Axel Kohagen

I'm happy the Twins won 8-2 over the Angels on a cold and snowy night. I'm even happy Brendan Harris got a home run for the Angels. I always had a soft spot for him when he was a Twin, even if he did find himself on the losing end of an on-field squirrel attack. Mostly, I'm thankful that tonight there was a patch of my fair city where people gathered together to watch an ordered, fair, and safe contest. More people watched the event on their televisions, and other (like me) listened on the radio. When the game was over, I know who won and who lost. I can piece together reasons why. I'm glad for all the players who take pride in what they do, and the officials and team employees who keep the game on the field a place where life makes sense. We pay billions of dollars to keep the sporting world safe from the muddiness of reality, where rules and hearts get broken. Today, in Boston, the safety of 26.2, breath control, and stamina was violated by some brand of horrible real-world business. Upsetting to everything we hold dear. Thank God that, at night, 3 strikes is an out and three outs half a inning and a lead after nine innings is a victory. My head fits nicely around these numbers. I can analyze them with people in stadiums, in bars, in living rooms, or on social media. I can keep conversations going and keep from being isolated, lonely, or scared. A baseball cap and a smile gets you a conversation on any street in this country. So thanks to all of those who keep these important games played and played right. Thoughts and prayers to those who are hurting. And get some sleep, because tomorrow we play ball again. - Axel

Zombies have already been mentioned twice on my Twins 2013 game-by-game blog. This should not surprise anyone. I mean, I'm not Mr. Cowboypants. And I guess it's not surprising the Minnesota Twins had me thinking about zombies again, although not in the same way as the last few times. The Mets' Matt Harvey took a no hitter into the seventh inning. He's a heckuva picture -- Aaron Gleeman's giddy obsession with the hurler reached photoshopping levels during the game. That said, the Twins are the kind of team who will be fending off no-hitters more than once this season. When you're a resource-depleted team lost within its own rebuilding process, you sometimes have to hole up and fight off worse indignities than simply being a below average team. Indignities like being no-hit, or getting beaten by more than ten runs, or being held scoreless. With my mind being what it is, it's hard not to picture Twins Territory barricading doors and windows as the possibility of one of these shameful moments comes lumbering back from the dead. Since it's only the eleventh game of a long season, it's time to stock up on whatever you need to get you through those games where baseball shame is tearing the game apart like a zombie horde on the prowl. Someday, the attacks will stop and the Twins will rule the Midwest again. Until then, hide out in your basement when the games go bad and don't trust Cubs fans. They always leave the doors open for more zombies to come in. It's all they know. -Axel

Zombies have already been mentioned twice on my Twins 2013 game-by-game blog. This should not surprise anyone. I mean, I'm not Mr. Cowboypants. And I guess it's not surprising the Minnesota Twins had me thinking about zombies again, although not in the same way as the last few times. The Mets' Matt Harvey took a no hitter into the seventh inning. He's a heckuva picture -- Aaron Gleeman's giddy obsession with the hurler reached photoshopping levels during the game. That said, the Twins are the kind of team who will be fending off no-hitters more than once this season. When you're a resource-depleted team lost within its own rebuilding process, you sometimes have to hole up and fight off worse indignities than simply being a below average team. Indignities like being no-hit, or getting beaten by more than ten runs, or being held scoreless. With my mind being what it is, it's hard not to picture Twins Territory barricading doors and windows as the possibility of one of these shameful moments comes lumbering back from the dead. Since it's only the eleventh game of a long season, it's time to stock up on whatever you need to get you through those games where baseball shame is tearing the game apart like a zombie horde on the prowl. Someday, the attacks will stop and the Twins will rule the Midwest again. Until then, hide out in your basement when the games go bad and don't trust Cubs fans. They always leave the doors open for more zombies to come in. It's all they know. -Axel

