Welcome to Game 6 of the 2021 season! Just as with my other game, we’re coming off an extra-innings defeat. I’ve heard of being a jinx for a team, but never via a time-reversal. We have two opening-day starters squaring off today, so the batters may not have an easy time of it:
Kenta Maeda, RHP, 0-0, 2.08 ERA, 5 SO
Matthew Boyd, LHP, 1-0, 0.00 ERA, 2 SO
Carnac the Magnificent: <holding envelope to forehead> “Today’s lineup”
Ed McMahon: <solemnly> Today’s lineup.
Carnac: One of us is redundant here, and I’m pretty sure it’s not me.
Ed: My apologies, your Magnificence. Tell us the extraordinary import of your divination.
Carnac: The whatinary what of my who?
Ed: <in monotone> What’s in the envelope?
Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your athletic supporter.
Ed: My apologies again. What will we find when you open the envelope?
Ed: Printed with the lineup for the game we are about to witness?
Carnac: Or, ‘witless,’ in your case.
Ed: To your radiating brilliance, oh seer of seers, I would not presume to compare.
Carnac: That would be wise, except that I know you are not.
Ed: In any case, are we about to learn the lineup of baseball players for today?
Carnac: Uncertain. I have given you simply the answer to the question in the jar.
Ed: A hermetically sealed one. Of the mayonnaise variety I might add.
Carnac: On Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today.
Ed: As a child of four… can plainly tell. Can you be so kind as to reveal the question?
Carnac: I can. <sits silently>
Ed: Please do so. Again, the answer to which is: “Today’s lineup.”
Carnac: <opens, blows, removes card> “What are Hoda Kotb, Savannah Guthrie, and Al Roker?”
Ed: Hi-yo! Today's lineup, ladies and gentlemen!
Mitch Garver [R] C
Kyle Garlick [R] RF
Nelson Cruz [R] DH
Jorge Polanco [S] 2B
Byron Buxton [R] CF
Brent Rooker [R] LF
Miguel Sano [R] 1B
Willians Astudillo [R] 3B
Andrelton Simmons [R] SS
Robbie Grossman [S] RF
Willi Castro [S] SS
Miguel Cabrera [R] 1B
Jeimer Candelario [S] 3B
Nomar Mazara [L] DH
Jonathan Schoop [R] 2B
Akil Baddoo [L] LF
Wilson Ramos [R] C
Victor Reyes [S] CF
Enjoy the game, everyone!