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Article: Local Contrarian Reveals ‘Twins Are Hitting Too Many Home Runs’ Take

byron buxton zach granite robbie grossman fedoras strident opinions about anime
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#1 RandBall's Stu

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 05:06 AM

Unlikable Chaska man shares opinion on Minnesota’s hot start.

Barry Daniel is well aware of the Twins’ MLB-best record, and the power surge that’s propelled it. He’s not about to let anyone within his radius feel good about it.“They’re setting themselves up to fail in the long run,” said Daniel, as his disinterested co-workers poked at their Lean Cuisines. “If you’re not moving runners over and just relying on home runs, you’re not even playing baseball. Give me Whitey Herzog and some classic station-to-station ball any day of the week.”

Daniel, who is 37, unmarried, and wears a fedora to chain restaurant bars, often regales trapped employees of a local IT consulting firm with his against-the-grain takes during their half-hour lunch break.

“What if you have to manufacture a run, and (Byron) Buxton is up there swinging at fastballs instead of working the count,” pondered Daniel, as at least one employee audibly sighed. “Does Buxton’s allegedly good defense make up for that? All I know is Zach Granite and Robbie Grossman took pitches and weren’t all about flash.”

Daniel’s few friends at work say they’ve grown used to his behavior.

“It’s like, we get it Barry, you found out about the concept of devil’s advocate when you were in college and quit learning anything else,” said Amanda Molloy, the company’s CFO. “When someone talks about a TV show they like, Barry will be sure to note that the book was better, or that it used to be good but it sucks now, or that he doesn’t own a television.”

As the lunchroom quietly emptied, Daniel, who has strident opinions on anime, continued listing his doubts.

“The strikeouts and quote-unquote pitch framing may impress the spreadsheet geeks and people who don’t appreciate the real game’s nuances,” said Daniel. “Let’s see ‘em throw strikes, put some balls into play, and let the defense do its job. Maybe then I'll believe it's sustainable.”

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#2 theBOMisthebomb

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 05:24 AM

Pitch to contact until the day I die.
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#3 Han Joelo

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 05:28 AM

The unfinished book is better.  Not that I'd know, because I don't have cable.

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#4 John Bonnes

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 05:43 AM

“But baseball has these unwritten rules....”
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#5 rv78

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 05:54 AM

We've been down the try to "manufacture a run" and "pitch to contact" roads before.... they produced ZERO championships.


#6 bunt_vs_the_shift

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 05:58 AM

"Daniel, who is 37, unmarried, and wears a fedora to chain restaurant bars..."

 

Have you been following me around again? That waitress that I keep overtipping, but never quite have the guts to ask out said it was a nice hat.

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#7 twinssporto

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 06:08 AM

I love this!  Hilarious.

 

Thank you.

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On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.


#8 birdwatcher

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 06:56 AM

 

"Daniel, who is 37, unmarried, and wears a fedora to chain restaurant bars..."

 

Have you been following me around again? That waitress that I keep overtipping, but never quite have the guts to ask out said it was a nice hat.

 

 

BTW, 10% is not an overtip dude. But yeah, nice hat.

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#9 ashbury

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 07:03 AM

I don't own an Internet device, so I was unable to read this article. It probably sucked, anyway. Usenet was so much better.

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Nothing is impossible for the one who doesn't have to do the work.


#10 Don't Feed the Greed Guy

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 07:23 AM

 

"Daniel, who is 37, unmarried, and wears a fedora to chain restaurant bars..."

 

Have you been following me around again? That waitress that I keep overtipping, but never quite have the guts to ask out said it was a nice hat.

I know this guy. Took my Grandma to TGI Fridays last Friday to watch the Twins. She's a big fan.

 

I couldn't forget the hat. He was sitting at the end of the bar by our booth. When I got up to order a beer he had a coupon next to him. Clipped from the back of a Cub receipt: "New Sizzling Entrees Starting at $10." Bargain shopper, that guy.

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#11 Dantes929

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 07:35 AM

 

We've been down the try to "manufacture a run" and "pitch to contact" roads before.... they produced ZERO championships.

For us. Giants embraced pitch to contact and won 3. They just did it better.Royals were certainly manufacture runs since they were last in the league in homers when they won it all. I don't know if it is sustainable but I really don't love it anyway.I like watching guys run around the bases rather than jogging. I wouldn't mind seeing a game without fences.You might have more homers because of gappers that aren't stopped but there might be more excitement.

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#12 Harrison Greeley III

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 07:38 AM

Co-worker calling him Barry....

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#13 woolywoolhouse

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 08:15 AM

I remember when Detroit was dominating the Central and signed Prince Fielder. This required Miguel Cabrera to move back to 3rd base, which weakened Detroit's defense on the left side but added 55 homeruns over the two years Fielder manned first. Detroit went to the World Series the first year, and the ALCS the second year. 

 

The only retort Twins fans were able to give were, "Cabrera manning 3rd? Oh boy, I can't wait to see Ben Revere bunt on him all game long!"

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#14 Trov

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 08:45 AM

 

I remember when Detroit was dominating the Central and signed Prince Fielder. This required Miguel Cabrera to move back to 3rd base, which weakened Detroit's defense on the left side but added 55 homeruns over the two years Fielder manned first. Detroit went to the World Series the first year, and the ALCS the second year. 

 

The only retort Twins fans were able to give were, "Cabrera manning 3rd? Oh boy, I can't wait to see Ben Revere bunt on him all game long!"

Detroit also had some very good pitching at that time too.  

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#15 birdwatcher

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 09:21 AM

Is Fielder still getting a check in the mail? Just curious is all.


#16 Oldgoat_MN

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 09:46 AM

 

Is Fielder still getting a check in the mail? Just curious is all.

It appears that Prince Fielder is getting $24 million this year and next.

Too bad he was injured. I've read that he's a pretty good guy and was certainly an amazing talent for Detroit.

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#17 ashbury

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 09:51 AM

and was certainly an amazing talent for Detroit.

Milwaukee, also too. :)

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Nothing is impossible for the one who doesn't have to do the work.


#18 Doomtints

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 09:58 AM

 

It appears that Prince Fielder is getting $24 million this year and next.

Too bad he was injured. I've read that he's a pretty good guy and was certainly an amazing talent for Detroit.

 

Since he retired he's not getting anything anymore.

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#19 USAFChief

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 10:19 AM

Where can one get a fedora like that?

 

...

 

 

Asking for a friend.

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Cutting my carbs...with a pizza slicer.


#20 ashbury

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Posted 10 May 2019 - 10:21 AM

Where can one get a fedora like that?

 

...

 

 

Asking for a friend.

Don't.

 

/ advice for a friend

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Nothing is impossible for the one who doesn't have to do the work.




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