written by Diesel (Note: this is a satire piece inspired by many works, including RandBallStu)
The Minnesota Twins have signed catcher Josh Donaldson to a 4-year $92 million contract, pending a physical. It is expected that Donaldson’s main role will be being the third or fourth-string catcher, dependent on whether Willians Astudillo is up with the major league club.
“We are very excited to have 4 catchers available to play on any given day,” said manager Rocco Baldelli at the press conference introducing the largest free agent signing in club history. “We expect Josh (Donaldson) to pick up a few reps at third, first, and DH, but we’ve got to make sure Mitch Garver gets enough rest throughout the season. 2019 was very strenuous on the kid.”
In 2019, the now 29 year-old Garver appeared in 93 games, with now-Angels catcher Jason Castro and Astudillo also having significant workloads. “I haven’t played catcher for a few years, due to being behind some generational talents
on the depth chart, like Kurt Suzuki, Russell Martin, and Tyler Flowers.” said Donaldson.
Even as Donaldson has aged, he has belief that he can step back behind the plate after so many years playing other positions. “A couple years ago, Joe Mauer went back to playing catcher. Why can’t I?” In other news, there are currently rumors that the Twins are discussing a trade with the Indians for catcher Carlos Santana. “Catchers are known to be some of the smartest guys in the world,” stated team president Derek Falvey. “Having many catchers who can also play other positions will be key in this team’s path to a title. Joe, you can come back too if you want!”