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Article: Your Dad Weighing Options For Mispronouncing Marwin Gonzalez

marwin gonzalez bryce harper im never gonna see a merman fearsome legends of myth mike pagliarulo
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#1 RandBalls Stu

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 09:05 AM

Minnesota's alleged interest in free agent utility man Marwin Gonzalez has sparked speculation on his potential place on the Twins’ 25-man roster.

For Your Dad, though, the real guessing game is what he’s going to call him.

Sources close to Your Family confirmed on Thursday that conversations about the possible signing concluded with Your Dad wondering why they’re signing “this Merlin Gonzalez character” instead of Bryce Harper.“He was pretty animated,” said Your Stepmom. “He kept going on about how they have all this money to spend and that this Merlin fellow wasn’t going to help them beat Cleveland.”

Your Dad, who was heard discussing the effectiveness of Twins reliever “Travis Hamburger” last Labor Day weekend at a family picnic, appears to be weighing a couple options in misremembering the 29-year-old veteran’s name.

“Once Wheel of Fortune got done, he was fired up about the whole thing,” said Your Brother, who is living at home after the Bay Area start-up he worked at that sold artisan soaps over the internet went belly up. “It was all Dallas Kutcher (sic) this, Craig Kilborn (sic) that, and here the Twins are signing Merman.”

Your Brother confirmed that he meant the former Houston Astros mainstay, and not the fearsome half-man/half-fish.

“When he said Merlin earlier, I figured he’d stick with that, but the Merman thing was unexpected,” said Your Brother, who had to know that his former company’s business plan was unsound but has been chasing that big paycheck ever since dropping out of Hamline and breaking off his engagement with Nicole, who, let’s face it, was way too good for him and is probably happier with Nigel, her yoga instructor. “I really want to see how this plays out if Gonzalez signs and plays well.”

A person close to the situation said this has the potential to be Your Dad’s greatest Twins-related befuddlement since the Mike Pagliarulo Incident of 1991.

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#2 Don Walcott

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 09:30 AM

A story about my family on Twins Daily!! I'd feel honored, except this hit a little too close to home.

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#3 TFRazor

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 09:48 AM

I don't know. He may help us beat Cleveland. Merlin is a bit of a wizard after all.

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#4 nicksaviking

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 09:56 AM

I think Drunk Uncle is going to have something to say about that bat flip too.

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#5 Nick Nelson

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 10:15 AM

Excellent Craig Kilborn reference. An underrated Minnesota legend! 

 

MV5BMjExNDA4NDU1N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDM0

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#6 ScooterDance

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 10:27 AM

100% my dad

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#7 bighat

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 10:30 AM

Too funny man, I literally had to LOL. Nice.

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#8 USAFChief

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 10:54 AM

Personally, I've settled on Marvin.

Cutting my carbs...with a pizza slicer.


#9 RatherBeGolfing

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 10:57 AM

My Dad still talks about how bad Delbert (Delmon) was in the outfield

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#10 Marcusesm

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 11:28 AM

My dad will definitely call him Marvin.

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#11 spycake

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 11:30 AM

My dad once saw the sponsor's graphic during a pitching change on TV, and asked us, "Who's this new pitcher, Verizon Wireless?" (He pronounced it VARE-eh-zahn, but strangely pronounced "Wireless" correctly and still assumed it was a surname.)

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#12 RaymondLuxuryYacht

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 11:47 AM

Now pronounce it Dunn, as in done deal to the Twins

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#13 MMMordabito

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 12:06 PM

 

My dad once saw the sponsor's graphic during a pitching change on TV, and asked us, "Who's this new pitcher, Verizon Wireless?" (He pronounced it VARE-eh-zahn, but strangely pronounced "Wireless" correctly and still assumed it was a surname.)

 

Now you just have to wait a couple years .... He'll be able to say "What is this new Booster Graterol sponsor? Is that one of these new goddamn clean hybrid fuels?"

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#14 Nine of twelve

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 12:22 PM

Marwin Gardens, anyone?

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#15 Parker Hageman

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 12:58 PM

Randball's Stu, Oracle of Twins Daily.

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"You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time." -- Jim Bouton, "Ball Four"


#16 Don Walcott

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 01:19 PM

He's good insurance for Miguel Santos.

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#17 DJL44

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 01:46 PM

This is when I miss Bob Casey

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#18 flags

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 01:57 PM

i'm not sure about my dad, but i don't expect bert blyleven to say his name correctly one time this season

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#19 IndianaTwin

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 02:19 PM

Harry Carey would have called him something like Merle Zelaznog.  


#20 Brock Beauchamp

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Posted 22 February 2019 - 06:09 PM

Randball Stu has been absolutely killing it.
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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: marwin gonzalez, bryce harper, im never gonna see a merman, fearsome legends of myth, mike pagliarulo