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Simmons Wants to Know the Real Story Behind Reliever’s Broken Hand


Message added by Squirrel,

Need I post this message, still, for articles Stu writes? They are SATIRE. If you don't like the content or the satire, don't read and move on. It's quite simple. Too bad if you do, because Stu is quite funny, but keep your sense of humor button turned on.

The Twins shortstop is skeptical of the official narrative behind Devin Williams’ injury.

When Milwaukee’s ace setup man Devin Williams fractured his pitching hand after celebrating the team’s playoff clinching victory, reactions were pretty much uniform: that’s some real bad luck for the Brewers and/or worse decision making by Williams. For one shortstop, it only led to more questions.

“What is Anthony Fauci hiding,” asked Andrelton Simmons of the Minnesota Twins, referencing the doctor who leads the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. “He hasn’t said a word about this. His silence says more than any public statement.”

Simmons, a public vaccine skeptic, had harsh words for those who believed the accounts of Williams, the Brewers, media outlets, the Commissioner’s office, and objective reality.

“The Brewers are a legitimate title contender and you people actually believe that one of their best players, after they lock up a playoff berth, would punch a wall with his pitching hand,” said Simmons. “I’m literally laughing out loud. Sure he did, sheeple. Sure he did.”

When pressed on what he thinks really happened, Simmons looked to the past.

“The Brewers were already 85% vaccinated in May, and now one of their best players has a broken hand,” said Simmons. “Not one Brewer pitcher broke his pitching hand before last year’s playoffs. You know what else didn’t happen before last year’s playoffs? Vaccinations. Connect the dots, my friend.”

Simmons also claimed that while there’s no proof that the FDA trapped former Twin Marty Cordova in a tanning bed and caused him to miss multiple day games, “they’ve never denied it, either. Funny how that works.”


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Funny.    Now try to get a vaccine for Kirk Cousins  - before he becomes the Vikings super-spreader that some of us believed Andrelton to be (despite lame denials by the Twins brass)

But then again, some skepticism of the “conventional wisdom” is often wise.     Remember that allegedly “debunked” Covid origin “conspiracy theory” of the Wuhan Institute of Virology leak?   In the last few months, it’s been generally UN-debunked and is seriously being considered as an explanation (check out Jon Stewart’s cogent and funny comments on this on Colbert’s Show).  More important (possibly!) - Remember, when we all thought signing Max Kepler longterm was a great move?  

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13 hours ago, Cap'n Piranha said:

It seems pretty clear that the vaccine does not reduce the likelihood of contracting or spreading Covid, it simply minimizes the severity of Covid if contracted.  As such, there is no reason, absent other evidence, to assume an outbreak in a group of people originates from an unvaccinated person as opposed to a vaccinated one.  In that sense, while the vaccine is an effective (albeit short-lived, and potentially risky) tool to protect the individual against Covid, it is not particularly useful as an agent to slow community spread.


 That is discernibly false, yes, with the variants the vaccines especially the mRNA vaccines are not as great at preventing spread as they were initially but they still do prevent spread in those are fully vaccinated. It isn’t 100%, but the mRNA vaccines do slow the spread. Whether due to lower viral load in the fully vaccinated person, they would be less likely to spread to others.

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19 hours ago, Cap'n Piranha said:

It seems pretty clear that the vaccine does not reduce the likelihood of contracting or spreading Covid, it simply minimizes the severity of Covid if contracted.  As such, there is no reason, absent other evidence, to assume an outbreak in a group of people originates from an unvaccinated person as opposed to a vaccinated one.  In that sense, while the vaccine is an effective (albeit short-lived, and potentially risky) tool to protect the individual against Covid, it is not particularly useful as an agent to slow community spread.

So give me a scientific explanation. With my antibodies recently tested off the chart (>10), explain how having the virus neutralized in my bloodstream makes me an equal danger to someone who is unvaccinated and has cells become Covid factories producing more viruses at a high rate and causing sneezing to spread the virus further into the air.   There is no coherent scientific explanation. 

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