PeanutsFromHeaven

I'm officially back at work, planning and plotting all that I teach, but after a summer of goofing around with my dog (with Sports Radio/ESPN often on in the background), I felt like I could trust him to write a post summarizing baseball coverage of late. Without further ado...here's a guest post from my dog: Sidney.--also available with images here Most Exciting Time of Baseball Season Irrelevant Next to Least Exciting Time of Football Season. by, Sid MacKenzie With the September stretch run to the playoffs set to begin, all eyes are on the football transaction column to determine exactly how the final preseason game has affected NFL rosters. A host of intriguing story lines with resurgent teams and superb players will be confined to the final five minutes of all SportsCenter programs in order to give Peyton Manning's shoelacing form the attention it so richly deserves. For the first time in decades, the Pittsburgh Pirates have a chance to make the playoffs behind MVP candidate Andrew McCutchen who is not Troy Polumalu or even Ben Rothlisberger and therefore not that important. Said McCutchen of his impressive year, "I'm really glad the Steelers are keeping Charlie Batch. He can be a solid back up if Rothlisberger's rotator cuff doesn't heal quite right. The Steelers should be back in business baby!" Meanwhile in Baltimore, the Orioles stunning run towards dethroning the Yankees has turned heads away from Camden Yards and towards Insert Generic Bank Name Here Stadium. Manager Buck Showalter replied to questions of his team's staying power by saying: "Shut up! John Harbaugh is taking post-practice questions!" As California braces for an epic month, with four teams in Los Angeles, San Francisco and Oakland all capable of making the playoffs, players and coaches alike just hope that either Randy Moss still catches the ball, Tyrelle Pryor proves the doubters wrong, or that the Jaguars move into a new downtown stadium. The principal rival for the California baseball teams (a team that legend says is called the Texas Rangers) has vanished into a black hole of Cowboys fans, painting blue stars on their faces or stomaches and incessantly shouting: "HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS!?!?" In New York, the often insufferable New York Yankees fans have put away their pinstripes in order to more effectively obsess over the Giants and the Jets. Said one wide-eyed and giddy fan named Derek Jeter: "Ohmigod! Tim Tebow looked at me! He looked right at me!!" In an effort to capitalize on this mind-numbingly dull part of the football season, a variety of other baseball teams have taken their own approaches to expressing their love for football. To boost ticket sales for a series against the rival Chicago White Sox (who do not play football), the Detroit Tigers (who also do not play football) drew 40,000 fans with the promise of a raffle for 2 Lions tickets. In Washington, Jayson Werth has officially changed his name to Robert Griffin III.5 and the Tampa Bay Rays have changed their team name to the Tampa Bay Buccanears (a less expensive generic football brand that may lead to a lawsuit from the NFL). Reached for comment at his office in New York, baseball commissioner Bud Selig said, "We're just so excited that we can stop playing soon so that everyone can watch football in peace. Please, don't pay any attention to pennant races or Justin Verlander or Mike Trout, you'll simply encourage them to keep playing into October. Nobody wants that." In other news, football will be starting soon.

