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Article: Sources: Injury Gods Advise 'Not Getting Attached' to Willians Astudillo

miguel sano byron buxton willians astudillo royce lewis the pit of just knives always
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#21 ANDwon

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 06:39 AM

The Twins tried to sacrifice a first base/dh player already but were told "there is no Duda only Zuul!"
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#22 Platoon

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 06:52 AM

Raisins? In brownies??
Are you TRYING to bring down the wrath of the gods on us???

If you want to enjoy the average Twins season, it's not raisins you need in brownies! :)
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TwinsWorld: Did you hear we just updated the Stadium Club?

If I wanted balls and strikes called by a robot, I would get an Xbox!

#23 Platoon

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 06:54 AM

If Astudillo gets hurt, I don't think the fans here could take it, so don't tell us. Just tell us that he's much happier now playing at a farm with other tortugas.

Astudillo could end up playing with the other tortugas on a farm, in Upstate New York. Rochester to be specific! :(
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TwinsWorld: Did you hear we just updated the Stadium Club?

If I wanted balls and strikes called by a robot, I would get an Xbox!

#24 Doctor Wu

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 08:32 AM

It's time to bring back Carl Pavano!

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#25 spycake

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 09:23 AM

More articles like this please :)


I hope you mean more funny articles, and not more articles with "injury" in the title!

#26 Doomtints

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 12:00 PM

This is a good time of year for these articles, were I find myself with my highest level of skepticism and lowest level of confidence in how the Twins business acts/treats players/chooses who to sign and play.

Twins Manifesto: Build for .500, hope for more.


#27 AlwaysinModeration

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Posted 09 March 2019 - 02:26 PM

Tyler Austin and Tyler Jay it is then! Any more Tyler's to give up?


These gods are so mean and spiteful, they might afflict the Twins with some sort of scary comebacker, hitting him so hard that the letter “A” from the Rawlings baseball is emblazoned on the chest (or maybe left shoulder) of Taylor Rogers, forcing him to miss 4-80 months.

Oh, and Duffey is next,

#28 Puckett34

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Posted 11 March 2019 - 08:06 AM

 

These gods are so mean and spiteful, they might afflict the Twins with some sort of scary comebacker, hitting him so hard that the letter “A” from the Rawlings baseball is emblazoned on the chest (or maybe left shoulder) of Taylor Rogers, forcing him to miss 4-80 months.

Oh, and Duffey is next,

Ah forgot about Duffey, knew there was at least one more Tyler.

 

The gods care not for that Tyler. The decent curve with no second pitch to mix makes him very unappealing to them. For that offer, Taylor Rogers (not a Tyler) is now anywhere from day-to-day to career ending with a right hand strain (please note that he is a lefty).

Hit dingers. Never bunt.

#29 AlwaysinModeration

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Posted 07 April 2019 - 08:50 AM

Tyler Austin and Tyler Jay it is then! Any more Tyler's to give up?


It is clear now that Tyler Austin was the sacrificial price the Twins had to pay for Buxton to return to action Friday night, rather than being out until June.

#30 Twodogs

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Posted 07 April 2019 - 09:47 AM

Warning: the gods won't necessarily hold up their end of the deal either. Like when we traded Aaron Hicks to the devil, and he promised an MLB catcher in return...


We aren't going to make this go away with trades to the Yankees. It came to me in a dream last night, the injury gods started their focus on the Twins when we gave the Red Sox the Holy Grail, David Ortiz, at that point the Red Sox instantly became immune to these Yankee soothsayers, ever since the Babe Ruth trade these Yankees were able to tell the future of the Red Sox based on their stupidity. Once they received the Holy Grail from us for nothing, they were no longer able to do this and it made them very mad, that is why they are focusing on the Twins and sending them their plight. The twins sensed this and even tried to send the Red Sox the anti-christ to their new found Holy Grail in Doug Mientkiewicz, but the future had already been put into motion and nothing could stop what was to come in bean town. The Twins will never please these God's of injury plight by trading the likes of Aaron Hicks to the Yankees, that's not biblical enough. To avert these God's focus the Twins are going to have to trade something to the Red Sox that will once again send bean town into a tailspin. Someone who is Deemed to be really good, but in reality becomes their Achilles heel. Our most perfect opportunity last year would have been sending Brian Dozier to the Red Sox. That's a guy that everyone everywhere feels that needs to play everyday, but now in Washington is hitting .091. it's that kind of catastrophic trade let down that these guys need in order to avert their magic on the Twins. I have no idea who the Twins should send to bean town this year that could break this spell and save the likes of our tourtuga. Maybe Odorizzi?? Is he maybe deemed good enough that they have to start him all of the time, but in the end will let the Bosox down Everytime they face the Yankees?? I'm not sure, but that is what my dreams told me. At least it was the dream in-between the one where I was supposed to make french toast this morning and the other one that told me to take up snowboarding so I could hang out with the swedish bikini team? IDK, it made sense though?

You cannot succeed without hate for your enemy




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