar teacher's been telling me that I need to focus on my own sense of inner peace, and that's what I'm doing, if you can't respect that... Spannon: Winning isn't everything, that's part of this culture's over emphasis on competition that no one appreciates the little things any more, these fasco-capitalist oligarchies pretend we can only be happy if we win; but winning is lots of things, like enjoying your family or teaching Bryce Harper not to say "bro" as often... Ringomez: I have a love-ly bunch of coconuts! deedle-dee-dee! There they are all standing in a row!! Bum, bum, bum! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head... McNeau: Gentlemen! Seriously, I'm kind of freaking out. I'm not an MVP any more and while Minnesotans had happy memories of my glory years to keep the cheers coming, what if Pirates fans boo when I only get a single and strike out three times? Spannon: Embrace the victory of the self Justin. You are strong and powerful and you can help them have their first winning season in 20 years, they might not love you, but they'll thank you. Harrisson: And even if they don't, it doesn't matter. You're a good person, with a family and a successful career. Besides, when you return to Minnesota, they'll still cheer for you. Ringomez: And you are a good mentor! You make winning easy and playing fun!!! McNeau: Thank you guys. As we wrap up today's analysis, do you guys find yourselves missing anything from Minnesota? All: Joe's Sideburns. McNeau: I thought so.

This is the final installment of our inconsistent series attempting to motivate Luis Perdomo who was today, released by the Rochester Redwings and Minnesota Twins Wings moves: RHP Luis Perdomo released; RHP Cole De Vries promoted from Double-A New Britain. — Rochester Red Wings (@RocRedWings) August 27, 2013[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://cmsimg.democratandchronicle.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=A2&Date=20130730&Category=SPORTS06&ArtNo=307300090&Ref=AR&MaxW=300&Border=0&Rochester-Red-Wings-win-seventh-straight-game [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Good luck, Luis [/TD] [/TABLE] To most that would sound like a defeat, like the baseball gods are telling you--none too kindly--to get out of the way and not let the door hit you where the good lord split you. It's sad, but true Luis. You're 29 playing on a team where the average pitcher's age is 26 and a half. You're having one of the two worst seasons in your eight year career. You've only pitched twice in the last two weeks...and not particularly well either time. It's pretty clear that you have been defeated, Luis. But while that would be the end of the conversation for many people (particularly those in a highly competitive field like professional athletics), that is not the way of those who follow our motivational seminar: De-Restraining the Force Inside You! So don't give up, Luis. Don't surrender. Keep trying to do what you love. If it's still baseball, by all means keep trying to make your way into a baseball line-up. Keep pitching, or hitting, or take up coaching. Few players who take up baseball ever make it to the Major Leagues, and you did. While it makes sense for someone your age, with your recent track record to give up on baseball, if you want to keep dong it you really should. http://rlv.zcache.com/churchill_never_give_in_poster-r0e7feff2b9914b96bb5fcacd33e5b095_vhbx_8byvr_324.jpgIf you want to do something else, then by all means, do that, and no matter how many opportunities you have to give up or surrender, please keep working at it until you have the success you desire. It's not often that a blog writer gets so worked up about the release of a middling middle reliever in AAA. Or that he genuinely hopes said middling middle reliever finds true happiness. But following the career of Luis Perdomo over the last two years taught me precisely this same lesson. Writing about a player who has worked assiduously to do his best, to elevate himself back up to the major leagues reminded me of some of the things I love best about baseball. It would have been easy to give up writing this blog when the Twins sank into last place. It would have been easy to surrender to the truth that the players I write about and care about aren't terribly exciting, or even all that good, and that my time is better spent elsewhere. But Luis Perdomo kept pitching, and I kept writing. I'm glad I wrote about him. I'm glad I've continued to write this blog. And I hope that he keeps doing what he loves, just as I'll keep doing what I love. Never give up, Luis; never surrender.

Hi again humans. I am Sidney, and I am blogging for my humans. Why you ask? My humans are frustrated with the Twins. They lose and lose, they say. My humans even argue over how much the Twins will lose, which is kind of silly because even if one of my humans win...they will watch the Twins lose. When my hairy human takes me in the car (which I hate so much it makes me vomit in fury), he presses a button and we hear the voices of other people talking about the Twins...and how much they lose. Every voice seems to sound the same: very sad. Are all you Twins fans very sad about losing? Are all you Twins fans very sad when you need to talk about the Twins? You shouldn't be. And I know one of you isn't. Once in the evil car, I heard a human say "We could talk about the Twins," while two humans went "NO" in the sad voice that follows me peeing on the carpet. But one human went "Yay!" I like that human. I think he is a geek. But I like him just the same. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7174/6577346141_20da68d23c.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]I didn't even have my teeth on it...rookie mistake.[/TD] [/TABLE] It is okay to lose. Take it from me, I used to lose every time I played tug with my humans. For years! I brought them my toy and they pulled it away no matter how hard I held on to it. Then they threw it...like they didn't even want the toy in the first place! Why take my toy if you don't want to keep it?!? (Ugh...my humans are dumb sometimes.) So I go get the toy and bring it back to ask them, then they try to take it again...only to throw it again!! My humans are surprised that I keep playing this game. But it is because I lost so many times that I started to find ways to win! I learned from my losses. If I wag the toy in front of the hairy human, he misses grabbing it, and I can run away to chew it elsewhere! If I flop in front of the pretty human after she takes the toy, she drops it and starts petting me...WINNER! [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Pedro+Florimon+Minnesota+Twins+v+Atlanta+Braves+4kDwO1O2LAPl.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Good boy, Pedro![/TD] [/TABLE] *Side note: I very much want to play tug and fetch with Pedro Florimon. He throws things like my humans. But he also chases them like me. He would make a very good playing partner. His Total Zone Runs Saved above Average is 4th best in all of baseball! My humans do not even make the list of players in baseball. They are not as good as Pedro. If I could just grow opposable thumbs, Pedro Florimon and I would play together all day long!* It is sad that the Twins are losing. But because they lose I think that they will soon be able to win! They are basically a team of puppies. Puppies do not immediately win every game of tug, young players do not immediately win championships. Some people say they are mad that the Twins are not trying to win. They are not playing good players! They are not hiring good players! I understand. You pay money. You want to see good things. But just think of the players as puppies. I think the human gnome man who manages the Twins already thinks of them this way. He calls them by puppy names! If "Gibby" struggles, it's okay, he's just learning. If "Hicksy" can't hit, it's okay, he's just learning. If "Oswaldo-y" drops a ball, it's okay, he's just learning [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JTqDX40Zjos/ULi3bXEtwBI/AAAAAAAAB4Y/f6b9u-Kv4lw/s200/IMG_5768.JPG[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Now imagine 8 more of me at Target Field![/TD] [/TABLE] Sure, you can go out and buy already trained dogs who will win games of tug and always go fetch and win many blue ribbons for prettiness. But they cost a lot of money and so you can probably only buy one or two. BUT! You could always buy a bunch of little puppies and train them to win games of tug and go fetch and look pretty all the time. Plus, you get to see puppies. And puppies are cute. Like me. So be like the Geeky human in the car. Cheer for the puppies! They will learn! You will be proud! YAY PUPPIES! YAY TWINS!!