I'm officially back at work, planning and plotting all that I teach, but after a summer of goofing around with my dog (with Sports Radio/ESPN often on in the background), I felt like I could trust him to write a post summarizing baseball coverage of late. Without further ado...here's a guest post from my dog: Sidney.--also available with images here Most Exciting Time of Baseball Season Irrelevant Next to Least Exciting Time of Football Season. by, Sid MacKenzie With the September stretch run to the playoffs set to begin, all eyes are on the football transaction column to determine exactly how the final preseason game has affected NFL rosters. A host of intriguing story lines with resurgent teams and superb players will be confined to the final five minutes of all SportsCenter programs in order to give Peyton Manning's shoelacing form the attention it so richly deserves. For the first time in decades, the Pittsburgh Pirates have a chance to make the playoffs behind MVP candidate Andrew McCutchen who is not Troy Polumalu or even Ben Rothlisberger and therefore not that important. Said McCutchen of his impressive year, "I'm really glad the Steelers are keeping Charlie Batch. He can be a solid back up if Rothlisberger's rotator cuff doesn't heal quite right. The Steelers should be back in business baby!" Meanwhile in Baltimore, the Orioles stunning run towards dethroning the Yankees has turned heads away from Camden Yards and towards Insert Generic Bank Name Here Stadium. Manager Buck Showalter replied to questions of his team's staying power by saying: "Shut up! John Harbaugh is taking post-practice questions!" As California braces for an epic month, with four teams in Los Angeles, San Francisco and Oakland all capable of making the playoffs, players and coaches alike just hope that either Randy Moss still catches the ball, Tyrelle Pryor proves the doubters wrong, or that the Jaguars move into a new downtown stadium. The principal rival for the California baseball teams (a team that legend says is called the Texas Rangers) has vanished into a black hole of Cowboys fans, painting blue stars on their faces or stomaches and incessantly shouting: "HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS!?!?" In New York, the often insufferable New York Yankees fans have put away their pinstripes in order to more effectively obsess over the Giants and the Jets. Said one wide-eyed and giddy fan named Derek Jeter: "Ohmigod! Tim Tebow looked at me! He looked right at me!!" In an effort to capitalize on this mind-numbingly dull part of the football season, a variety of other baseball teams have taken their own approaches to expressing their love for football. To boost ticket sales for a series against the rival Chicago White Sox (who do not play football), the Detroit Tigers (who also do not play football) drew 40,000 fans with the promise of a raffle for 2 Lions tickets. In Washington, Jayson Werth has officially changed his name to Robert Griffin III.5 and the Tampa Bay Rays have changed their team name to the Tampa Bay Buccanears (a less expensive generic football brand that may lead to a lawsuit from the NFL). Reached for comment at his office in New York, baseball commissioner Bud Selig said, "We're just so excited that we can stop playing soon so that everyone can watch football in peace. Please, don't pay any attention to pennant races or Justin Verlander or Mike Trout, you'll simply encourage them to keep playing into October. Nobody wants that." In other news, football will be starting soon.

I tend to think that managers likely don't make much difference to the overall performance of a team, their presence in the clubhouse and with the guys involved is crucial (see Valentine, Bobby). Gardy has been great with a gang of guys who came up with him on staff and nurtured them into his way of doing things. I think he can still do it but as clubhouse culture changes (see Valencia, Danny), they may need another similar hand. Like Gene Glynne rather than someone from outside the organization) OR: Since Earl Weaver's only 82 we could ask him to pop in and pull a Jack McKeon (we'd even get to see him pull some classic tantrums)!

Having returned to Rochester about 10 days ago, Luis Perdomo has returned to his stature as a semi-dominant reliever (not sure whether he has Liam Hendricks Arm, or Liam Hendricks has Luis Perdomo arm). Key Stats for Luis Perdomo in the past two weeks (AAA): 4 App. 7.33 Innings, 2 ER, 6 K, 1 BB (rather a shift from his numbers in Minnesota, eh?) Minor league totals this season: 2.17 ERA, 9.1 K/9, 3.53 K/BB Ratio, .950 WHIP The return to Rochester was similarly helpful for Luis Perdomo's beard. With Bobby Cuellar's soothing spanish tones providing a sense of home, and Tom Brunansky's mustache ghost as inspiration, things are looking up after a rocky term in the bigs. Key Stats for Luis Perdomo's beard in the past two weeks: 2 inches gained, 4 Rochester-area commercials conceived, 1 Cheez-it Consumed mid-inning (he's trying to cut back on sodium). Career Beard Power Rankings: ...#19 Jack Sparrow's, #20 Luis Perdomo's, #21 Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke

(Apologies for the gap between posts, school is coming quickly and I'll be splitting time between writing lesson plans and writing baseball blogs...probably a little more time on lesson plans) Clearly things have changed in the Twins dugout of late, much to the glee of many fans (not to mention the blogging community). Nick Blackburn is gone and it will take some finagling to get him back up again, experience be damned. Gone too is every last drop of hopeful expectation around Tsuyoshi Nishioka, former Nippon League batting champ and hoped for shortstop salvation. The clear take away here is that these two elements of the Twins system weren't working and now (later than some might like) they are being removed. Many other, wiser bloggers can delve into the statistical benefits of chucking Blackburn's starts or offering Nishioka's opportunities to another, worthier prospect. The less apparent take away is that, even with this move, Twins fans are still frustrated. Even with two disliked players off the roster, the belief is that the move didn't happen fast enough. Forum posts on Nick Blackburn seem to assume he's personally responsible for all of the Twins pitching's miseries, as well as NBC's poor Olympic coverage and those irritating Health Care Debate advertisements. Tsuyoshi Nishioka seems to be viewed as part underachiever, part natural disaster (though its unlikely a telethon can help Twins fans at this point). Since there are no stats to explore here, that makes it just my cup of tea. For me, Blackburn and Nishioka are more than just sacrificial lambs to the roster/blogosphere slaughter. They are men who have gone from mighty success to something resembling total disaster. Something that, people who aren't ballplayers can still relate to. Imagine going through a rough spell at your job, and having your bosses demote you down to being the office gofer. Worse than that, you find out you only became the gofer, is because your bosses couldn't get any other company in town to hire you away from them. Nobody wants you. Everybody knows that nobody wants you. And now you have to start proving yourself all over again. It's the kind of professional debacle you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. So why are we so insistent that Blackburn and Nishioka deserve it? I won't deny that both played poorly enough to make dyed in the wool optimists like me cringe. And yet, I can't savor any part of their being culled from the big league roster. To me they are just as much the promising young talents that had me practicing Japanese phrases for "tater tot hotdish" and photoshopping diabolical baked goods into game photos to elevate their stature. For me, they are professionals confronting a question of career viability. And as news breaks that two marginal big leaguers (Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon) used steroids to keep their similarly struggling careers afloat, I'm proud that neither Blackburn nor Nishioka pursued a chemical solution to their problems. I can't gloat in potential replacements or boast of "I told you so's" to Terry Ryan. I just hope that Blackburn and Nishioka find a way to either solve their problems on the field or else move on to a better life off it.Unpopular as it might be: I'm rooting for Nick and Tsuyoshi.

(Apologies for the gap between posts, school is coming quickly and I'll be splitting time between writing lesson plans and writing baseball blogs...probably a little more time on lesson plans) Clearly things have changed in the Twins dugout of late, much to the glee of many fans (not to mention the blogging community). Nick Blackburn is gone and it will take some finagling to get him back up again, experience be damned. Gone too is every last drop of hopeful expectation around Tsuyoshi Nishioka, former Nippon League batting champ and hoped for shortstop salvation. The clear take away here is that these two elements of the Twins system weren't working and now (later than some might like) they are being removed. Many other, wiser bloggers can delve into the statistical benefits of chucking Blackburn's starts or offering Nishioka's opportunities to another, worthier prospect. The less apparent take away is that, even with this move, Twins fans are still frustrated. Even with two disliked players off the roster, the belief is that the move didn't happen fast enough. Forum posts on Nick Blackburn seem to assume he's personally responsible for all of the Twins pitching's miseries, as well as NBC's poor Olympic coverage and those irritating Health Care Debate advertisements. Tsuyoshi Nishioka seems to be viewed as part underachiever, part natural disaster (though its unlikely a telethon can help Twins fans at this point). Since there are no stats to explore here, that makes it just my cup of tea. For me, Blackburn and Nishioka are more than just sacrificial lambs to the roster/blogosphere slaughter. They are men who have gone from mighty success to something resembling total disaster. Something that, people who aren't ballplayers can still relate to. Imagine going through a rough spell at your job, and having your bosses demote you down to being the office gofer. Worse than that, you find out you only became the gofer, is because your bosses couldn't get any other company in town to hire you away from them. Nobody wants you. Everybody knows that nobody wants you. And now you have to start proving yourself all over again. It's the kind of professional debacle you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. So why are we so insistent that Blackburn and Nishioka deserve it? I won't deny that both played poorly enough to make dyed in the wool optimists like me cringe. And yet, I can't savor any part of their being culled from the big league roster. To me they are just as much the promising young talents that had me practicing Japanese phrases for "tater tot hotdish" and photoshopping diabolical baked goods into game photos to elevate their stature. For me, they are professionals confronting a question of career viability. And as news breaks that two marginal big leaguers (Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon) used steroids to keep their similarly struggling careers afloat, I'm proud that neither Blackburn nor Nishioka pursued a chemical solution to their problems. I can't gloat in potential replacements or boast of "I told you so's" to Terry Ryan. I just hope that Blackburn and Nishioka find a way to either solve their problems on the field or else move on to a better life off it.Unpopular as it might be: I'm rooting for Nick and Tsuyoshi.

