Welcome to town! You have a rare Friday off during the regular season. You’re probably wondering what you can do. To be clear, there’s a very real chance you can’t leave your hotel because of MLB’s COVID protocols, but I’m not going to look that up. So, in case you have some mobility, here are some things to pass the time in our wonderful state.
CONSIDER GLENCOE: A community about 45 minutes west of Minneapolis. Not only do you get to drive by the Bongards Cheese Factory Store and right through the bafflingly-named Norwood-Young America, but once you get to Glencoe, there’s a Burger King, a Subway, and Bump’s Family Restaurant. It’s had an operating post office since 1856. Wow!
GO TO THE MALL: We have many malls. Rosedale, the Mall of America, take your pick, buddy. Do you like Sephora? We’ve got ‘em! Get a new signature scent to mark the time you’ve spent here. Hit up Goldy’s Locker Room for a Gophers hoodie to let people know you’ve been here! Food court lunch? Friend, you can have a food court lunch in so many places. It’s been said the Orange Juliuses in Minnesota have more real orange flavor. I can’t prove this!
WATCH A MOVIE: Minnesota’s theaters are starting to reopen, and you can go to any one of them to watch Godzilla and Kong beat the hell out of each other. Can you do that in Seattle? Maybe! I could probably Google it! But, you’re here today and it’s cheat day for your training regimen. Get that extra squirt of butter on your popcorn, champ.
WALK AROUND A LAKE: Sure, Seattle is on Puget Sound. But we have many fine lakes with walking paths. And you don’t need a ferry to get to any of them. It’s supposed to be rainy, but you’re from Seattle! You’ve got this! Go to one of our poncho stores if you need raingear!
GO TO A MUSEUM: I’ve been to a museum in Seattle. It was fine. But have you ever wondered what a Minnesota museum looks like? This question is rhetorical! We have a butt-ton of museums around here. Become a learned man of letters on your day off.
ORDER PIZZA: You’re probably bushed from all the activities you’ve engaged in above. Time to relax. In Minnesota, you can use your cellular telephone to order a delicious pizza, and they’ll bring it to your hotel room! Whoa! Some of them even cut it in squares instead of the traditional slices. Also whoa!
This only scratches the surface of the fun you can have on your day off in Minnesota. Come back after the season ends and spend a week! You can take part in some trademark Upper Midwest autumn fun, like yelling at our professional football team or raking leaves and taking them to the neighborhood yard waste disposal and compost site. Good luck doing that in Tacoma.