My human still believes in Luis Perdomo...he is foolish... LeCroy and Hrbek are definitely cuddly...but since my human has been watching the 1991 World Series...I think Dan Gladden is history's greatest fluffball. Dozier can catch up...he just needs to not shave and run around the dog park with me for a while. We can chase grounders together! --Sidney the Dog

[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6032/6342798396_df65fee285.jpg [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]I SEE YOU READING THIS CAT!! [/TD] [/TABLE] Hello again. I am Sidney the Dog. And I am writing the August posts for my humans. They are training to run 10 miles. They are weird. I have noticed that many humans are weird. If you are a human who is reading this, think about it. (But if you are a cat on a human's lap reading this...HEY! STOP BEING A CAT!! BE A DOG!!! DOGS ARE BETTER!!!) Anyway, think about it: you humans look at a number of glowy things all day long. You watch them very carefully and the things on them make you laugh and cry and shout things. That seems weird. I don't laugh or cry or shout...well except at cats (HEY CAT READING THIS!! I SAID STOP BEING A CAT!!). My humans say it's wierd I pee on so many things...but what is weirder: getting emotional over things on glowy boxes or using urine to claim ownership of things you care about? You humans don't show you care about things by peeing on them...you show it by being emotional. You care about eachother. You care about what you see on the glowy things. And you care about fluffy things like me. You are loyal to things you love. Thats why my humans are always together, and why they watch their glowy things even when it makes them mad or makes them cry, and why they pet me even after I pee on their carpets*. *(I just wanted to make sure any visiting dog knows that I own the carpet. Just to make sure no one takes it away. It's a good carpet. And it is mine.) [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://ryanhenning.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Morneausurprised.jpg [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Justin Morneau...who is not as cute as me [/TD] [/TABLE] My humans are loyal to the Twins too. My lady human likes Justin Morneau very much. She whoops when he hits home runs and says "it's okay" when he strikes out. Sometimes, when my hairy human is not around, she says he is cute. But she says I am the cutest. So that's okay. But she is very nervous. She says she hopes Justin does not get traded. I don't understand trading. Why would you send something you like away for something new. I would never "trade" my carpet. It is a good carpet, and I have marked it as mine. But my hairy human says it would be okay if they traded Justin to some place he could win. He wants Justin to do well and says Justin cannot do it with the Twins right now. And trading Justin, he says, will help the Twins later. He likes Justin too, so he wants Justin to be happy. I suppose if my carpet wanted to go somewhere else I would let it. But c'mon...it's a carpet...it just lies there being soft and easy to sleep on and smelling like me. You humans care so much about so many things. I only care about the things I pee on. And the things I chew on. And my humans. And the humans my humans care about...I guess I care about a lot of things too. I guess I am weird too. I know that lots of the humans who write these baseball blog things, write about the good and the bad about trading the Twins. I don't know about that. I'm just a little puppy. I suppose a starting left hander with upside in A Ball (probably between 19 and 21) and/or an upper level corner infielder with an established glove (no less than +5 UZR rating over the last two-three seasons to mentor Sano and others) would be ideal, if a little wishful given the market restraints and the limited time remaining in the season. But what do I know? I'm just a little puppy. I know that as much as humans who like baseball can dream about trades, none of us will make a trade happen (especially me, because I am a dog). Just because you think about it does not make you not care about players you have always liked, and just because you worry that the trade will happen does not make you not care about the team getting better. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7145/6577380017_14c2a6229b.jpg [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Will accept trade offers for the human on the right [/TD] [/TABLE] You care about things, and you think about giving up the things you care about. You guys are weird. I would never trade my humans. I care about them, and they care about me, and we are all weird together. Though, I suppose...if any blogger wants my hairy human and is willing to trade me three months worth of steaks and my own personal extra comfy carpet...I may be willing to reconsider that...it better not have another dog's pee on it though. Bye for now...I'm going to lie on my carpet. Sidney the Dog

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_lrSktXEYwg/T4xkrxSCU2I/AAAAAAAABmk/oYt4X6yDo4I/s320/IMG_5087.JPG Hello Humans...my name is Sidney. I am a dog. I am going to write some blog posts this month. My humans normally write this blog thingy about baseball and good stuff. But lately they've been all tired and stuff. They get up and run many miles while I sleep on the porch. They work on things like spreadsheets and lesson plans while I sleep on the couch. They clean up the house and and read lots of books and cook tasty foods while I sleep on...well..anything they aren't cleaning or reading on. That leaves very little time for baseball watching, and even less time for baseball writing. The hairy human calls these "the dog days of August..." So I guess they are days for me to pick up the slack! I like baseball. It is a chance to eat food that my humans drop and sit next to them for three hours of uninterrupted petting. I also like watching the humans on the screen. They run and run and run...like me! They chase balls lots and lots...like me! They are capable of amazing feats of strength and power. I am fluffy. But I would rather be fluffy than be strong. I think the Twins would be better if they balanced strongness with fluffiness. Think about it. If you hit the ball over the fence then you cannot chase it anymore. It's gone. Behind every wall are gnomes and pixies and things that are playing with the ball. I can smell them. They are bad. The Twins should keep the ball on their side of the wall so they can keep playing with it. If it hits off the wall than the Twins get to run and run, and the other teams have to run and run. I know that the power is a good thing and it helps the Twins to win the games that make so many humans happy. But if all you have is power, then you don't have other good things, like speed and fluffiness! [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site569/2013/0605/20130605__130605_Twiins_BrianDozier_hair_400.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Atta Human, Brian![/TD] [/TABLE] So they should hit some home runs but not only home runs. They should be like the strongest, fluffiest person I know: Brian Dozier. He is an inspiration to us all. Sometimes strong, but always fluffy. Of course, a .726 OPS is not that impressive, but it is marginally above the second base average for the league and shows signs of improvement that may continue in coming years. Also his hair is fluffy. He is my favorite. Okay, my human is looking for someone to play tug-of-war with. I am going to beat him this time. For I am strong and fluffy. I am the Brian Dozier of the Dog World. Bye for now humans. Enjoy the dog days Sidney the Dog

[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://www.sportspickle.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/arod-cigar.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Is that a match or a cup of tea? (sportspickle.com)[/TD] [/TABLE] I've always been a bit of a softie when it comes to athletes in trouble. I rooted for Nick Blackburn and Tsuyoshi Nishioka to make a comeback when they were as unpopular as they could possibly be, I defended Joe Mauer through the public vitriol that surrounded his last two underwhelming seasons (I even still like Johan Santana despite his recent troubles). It took me a long time to even acknowledge that favorite players from my youth (like Mark McGwire) could be cheating, and once they were I found ways to appreciate their performances despite it all. So I may seem an unlikely person to say this, but: I want Alex Rodriguez to lose every-damn-thing he has. Ideally this would be Pete Rose territory. Done for life, reduced to lurking on the fringes of the game, a cautionary tale for all the players who follow. The 300 Million? I want it given back to the Rangers and Yankees for gross misappropriation--after all somebody who breaks rules has fundamentally stolen from their employer. (Holy cow, I can't believe I want the Yankees to get money back...) The 3 MVPs? Take them back, mark them void, send him on an apology tour to the homes or clubhouses of every player he cheated his way past in the record books, every player he pushed to join him in using, every player he blocked from a major league debut and the pride of that achievement. The pull he had over the media (from self-aggrandizing interviews to popcorn-feeding-gate) for the better part of a decade? Ask the media to announce his ban and then refuse him any chance to explain himself. Shut his ass out and give him a national cold shoulder. (Should be particularly painful for a man so insecure and self-obsessed as Rodriguez). [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/cameron-diaz-feeding-alex-rodriguez-popcorn.gif[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]I feel gross even posting this (totalprosports.com)[/TD] [/TABLE] Why am I picking on A-Rod? Why berate him, while acknowledging that I can see a case for Bonds, Sosa, McGwire and Clemens in the hall of fame? Why dream up punishments that are totally unfeasible particularly when there's no chance to enact them? Why vent some spleen all over his head while ignoring the frustrations of players on the team I actually care about? To be honest, I'm not totally sure. Anger doesn't help anything: what's done is done and shouting about it doesn't change what happened. The depths of his cheating are no worse and no better than those of Bonds et. al. Bud Selig's not about to satisfy my personal whims. And what befalls a delusional multi-millionaire has little effect on other things I worry about (my family, my friends and Oswaldo Arcia's maturation at the plate). I think ultimately the reason I'm so mad about A-Rod is because I feel personally defrauded. Like I said, I'm a softie. So when he admitted to using before, I was let down but encouraged by the thought that he would admit a mistake and let us all start fresh. I didn't really want him to break any records, but if he could just move on with some dignity and class, I would appreciate the chance to beat him fairly and squarely. I wasn't driving the "Forgive and Forget" bandwagon, but I was all for sweeping the ugly incident under the rug and moving on with life. I wasn't going to attend games with chants or sneers or crude signage, I was just going to shake my head and applaud when a Twins pitcher made him look silly. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://rollingout.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/leos-alex_rodriguez1.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]A-Rod with his one true love (rollingout.com)[/TD] [/TABLE] But I was lied to. We were all lied to. Asked to believe that he was more than he is, that he means more than he does, to give him a measure of courtesy that he certainly doesn't feel that average people are entitled to ("I'm going to keep lying to you, you just pretend like you don't mind it") Alex Rodriguez is baseball's A-hole boyfriend. He cheated on us...twice. He stole our money and spent it on his own obscene comfort. This isn't Nick Blackburn and Tsuyoshi Nishioka hurting a team by playing poorly; this isn't Joe Mauer or Johan Santana cashing a large paycheck while hurt; this isn't a player who tried and failed despite their best efforts to play well or stay healthy. This is a player who knowingly and willfully misled a large group of fans, executives and teammates for his own gain....twice. This is a player who knew what he was doing was against the rules and proceeded to do it anyway...twice. This is a person who hurt those who watch, those who play, those who earn their living from a game he supposedly "loves", and who expects us all to let him do it. Alex Rodriguez is baseball's a-hole boyfriend. Using us, abusing us, insisting that he'll change and that he should be trusted in spite of a god awful track record. I can forgive those who make an effort. I can forgive those who have bad luck. I can forgive those who make a mistake...even if it takes them way too long to admit it. But I refuse to tolerate, defend or ignore reprehensible behavior. Anger doesn't change that behavior...but it is an honest reaction to it. Hmmm...honesty....something our a-hole boyfriend might want to try.