It is a time for sad peanuts and sad Perdomo's as Luis Perdomo's beard (and the pitcher himself) were sent back down to Rochester. Unfortunately it seems that the Twins continue to value talent on the ball field over beautiful facial hair (FOOLISH!). Still, given the rarity of Perdomo's appearances it may be best for him to rejoin the Red Wings for a few weeks before returning in September with the scruff back in full force. Until then, be bold beard lovers, and trust that justice will result in the return of hairiness in due course.

After ten days I'm back from Montana. And I'm happy to report that Luis Perdomo's cup of coffee with the Minnesota Twins has turned into something rapidly approaching a real date! Sure, the Twins might just have called him up out of desperation, a need to have SOMEONE with them, and a desire to feel attractive again (even only for a moment). But Perdomo could easily have screwed the pooch and gotten kicked to the curb with another disastrous outing, or by calling Terry Ryan fat or something. Instead, Perdomo has been appreciated if still underwhelming; the ultimate low-leverage situation pitcher who comes in with the game's outcome not remotely in doubt, can be trusted to do a middling job, and will totally take you to the brake shop if you need to pick up your car. (The Key stats: in 14 days, he's made 3 appearances going 4.66 Innings, 4 hits allowed (2 Doubles), 2 inherited runners (both of whom scored) and a Strike to Ball ratio of 45:34--that's about 9 strikes per 7 balls...) Meanwhile Luis Perdomo's beard may yet be given the coveted position of "facial hair of the year" for the Twins' franchise. The potential of his chin scruff is clear, and the Twins front office is all twitterpated in the hopes that the beard may yet infect the rest of Perdomo's body and create a super reliever (one who's more than just a safety date). [ATTACH=CONFIG]2008[/ATTACH] Key Stats for Luis Perdomo's beard in the past two weeks: 3.8 Inches regained (thank you chia seeds!), 4 attempts to battle the Green Monster, 6 Perogi/Clam Chowder flavored CheezIts lost in the tangle of hair, 1 Drew Butera Inspired. Career Beard Power Rankings: ...#19 George Carlin's, #20 Luis Perdomo's, #21 Jack Sparrow's.

After ten days I'm back from Montana. And I'm happy to report that Luis Perdomo's cup of coffee with the Minnesota Twins has turned into something rapidly approaching a real date! Sure, the Twins might just have called him up out of desperation, a need to have SOMEONE with them, and a desire to feel attractive again (even only for a moment). But Perdomo could easily have screwed the pooch and gotten kicked to the curb with another disastrous outing, or by calling Terry Ryan fat or something. Instead, Perdomo has been appreciated if still underwhelming; the ultimate low-leverage situation pitcher who comes in with the game's outcome not remotely in doubt, can be trusted to do a middling job, and will totally take you to the brake shop if you need to pick up your car. (The Key stats: in 14 days, he's made 3 appearances going 4.66 Innings, 4 hits allowed (2 Doubles), 2 inherited runners (both of whom scored) and a Strike to Ball ratio of 45:34--that's about 9 strikes per 7 balls...) Meanwhile Luis Perdomo's beard may yet be given the coveted position of "facial hair of the year" for the Twins' franchise. The potential of his chin scruff is clear, and the Twins front office is all twitterpated in the hopes that the beard may yet infect the rest of Perdomo's body and create a super reliever (one who's more than just a safety date). Key Stats for Luis Perdomo's beard in the past two weeks: 3.8 Inches regained (thank you chia seeds!), 4 attempts to battle the Green Monster, 6 Perogi/Clam Chowder flavored CheezIts lost in the tangle of hair, 1 Drew Butera Inspired. Career Beard Power Rankings: ...#19 George Carlin's, #20 Luis Perdomo's, #21 Jack Sparrow's.

See, and I have the opposite issue, where I end up blogging into the ether regardless of anyone reads what I write or not, but generally don't take the time to delve into the forums, where I feel like anything intelligent to say about the issue has already been said (and in fewer words than it takes me). I think that the idea of sharing writing with people you feel comfortable with is the ideal (both for newbie bloggers and for newbie forum members). But that's just me. I'm not sure if others would be more engaged by the connection to others or feel like there's somebody looking over their shoulder...any thoughts on that?

