OK, this is nuts, but I swear that I just saw the starting lineups for tonight, and Ryan LaMarre is starting for the Twins in center field. Now, I’m aware that Byron Buxton is out for the season and the rest of the outfield is hurt, slumping or both (Hurlumping? Slurting?), but this can’t be right, can it?I’ve done some Googling, and there are definitely stories saying that the Twins reacquired him from Atlanta, but I’ve also seen stories on those “deepfake” videos that make you think Bill Hader is Tom Cruise, and the latter honestly seems more likely. Someone would have said something. Not to brag, but I’m friends with John Bonnes. Not to double brag, but I text back and forth with him from time to time. He’s an avid Twins fan. And he didn’t say a damn thing to me about this.
What I think happened was, the last time the Twins were in a pennant race, Ron Gardenhire had Jason Tyner bat in the middle of the order. Now, Jason Tyner is known for three things:
- Having a middle name that’s just a backwards spelling of his last name;
- Having his bobblehead day called off because he was demoted; and
- Not being the kind of hitter one would normally see in the middle of any playoff-contending team’s batting order. He had one career home run. One.
My theory is that the Twins are finally back in a real playoff battle, and are paying tribute to this unprecedented event in Twins history. Since bringing back Tyner, now 42 and retired, would make it too obvious that it was a bit, the Twins are using a more recent “oh yeah, that guy, the one with the 5 o'clock shadow at 10 in the morning” to have some fun with their fans. I applaud their effort and look forward to seeing who is really getting the nod in center tonight!
UPDATE, FRIDAY MORNING, 9:07 AM: This was not a bit. They also played Ronald Torreyes. I don't understand anything anymore.
Click here to view the article