With a ground covered by snow and flakes drifting down from the sky, yesterday made me wonder if spring is coming again and the Twins pitchers and catchers need to report to Florida soon. A double dose of spring training couldn't hurt, right? I tuned into the game when I started in on supper, and Vance Worley had coughed up 10 runs by the time our meal was done. I had a hankering to go to that game, but when I texted the wife to see if she was down for wintery baseball game, her exact words were "Hell no!" At least the Twins had some fun with it. They handed out buttons celebrating Sprinter (spring and winter), gave out free hot chocolate and coffee, and played Christmas carols over the PA. Almost made me wish I'd gone. Then, I remember they lost 16-5. - Axel

With a ground covered by snow and flakes drifting down from the sky, yesterday made me wonder if spring is coming again and the Twins pitchers and catchers need to report to Florida soon. A double dose of spring training couldn't hurt, right? I tuned into the game when I started in on supper, and Vance Worley had coughed up 10 runs by the time our meal was done. I had a hankering to go to that game, but when I texted the wife to see if she was down for wintery baseball game, her exact words were "Hell no!" At least the Twins had some fun with it. They handed out buttons celebrating Sprinter (spring and winter), gave out free hot chocolate and coffee, and played Christmas carols over the PA. Almost made me wish I'd gone. Then, I remember they lost 16-5. - Axel

Another bland game, suffered through on a Minnesota night where the only thing worse than the grey ugliness in the sky is the twenty feet of snow coming next. The Twins didn't plate a run in a game. 11 strikes outs. Swept by the Royals. I sincerely hope we can bury this game under the snow and forget it. Earlier in my day, I enjoyed the Rue Morgue Podcast. Horror expert Andrea Subissati mentioned a Wade Davis, the ethnobiologist whose work regarding voodoo and zombies was the direct inspiration for the film The Serpent and the Rainbow. Later in the evening, another Wade Davis stood on a mound and watched zombies in red and blue come out of the visiting team's dugout. Maybe I'm just being moody, but I wonder how much more we'd have to pay for tickets to stop advertisers from sponsoring every event and nuance of a baseball game. If it's less than a buck I say we seriously considering ponying up the dough. If you weren't listening to the radio, you missed a very severe judgement of Parmalee's bunt. Provus and Gladden did not approve. The next step would have been to get a grandpa on the phone lines to say he wasn't mad at Parmalee, he was just disappointed. -- Axel

Another bland game, suffered through on a Minnesota night where the only thing worse than the grey ugliness in the sky is the twenty feet of snow coming next. The Twins didn't plate a run in a game. 11 strikes outs. Swept by the Royals. I sincerely hope we can bury this game under the snow and forget it. Earlier in my day, I enjoyed the Rue Morgue Podcast. Horror expert Andrea Subissati mentioned a Wade Davis, the ethnobiologist whose work regarding voodoo and zombies was the direct inspiration for the film The Serpent and the Rainbow. Later in the evening, another Wade Davis stood on a mound and watched zombies in red and blue come out of the visiting team's dugout. Maybe I'm just being moody, but I wonder how much more we'd have to pay for tickets to stop advertisers from sponsoring every event and nuance of a baseball game. If it's less than a buck I say we seriously considering ponying up the dough. If you weren't listening to the radio, you missed a very severe judgement of Parmalee's bunt. Provus and Gladden did not approve. The next step would have been to get a grandpa on the phone lines to say he wasn't mad at Parmalee, he was just disappointed. -- Axel

With the evening pre-booked, I monitored this Twins game from my cell phone while revisiting cherished David Cronenberg movies from years past. At least, I started to. After it took me days to scroll down through MLB At Bat listings for Mike Pelfrey's first inning, there was no need to devote excessive brain power to watching the Twins continue their swirl down the drain. Three home runs was nice, though. Monitoring the game on your phone is as close as you can come to watching the game while still feeling like you're missing out on absolutely everything. Hard to boo a telephone, and it's even harder to cheer it. Pump your fist twice to cheer, slap your thigh once to boo. Enjoy your life in the material world. Hoping to catch a full game with my eyes sometime soon, maybe even at Target Field. -Axel