[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://www.sportspickle.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/arod-cigar.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Is that a match or a cup of tea? (sportspickle.com)[/TD] [/TABLE] I've always been a bit of a softie when it comes to athletes in trouble. I rooted for Nick Blackburn and Tsuyoshi Nishioka to make a comeback when they were as unpopular as they could possibly be, I defended Joe Mauer through the public vitriol that surrounded his last two underwhelming seasons (I even still like Johan Santana despite his recent troubles). It took me a long time to even acknowledge that favorite players from my youth (like Mark McGwire) could be cheating, and once they were I found ways to appreciate their performances despite it all. So I may seem an unlikely person to say this, but: I want Alex Rodriguez to lose every-damn-thing he has. Ideally this would be Pete Rose territory. Done for life, reduced to lurking on the fringes of the game, a cautionary tale for all the players who follow. The 300 Million? I want it given back to the Rangers and Yankees for gross misappropriation--after all somebody who breaks rules has fundamentally stolen from their employer. (Holy cow, I can't believe I want the Yankees to get money back...) The 3 MVPs? Take them back, mark them void, send him on an apology tour to the homes or clubhouses of every player he cheated his way past in the record books, every player he pushed to join him in using, every player he blocked from a major league debut and the pride of that achievement. The pull he had over the media (from self-aggrandizing interviews to popcorn-feeding-gate) for the better part of a decade? Ask the media to announce his ban and then refuse him any chance to explain himself. Shut his ass out and give him a national cold shoulder. (Should be particularly painful for a man so insecure and self-obsessed as Rodriguez). [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/cameron-diaz-feeding-alex-rodriguez-popcorn.gif[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]I feel gross even posting this (totalprosports.com)[/TD] [/TABLE] Why am I picking on A-Rod? Why berate him, while acknowledging that I can see a case for Bonds, Sosa, McGwire and Clemens in the hall of fame? Why dream up punishments that are totally unfeasible particularly when there's no chance to enact them? Why vent some spleen all over his head while ignoring the frustrations of players on the team I actually care about? To be honest, I'm not totally sure. Anger doesn't help anything: what's done is done and shouting about it doesn't change what happened. The depths of his cheating are no worse and no better than those of Bonds et. al. Bud Selig's not about to satisfy my personal whims. And what befalls a delusional multi-millionaire has little effect on other things I worry about (my family, my friends and Oswaldo Arcia's maturation at the plate). I think ultimately the reason I'm so mad about A-Rod is because I feel personally defrauded. Like I said, I'm a softie. So when he admitted to using before, I was let down but encouraged by the thought that he would admit a mistake and let us all start fresh. I didn't really want him to break any records, but if he could just move on with some dignity and class, I would appreciate the chance to beat him fairly and squarely. I wasn't driving the "Forgive and Forget" bandwagon, but I was all for sweeping the ugly incident under the rug and moving on with life. I wasn't going to attend games with chants or sneers or crude signage, I was just going to shake my head and applaud when a Twins pitcher made him look silly. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://rollingout.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/leos-alex_rodriguez1.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]A-Rod with his one true love (rollingout.com)[/TD] [/TABLE] But I was lied to. We were all lied to. Asked to believe that he was more than he is, that he means more than he does, to give him a measure of courtesy that he certainly doesn't feel that average people are entitled to ("I'm going to keep lying to you, you just pretend like you don't mind it") Alex Rodriguez is baseball's A-hole boyfriend. He cheated on us...twice. He stole our money and spent it on his own obscene comfort. This isn't Nick Blackburn and Tsuyoshi Nishioka hurting a team by playing poorly; this isn't Joe Mauer or Johan Santana cashing a large paycheck while hurt; this isn't a player who tried and failed despite their best efforts to play well or stay healthy. This is a player who knowingly and willfully misled a large group of fans, executives and teammates for his own gain....twice. This is a player who knew what he was doing was against the rules and proceeded to do it anyway...twice. This is a person who hurt those who watch, those who play, those who earn their living from a game he supposedly "loves", and who expects us all to let him do it. Alex Rodriguez is baseball's a-hole boyfriend. Using us, abusing us, insisting that he'll change and that he should be trusted in spite of a god awful track record. I can forgive those who make an effort. I can forgive those who have bad luck. I can forgive those who make a mistake...even if it takes them way too long to admit it. But I refuse to tolerate, defend or ignore reprehensible behavior. Anger doesn't change that behavior...but it is an honest reaction to it. Hmmm...honesty....something our a-hole boyfriend might want to try.

