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Minnesota Twins Whine Line: Season 3


Vanimal46
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Hey Van, great show, as usual. However, a question for the intern: Is true you were once homeless and Vanimal offered you a job and a nice place to sleep under the control board for the show?

 

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen.

 

This is a great question, Blake. I was homeless at one point, and spent a lot of my time inside Target playing MLB The Show. Security officers were not a fan since I never let others have a turn to play! Van stumbled in half in the bag looking to purchase more beer, and saw me playing as the Minnesota Twins. He said they were starting a radio show, and needed someone who can be the voice of analytics while he spewed hawt taeks. It was a match made in heaven! 

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This is a great question, Blake. I was homeless at one point, and spent a lot of my time inside Target playing MLB The Show. Security officers were not a fan since I never let others have a turn to play! Van stumbled in half in the bag looking to purchase more beer, and saw me playing as the Minnesota Twins. He said they were starting a radio show, and needed someone who can be the voice of analytics while he spewed hawt taeks. It was a match made in heaven! 

Masochists of a feather, as it were?

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Hey Van, great show, as usual. However, a question for the intern: Is true you were once homeless and Vanimal offered you a job and a nice place to sleep under the control board for the show?

 

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen.

 

This reminds me of some of the start of one of those very special episodes that family sitcoms tried to do in the 70's and 80's that often just ended up being more disturbing than educational.

 

 

http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/diffstrokesMOLESTER.jpg

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Van -

 

I was really excited when pitchers and catchers reported to camp almost a month ago.  Then I was really excited when they started playing spring training games.  Now I just want the season to start already.  Is there anything you can do to speed things up so Opening Day gets here faster?

 

Thanks!  I will hang up and listen.

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Van -

 

I was really excited when pitchers and catchers reported to camp almost a month ago.  Then I was really excited when they started playing spring training games.  Now I just want the season to start already.  Is there anything you can do to speed things up so Opening Day gets here faster?

 

Thanks!  I will hang up and listen.

 

Zenser! Welcome to the show! There's a couple of things you can do in order to speed up time until Opening Day. Loosey thought he was drinking Twins Kool-Aid he found in the garage, but it turned out to be radiator fluid.... He passed out for 3 weeks straight, then woke up in time for Opening Day! There's probably a safer way to do it, but you never know until you try! Hope that helps... 

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So Van...

 

The Dozier non-trade.  More to the story, right?

 

Diehard, you don't even know how much MORE there is to this story... We currently have someone undercover working for the Twins to give us the full scoop. His or her's cover was nearly blown 2 months ago, and we had to send him or her back to Moscow for a cool off period. Now he or she is back and filling up notebook after notebook of takes. 

 

The full story will be out in the next couple of weeks!

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Diehard, you don't even know how much MORE there is to this story... We currently have someone undercover working for the Twins to give us the full scoop. His or her's cover was nearly blown 2 months ago, and we had to send him or her back to Moscow for a cool off period. Now he or she is back and filling up notebook after notebook of takes. 

 

The full story will be out in the next couple of weeks!

 

So was it Anna Chapman or Ed Snowden?

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Hey Van, long time listener, caller, and failed fill in host.

 

I have a tough question. Me, my wife and a friend of ours went and seen MacSabbath at 1st Avenue tonight at the suggestion of our friend. MacSabbath is a band that dresses up as McDonald's characters and covers Black Sabbath songs, but alters the lyrics to fit into a fast food frame of mind.

 

Being that I am middle aged, is there anyway I can have an additional Friday night added to my life before I die? Pleeeaaaase tell me yes. I cannot afford anymore wasted Friday evenings.

 

And NO, we did not have any acid or I would not be asking for this advice. :)

 

I'll hang up and wait for your answer.

http://images1.laweekly.com/imager/u/original/7208866/mac-sabbath-paul-koudounaris.jpg

Edited by Bark's Lounge
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Molitor basically said he doesn't care how a guy hits, as long as he drives in runs.......THIS is the manager of the future? Ugh.

. Molly maybe be harkening back to 2015 when the Twinksters scored runs in some pretty unfathonable ways? Or he may have absolutely no idea what he is talking about? I was going to start a new thread on the topic, but then it dawned on me that, "absolutely no idea what he is talking about" fits nicely in Whine Line! :).
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Yeah hi, first time long time, I wanted to call in today to talk about my symptoms. With hope of contending in 2017 quickly disappearing (like sand through my fingers) I've become increasingly addicted to the Iditarod race, which will last for only another week. What am I supposed to do to fill the void in my life after the race is over and I'm forced to resume the misery that is life as a Twins fan?

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  • 2 weeks later...

ANNND Welcome back! To Minnesota Twins Whine Line. It's International happiness day according to our own Mike Sixel. What better day to make a return to the airwaves than today? We're here to make you laugh until it hurts... 

