https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/page/9/?d=1News: Minnesota Twins Satireenhttps://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/for-third-year-in-a-row-minnesota-twins-season-ticket-rep-named-worlds-toughest-job-r18974/Katie McKinney has had better days. “When the Pohlads put out the statement that they weren’t selling the team on Wednesday, I was about to start my 8-hour shift of calling and e-mailing lapsed season ticket holders,” said McKinney, 24, of Eden Prairie. “I didn’t know people had that many d...18974Fri, 15 Aug 2025 12:11:02 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-bullpen-now-just-guys-you-went-to-high-school-with-r18942/Ashley Magnuson is a Twins fan. And like other diehards, she’s been following the aftermath of Minnesota’s trade deadline demolition closely. But even she was not prepared for what she saw this week. “I think I went to prom with that guy,” she remarked to her friends on Wednesday as Brooks...18942Fri, 08 Aug 2025 10:17:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-announce-sweeping-front-office-extensions-following-deadline-falvey-named-king-emperor-r18884/MINNEAPOLIS — In a bold move to cement their organizational identity of baffling inertia, the Minnesota Twins announced a sweeping series of contract extensions for front office and coaching personnel Friday, following a deadline talent purge that subtracted 40% of the active roster. Derek...18884Sat, 02 Aug 2025 14:04:02 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/pohlads-%E2%80%98furious-at-not-being-able-to-trade-commercial-real-estate-holdings-r18874/A disappointing post-All-Star-break record led the Minnesota Twins to make a remarkable number of transactions this week. Most notably, they traded elite closer Jhoan Duran to Philadelphia for two top Phillies prospects and sent shortstop Carlos Correa back to Houston. While the team waving...18874Fri, 01 Aug 2025 12:10:02 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-hold-solemn-phone-flashlight-vigil-in-remembrance-of-jhoan-duran-r18867/“It's what he would've wanted,” said little Suzie Romero, a six-year-old from St. Paul who made the trek to Target Field after news broke of her favorite player being traded away from the Twins. “Wherever you are, Jhoan, I hope you can see this.” She then illuminated the flashlight on her i...18867Thu, 31 Jul 2025 14:42:01 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/trade-deadline-twins-acquire-gently-used-couch-on-facebook-marketplace-r18810/With rampant speculation about what, if any, path the Minnesota Twins will take as the trade deadline action ramps up, the team surprised fans and media alike with an unexpected acquisition on Wednesday: A couch. “The couch in Rocco's (Baldelli, Twins manager) office has needed an upgrade f...18810Fri, 25 Jul 2025 12:13:01 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/man-born-before-interstate-highway-system-outraged-by-all-star-tie-all-other-new-things-r18765/Edwin Hoesch watched Tuesday’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game the way he watches most of his programs: Sitting in his well-worn recliner with a glass of tap water and the volume turned up punishingly high. And he didn’t like what he saw or heard. “A tie game? In baseball? Because of th...18765Fri, 18 Jul 2025 12:13:02 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/rejected-trade-offers-for-twins-all-star-joe-ryan-r18757/Below is a rundown of six different trade offers that the Twins have received for their rotation superstar, Joe Ryan. It was leaked when Sweet Lou Hennessy was accidentally included in a Signal group chat with top decision-makers within the Twins’ baseball operations department. The Twins have d...18757Thu, 17 Jul 2025 15:09:01 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-double-down-on-roster-stagnation-why-trade-talent-or-upgrade-when-you-can-just-wait-r18710/[Ed. note: Though we added the sarcasm filter here, I feel a need to make clear at the top that the quotes herein are not real. Sometimes, when I feel that compulsion, it requires the piece to be rewritten; good satire should require minimal explanation. In this particular case, I feel the onus...18710Tue, 15 Jul 2025 15:29:02 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-to-return-to-office-three-days-a-week-r18707/With many local businesses (Target, 3M) and the State of Minnesota requiring employees to return to the office either part- or full-time, the Minnesota Twins announced Thursday that players would be required to work in-person three days a week. Remote work would still be allowed twice weekly....18707Fri, 11 Jul 2025 12:16:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-analytics-team-discovers-groundbreaking-metric-%E2%80%98runs-r18656/In a stunning revelation set to shake the very foundation of baseball operations, the Minnesota Twins front office has reportedly discovered a revolutionary new metric known as “runs.” According to insiders at Target Field, this cutting-edge stat measures how often a player crosses home plate, c...18656Wed, 09 Jul 2025 12:12:01 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-trade-deadline-targets-r18652/Even after a brutal series loss to the lowly Miami Marlins, the Twins are not out of the American League Wild Card chase. But with glaringly obvious needs like an impact bat or rotation help likely to go unfilled due to the team’s purgatorial ownership status, they’ll have to improve on the marg...18652Fri, 04 Jul 2025 13:10:02 +0000