Denard Span
Spaaaaaan… There’s a reason you don’t play in Japaaaaaan… I assume it was a mostly logistical decision because Japanese work permits are notoriously difficult to procuuurrre…
Spaaaaaan… better than Staaaaaan… that is to say that Denard is both a better ballplayer and human being than my jerk of a stepfather Staaaaaan…
Jason Kubel
Kuuubeeel… You’re worth every Ruuubeeel… If we were to pay you in Russian currency that iiisss…
Michael Cuddyer
Cuuudddy… You’re my buuudddy… by that I mean that while we don’t know each other personally I am knowledgeable of intimate details of your life because I’m stalking you and think we would make good friiieeends…
Ryan Doumit
Doooumiiit… Not afraid to cooomiiit… To hitting balls that is… I have no idea about your personal life but I can only assume you have less relationship trouble than myseeelllf… Namely sub-conciously self-sabotaging relaaationshiiips…
Alexi Casilla
Casiiillaaa… You’re definitely not vaniiillaaa (pronounced vuh-knee-uh)…unlike my sex life which has definitely gotten more tame since my wife and I decided to have kiiiiiids…
This originally appeared on my Ich Bin Ein Berliner blog.
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