Buyers or Sellers Remember the start of the season when all the "experts" were forecasting a fall from grace for the Yankees? [sigh] Those were the days to be a Yankee hater. Now a team of has-beens and "who-the-hell?"s are sitting a couple games over .500 and just a hundful games out of the Wild Card race. And even if they weren't, the Yankees would still be buyers. They'll always be buyers A plague of flesh eating bacteria could decimate the entire franchise, and the Yankees would still be buyers because everyone in the Bronx, from the owners, to the fans, to the flesh eating bacteria, expects it of them. What they need The Yankees offense has been less Bronx Bombers and more Trenton Tiddlywinks, ranking 22nd out of 30 teams in run scored (2 spots behind the Twins), so hitters will be welcomed Early in July, they hoped rehabbing all-stars would eliminate any need to trade for hitting. But a combination of surgery, re-injury, delayed rehab and an acute case of "threatened suspension for steroid use" have created a need at first base, short stop, the outfield and third base. Even with those gaping holes, and though the pitching staff has often carried the offense, the Yankees know that you can never have enough pitching and will at least consider spare starters, strong relievers or literally anyone with an arm attached to their shoulder. Sorry Venus de Milo. What Might Work Justin Morneau isn't up to Lyle Overbay's standard, nor is Jamey Carroll a better back up for Jeter's spot. With Willingham hurt, Ryan Doumit would be the only outfielder to help, and he can't fit with Ichiro's in right, Francisco Cervilli returning to catch, and a number of DHs in waiting. Trevor Plouffe might not curl the toes of the New York Post, but with A-Rod on the edge of oblivion, and back ups Kevin Youkilis/Jayson Nix banged up too, he's a vast improvement on the spare parts out there now. While the Yanks have been ogling Chase Headly and Michael Young, both would be pricey, making Plouffe not only viable but relatively affordable. Though the Twins (unsurprisingly) don't have a starter who would upgrade New York's rotation, they could help solidify a strong bullpen. Sadly, David Robertson has been anointed as heir to Mariano's throne (sorry Perkins theorists), but Brian Duensing could be a welcome extra lefty alongside Boone Logan (improving on Joba the Hutt). Sleeper Targets Jose Campos--RHP (20--A) Campos is back in form after an elbow injury last season. He'd be ideal for Twins coaches, with a variety of pitches and good control numbers (1.7 BB/9, 5.08 K/BB). The elbow may make him a relatively low buy in the right deal. Vidal Nuno--LHP (25--AAA) Nuno also fits the Twins formula. He has an array of pitches around the plate (1.05 WHIP in minors). He doesn't throw hard, which could mean he gets lucky; if so, he's been lucky at every level for several years, which might be less luck and more like command. Rafael DePaula--RHP (22--A+) DePaula crushed Low A Charleston this year before scuffling lately at High A Tampa (14 R/12 IP). He struck out Byron Buxton at the Future's game and has huge upside, but he's a big risk due to a lack of off-speed stuff and a birth certificate conundrum. Brett Marshall--RHP (23--AAA) Roughed up in his Major League debut start, and shaky in Scranton (1.69 WHIP & 58 BB/ 94 IP), Marshall's recent results are better. But the sink on his fastball and change haven't translated to ground balls...worrisome. Dream Target Gary Sanchez--C (20--A+) Sanchez is the Yankees power prospect. He has 13 homers so far in his second season at High A and is drooled over by Bronx Zoo residents the same way Twins fans drool over Miguel Sano. At a premium defensive position, he'd be a valuable asset (especially with Joe Mauer nearing transition time). Better still, Sanchez and resident catching prospect Josmil Pinto become two options to offer should we need an impact arm at future trade deadlines (though hopefully that impact arm isn't named Matt Capps).

Buyers or Sellers Remember the start of the season when all the "experts" were forecasting a fall from grace for the Yankees? [sigh] Those were the days to be a Yankee hater. Now a team of has-beens and "who-the-hell?"s are sitting a couple games over .500 and just a hundful games out of the Wild Card race. And even if they weren't, the Yankees would still be buyers. They'll always be buyers A plague of flesh eating bacteria could decimate the entire franchise, and the Yankees would still be buyers because everyone in the Bronx, from the owners, to the fans, to the flesh eating bacteria, expects it of them. What they need The Yankees offense has been less Bronx Bombers and more Trenton Tiddlywinks, ranking 22nd out of 30 teams in run scored (2 spots behind the Twins), so hitters will be welcomed Early in July, they hoped rehabbing all-stars would eliminate any need to trade for hitting. But a combination of surgery, re-injury, delayed rehab and an acute case of "threatened suspension for steroid use" have created a need at first base, short stop, the outfield and third base. Even with those gaping holes, and though the pitching staff has often carried the offense, the Yankees know that you can never have enough pitching and will at least consider spare starters, strong relievers or literally anyone with an arm attached to their shoulder. Sorry Venus de Milo. What Might Work Justin Morneau isn't up to Lyle Overbay's standard, nor is Jamey Carroll a better back up for Jeter's spot. With Willingham hurt, Ryan Doumit would be the only outfielder to help, and he can't fit with Ichiro's in right, Francisco Cervilli returning to catch, and a number of DHs in waiting. Trevor Plouffe might not curl the toes of the New York Post, but with A-Rod on the edge of oblivion, and back ups Kevin Youkilis/Jayson Nix banged up too, he's a vast improvement on the spare parts out there now. While the Yanks have been ogling Chase Headly and Michael Young, both would be pricey, making Plouffe not only viable but relatively affordable. Though the Twins (unsurprisingly) don't have a starter who would upgrade New York's rotation, they could help solidify a strong bullpen. Sadly, David Robertson has been anointed as heir to Mariano's throne (sorry Perkins theorists), but Brian Duensing could be a welcome extra lefty alongside Boone Logan (improving on Joba the Hutt). Sleeper Targets Jose Campos--RHP (20--A) Campos is back in form after an elbow injury last season. He'd be ideal for Twins coaches, with a variety of pitches and good control numbers (1.7 BB/9, 5.08 K/BB). The elbow may make him a relatively low buy in the right deal. Vidal Nuno--LHP (25--AAA) Nuno also fits the Twins formula. He has an array of pitches around the plate (1.05 WHIP in minors). He doesn't throw hard, which could mean he gets lucky; if so, he's been lucky at every level for several years, which might be less luck and more like command. Rafael DePaula--RHP (22--A+) DePaula crushed Low A Charleston this year before scuffling lately at High A Tampa (14 R/12 IP). He struck out Byron Buxton at the Future's game and has huge upside, but he's a big risk due to a lack of off-speed stuff and a birth certificate conundrum. Brett Marshall--RHP (23--AAA) Roughed up in his Major League debut start, and shaky in Scranton (1.69 WHIP & 58 BB/ 94 IP), Marshall's recent results are better. But the sink on his fastball and change haven't translated to ground balls...worrisome. Dream Target Gary Sanchez--C (20--A+) Sanchez is the Yankees power prospect. He has 13 homers so far in his second season at High A and is drooled over by Bronx Zoo residents the same way Twins fans drool over Miguel Sano. At a premium defensive position, he'd be a valuable asset (especially with Joe Mauer nearing transition time). Better still, Sanchez and resident catching prospect Josmil Pinto become two options to offer should we need an impact arm at future trade deadlines (though hopefully that impact arm isn't named Matt Capps).

I'm right with you on the dismay and anger over PED use (especially in the 90s), and truth is we're all culpable: Selig and owners who let it go on, players who both partook and tolerated those who did, advertisers who built the home run into the only part of the game that mattered, fans who demanded homers first. Now things are different, owners, players, advertisers and fans are sick of it...and in the case of A-Rod, who pissed away all the goodwill he had as a young kid, there is a convenient and obvious symbol to hang it on. I never thought I'd be "pro" life time ban...but I'm ready. Boot him out of the game, bar the doors, and let him wallow in Pete Rose purgatory. [selig hates him, players hate him, fans (even Yankees fans) hate him, I bet Nike and Pepsi could probably sue for endorsement money back...we're united, and if he's our pariah, so be it...then we can start fresh with a new generation: Trout, Harper, Machado, and *fingers crossed* Sano]