First and foremost, you may notice a dearth of postings in this area for the next week or so. We peanuts are on our way to Montana for a much needed vacation, and we'll try our best to be in the moment rather than on the computer, so the blogging slow down is inevitable. This will be the first time that I (the male member of our salty/roasted snack bag) have been back to Montana in 7 years. My wife makes semi-annual trips to see her grandmother, uncle and relatives in Billings, while I, born and raised in the Big Sky State, have had little chance to go back with grad school and work eating up my life. I'm excited to see the prairies and the mountains, to hike the trails of Glacier and taste locally raised grass-fed beef again. But I'm also excited to go back to where my baseball fandom started. Great Falls, Montana. I grew up about a mile from our local minor-league park: Legion Field and saw players come up at the very start of their careers in the Pioneer League. The League tours throughout Montana (Great Falls, Billings, Helena, and--at various points--Butte and Missoula) as well as other tourist hotspots (Ogden, Provo, Lethbridge, Idaho Falls, Casper, etc.). Growing up in a small town it feels like simple is normal. You have a main street with grocery stores and fastfood, a bunch of side streets with houses on them, and if you want to go somewhere else you get on to the highway (usually only one) and go. I thought that was how it always was, but I didn't think about what it looked like to the young men who came to town to play for our local 9. (Something Omar Vizquel addresses here) To them, this was just the first stop on the road to something bigger. They came, they played they moved up in the world. As a kid, I didn't really get that, why should you move up? Why shouldn't the majors include a Montana team? (Hopeless naivete was part of my life even then.) Still, I would track the doings of the players who had come through town: Pedro Martinez, Raul Mondesi, Erik Karros, and my (unlikely) favorite: Jose Offerman. Our local stations showed no "games of the week," and cable was a luxury item in Montana, so I made do by reading box scores in the local paper, charting the standings, dreaming up the plays I could only imagine (without the help of SportsCenter). [ATTACH=CONFIG]1741[/ATTACH] But while reading and dreaming was fun, the most fun I had was just going to games. The spur of the moment idea from my parents; stopping off at a rundown IGA grocery store between our house and the park for big bags of Twizzlers and peanuts that my mother hid in her purse. Walking through the damp, mildewy cement of the concourse to pick up 4 dogs and a Beer Baron Brat for my dad (bratwurst injected with cheese, boiled in beer). Sitting on the bleachers (or on special nights Home Plate box seats), and watching young guys try so hard to be grown men. [ATTACH=CONFIG]1742[/ATTACH] That's where I learned to love not the numbers in the box scores, or the wins and losses, but the individual play on the field. The middle infielders, lunging for 8 hoppers up the middle; bubblegum chewing "sluggers" taking vicious cuts through the air; anxious pitchers who could not help but hear every jeer or cheer of every fan in the intimate park. I saw them not as pieces to be swapped or bartered, as rising talents or wastes of a draft pick, but as people living their dreams, trying to be great. I left Montana and saw why the Majors won't be coming to Great Falls any time soon. Metropoli have no "main street" and housing is wherever you can grab it, after at least five years of confusion over free-way etiquette I can navigate 35, 94 and 62 with ease. And I came to respect the gung-ho fandom of a team that's consistently in playoff contention. But I'm about to go home, to a simpler place. A place where I learned that baseball's not just about contending for a division title or a championship it's about the people you're around. The family, the friends, and the people who play a children's game for your amusement and their own desire to be the best. I'm going back to the place where it all started, and I'm awfully excited about that.

I think the idea of bettering one's writing is a great goal, and, like y'all, that's a major reason I got into blogging in the first place and joined up with Twins Daily to boot. So I would be seriously interested in being a part of a group like that. However, as Jim pointed out, I'm stretched a little thin (and will be even less able to do so once the school year starts and I go back to work), so two posts a week might be a bit much for me to sign up for. I like the idea of constructive criticism, with the option of either private messages or comment writing. One way I've used in the past to help keep criticism helpful and supportive is the 3-2-1 method (3 positives, 2 things to work on, 1 question to continue the conversation). Any way you slice it, if there's more support than critique people are more likely to feel built up as they go on with their writing.--Pedagogy mode disengage. Great idea though, keep us posted.

