1. Top Non-Trump News Story (Or Stories) from Yesterday:
Rosanne returned to broadcast television on ABC Tuesday Night with back to back episodes and the show was welcomed by 18 million viewers. NBC quickly noticed the ratings and has decided to cash in on the nostalgia wave by ordering 10 Episodes of H.R. Pufnstuf.
It was reported that Russian Double Agent Sergei Skripal and his daughter may have been victims of door poisoning. Russia has come a long way since Rasputin; they have been practicing the poisoning of Doors technique since 1969. It wasn’t fatal back then but it did produce a severe lack in judgement which resulted in “The Soft Parade”.
2. Our Twins:
The Twins are not overwhelmingly strong in any department but they are not overwhelmingly weak in any department, and for the first time… since… ever… the Twins have enough starting pitching depth where they don’t have to tolerate sub-par performances from anybody. They have a stable of arms in Rochester that can take over for injuries or struggles, this also applies to the bullpen. At the plate, I’ve seen lineup projections from experts with Buxton in the 8 spot in the order and this suggests a level of batting depth that we haven’t seen in sometime. Now those are what I call deep thoughts.
3. The Orioles:
It’s kind of funny… not many people were giving the Orioles a shot during the off season. I was listening and the experts were talking about not knowing who the 3, 4 and 5 starters would be, the injury to closer Zach Britton, and the inevitable loss of important free agents after the conclusion of 2018. The experts were strongly suggesting an immediate rebuild was necessary. Then the Orioles sign Alex Cobb and now those same experts are saying the Orioles could earn a wild card spot. I’ve heard my wife talk to her sister on the phone about me and I seem to have that same type of range.
4. Today’s Joe M Conversation:
Morgan: I think Opening Day should be a National Holiday.
McCarthy: Yeah… nobody should have to work on such an important day.
Mauer: I agree… then I wouldn’t have to play today. I’d get the day off.
Maddon: Yeah… and I wouldn’t have to manage today.
Montana: Guys… think about it… if you both take today off… what would be reason for the rest of us taking the day off?
(Long Thoughtful Pause)
Maddon: He’s right… we are going to have to work during a national holiday.
Mauer: This really sucks. Why do we even have a players' union?
A car alarm was going off in the parking lot at work yesterday. I looked around the office and nobody got up to turn it off, nobody claimed responsibility and the alarm kept going off. It must have been 15 minutes before I decided the only thing to do was to go outside and help what turned out to be the world’s slowest car thief actually steal the car so he could drive off and take the sound with him.
Brian Dozier (R ) 2B
Joe Mauer (L) DH
Miguel Sano (R ) 3B
Eddie Rosario (L) LF
Logan Morrison (L) 1B
Eduardo Escobar (S) SS
Max Kepler (L) RF
Byron Buxton (R ) CF
Jason Castro (L) C
Jake Odorizzi (R ) P
Chris Davis(L) 1B
Manny Machado(R ) SS
Jonathan Schoop(R ) 2B
Adam Jones(R ) CF
Trey Mancini(R ) LF
Tim Beckham(R ) 3B
Pedro Alvarez(L) DH
Craig Gentry(R ) RF
Caleb Joseph(R ) C
Dylan Bundy (R ) P
Weather: 65 deg F, mostly cloudy with a 15% chance of rain, winds at 7mph from the SE
Win Twins! Play ball!