With the evening pre-booked, I monitored this Twins game from my cell phone while revisiting cherished David Cronenberg movies from years past. At least, I started to. After it took me days to scroll down through MLB At Bat listings for Mike Pelfrey's first inning, there was no need to devote excessive brain power to watching the Twins continue their swirl down the drain. Three home runs was nice, though. Monitoring the game on your phone is as close as you can come to watching the game while still feeling like you're missing out on absolutely everything. Hard to boo a telephone, and it's even harder to cheer it. Pump your fist twice to cheer, slap your thigh once to boo. Enjoy your life in the material world. Hoping to catch a full game with my eyes sometime soon, maybe even at Target Field. -Axel

I caught the beginning of the Twins/Royals game on my car radio. I parked to catch the first pitch and enjoy shivering memories of watching the Evil Dead remake in the theater. The movie was good, and I finally experienced my horror lover's no-hitter: I watched a scary movie in a theater all by myself. That's right - in a theater devoid of all other human beings. That's a good'n to watch solo, too. If the creepy noises don't get you squirming, the over-the-top gore will have you wiggling in your seat. When you've got the whole place to yourselves, it seems like something dead is whispering right in your ear. They should've given me a game ball. Life on the baseball diamond seemed an awful lot happier than it was for young actors in cabins. My guy Ryan Doumit knocked in a first inning run. My joy was short lived when Doumit erased himself from the base paths with some bad running. Still, a 1 run first inning seemed like a sign this would be a bad day for Royals Pitcher Ervin Santana. Next thing you know, I'm getting back in my car to find out Santana clenched his jaw and shut the Twins down after that inning. Even with Correia pitching a great game, the Twins couldn't get through Santana to notch another victory. At least the team is still over .500. For today. By the way, the original Evil Dead came out in 1981, the Twins' last year in the Met. And if the Twins tank, I might have Target Field to myself before the year is done. -Axel

I caught the beginning of the Twins/Royals game on my car radio. I parked to catch the first pitch and enjoy shivering memories of watching the Evil Dead remake in the theater. The movie was good, and I finally experienced my horror lover's no-hitter: I watched a scary movie in a theater all by myself. That's right - in a theater devoid of all other human beings. That's a good'n to watch solo, too. If the creepy noises don't get you squirming, the over-the-top gore will have you wiggling in your seat. When you've got the whole place to yourselves, it seems like something dead is whispering right in your ear. They should've given me a game ball. Life on the baseball diamond seemed an awful lot happier than it was for young actors in cabins. My guy Ryan Doumit knocked in a first inning run. My joy was short lived when Doumit erased himself from the base paths with some bad running. Still, a 1 run first inning seemed like a sign this would be a bad day for Royals Pitcher Ervin Santana. Next thing you know, I'm getting back in my car to find out Santana clenched his jaw and shut the Twins down after that inning. Even with Correia pitching a great game, the Twins couldn't get through Santana to notch another victory. At least the team is still over .500. For today. By the way, the original Evil Dead came out in 1981, the Twins' last year in the Met. And if the Twins tank, I might have Target Field to myself before the year is done. -Axel

With one week of 2013 in the books, the Twins have won their first two series of the year and boast a 4-2 record. The mechanism powering these victories seems to rely on the team getting a few lucky bounces per game. If the team doesn't find some stable slugging and more dependable fielding, this burst of good fortune may give way to a mudslide of loss and despair. The real star of Sunday's 4-3 victory of the Twins was Carly Rae Jepsen. The "Call Me Maybe" threw out the first pitch for the game and, if the social media I follow was any indication, America has not soured on the singer after her song burned itself into the country's gray matter. Twins Daily mainstay Parker Hageman seemed exceptionally bewitched by the singer. Even former Twin Dan Gladden got into the action. Cory Provus took a break from calling the game to give his radio partner's dance to "Call Me Maybe" a glowing review. Gladden gave the credit to his daughters, but I expect the music was in him all along. So fickle fame hasn't left Carly Rae behind, and maybe the equally fickle baseball gods have not yet abandoned the Minnesota Twins. Who knows what Week Two will bring? -Axel

