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Article: The 12 Stages of Willians Astudillo Fandom

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#1 RandBall's Stu

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 05:38 AM

What is your level of devotion to the cult hero of the 2019 Minnesota Twins? To start with, it's probably not enough, but please gauge your fandom with this exclusive Twins Daily guide.The Stages of Willians Astudillo Fandom:

Stage 1: Enjoy the sight of a stouter-than-average athlete who never strikes out, never walks, and rumbles home from second barely ahead of Byron Buxton. You smile when you think of him.

Stage 2: Pore over his stats from 2018, revel in his blistering start to 2019, and do a little shimmy in public. In front of people. Shame is for the weak.

Stage 3: Buy Astudillo shirsey.

Stage 4: Get legitimately, hands-start-shaking angry at anyone who even mildly questions Astudillo’s ability to maintain this level of performance or, God forbid, doubts his status as an everyday player. Call into sports radio like your Uncle Pete even though you swore you’d never be like Uncle Pete. You never get on the air, but you know they know you’re onto them.

Stage 5: Become editor-in-chief of Baseball Prospectus.

Stage 6: Buy Astudillo jersey.

Stage 7: Look up what Astudillo’s favorite food is. Quit your job, enroll in Le Cordon Bleu to become an expert in the meal. Make the dish. Leave it at the front door of Target Field in an insulated, airtight container with a note attached reading, “KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, WILLIANS! BIG FAN!”

Stage 8: Co-host a weekly podcast with the editor-in-chief of Baseball Prospectus.

Stage 9: Buy game-worn Astudillo jersey, hat, pants, sanitary socks. Wear them around the office. Demand your co-workers call you “Willians Jr.” They will respect you.

Stage 10: Attend home game. Observe if fellow fans are properly excited about every Astudillo at-bat. Gently correct bad behavior. Do not take phones away from people if they’re not paying attention, the usher will blame you despite how correct you are.

Stage 11: Attend road game. Repeat. Be prepared to defend yourself. Turn yourself into a tiny ball to limit the target area for potential assailants, ushers.

Stage 12: Buy turtle costume. Paint “64” on the shellback. Use it as an everyday outfit, only washing on off-days. Demand your co-workers call you “La Tortuga of the Pines.” They will respect you this time.

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#2 Channing1964

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 07:01 AM

is there a .5 level. He lost his luster with me when i saw him showboat that homer in the Dominican or Venezuela or wherever it was this winter.
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#3 Sconnie

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 07:30 AM

 

is there a .5 level. He lost his luster with me when i saw him showboat that homer in the Dominican or Venezuela or wherever it was this winter.

I have now officially reached level 5 - and had a discussion yesterday with my 5 year old about how she thinks I should reach number 6, but I'm not convinced anyone would care what I have to say.

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#4 RandBall's Stu

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 08:21 AM

Or "The Best Thing That Happened All Winter" as it's called in my house.

is there a .5 level. He lost his luster with me when i saw him showboat that homer in the Dominican or Venezuela or wherever it was this winter.

 

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#5 pbrezeasap

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 08:42 AM

I'm on the verge of leaping straight from Stage 2 to Stage 6

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#6 DerpyMcDerp

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 09:01 AM

 

is there a .5 level. He lost his luster with me when i saw him showboat that homer in the Dominican or Venezuela or wherever it was this winter.

It really depends on the player and the setting, IMO. For me, that was a fantastic moment. If he had done that in a division game with the Twins down by 7 runs, it might play differently. I don't see this as a cocky move at all, just more La Tortuga goodness.

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#7 tarheeltwinsfan

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 09:05 AM

I'm at stage 13.

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#8 Natron

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 09:44 AM

 

is there a .5 level. He lost his luster with me when i saw him showboat that homer in the Dominican or Venezuela or wherever it was this winter.

 The Stage 8 fella needs to immediately ban this guy for heresy. #Stage12ForLyfe

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#9 highlander

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 09:55 AM

Yo gusta La Tortuga!!!!!!!!
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#10 RatherBeGolfing

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 10:10 AM

 

is there a .5 level. He lost his luster with me when i saw him showboat that homer in the Dominican or Venezuela or wherever it was this winter.

 

I really hope this is a sarcastic response

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#11 USAFChief

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 10:18 AM

I've filed a motion to have my grandson's name legally changed to La Tortuga. What stage am I?
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#12 USNMCPO

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 10:35 AM

I'm Uncle Pete? Damn, never thought that would happen....

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#13 AceWrigley

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 01:01 PM

We have a turtle crossing near our home (yes, with road sign and everything) and I've named it the Astudillo Expressway.

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#14 Taildragger8791

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 01:02 PM

 

It really depends on the player and the setting, IMO. For me, that was a fantastic moment. If he had done that in a division game with the Twins down by 7 runs, it might play differently. I don't see this as a cocky move at all, just more La Tortuga goodness.

 

Not to mention, in Latin countries a little bit of bat flipping and fun on a big play isn't considered an insult to the game and every fan's grandpappy like it is in America.

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#15 Eris

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 04:09 PM

I would add a stage. Going to MLB and checking Astudillo’s rookie status. He is eligible for the rookie of the year award. This is going to be exciting. A Twin has not won Rookie of the Year since Marty Cordova in 1995.
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#16 jimbo92107

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 07:55 PM

El Cherubo, El Peloton, La Tortuga...I just like cooking new nicks for him.

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The door opened. A woman screamed. Someday, my mom would learn to knock.

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#17 Doomtints

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 08:50 PM

 

I would add a stage. Going to MLB and checking Astudillo’s rookie status. He is eligible for the rookie of the year award. This is going to be exciting. A Twin has not won Rookie of the Year since Marty Cordova in 1995.

 

Speaking of Cordova, it's too bad he debuted with the steroids era in full swing. Had he debuted five years earlier or fifteen years later he would have been considered more valuable and he would have had a longer career.

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#18 joefish

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Posted 05 April 2019 - 10:05 PM

He dropped a notch with those two double plays
He is still just a human.

#19 AlwaysinModeration

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Posted 06 April 2019 - 03:51 AM

He is still just a human.


Non-concur.

The man, the myth, la Tortuga.

Wasn’t one of the TNMTs named Willians? (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles).

Whatever he is, he is NOT just a human.
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#20 nclahammer

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Posted 06 April 2019 - 04:36 AM

Love this article and the responses,Go Twins!Go Willians!

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