https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/page/39/?d=1News: Minnesota Twins Satireenhttps://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/talking-yourself-into-homer-bailey-and-rich-hill-a-primer-r8789/Still, it’s a good month and a half until pitchers and catchers report, and absent a Josh Donaldson signing or a franchise-altering trade, you have a grim winter stretch ahead of you. You’ll need to start talking yourself into Bailey and Hill being the saviors this rotation so desperately needs. H...8789Fri, 03 Jan 2020 05:00:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/grown-man-asks-santa-claus-for-starting-pitching-r8768/“You know how in some department stores at the mall they have a little table and mailbox for writing letters to Santa,” said Moen. “I didn’t see an age limit sign anywhere, so I grabbed a blue crayon and got to work.” Moen, who admits that he was previously very skeptical of the portly saint’s exi...8768Fri, 27 Dec 2019 12:00:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/suggestions-for-attracting-free-agents-to-the-minnesota-twins-r8750/Put some good-ass snacks in the dish at the front desk. You know how when you go to a bigshot corporate office the receptionist has a bowl of, like, Jolly Ranchers or Life Savers at the main desk? Oh. Great. Thanks. But how about when it’s like whole candy bars or cold Gatorade or chicken fingers...8750Fri, 20 Dec 2019 13:50:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/the-five-stages-of-twins-free-agency-grief-r8726/DENIAL (Twins fans on Monday): “They’re not really going to stand pat. They’re playing the long game. Those guys know what they’re doing, and they have a plan. They know there are holes to fill, they know the money is there to fill them, and they’ll improve what is already a playoff team into some...8726Fri, 13 Dec 2019 13:08:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/local-uncle-eager-to-blame-quiet-twins-offseason-on-joe-mauer-r8699/[NOTE: This was written prior to reports of a possible Michael Pineda deal. Please ignore that for the purposes of these locally-made, handcrafted jokes.] “He just had a post on Facebook that said ‘Bet the Pohlads had a balloon payment due to Mauer but good luck getting the media to report it’ or...8699Fri, 06 Dec 2019 13:00:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/gibson%E2%80%99s-departure-throws-your-dad%E2%80%99s-preseason-banter-into-turmoil-r8679/As of Wednesday, the latter is in flux. Gibson signed a 3-year, $30 million deal with the Texas Rangers after spending his entire career with the Twins organization. Your dad’s opinion on the matter was hard to gauge in a brief pre-Thanksgiving phone call. “He was more upset about the city plowing...8679Fri, 29 Nov 2019 13:36:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/fears-of-white-sox-competency-alarm-local-fans-r8661/“I don’t understand, mom,” said 6-year-old Aaron Sillman to his mother. “You said the White Sox were dog poop, like the Tigers. But worse, like Tigers diarrhea.” Joelle Sillman didn’t have a good answer. “I mean, I barely remember yesterday, much less when they won the World Series with A.J. (Pier...8661Fri, 22 Nov 2019 15:20:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/holiday-gift-ideas-for-baseball-fans-r8635/Houston Astros Home Security You and your family deserve to feel safe in your own home. Let baseball’s Houston Astros get to work. State-of-the-art surveillance technology and bleeding-edge customer service are the hallmarks of HAHS. The best part: There are no costly set-up fees because they’ve a...8635Fri, 15 Nov 2019 12:54:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/twins-fan-can%E2%80%99t-shake-feeling-that-team-will-sign-kevin-correia-r8611/Now, though, he’s not so sure. “What if they sign Kevin Correia,” asked the Circle Pines educator. “What if the only improvement is Kevin Correia?” Correia, who has not pitched in the majors since 2015, was signed by the Twins to a 2-year, $10 million deal in 2013 to bolster one of the league’s wo...8611Fri, 08 Nov 2019 13:05:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/ron-gardenhire-asks-what-the-rules-are-for-yelling-at-robots-r8586/High-profile blown calls and ridiculous strike zones in the 2019 playoffs have only enhanced the call for robot umpires. One “old school” MLB manager accepts that something needs to be done. However, he urges caution. “I just need to know this: can I yell at the robots?” asked Detroit Tigers manag...8586Fri, 01 Nov 2019 11:11:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/dark-forces-aligned-against-twins-39there-is-no-offseason39-r8562/Minnesota’s inglorious playoff exit this October had no small share of culprits, but the dark forces aligned against the Twins want to make it clear: the unjuiced playoff baseball was a key factor. “Given their lack of pitching depth and a very patient Yankees lineup, we knew they had an uphill ba...8562Fri, 25 Oct 2019 11:55:00 +0000https://twinsdaily.com/news-rumors/just-for-fun/exclusive-twins-looking-to-replace-tc-bear-with-real-live-bear-r8539/Twins Daily has learned that the Minnesota Twins plan to replace the human who portrayed beloved fake bear TC with a real, live bear. “It’s no secret that baseball’s fan base is aging, and we need to appeal to a younger crowd if we want to grow the sport,” said Twins GM Thad Levine. “The market re...8539Fri, 18 Oct 2019 11:55:00 +0000