Key Stats for Luis Perdomo in the past two weeks (AAA): 3 App. 5.66 Innings Minor league totals this season: 2.14 ERA, 9.3 K/9, 3.39 K/BB Ratio, .949 WHIP Key Stats for Luis Perdomo's beard in the past two weeks: 4 Inches Lost (for bullpen beard equality), 1 voodoo spell cast, 15 conversations between bloggers started, 14 conversations ended with the arrival of the soul patch. Career Beard Power Rankings: ...#19 Jack Sparrow's, #20 Luis Perdomo's, #21 This guy from the Solomon Islands

Well, that debut could definitely have gone better. After posting a .949 WHIP between AA & AAA (only .661 in AAA) Luis Perdomo gave up 1 hit, 3 walks and a Swagalicious Error to 7 batters last night, his first night as an honest to goodness Minnesota Twin. He was wild (19 balls to just 11 strikes) and gave up 2 (unearned) runs before leaving the bases loaded in low leverage situation. There is one natural thing to blame this on: THE SOUL PATCH!! LUIS, your beard is a thing of beauty and a joy to behold, I'm sure that Terry Ryan asked you to shave it for some voodoo ritual to increase the prowess of Misters Deduno, Fine et. al. But now it is on you to either get in on the juju, or grow it back! I grant that your soul patch is more stylish than 90% of the other Twins facial hair, but it cannot compare with the full-on muzzle. So rub in some chia pet seeds and water regularly, so we can get back to the business of kicking butt and taking names. Love your adopted blogger's, PFH

Well, that debut could definitely have gone better. After posting a .949 WHIP between AA & AAA (only .661 in AAA) Luis Perdomo gave up 1 hit, 3 walks and a Swagalicious Error to 7 batters last night, his first night as an honest to goodness Minnesota Twin. He was wild (19 balls to just 11 strikes) and gave up 2 (unearned) runs before leaving the bases loaded in low leverage situation. There is one natural thing to blame this on: THE SOUL PATCH!! LUIS, your beard is a thing of beauty and a joy to behold, I'm sure that Terry Ryan asked you to shave it for some voodoo ritual to increase the prowess of Misters Deduno, Fine et. al. But now it is on you to either get in on the juju, or grow it back! I grant that your soul patch is more stylish than 90% of the other Twins facial hair, but it cannot compare with the full-on muzzle. So rub in some chia pet seeds and water regularly, so we can get back to the business of kicking butt and taking names. Love your adopted blogger's, PFH

Well, that debut could definitely have gone better. After posting a .949 WHIP between AA & AAA (only .661 in AAA) Luis Perdomo gave up 1 hit, 3 walks and a Swagalicious Error to 7 batters last night, his first night as an honest to goodness Minnesota Twin. He was wild (19 balls to just 11 strikes) and gave up 2 (unearned) runs before leaving the bases loaded in low leverage situation. There is one natural thing to blame this on: THE SOUL PATCH!! LUIS, your beard is a thing of beauty and a joy to behold, I'm sure that Terry Ryan asked you to shave it for some voodoo ritual to increase the prowess of Misters Deduno, Fine et. al. But now it is on you to either get in on the juju, or grow it back! I grant that your soul patch is more stylish than 90% of the other Twins facial hair, but it cannot compare with the full-on muzzle. So rub in some chia pet seeds and water regularly, so we can get back to the business of kicking butt and taking names. Love your adopted blogger's, PFH

You can view the page at http://twinsdaily.com/content.php?839-Luis-Perdomo

IT HAS HAPPENED!! LUIS PERDOMO HAS BEEN PROMOTED TO THE MINNESOTA TWINS!!! Anthony Swarzak went on the 15 day DL with a rotator cuff strain, and Carl Pavano moved to the 60 Day DL to make room for our beloved Adopt-A-Prospect. For those who don't know: Luis Perdomo is a relief pitcher who spent a brief while with the San Diego Padres and a briefer time with the New Britain Rock Cats, and the briefest time yet with Rochester. But more to the point Luis Perdomo is a man with a beard, and not just any beard, a beard that bests the scruffiest climbers of Mount Everest, a beard that the Visagoth's themselves envy, a beard that has prepared him to enter the long line of Jeff Reardon and Rick Aguilera as a Neckwarmer Nightmare Reliever! AND! It's possible that he may end up better known in the Twin Cities than the Jazz pianist who shares his name: [video=youtube;tsH8SiLRbW8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsH8SiLRbW8 ALL HAIL LUIS PERDOMO! (Specifically the pitcher, but also the pianist, but mostly the pitcher!!)

I could explain all this here...but I worry about breaking the comment box...private message or overload the server?