With one week of 2013 in the books, the Twins have won their first two series of the year and boast a 4-2 record. The mechanism powering these victories seems to rely on the team getting a few lucky bounces per game. If the team doesn't find some stable slugging and more dependable fielding, this burst of good fortune may give way to a mudslide of loss and despair. The real star of Sunday's 4-3 victory of the Twins was Carly Rae Jepsen. The "Call Me Maybe" threw out the first pitch for the game and, if the social media I follow was any indication, America has not soured on the singer after her song burned itself into the country's gray matter. Twins Daily mainstay Parker Hageman seemed exceptionally bewitched by the singer. Even former Twin Dan Gladden got into the action. Cory Provus took a break from calling the game to give his radio partner's dance to "Call Me Maybe" a glowing review. Gladden gave the credit to his daughters, but I expect the music was in him all along. So fickle fame hasn't left Carly Rae behind, and maybe the equally fickle baseball gods have not yet abandoned the Minnesota Twins. Who knows what Week Two will bring? -Axel

Didn't listen to the Twins game. Had the chance to see the Timberwolves play, and I was lucky enough to see the game where Coach Adelman got his 1000 career victory. The Twins won, too. In our social media world, you never miss the baseball game. My friend and I tuned into it on the radio on the car ride to the game, when things still seemed sluggish for the team in blue. I learned they had taken the lead from a Twins tweet texted directly to my phone, and I learned the game was tied up when my friend checked the Internet. When we left a little early due to a impending migraine behind my right eye, a TV screen confirmed the score was tied. Just before I reclined on my couch to rest in the dark, my friend texted me the Twins won. Anymore, the bleachers at a baseball game extend upwards through the airwaves, into infinity. If your heart and soul are filled with baseball, you're always at the game. Restaurants become concessions stands. Bystanders become fans. I can't help falling in love with a world like that. -Axel

Didn't listen to the Twins game. Had the chance to see the Timberwolves play, and I was lucky enough to see the game where Coach Adelman got his 1000 career victory. The Twins won, too. In our social media world, you never miss the baseball game. My friend and I tuned into it on the radio on the car ride to the game, when things still seemed sluggish for the team in blue. I learned they had taken the lead from a Twins tweet texted directly to my phone, and I learned the game was tied up when my friend checked the Internet. When we left a little early due to a impending migraine behind my right eye, a TV screen confirmed the score was tied. Just before I reclined on my couch to rest in the dark, my friend texted me the Twins won. Anymore, the bleachers at a baseball game extend upwards through the airwaves, into infinity. If your heart and soul are filled with baseball, you're always at the game. Restaurants become concessions stands. Bystanders become fans. I can't help falling in love with a world like that. -Axel

A day after imaging a Twins path to the playoffs, everything awful I was expecting from the team showed up for 9 innings of baseball. Mauer didn't get a hit. The starting pitcher didn't go 5 innings. The bullpen gave out like a bad back. To top it off, the sky filled with snow while the game was on. I didn't catch much of this one - just enough to give me the idea that Liam Hendriks might be a threat to my blood pressure this year. Snow after opening day is like getting your Christmas list torn up and drizzled over your head. Let's see what they bring to the field tomorrow, huh? - Axel

A day after imaging a Twins path to the playoffs, everything awful I was expecting from the team showed up for 9 innings of baseball. Mauer didn't get a hit. The starting pitcher didn't go 5 innings. The bullpen gave out like a bad back. To top it off, the sky filled with snow while the game was on. I didn't catch much of this one - just enough to give me the idea that Liam Hendriks might be a threat to my blood pressure this year. Snow after opening day is like getting your Christmas list torn up and drizzled over your head. Let's see what they bring to the field tomorrow, huh? - Axel

As Twins broadcast signs off and repeats the 8-2 score, my thoughts turn to a Minnesota Twins playoff run. Don't blame me. I tried to smother them in cynicism and reality. The Twins just have to win games ugly and scrappy for this first third of the season. It's going to take cold weather, weird heroes, and relentless scrappiness. In that time, they sort out their pitching staff. If they can come up with 3 above-average pitchers and then they can grind out some victories. It's not much, but it's what I came up with. I've got the spoon I stole from despair's kitchen and I've picked out a section of wall to start tunneling through. I'll order my poster of Rita Hayworth in the morning. First professional hit for Aaron Hicks. Willingham and Plouffe hit homers in the same game. The bullpen holds the whole thing together and picks up a poor outing from Roenicke. It's easy to forget the beginning of the game, which was filled with errors and Twins batters going three up, three down, in the Rhythm of Failure. Listened to the whole game on the radio and followed along with the Twitter gossip. In the middle of the game, word spread that film critic and writer Roger Ebert had passed away. Game reports came in mixed with reactions of saddened admirers. His death isn't connected to baseball except for the timing of the announcement. Baseball seasons have a way of absorbing the history around them. -Axel

