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Seven facts about Joe F. Mauer #WellPlayedMauer

1. Fact: Joe Mauer was drafted first in the 2001 MLB draft. No other player has ever been drafted first in the 2001 MLB draft. #GoSeminoles

2. Fact: Joe Mauer has as many RBIs in a Twins uniform as Justin Morneau. Also, he has slightly more passed balls. But also fewer ABs as a White Sox. So uh, call it a wash. #WhiSox

3. Fact: Joe Mauer is batting over .300 for the first time since 8-19-2013 when his cerebellum was stolen, most likely by aliens. #TheTruthIsOutThere

4. Fact: Joe Mauer has a hit in 11 straight games, and is batting .448 since national Duran Duran appreciation day. #HungryLikeTheWolf

5. Fast: Joe Mauer is 20 for 44 (.455) since the moon got out of the way of the freakin' sun. #LunarInterference

6. Fact: Joe Mauer is batting at least 1.000 over his last 5 ABs. #MathIsHard

7. Fact: Some teams would pay up to $22,999,999.99 - but not a goddamn penny more - for this kind of performance from a veteran in a playoff chase. #MauerIsOverpaid

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Fact: Once a cobra bit Joe Mauer's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Fact: Sharks have a week dedicated to Joe Mauer.

Fact: If Joe Mauer were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume.

Fact: In Soviet Russia, .300 hits Joe Mauer.

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Fact:  Joe Mauer doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the earth down and releases it.


Fact: Joe Mauer doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.


Fact:   Elvis Presley, Richard Petty, Michael Jackson, and Budweiser all call Joe Mauer "the King".

Edited by LA VIkes Fan
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