(This little diatribe is originally posted and possibly more clearly formatted at our other website: Peanuts from Heaven) In what will come as no surprise to anyone who reads my writing regularly, I don't like math. I much prefer words (hence the whole teaching English and writing-a-tonnage-of-words-for-my-own-amusement-thing), but I know that math has a valuable place in the world. That's why I read London based magazine The Economist (well, that and the snarky captions & covers). In the most recent issue, one of the magazine's Science and Technology writers explained how mathematics can solve the primary dilemma that athletes, governing bodies and fans face when they face steroid use. Using the game theory branch of mathematics, the writer explains how and why using steroids to cheat can seem to be the only rational behavior for athletes, especially those involved in direct competition with other individuals (like the recently implicated sprinters Tyson Gay and Asafa Powell). While baseball, as a team game, is a slightly different scenario, many of the same principles hold, so consider how game theory explains the use of steroids in baseball through the following goofy teacher analogy (again, I teach English not Math, so bear with me...and if you are a math/economics person please tell me to pull down this post so I can make it actually accurate). Say you have two players getting together for a little driveway home run derby. Let's call them "Bryan Raun" and "Moe Jauer". They'll be competing against each other and have the option to either cheat or play fairly. That means that there are four possible outcomes depending on what each player decides to do. (Symbolized in the box below by "C"s for Cheat and "F"s for Fair). [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-COcZVOR2_gI/Ue_sdiiESEI/AAAAAAAACLQ/mEnoOYq3OZ0/s320/Game+Theory+1.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]The Game Board [/TD] [/TABLE] If the player's only goal is to win, and if cheating helps them to do so (say, by making their muscles big and avoiding injuries through some magical injection or something) , it quickly becomes clear what they should do to maximize their chance to win: Cheat. If Moe cheats, he can win or have an even shot at winning. If he plays fairly he can lose or have an even shot at winning. Only 1 of the 4 outcomes (25%) can have playing fairly end with a chance to win, but 2 of the 4 outcomes (50%) can have cheating end with a chance to win. It's simple probability: Cheat. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WV4F_Zm4dYQ/Ue_sdgQDfkI/AAAAAAAACLY/gVyQdexDLvE/s320/Game+Theory+2.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Option 1: The Merits of Cheating [/TD] [/TABLE] But let's say the game isn't played just between "Bryan" and "Moe". Let's say that Bryan's crazy Uncle Bud watches them to make sure that the game is played fairly (like most used car salesmen, Uncle Bud's ethical like that). Now Uncle Bud decides that he'll watch them play and if he catches either Moe or Bryan cheating they'll automatically lose. Suddenly the strategy of the game changes, and playing fair gives you a 50% probability of getting a chance to win, while cheating only gets you a 25% chance (i.e. if Moe and Ryan both cheat, but only Ryan gets caught, then Moe wins) [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WxSW655f_k4/Ue_sdi6XXnI/AAAAAAAACLU/bkBs2Gwnaoo/s320/Game+Theory+3.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Option 2: Fair Play [/TD] [/TABLE] That might be the best way to play the game, if like Uncle Bud, all you care about is ethics. But let's pretend that Uncle Bud likes money (I know, I know...odd for a Used Car Salesman), so Uncle Bud decides to let other people watch Bryan and Moe play for a nominal fee. We can also pretend that Uncle Bud invites Mike to sell lemonade at the game and promises both the fans and Mike that the game will be really entertaining, exciting and EXTREMELY competitive. (As an added bonus, whoever wins the most might earn a little more money from fans and could be hired by Mike to tell everyone how great that Lemonade is.) Now "Moe" and "Bryan" have even more incentive to win first and foremost, and Uncle Bud has an incentive slightly greater than fairness: he wants excitement, competition and success. So Moe and Bryan have to do some quick thinking. Does the desire to win and make money trump the desire for fairness? Many people immersed in Game Theory have argued that the most logical decision would be to think: "I can gain so much by cheating [winning, money, more money], and Uncle Bud can gain so much by not catching me [money, more money, lots of more money] that it makes sense to cheat if I can". But there's still a few people, like, say, Moe, who would illogically decide: "you know, um...I think the risks of getting caught [losing, losing money] outweigh the benefits, so I'll play it fairly." This way only one person (Bryan) wins...right up until the moment they get caught. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4tCeZh-5aik/Ue_seFvI5nI/AAAAAAAACLw/tssV3GJmRrY/s320/Game+Theory+4.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Option 3: Split decision [/TD] [/TABLE] Now the first two scenarios (everybody cheats/everybody plays fair) hit the famous Nash Equilibrium (famous in part because it helped its namesake, John Nash Jr., win the nobel prize and famous in part because it was explained using ). This the point at which both people playing the game have maximized the benefit to themselves. The third and final scenario (one person cheats, the other doesn't) doesn't help either player as one will likely lose the game and money for a while, until the other player gets caught and loses everything.Now baseball is not a two person game between "Moe" and "Bryan", and there's no amount of data that cheating automatically leads to winning or success. But, hopefully that rudimentary use of Game Theory not only explains why cheaters cheat, and why testing matters, but helps us to look at the issue that really matters. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rybAPf8rnEU/Ue_seOZrQRI/AAAAAAAACLs/8kmKIoXFTXc/s1600/Game+Theory+C.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]If winning is everything [/TD] [/TABLE] The bigger issue to me is not in understanding how or why "Moe" and "Bryan" do what they do, but in how Uncle Bud, Mike's Lemonade, and all those fans react to both cheating and playing fairly. The Nash Equilibrium could be reached if we each agree that the only thing that matters is winning. Moe and Bryan want to win so they cheat. Uncle Bud wants to make more money than the game of HORSE and the flag football game down the street, so he wants winners too. Mike's Lemonade wants champions to talk about the drink, thereby selling more lemonade, so it too wants winners. And if fans care first and foremost about beating the other guy, well...then it's all about winning...and it's all about cheating. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3bxCm_BsZqA/Ue_seSMgzCI/AAAAAAAACLo/AYgaZ5msHJ4/s1600/Game+Theory+F.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]If fairness is everything [/TD] [/TABLE] But, and this is a huge BUT, if we decide that it's not only in our individual interest, but it's also in our collective interest to support a fair system, then we can still reach that Nash Equilibrium. Player's might individually want to keep their jobs and avoid long term suspensions. Owners might...okay...definitely will want more money from customers and partners who trust them and longer commitments from players who won't get suspended. Companies want to support the kinds of players and sports that people love. And customers want to feel respected by owners and companies as well as having players to admire on the road to success. Most importantly EVERYONE (players, owners, companies and customers) has a collective interest in keeping the game interesting and free of embarrassing scandal. That's where we can agree that fairness trumps winning, and that's the other option for equilibrium. Again, I know that the world of baseball is likely too big to get everyone in agreement about anything (hell, the DH debate is still a thing), but there's room for things to change, and most importantly there's room for fans to take action. Companies have already turned their back on Ryan Braun, and there's almost a unanimous boycott in place around Alex Rodriguez. Owners are leery of touching admitted users with a ten-foot pole and, increasingly, baseball players themselves are turning on those who use (As suggested by the Buster Olney story that "a pitcher drilled a hitter in a game this season, and when...he returned to the dugout, [he] explained...that he had plunked the guy because he’s a juicer -- a cheater, a PED user. The teammates who heard him understood.") Maybe we need a town hall meeting, maybe we need a vote from the fans, maybe we need a cathartic set of admissions and tears and pleas and angry denouncements and effigies and Oprah-orchestrated-hugs, but we need an agreement about what our goals are if we want to reach anything close to equilibrium. We don't all have to agree, we can't possibly all agree...but the closer we get to agreement the better for the game, the better for the fans and the better for everyone except the cheaters. Thank for enduring this installment of an English teacher tries his hand at Math, we now return you to your summer vacation.

