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  1. Sad
    TwinsDr2021 reacted to RandBalls Stu for an article, Locals React to Wednesday Rout of Yankees   
    Jimmy Trueheart, Young Child with Fear and Distant Wonder in His Eyes: Papa told me that sometimes good things happen to bad people. When we beat the Yankees to death and left them screaming on the side of a gravel road on Wednesday night, I asked Papa, “Are we the bad people now?” Papa said, “No, son. Some folks deserve to scream on the side of a gravel road on a Wednesday night. The sinner reaps that which he sows. A great culling awaits. Mostly for (The Athletic’s Aaron) Gleeman.” I like chocolate.
    Fred Marsters, Frequent Internet Commenter: Why are people happy? They’ve lost one million games to the Yankees. Enjoying one victory, much less anything ever, betrays an obvious lack of critical thinking or needed context. My wife left me.
    Collin Roberts, Usher: Watching Yankees fans file out of the stadium, reeking of imported cologne and $14 domestic lagers, has convinced me to return to church this Sunday.
    Rocco Baldelli, Manager: So everyone talks about the Phish Halloween shows as being for newbies to the whole Phish experience, but I always say the more the merrier. It’s a communal vibe. They’re for everyone. Listen to the 1994 show where they do the White Album. Glen Falls. It’s a whole ‘nother level, brother. ‘Glass Onion’ alone is price of admission stuff. What were we talking about again? Oh, yeah, Yankees. Good win, guys did great.
    Dana Wessel, FM Radio Personality: Remember when the lawyer in Jurassic Park got ate? My dude was on the toilet! Chompjection, your honor!
    Terry Nelson, Suburban Hockey Fan from Blaine or Woodbury: I heard thugs check your ID at the Target Field gate to make sure you’re woke enough to attend a game and if they don’t mug you on the spot, they let you in, but still burn your car and make your daughters listen to hip-hop. My penis doesn’t work, and it has never worked.
    Winston, a Black Lab Dog: My owners were high-fiving the entire night and killed an entire box of wine. I saw a squirrel outside the bay window in the 6th inning who was clearly an immediate threat, and the owners chose to kennel me and continue watching the game. Humans are a mystery to me. Squirrels must die.
    Glenn Hauer, Longtime Twins Fan: I enjoyed it 100% because if history is any guide, the Yankees will resume crushing our hopes and dreams on Thursday.
  2. Yikes
    TwinsDr2021 reacted to RandBalls Stu for an article, Worst Doctor We Can Find Thinks Unvaccinated Twins Are Getting a Raw Deal   
    Multiple unvaccinated Twins players must sit out this weekend’s series in Toronto due to Canada’s COVID policies. While the medical community almost universally hails the efficacy of the vaccines, the worst doctor we could find thinks the Twins are getting a raw deal.
    Dr. Gary Van Lowe, a retired family physician from Chanhassen, says the players (Max Kepler, Caleb Thielbar, Emilio Pagan, and Trevor Megill)  are probably in better shape than their vaccinated teammates.
    “I was doing my own research just this morning,” said Van Lowe, “And realvaccinetruth.biz said the vaccines have little microchips in them that allows the government to turn you into a human microwave. I got right up off the toilet to see if any of that was in the newspaper. Not a word.”
    The 61-year-old, whose frequent malpractice settlements earned him the nickname “Mal” from Fairview Southdale's attorneys, said the lack of further media coverage points to a larger conspiracy.
    “I don’t think they’re doing this just to screw over the Twins in a critical road series,” said Van Lowe, nursing his “seventh or eighth” Mich Golden Light on the 17th tee box at Deer Run in Victoria. “Could it be to mess with the Vikings and Wild, too? Good luck finding that out in the Red Star (sic) from Michael Bland (sic).”
    Van Lowe, who left medicine in 2015 after a series of lurid sexual harassment accusations from fellow doctors, nurses, and the entire front of house staff at the Eden Prairie Buca di Beppo, now runs a medical consultancy firm for insurance companies looking to deny benefits.
    “The jury is still out on this vaccine,” he said, wobbling over a putt on 17. “All I know is that Betty White was perfectly healthy before she got the jab. Makes you think.”
    Van Lowe ended the interview in order to ask the beer cart driver if she needed a ride home.
  3. WTF
    TwinsDr2021 reacted to Ted Schwerzler for an article, What Do the Twins Save on Missed Baseball?   
    The financial impact of the lockout and CBA issues have primarily been the most contentious points. Players are looking to secure stronger futures for the next generation, while owners are looking to stretch their return on investment even further. We’ve been fed the notion that losses were substantial in 2020, and potentially even 2021, due to Covid, but I’m guessing the reality lies closer to a decrease in revenues.
    With the assumption that these astute business people are not operating castle appreciating organizations in the red, they’re likely seeing this round of negotiating as a way to recoup some of those revenues. That would’ve been the case in 2020 when just a 60-game prorated portion of salaries was paid. MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred imposed that season instead of the league agreeing with the union to the longest season possible. It’s no secret that owners rake in their largest payouts from the postseason, and so a blueprint of reduced regular-season games would always stand to benefit those at the top.