As Twins broadcast signs off and repeats the 8-2 score, my thoughts turn to a Minnesota Twins playoff run. Don't blame me. I tried to smother them in cynicism and reality. The Twins just have to win games ugly and scrappy for this first third of the season. It's going to take cold weather, weird heroes, and relentless scrappiness. In that time, they sort out their pitching staff. If they can come up with 3 above-average pitchers and then they can grind out some victories. It's not much, but it's what I came up with. I've got the spoon I stole from despair's kitchen and I've picked out a section of wall to start tunneling through. I'll order my poster of Rita Hayworth in the morning. First professional hit for Aaron Hicks. Willingham and Plouffe hit homers in the same game. The bullpen holds the whole thing together and picks up a poor outing from Roenicke. It's easy to forget the beginning of the game, which was filled with errors and Twins batters going three up, three down, in the Rhythm of Failure. Listened to the whole game on the radio and followed along with the Twitter gossip. In the middle of the game, word spread that film critic and writer Roger Ebert had passed away. Game reports came in mixed with reactions of saddened admirers. His death isn't connected to baseball except for the timing of the announcement. Baseball seasons have a way of absorbing the history around them. -Axel

I missed most of this game. I got into my car in time to hear Glen Perkins get all Mama Said Knock You Out on the top half of the ninth. My hopes went up, and Plouffe got on base right as I parked my car. By the time I got inside and let the dog out, the Twins won on a walk-off double from Eduardo Escobar. I thought about tuning into the game for the post-game celebration but, when you miss the moment, you miss the moment. From what I heard of the game, music at Target Field sounds like someone put a mic by a cell phone left in the hands of an 8 year old. Can anyone confirm this is true? When you don't get to see the games - or even hear all of them - Twitter is where you go for your post game celebration. Everyone has to mention it's been a long time since the Twins have been at .500. Then we dissect Roy Smalley's hair, which is an activity that happens far more regularly. Wish I could've been there to sing "Mother" when Ryan Doumit walked up today. It's his birthday, and I like to think he would appreciate that. Now that the Twins have won one game, I'm convinced they can make the playoffs if they just try hard enough. At least I know enough to be embarrassed of myself. - Axel

I missed most of this game. I got into my car in time to hear Glen Perkins get all Mama Said Knock You Out on the top half of the ninth. My hopes went up, and Plouffe got on base right as I parked my car. By the time I got inside and let the dog out, the Twins won on a walk-off double from Eduardo Escobar. I thought about tuning into the game for the post-game celebration but, when you miss the moment, you miss the moment. From what I heard of the game, music at Target Field sounds like someone put a mic by a cell phone left in the hands of an 8 year old. Can anyone confirm this is true? When you don't get to see the games - or even hear all of them - Twitter is where you go for your post game celebration. Everyone has to mention it's been a long time since the Twins have been at .500. Then we dissect Roy Smalley's hair, which is an activity that happens far more regularly. Wish I could've been there to sing "Mother" when Ryan Doumit walked up today. It's his birthday, and I like to think he would appreciate that. Now that the Twins have won one game, I'm convinced they can make the playoffs if they just try hard enough. At least I know enough to be embarrassed of myself. - Axel

