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Hrbek Confirms Hoagies Not on Banned Substances List


‘This is a victory for the Twins and America,’ said the former Taco John's spokesperson.

After a spirited series of phone calls, emails, and at least one in-person visit to the league office, former Minnesota Twins great Kent Hrbek announced Thursday that delicious, overstuffed hoagies are not on Major League Baseball’s banned substances list.

“This is a victory for the Twins and America,” said the longtime first baseman. “I understand that we need to get illegal substances under control, but not at the expense of hoagies.”

MLB’s plan to crack down on the items pitchers use to exert a better grip on the baseball has roiled the entire league. For retired players like Hrbek, it’s been a mixed bag.

“I’ve never even heard of Spider Tack, go ahead and get rid of it. But I saw that they were coming after sunscreen. Heck, if they’re coming after suntan lotion, they might be coming after sandwiches that are laden with mayonnaise, oil, assorted mustards, you name it. I’ll be damned if that’s going to happen to the game I love.”

Sources in the league office tell Twins Daily that while it was apparent that Hrbek was the only one concerned about this, he was persistent.

“The avalanche of emails from his Hotmail address was substantial,” said one source with knowledge of the situation. “They weren’t threatening in any way, just very concerned about the visual and textural similarities of Coppertone and Hellmann’s Mayo. We honestly couldn’t tell if it was a bit, but then he followed up with a question about Miracle Whip and tuna salad.”

“Miracle Whip is a garbage condiment,” said Hrbek. “But I’ll defend the right of every major league clubhouse to have it on hand for hoagies, sandwiches, grinders, and subs. We have to have common sense about what’s legal and what isn’t.”

A spokesman for Major League Baseball said that the pre and post-game meal options in the clubhouses will remain unaffected by the substance ban. Hrbek was relieved.

“I’m just a kid from the suburbs but I tell you what, you ever have one of those pita sandwiches? With the spicy lamb and hot yogurt? Brother, I’m not a fan of yogurt but that is a phenomenal sandwich right there.”

Image license here. Flickr/JeffreyW

 


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I agree with the last sentence.  When I moved to Chicago, I was floored by a pita sandwich from a certain restaurant.

I was afraid to go back the restaurant, because I felt that there was just no way they were going to be able to serve up a sandwich that good again.  But I did go back, and it was just as good.  

Unfortunately I appeared to be their only customer.  The owner kept the delivery service open a little longer simply so I could order the sandwiches a few more times.

Keep fighting the good fight, Hrbie!

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Was Hrbek really a spokesperson for Taco Johns?

I feel vindicated by his endorsement of my hithertofore guilty affinity for that fastfood chain.

 

My folks had a plastic "25th anniversary" (of Taco and Johns, i presume) cup that i used whenever possible, until it cracked.

 

Nowadays they use waxed paper cups, which will fail quickly and catastrophically on reuse....

 

As to the actual article... I always thought that saying a pitch had mustard on it was purely figurative. I am torn between my vehement support of condiments, andthe simple fact that pitchers shouldn't be eating on the mound.

 

What says the new policy about gum? I mean batters can chew, why not pitchers?

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for hoagies, sandwiches, grinders, and subs.

I'm from Connecticut, so I had to make sure grinders were also OK.  (Is there anywhere else in the world that uses that term? I've done a lot of traveling, but I've never had a grinder outside of CT.)

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11 hours ago, gil4 said:

I'm from Connecticut, so I had to make sure grinders were also OK.  (Is there anywhere else in the world that uses that term? I've done a lot of traveling, but I've never had a grinder outside of CT.)

Pretty sure they called them grinders when I went to school in Providence years and years ago, and the little metrowest Boston town I'm in now has at least one sandwich shop that calls them grinders.  So call it a New England thing, moreso than just CT.  Possibly just southern NE, unless one of the precincts in VT/NH/ME is heard from.

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