    Specifically for 2022, I wondered what the Minnesota Twins would be pocketing due to this shutdown. As of now, owners are arguing that canceled games will result in lost pay for players or no back pay on their salaries. Baseball-Reference and Spotrac currently have the Pohlad’s doling out an estimated $85 million for 2022. 
    A traditional MLB calendar is defined as 186 days long, with 172 required for a full year of service. That regular-season calendar was set to begin on March 31, 2022. At this point, Rob Manfred has canceled the first two series of the season, and it seems a good bet more are coming. At $85 million, the Pohlad’s save roughly $456k per day wiped off the calendar. Seven days into the canceled action, they’ve already been able to pocket $3.198 million. We’re getting to a point where the month of April looks to be in jeopardy as a whole. In that scenario, 31 calendar days will have been torn up, a savings of $14.16 million.
    What we’re getting at here is undoubtedly a logical assessment of what we’ve been told. The group of owners dug in on monetary issues may definitely be looking at the first month as an opportunity to cut losses. Most organizations have not filled out their rosters and have more to spend in doing so, but that significant reduction in costs would undoubtedly help them lick the wounds suggested in previous seasons. Assuming reports of rebates being unnecessary to Regional Sports Networks (RSN) if less than 25 games are canceled, it’s a perfect storm.
    The sentiment that ownership is primarily out to maximize profits has been there for quite some time. As bad of a figurehead as Rob Manfred is, he’s representative of the wishes his owners are pursuing. Right now, it certainly looks plausible that the group is going for the least amount of action they need to pay for, with the most significant amount they earn on. As fans, we all lose, and some have even funded this venture by offering interest on dollars paid for season tickets or Spring Training games that were never going to occur. It’s certainly possible none of this is desired, and it’s all just a byproduct of a nasty work stoppage instituted by the league. Maybe the union will negotiate back pay for the players. Right now, though, I’d be against any owner going on record with their intentions, and we’re left to connect the dots.
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  4. Like
    TwinsDr2021 reacted to Matt Braun for an article, The Twins Have Failed Josh Donaldson   
    Certainly, Josh Donaldson cannot be the one to blame for the putrid 2021 season; that existed outside of his sphere of influence. Unless he secretly siphoned off all the talent from the pitching staff while bullying Max Kepler by placing pictures of his BABIP in his locker before every game, the disastrous year should not be attributed to him. In fact, I would argue that he did exactly what the team asked of him. His somewhat disappointing 124 wRC+ masks batted ball data that suggests he should have hit at an MVP level in 2021. If those balls allude outfielders like they were supposed to, then we’re talking about Donaldson as a tragic hero, an excellent performer stuck on a bad team. 
    Click the link and you'll see enough red to give Senator Joseph McCarthy a heart attack. His xwOBA is right in line with his peak years on the Toronto Blue Jays—some better luck would have altered the season and turned the Twins from bad to... still pretty bad, but with a better third baseman. Ultimately, his batted-ball numbers change little about the team as a whole, but it does improve Donaldson's footing; perhaps the vitriol of fans washes over him if his wRC+ is upped by 30-40 points.
    But those balls didn’t safely land in the grass. They were caught. And the team stunk. And stats disagree on his defense. And the team stunk.
    So, now we’re halfway through a contract that was supposed to represent a changing tide for the Twins organization, and all there is to show for it is a playoff series sweep at the hands of the Houston Astros, a series that Donaldson did not participate in. The conversation has moved on from discussing Donaldson as the veteran that will lead the Twins to higher greatness. Now we ask whether or not his contract should be dumped onto some rich team like the Mets so that we can warm the seat for Jose Miranda, Austin Martin, or another prospect who represents the soft rebuild the team is inevitably embracing. Funny how much two years can change things. 
    But none of this is his fault.
    It’s somewhat odd, really, that the team failed solidly in 2021, yet the big-name free agent signing was not the reason for such disaster. Donaldson did as we expected, or, to play off the words of the great Dennis Green; he was who we thought he was. He hit well, made headlines for comments made outside of the diamond, made headlines for comments made inside of the diamond, was told to meet Lucas Giolito outside, met Lucas Giolito outside, and, ultimately, flashed a level of showmanship possibly unmatched in franchise history. If you’re the type who is unimpressed by xwOBA, BABIP, or any other vaguely medicinal-sounding advanced stat, you at least can’t argue that Donaldson has brought entertainment to the team. 
    I don’t know if Josh Donaldson will be on the Twins for the 2022 season. The front office has played their cards close to their hand as usual; after the lockout ends, I could wake up to the headline that the team signed Trevor Story and be just as surprised had I woke up to see that they dealt Jorge Polanco. The Twins under Derek Falvey and Thad Levine relish refusing to act until they absolutely must—a bowl is most useful when it is empty, after all. 
    If Donaldson remains, he will be left as the eldest leader of a currently youthful squad—just three players currently on the 40-man roster were born during the Reagan administration. The team would have to rebound dramatically to make good on the promises made following the 2019 season. If the Twins decide to trade him, then I can say for sure that it was the team that failed Donaldson, not the other way around. I hope the biggest free-agent signing in franchise history gets the chance to lead a legendary Twins squad properly, but the real world is not as poetic as hopes and dreams; wrongs cannot be righted by the whims of an author and the randomness of life can often spoil even the prettiest of visions.
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