There's still a lot of debate over whether or not the Minnesota Twins should trade Francisco Liriano. Sure he's the best pitcher on the staff of a team that's rather desperate for starting pitching, but he's also a free-agent-to-be with a demanding agent who will probably be looking for a sizable pay day (one that we likely can't afford). Yet, there are plenty of people who would like Frankie Franchise to stick around now that he's figured out how to be consistently dangerous on the hill (Monday's Windy City debacle not withstanding). After all, with a little gum to chew, Liriano's been nigh to un-hittable. But that gum chewing is actually the biggest reason to trade the Cisco Kid. You might well ask: why does chewing gum mean we have to trade him? The answer, like the answers to all of life's important questions is in a children's book. In this case Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl: Please believe us when we say That chewing gum will never pay; This sticky habit's bound to send The chewer to a sticky end. Did any of you ever know A pitcher called Liriano?... He chewed while bathing in the tub, He chewed while dancing at the club, He chewed in church and on the bus; It really was quite ludicrous!... But then one day, he had to put the gum away (Because the umps hated the delay) And suddenly, Liriano just could not pitch, He missed the zone by two feet and an inch, The fastball slowed down, the slider didn't move As hard as he tried, he couldn't find a groove. His fans, upset, began to boo And Liriano just did not have a clue. So he served up long bombs on his way to a loss His golden arm turned to nothing but dross He had to retire, run off and hide, No teammates or fans would stand by his side Yes, never was there a tale of more woe Than this of Francisco Liriano. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q61GCu1eH2Q/UA9My8jgcNI/AAAAAAAACD8/ygZ66s1d1o8/s320/Francisco+Buregard.jpg [TD=class: tr-caption]It's repulsive, revolting and wrong; chewing and chewing all. day. long The wa-ay that a co-ow does![/TD] [/TABLE] I was just as surprised as anyone to find that a 20th century British author wrote an allusion to a 21st century Dominican pitcher, but such is the power of literary imagination that it can bring reality into being. Just be glad that we found it now rather than after he finished his "tale of woe."

There's still a lot of debate over whether or not the Minnesota Twins should trade Francisco Liriano. Sure he's the best pitcher on the staff of a team that's rather desperate for starting pitching, but he's also a free-agent-to-be with a demanding agent who will probably be looking for a sizable pay day (one that we likely can't afford). Yet, there are plenty of people who would like Frankie Franchise to stick around now that he's figured out how to be consistently dangerous on the hill (Monday's Windy City debacle not withstanding). After all, with a little gum to chew, Liriano's been nigh to un-hittable. But that gum chewing is actually the biggest reason to trade the Cisco Kid. You might well ask: why does chewing gum mean we have to trade him? The answer, like the answers to all of life's important questions is in a children's book. In this case Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl: Please believe us when we say That chewing gum will never pay; This sticky habit's bound to send The chewer to a sticky end. Did any of you ever know A pitcher called Liriano?... He chewed while bathing in the tub, He chewed while dancing at the club, He chewed in church and on the bus; It really was quite ludicrous!... But then one day, he had to put the gum away (Because the umps hated the delay) And suddenly, Liriano just could not pitch, He missed the zone by two feet and an inch, The fastball slowed down, the slider didn't move As hard as he tried, he couldn't find a groove. His fans, upset, began to boo And Liriano just did not have a clue. So he served up long bombs on his way to a loss His golden arm turned to nothing but dross He had to retire, run off and hide, No teammates or fans would stand by his side Yes, never was there a tale of more woe Than this of Francisco Liriano. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q61GCu1eH2Q/UA9My8jgcNI/AAAAAAAACD8/ygZ66s1d1o8/s320/Francisco+Buregard.jpg [TD=class: tr-caption]It's repulsive, revolting and wrong; chewing and chewing all. day. long The wa-ay that a co-ow does![/TD] [/TABLE] I was just as surprised as anyone to find that a 20th century British author wrote an allusion to a 21st century Dominican pitcher, but such is the power of literary imagination that it can bring reality into being. Just be glad that we found it now rather than after he finished his "tale of woe."

The Marlins fanbase was last seen being sucked into the whirling vortex of that club out in right field. Slashing payroll may help them rebuild with young prospects, but even better: it will allow them to lower martini costs and free up payroll to bring in a Dubstep DJ! NOW THAT'S THE FOUNDATION FOR A WINNER!