(This little diatribe is originally posted and possibly more clearly formatted at our other website: Peanuts from Heaven) In what will come as no surprise to anyone who reads my writing regularly, I don't like math. I much prefer words (hence the whole teaching English and writing-a-tonnage-of-words-for-my-own-amusement-thing), but I know that math has a valuable place in the world. That's why I read London based magazine The Economist (well, that and the snarky captions & covers). In the most recent issue, one of the magazine's Science and Technology writers explained how mathematics can solve the primary dilemma that athletes, governing bodies and fans face when they face steroid use. Using the game theory branch of mathematics, the writer explains how and why using steroids to cheat can seem to be the only rational behavior for athletes, especially those involved in direct competition with other individuals (like the recently implicated sprinters Tyson Gay and Asafa Powell). While baseball, as a team game, is a slightly different scenario, many of the same principles hold, so consider how game theory explains the use of steroids in baseball through the following goofy teacher analogy (again, I teach English not Math, so bear with me...and if you are a math/economics person please tell me to pull down this post so I can make it actually accurate). Say you have two players getting together for a little driveway home run derby. Let's call them "Bryan Raun" and "Moe Jauer". They'll be competing against each other and have the option to either cheat or play fairly. That means that there are four possible outcomes depending on what each player decides to do. (Symbolized in the box below by "C"s for Cheat and "F"s for Fair). [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-COcZVOR2_gI/Ue_sdiiESEI/AAAAAAAACLQ/mEnoOYq3OZ0/s320/Game+Theory+1.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]The Game Board [/TD] [/TABLE] If the player's only goal is to win, and if cheating helps them to do so (say, by making their muscles big and avoiding injuries through some magical injection or something) , it quickly becomes clear what they should do to maximize their chance to win: Cheat. If Moe cheats, he can win or have an even shot at winning. If he plays fairly he can lose or have an even shot at winning. Only 1 of the 4 outcomes (25%) can have playing fairly end with a chance to win, but 2 of the 4 outcomes (50%) can have cheating end with a chance to win. It's simple probability: Cheat. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WV4F_Zm4dYQ/Ue_sdgQDfkI/AAAAAAAACLY/gVyQdexDLvE/s320/Game+Theory+2.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Option 1: The Merits of Cheating [/TD] [/TABLE] But let's say the game isn't played just between "Bryan" and "Moe". Let's say that Bryan's crazy Uncle Bud watches them to make sure that the game is played fairly (like most used car salesmen, Uncle Bud's ethical like that). Now Uncle Bud decides that he'll watch them play and if he catches either Moe or Bryan cheating they'll automatically lose. Suddenly the strategy of the game changes, and playing fair gives you a 50% probability of getting a chance to win, while cheating only gets you a 25% chance (i.e. if Moe and Ryan both cheat, but only Ryan gets caught, then Moe wins) [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WxSW655f_k4/Ue_sdi6XXnI/AAAAAAAACLU/bkBs2Gwnaoo/s320/Game+Theory+3.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Option 2: Fair Play [/TD] [/TABLE] That might be the best way to play the game, if like Uncle Bud, all you care about is ethics. But let's pretend that Uncle Bud likes money (I know, I know...odd for a Used Car Salesman), so Uncle Bud decides to let other people watch Bryan and Moe play for a nominal fee. We can also pretend that Uncle Bud invites Mike to sell lemonade at the game and promises both the fans and Mike that the game will be really entertaining, exciting and EXTREMELY competitive. (As an added bonus, whoever wins the most might earn a little more money from fans and could be hired by Mike to tell everyone how great that Lemonade is.) Now "Moe" and "Bryan" have even more incentive to win first and foremost, and Uncle Bud has an incentive slightly greater than fairness: he wants excitement, competition and success. So Moe and Bryan have to do some quick thinking. Does the desire to win and make money trump the desire for fairness? Many people immersed in Game Theory have argued that the most logical decision would be to think: "I can gain so much by cheating [winning, money, more money], and Uncle Bud can gain so much by not catching me [money, more money, lots of more money] that it makes sense to cheat if I can". But there's still a few people, like, say, Moe, who would illogically decide: "you know, um...I think the risks of getting caught [losing, losing money] outweigh the benefits, so I'll play it fairly." This way only one person (Bryan) wins...right up until the moment they get caught. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4tCeZh-5aik/Ue_seFvI5nI/AAAAAAAACLw/tssV3GJmRrY/s320/Game+Theory+4.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Option 3: Split decision [/TD] [/TABLE] Now the first two scenarios (everybody cheats/everybody plays fair) hit the famous Nash Equilibrium (famous in part because it helped its namesake, John Nash Jr., win the nobel prize and famous in part because it was explained using ). This the point at which both people playing the game have maximized the benefit to themselves. The third and final scenario (one person cheats, the other doesn't) doesn't help either player as one will likely lose the game and money for a while, until the other player gets caught and loses everything.Now baseball is not a two person game between "Moe" and "Bryan", and there's no amount of data that cheating automatically leads to winning or success. But, hopefully that rudimentary use of Game Theory not only explains why cheaters cheat, and why testing matters, but helps us to look at the issue that really matters. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rybAPf8rnEU/Ue_seOZrQRI/AAAAAAAACLs/8kmKIoXFTXc/s1600/Game+Theory+C.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]If winning is everything [/TD] [/TABLE] The bigger issue to me is not in understanding how or why "Moe" and "Bryan" do what they do, but in how Uncle Bud, Mike's Lemonade, and all those fans react to both cheating and playing fairly. The Nash Equilibrium could be reached if we each agree that the only thing that matters is winning. Moe and Bryan want to win so they cheat. Uncle Bud wants to make more money than the game of HORSE and the flag football game down the street, so he wants winners too. Mike's Lemonade wants champions to talk about the drink, thereby selling more lemonade, so it too wants winners. And if fans care first and foremost about beating the other guy, well...then it's all about winning...and it's all about cheating. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3bxCm_BsZqA/Ue_seSMgzCI/AAAAAAAACLo/AYgaZ5msHJ4/s1600/Game+Theory+F.tiff [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]If fairness is everything [/TD] [/TABLE] But, and this is a huge BUT, if we decide that it's not only in our individual interest, but it's also in our collective interest to support a fair system, then we can still reach that Nash Equilibrium. Player's might individually want to keep their jobs and avoid long term suspensions. Owners might...okay...definitely will want more money from customers and partners who trust them and longer commitments from players who won't get suspended. Companies want to support the kinds of players and sports that people love. And customers want to feel respected by owners and companies as well as having players to admire on the road to success. Most importantly EVERYONE (players, owners, companies and customers) has a collective interest in keeping the game interesting and free of embarrassing scandal. That's where we can agree that fairness trumps winning, and that's the other option for equilibrium. Again, I know that the world of baseball is likely too big to get everyone in agreement about anything (hell, the DH debate is still a thing), but there's room for things to change, and most importantly there's room for fans to take action. Companies have already turned their back on Ryan Braun, and there's almost a unanimous boycott in place around Alex Rodriguez. Owners are leery of touching admitted users with a ten-foot pole and, increasingly, baseball players themselves are turning on those who use (As suggested by the Buster Olney story that "a pitcher drilled a hitter in a game this season, and when...he returned to the dugout, [he] explained...that he had plunked the guy because he’s a juicer -- a cheater, a PED user. The teammates who heard him understood.") Maybe we need a town hall meeting, maybe we need a vote from the fans, maybe we need a cathartic set of admissions and tears and pleas and angry denouncements and effigies and Oprah-orchestrated-hugs, but we need an agreement about what our goals are if we want to reach anything close to equilibrium. We don't all have to agree, we can't possibly all agree...but the closer we get to agreement the better for the game, the better for the fans and the better for everyone except the cheaters. Thank for enduring this installment of an English teacher tries his hand at Math, we now return you to your summer vacation.

(Disclaimer: since this seminar is designed for Luis Perdomo, Peanuts From Heaven shall not be held responsible for any injury--either physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual--incurred by any person who adopts seminar lessons as their own. We do however take complete credit for any improvement--either physical, mental, emotional or spiritual...and especially financial--of the life of any person who adopts seminar lessons as their own) http://thumbs4.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/m_6AoKqKx5RNjQjtpTmQSoA.jpgIt's time to once again boost the spirits of everyone's favorite middle-ish reliever LUIS PERDOMO!! To be sure it has been an up-and-down season for Perdomo, fortunately, lately the ERA and WHIP have been going down, while the K/9 and K::BB Ratio have been going up. Still, you can't take anything for granted, whether it's a baseball career or the financial funding for a faux-movitational-seminar. This is why it's increasingly important that you take the time to enjoy the little things in life Luis, like Pizza Stop Pizza! Conveniently located at 123 State Street, less than 2 blocks away from Frontier Field in Rochester! Nothing is promised to us in this world, and while we often focus on the importance of capitalizing on each opportunity we have in our professional lives these must be balanced with our personal lives. And we will have no life at all if we don't make time to consume delicious, nutritious food like the Jurassic Chicken Pizza at Pizza Stop Pizza! Our world is chaotic and always changing. It's important to savor things like the songs of birds, the shine of morning dew on a bed of flowers, the startling punch of Jurassic Barbecue Sauce and the amazing mixture of freshly picked spinach on many of Pizza Stop's excellent vegetarian pizzas. The more we appreciate the world around us, from the humble farmer harvesting fresh mushrooms, tomatoes and broccoli to the humble cheesemonger seeking an audience for delicious ricotta and parmesan cheeses, the more we integrate ourselves in the world and tap into the natural power of the world. And the more power we draw from the world the easier it is to excel in all that we do, whether that be writing blogs, making pizzas or pitching in Middle Relief for the Rochester Red Wings. So Luis, we hope that you take this lesson to heart. Enjoy the little things. Oil your glove with care. Chase after batting practice fly balls. Try a garlic, broccoli and mushroom pizza. And let the natural pleasure of these experiences--not to mention the much needed vitamins and minerals available in a fresh-made pizza pie--help you to de-restrain a force inside you. http://www.pizzastop1.com/images/slideshow2.jpg Promotional consideration for this post was not actually provided by Pizza Stop Pizza. But it totally could be if they wanted it to. Please mail checks and/or slices of pizza to "Peanuts From Heaven Inspirational Seminars LLC; 1234 5/6 Fake Street; St. Apolis, MN 90210"