Let's set the tone of how the day's going to go with this JAM.... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TYv2PhG89A

 

A lot of things have happened since we last checked in. Trevor May is out for the season :( 

Tyler Jay is also moving to the bullpen.... Something that is mind.boggling. to the intern. He's developed Tyler Jay into a 93 overall ace pitcher on MLB the Show at least 4 times. Why can't they do that in real life?!

Before we jump into new calls, let's check back on some voice mails we missed out on. 

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Hey Van, long time listener, caller, and failed fill in host.

 

I have a tough question. Me, my wife and a friend of ours went and seen MacSabbath at 1st Avenue tonight at the suggestion of our friend. MacSabbath is a band that dresses up as McDonald's characters and covers Black Sabbath songs, but alters the lyrics to fit into a fast food frame of mind.

 

Being that I am middle aged, is there anyway I can have an additional Friday night added to my life before I die? Pleeeaaaase tell me yes. I cannot afford anymore wasted Friday evenings.

 

And NO, we did not have any acid or I would not be asking for this advice. :)

 

I'll hang up and wait for your answer.

http://images1.laweekly.com/imager/u/original/7208866/mac-sabbath-paul-koudounaris.jpg

 

Bark! We're sorry for the late response, but your message was the first one on our NEW and IMPROVED voice mail system. 

Of course you can have another Friday night added to your life! In fact, you're going to have a TON of Friday nights when you're an empty nester and living the dream out on Bark Island! This band looks like a blast to watch! And who says they can corner the market on heavy metal fast food bands? 

I say we do some crowd sourcing to create a Metallica cover band and dress up as the Great Root Bear! 

http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3624/5819676060_1ed8fa2ed8_z.jpg

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Yeah hi, first time long time, I wanted to call in today to talk about my symptoms. With hope of contending in 2017 quickly disappearing (like sand through my fingers) I've become increasingly addicted to the Iditarod race, which will last for only another week. What am I supposed to do to fill the void in my life after the race is over and I'm forced to resume the misery that is life as a Twins fan?

 

Thank you for the call Paul, and welcome to the show! The options are endless to fill the void in your life after the iditarod race! Here's a couple of things that the intern does in his spare time:

- Play MLB The Show and trade all of the All-Stars to the Twins

- Follow Justin Beiber around the country and attend all of his shows

- Read the Terms and Conditions document for the latest Apple software update

- Go to restaurants and only order water. Time it out to see how long it takes you before they ask you to order something or leave. 

 

Hope this helps! 

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Van, man, qq: 

 

How many veterans does it take to lead each "young" player on a roster? Asking for a friend...

 

Great question, Mike! Let's just say there is going to be a Whine Line: Game Thread Edition on this topic! You remember when your young ones were just starting in pre-school, and each school promoted the fact they have a 2:1 student to teacher ratio?

Well, let's just say the Minnesota Twins Pre-School Academy has NEARLY a 2:1 Veteran to non-veteran ratio! No one else can beat that!  

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Since my next meeting just canceled: 

 

How does one go looking for a job when one is nearly 53 and is more of a generalist than a specialist, again, asking for a friend. Not me, I'm not looking for work.

 

Another great question! Now, whenever I'm looking for work, I usually go in the employee's only entrance of their building and demand to speak to whoever makes hires at that place... If they don't tell me the person's name, then I open up a briefcase that's spring loaded with 200 of my resumes, and shoot the resumes in the air. It's usually quite the display! 

If all else fails, you can always take it to the STREETS, and see if anyone will hire you there. The more creative the sign, the better your odds. Good luck! 

 

3623170136_da67ebc9dd.jpg

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Another great question! Now, whenever I'm looking for work, I usually go in the employee's only entrance of their building and demand to speak to whoever makes hires at that place... If they don't tell me the person's name, then I open up a briefcase that's spring loaded with 200 of my resumes, and shoot the resumes in the air. It's usually quite the display! 

If all else fails, you can always take it to the STREETS, and see if anyone will hire you there. The more creative the sign, the better your odds. Good luck! 

 

3623170136_da67ebc9dd.jpg

You have a picture of your intern before you gave him a reason to, umm, live?

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You have a picture of your intern before you gave him a reason to, umm, live?

 

Close, but that's not our intern! 

Our intern was just starting off as a caddy at the local club looking to latch on to Happy Gilmore's coat tails, but wasn't able to make it... Especially after this happened on national TV.

throws-caddie.gif

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Another great question! Now, whenever I'm looking for work, I usually go in the employee's only entrance of their building and demand to speak to whoever makes hires at that place... If they don't tell me the person's name, then I open up a briefcase that's spring loaded with 200 of my resumes, and shoot the resumes in the air. It's usually quite the display! 

If all else fails, you can always take it to the STREETS, and see if anyone will hire you there. The more creative the sign, the better your odds. Good luck! 

 

3623170136_da67ebc9dd.jpg

 

I would probably given that guy money. 

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