When I sat down in my home office and turned on the Nationals game to hear how Denard Span did with his new team, the sun was friendly and my view was mostly free from snow. By the time I got in my car and tuned into the Twins game, all I could see were piles of snow and gloomy skies. Gray is the official color of being down by two runs. The Twins must have settled in after that, but when I got back in my car I listened to them waste a bases loaded opportunity. Duensing came in and I winced. I was right to wince. At least Mauer seems ready to rumble. Listening in, it sounded like Dozier was a little off, but that might just be a by-product of my gray mood. I did my part. I put up my Twins stained glass and wore my lucky Joe Nathan shirsey (first shirsey I ever bought). I even put on my Twins socks. They're a newer part of the ritual, but they're very important. Last night Game of Thrones started a new season and The Walking Dead finished up a season. I came home listening to Sisters of Mercy cheer on the apocalypse from my car stereo. It hit me that when we picture the apocalypse or medieval times, we tend to imagine ourselves as heroes or villains. Somebody has to be the soldier who dies without fanfare, or the zombie brained without a second thought. You can't have heroes without filling the battlefield with cannon fodder. On a gray day like today, it's hard not wonder if we're signing on to cheer for cannon fonder - zombies with TCs on their heads. Maybe I'm being too hard on the team. It's only April. The days will get less gray. -Axel

When I sat down in my home office and turned on the Nationals game to hear how Denard Span did with his new team, the sun was friendly and my view was mostly free from snow. By the time I got in my car and tuned into the Twins game, all I could see were piles of snow and gloomy skies. Gray is the official color of being down by two runs. The Twins must have settled in after that, but when I got back in my car I listened to them waste a bases loaded opportunity. Duensing came in and I winced. I was right to wince. At least Mauer seems ready to rumble. Listening in, it sounded like Dozier was a little off, but that might just be a by-product of my gray mood. I did my part. I put up my Twins stained glass and wore my lucky Joe Nathan shirsey (first shirsey I ever bought). I even put on my Twins socks. They're a newer part of the ritual, but they're very important. Last night Game of Thrones started a new season and The Walking Dead finished up a season. I came home listening to Sisters of Mercy cheer on the apocalypse from my car stereo. It hit me that when we picture the apocalypse or medieval times, we tend to imagine ourselves as heroes or villains. Somebody has to be the soldier who dies without fanfare, or the zombie brained without a second thought. You can't have heroes without filling the battlefield with cannon fodder. On a gray day like today, it's hard not wonder if we're signing on to cheer for cannon fonder - zombies with TCs on their heads. Maybe I'm being too hard on the team. It's only April. The days will get less gray. -Axel

The Twins take the field tomorrow for the first time in 2013's regular season. It'd be an awful lot easier to find some hope for the year if the snow wasn't so stubborn in getting off of my lawn. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to record my impression of every Twins baseball game on this, my TwinsDaily blog. I'm taking a page from Stephen King and Stewart O'Nan, who documented a Red Sox season in their book Faithful. Red Sox won the World Series when they wrote that book. I'm not holding my breath. This blog isn't going to be filled with insider information. We've canceled the cable at our house and I work a lot of evenings. I cheer for the Twins on the radio and through the Internet. I can't separate the way the home town 9 are playing from the way the city is living. Hopefully, these 162 blog entries will tell a tale of a Twins Cities summer on and off the diamond. Side note: When did it become so damned hard to watch a baseball game on my TV? If you're interested in keeping up, I'm tagging each entry #TwinsinStereo (since I'm listening to the games on the radio of course). Follow along. -Axel

The Twins take the field tomorrow for the first time in 2013's regular season. It'd be an awful lot easier to find some hope for the year if the snow wasn't so stubborn in getting off of my lawn. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to record my impression of every Twins baseball game on this, my TwinsDaily blog. I'm taking a page from Stephen King and Stewart O'Nan, who documented a Red Sox season in their book Faithful. Red Sox won the World Series when they wrote that book. I'm not holding my breath. This blog isn't going to be filled with insider information. We've canceled the cable at our house and I work a lot of evenings. I cheer for the Twins on the radio and through the Internet. I can't separate the way the home town 9 are playing from the way the city is living. Hopefully, these 162 blog entries will tell a tale of a Twins Cities summer on and off the diamond. Side note: When did it become so damned hard to watch a baseball game on my TV? If you're interested in keeping up, I'm tagging each entry #TwinsinStereo (since I'm listening to the games on the radio of course). Follow along. -Axel