(Disclaimer: since this seminar is designed for Luis Perdomo, Peanuts From Heaven shall not be held responsible for any injury--either physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual--incurred by any person who adopts seminar lessons as their own. We do however take complete credit for any improvement--either physical, mental, emotional or spiritual...and especially financial--of the life of any person who adopts seminar lessons as their own) http://thumbs4.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/m_6AoKqKx5RNjQjtpTmQSoA.jpgIt's time to once again boost the spirits of everyone's favorite middle-ish reliever LUIS PERDOMO!! To be sure it has been an up-and-down season for Perdomo, fortunately, lately the ERA and WHIP have been going down, while the K/9 and K::BB Ratio have been going up. Still, you can't take anything for granted, whether it's a baseball career or the financial funding for a faux-movitational-seminar. This is why it's increasingly important that you take the time to enjoy the little things in life Luis, like Pizza Stop Pizza! Conveniently located at 123 State Street, less than 2 blocks away from Frontier Field in Rochester! Nothing is promised to us in this world, and while we often focus on the importance of capitalizing on each opportunity we have in our professional lives these must be balanced with our personal lives. And we will have no life at all if we don't make time to consume delicious, nutritious food like the Jurassic Chicken Pizza at Pizza Stop Pizza! Our world is chaotic and always changing. It's important to savor things like the songs of birds, the shine of morning dew on a bed of flowers, the startling punch of Jurassic Barbecue Sauce and the amazing mixture of freshly picked spinach on many of Pizza Stop's excellent vegetarian pizzas. The more we appreciate the world around us, from the humble farmer harvesting fresh mushrooms, tomatoes and broccoli to the humble cheesemonger seeking an audience for delicious ricotta and parmesan cheeses, the more we integrate ourselves in the world and tap into the natural power of the world. And the more power we draw from the world the easier it is to excel in all that we do, whether that be writing blogs, making pizzas or pitching in Middle Relief for the Rochester Red Wings. So Luis, we hope that you take this lesson to heart. Enjoy the little things. Oil your glove with care. Chase after batting practice fly balls. Try a garlic, broccoli and mushroom pizza. And let the natural pleasure of these experiences--not to mention the much needed vitamins and minerals available in a fresh-made pizza pie--help you to de-restrain a force inside you. http://www.pizzastop1.com/images/slideshow2.jpg Promotional consideration for this post was not actually provided by Pizza Stop Pizza. But it totally could be if they wanted it to. Please mail checks and/or slices of pizza to "Peanuts From Heaven Inspirational Seminars LLC; 1234 5/6 Fake Street; St. Apolis, MN 90210"

There's a fuller write up "recapping" the last week plus in Twins Territory at our main blog, but here are a few key samplings from each series Game 76 Marlins 5 - Twins 3 The Twins have a good deal of early success against Miami's starter in the first inning, they run into trouble against Kevin "Killthrow" Slowey, who savored the opportunity to best the team that let him go. Elsewhere "Dr. Cakeburn"Nick Blackburn, and Boof Bonser plotted their revenges as part of the Legion of Pitching Doom. ... Game 79 Twins 6 - Royals 2 It was a big night as Twins' blogosphere's favorite pitching prospect--Kyle Gibson--made his debut as Kyle Gibson in Kyle Gibson's Twins Debut: Starring Kyle Gibson!! Fortunately Kyle Gibson perfectly embodied the Kyle Gibson-ness of Kyle Gibson by Kyle Gibsoning the Kyle Gibson all over the Kyle Gibson. Also the Twins won. Plus! Kyle Gibson ... Game 84 Yankees 9 - Twins 5 Seriously, Yankees, Seriously? After the first three games, the Twins set slightly lower expectations for their July 4th matinee against the Bronx bombers. *Objective 1: Kyle Gibson retires future hall of gamer Ichiro Suzuki 1 time! (DONE!!--after two hits and a run...but still...HE DID IT!!) *Objective 2: Avoid squandering bases loaded opportunities (DONE!!--We only squandered opportunities with two runners on! YAY!) *Objective 3: Deliver elbow pounds to Justin Morneau (HUZZAH...there was even a reason for doing it!) Meanwhile, in an alternate reality, our founding fathers set similarly low expectations for their July 4th matinee 237 years ago. *Objective 1: Declare a couple of ideas to sort of be kind of interesting. *Objective 2: Address the tyrannical reign of King George the III by passive aggressively not signing or including any kind of personal message inside Ye Olde Hallmarke Carde. *Objective 3: Only let Ben Franklin drink 13 pints of ale, instead of his customary 15. ...of course in that alternate reality the Minnesota Twins lost their Major League Cricket game to the New York Georges 720 to 15 (but Justin Morneau did hit two sixes...so that was nice...) http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O5Pd-VMT7MU/Sm54Lbpo6ZI/AAAAAAAABOc/x2upKV4YnIs/s200/Brawny+Morneau.jpg Ballpark Food HaikuSweet and tangy PorkDeep Fried Pie and a GingerTastes like freedom, natch. Finally: SERIOUSLY?!? I mean....SERIOUSLY!?

There's a fuller write up "recapping" the last week plus in Twins Territory at our main blog, but here are a few key samplings from each series Game 76 Marlins 5 - Twins 3 The Twins have a good deal of early success against Miami's starter in the first inning, they run into trouble against Kevin "Killthrow" Slowey, who savored the opportunity to best the team that let him go. Elsewhere "Dr. Cakeburn"Nick Blackburn, and Boof Bonser plotted their revenges as part of the Legion of Pitching Doom. ... Game 79 Twins 6 - Royals 2 It was a big night as Twins' blogosphere's favorite pitching prospect--Kyle Gibson--made his debut as Kyle Gibson in Kyle Gibson's Twins Debut: Starring Kyle Gibson!! Fortunately Kyle Gibson perfectly embodied the Kyle Gibson-ness of Kyle Gibson by Kyle Gibsoning the Kyle Gibson all over the Kyle Gibson. Also the Twins won. Plus! Kyle Gibson ... Game 84 Yankees 9 - Twins 5 Seriously, Yankees, Seriously? After the first three games, the Twins set slightly lower expectations for their July 4th matinee against the Bronx bombers. *Objective 1: Kyle Gibson retires future hall of gamer Ichiro Suzuki 1 time! (DONE!!--after two hits and a run...but still...HE DID IT!!) *Objective 2: Avoid squandering bases loaded opportunities (DONE!!--We only squandered opportunities with two runners on! YAY!) *Objective 3: Deliver elbow pounds to Justin Morneau (HUZZAH...there was even a reason for doing it!) Meanwhile, in an alternate reality, our founding fathers set similarly low expectations for their July 4th matinee 237 years ago. *Objective 1: Declare a couple of ideas to sort of be kind of interesting. *Objective 2: Address the tyrannical reign of King George the III by passive aggressively not signing or including any kind of personal message inside Ye Olde Hallmarke Carde. *Objective 3: Only let Ben Franklin drink 13 pints of ale, instead of his customary 15. ...of course in that alternate reality the Minnesota Twins lost their Major League Cricket game to the New York Georges 720 to 15 (but Justin Morneau did hit two sixes...so that was nice...) http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O5Pd-VMT7MU/Sm54Lbpo6ZI/AAAAAAAABOc/x2upKV4YnIs/s200/Brawny+Morneau.jpg Ballpark Food HaikuSweet and tangy PorkDeep Fried Pie and a GingerTastes like freedom, natch. Finally: SERIOUSLY?!? I mean....SERIOUSLY!?

On Friday Mrs. Peanut and I will go to England/Scotland on vacation, this means there will be very few PFH blogs coming out (I have a few scheduled to drop in absentia), but in preparation for that and as fine example of laziness time-management, I'm using a blog from another site: The Montanan Hooligans' World Cup Center since it relates to why I love baseball. If what I write makes you even slightly curious about more soccer writing, feel free to check that out...and know that while baseball might be hard to come by in merry old England...soccer...probably easier. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] [TD=align: center]http://f.cl.ly/items/3R212C0V1w3X0d373H0m/twins.png[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]I'll Buy This (mwillis.com)[/TD] [/TABLE] XI Reasons Being a Baseball Fan Makes it Easy to Be a Soccer Fan (and vice-versa) I. Under the surface strategy: Don't get me wrong, a well placed 3 run homer or penalty kick is all well and good, but more often than not it's not what you see happening on the ball, it's what's happening away from it that matters. Did the outfielders really leave the left field line open for Joe Mauer? Did you see how Asamoah Gyan made that run to the back post? Totally drew the defenses attention away from Dede Ayew. There's always something more to see than what you see. II. Minimal interruptions: The best games of baseball simply roll through, pitchers working quickly, catches made or missed, hits and walks building into rallies and sides swapping chances one after another. The same is true in soccer: passes and movements flowing seamlessly up and down the pitch for forty-five minutes at a time without a single commercial break. Sometimes there have to be bullpen bucket brigades, sometimes there's an obnoxious array of feigned injuries that eat up valuable time...but at their best the only thing that matters is playing the game. III. Players pay their dues: Both baseball and soccer have baby-faced phenoms who soar into view out of nowhere and take the world by storm (your Mike Trouts and Neymars, for example). But even the young bucks have to work their way up to the top: through Clearwater and Round Rock and Scranton until you get to Yankee Stadium or battling through Eindhoven and Valencia en route to London. But at the top levels of the game there are both phenoms and well seasoned vets who arrived at this stage through dedication and perseverance. http://www.spirit-wrestlers.com/photos/1953_Ty_Cobb_sm.jpghttp://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/12/16/article-2074930-0C491B25000005DC-474_468x338.jpg Cobb and Maradona would be best friends...after they killed each other IV. Body types are no bar: Speaking of dedication and perseverance, you don't watch soccer or baseball with the sense that they are totally different than you. Take the top 5 baseball players of all time (by WAR [excluding Barry *Human Asterix* Bonds]: Ruth, Young, W. Johnson, Mays and Cobb). Their slightly taller than average (5'10" [Mays] to 6'2 [Johnson], and range from 170 pounds (Cobb) to 220 (Ruth), unlike the sky scraping NBA's top 5 (by PER: Jordan, James, O'Neal, Chamberlain and Robinson--all over 6'6") or the NFLs (by AVV: Favre, Rice, Manning, White and Lewis--all over 200 lbs, [minus Rice its 220]). Soccer players have a similar everyman quality about them--with the one exception that none of them had Ruth's hot dogs and beer diet--but world renowned names like Pele, Maradona, Johann Cruyff and Franz Beckenbauer are all under 6 feet. Helping you dream that just maybe you could do it too. V. Whole new world of statistical analysis: While I've often been accused of being a numbers-averse, story heavy fan/writer, I absolutely appreciate well employed statistical analysis. And increasingly Soccer has started using advanced stats with serious foresight. Added into a vocabulary full of BABIP and VORP comes PS% (Pass Success %) and ADW (Aerial Duels Won). Heck, FIFA even sold naming rights to a statistic to Castrol! So as someone who appreciates their affectionate nerdery with a dash of numbers, it's an ideal situation. VI. Long Season as an Asset: Part of the reason statistical analysis works so well in baseball and increasingly in soccer is the sheer size of the season, you can be confident that you're getting a good sample size with six months worth of games. Better still, you get to know players and story lines as they develop, and you also get a sense that every game counts because pennants are a badge of honor in baseball (and one of the only ways into the playoffs) and they are the whole kit and caboodle in futbol. While soccer does have a variety of in-season tournaments (an idea I floated on my own baseball blog), there's a great deal to savor in every game, no matter where you stand. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Balotelli.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Admire the honesty...until you get freaked out by how honest it could be....[/TD] [/TABLE] VII. Loyalty rewarded: Being a fan requires loyalty, sincerity and pride of purpose. It seems a little silly to non-fans that you care so much about a group of men you'll never meet, and yet you really come to feel like you live with and for the players you watch every day, cheering on their successes and screaming over their failures. And in the end there are players who want to be every bit as loyal to their fans and their adopted home as the fans are to them, which is why Jim Thome tears up in Minnesota, and why Mario Balotelli still wants to play for Italy, no matter what obscenities some people throw his way. VIII. Front office strategy galore: Loyalty is great, but for many fans, winning is better. So I have to appreciate the cajoling, conniving and various intricacies of altering a roster to make your team better. It's not just Terry Ryan's trade talks, it's the waiver wire watching and the AAA call-ups. That's not an option in a lot of other sports, but it is in soccer. Twice a year ownership groups go on spending sprees that would make the worst shopaholics blanche. They scour the globe for the best talents and drop a dime or two to bring them aboard (50 M seems to be the going rate for the best scorers these days). But that's not all...there's a raft of players in youth development programs itching for a call-up and rigorous competition among players already on the team striving to unseat one another. What will happen and where and with whom? Half the fun is that the hot-stove season never really ends. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/images/news/201205/n_21519_4.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Pretty awesome (Hurriyet Daily News)[/TD] [/TABLE] IX.Female fans, not objects: With three boys and a boy-at-heart, my mother might seem to care about sports out of self defense, but she really worried about the hole in Delmon Young's swing, the Viking's doomed defensive schemes, Wolves' missed passes and, of course, offsides traps. But she rolls her eyes every time football and basketball cameras zoom in on bouncing/bouyant cheerleaders, and she brought me up to do the same. Look around a baseball stadium and you find no cheerleaders or spirit squads, just women in the stands bemoaning bad middle relief or celebrating good plate discipline. The same thing holds true on soccer terraces (possibly because women in the US play the game at an elite international level), where every well paced pass and deflected shot are cause for joy or alarm. I don't think cheerleaders are evil...but I know I'd rather be around women who know and love the game they're watching. X. Low scoring: This might be even less American than saying, I feel weirded out having eye candy cheerleaders shoved in my face. I like low scoring contests. I like it when runs or goals come at a premium rather than in a bundle, because it encourages you to relish every opportunity you get. It also highlights that, though you may fail, persistence is it's own reward. XI. Sweet satisfaction in toppling the almighty: One of the things that goes hand-in-hand with low scoring affairs, is that anyone can be beaten at any time. The Yankees may spend more than the gross national product of Belize, but scrape together a few runs and they can be beaten. Manchester City may drop more hundred dollar bills than Montgomery Burns taking out the trash, but sneak a late goal and they too can be beaten. It feels great to be a Twins fan when the pin-stripers are scratching their heads in dismay, and equally great when Watford unseats City (or, on a global scale--when the plucky old stars and stripes shocks England/Spain or any one of a host of European Goliaths). http://f.cl.ly/items/2o3R0J2q0b162V3Y1U28/millers.png It's easy to love sports. And when you love these things, it's easy to share the love between two great games. I'm looking forward to visiting the birthplace of one great game, and to a great year of both games.