Welcome to tonight’s game thread where the three people that tune in to watch the game will be treated to what most certainly will be the battle of the aces. Our Twinkies will bring their young and up-in-coming ace Jose Berrios to the mound to face the established Red Sox ace of Chris Sale. It’s a classic David vs. Goliath, except that our offense of late has made most pitchers look like Chris Sale. I hate to think what they can make Chris Sale look like. Could the strike out record be in play here? Kerry Wood, Roger Clemens*, and Max Scherzer all hold the record at 20Ks in a game. Fortunately for the Twins, Sano and Buxton won’t be in the lineup, so Sale won’t be assured of 6 or so Ks on about 20 total pitches before the game starts. That said, gamethreaders need to be on a strikeout watch. My proposal: a shot of your favourite bourbon each time Sale notches a K.
Things to think about:
Denial – Sano cannot be in Fort Myers. It’s not possible that the Twins hitters are this bad. That cannot be a home run, it was too high. Donald Trump and Bill Clinton treat women with the utmost respect.
Anger – I hate the Red Sox. I hate the White Sox. I hate the Yankees, instant replay, the unbalanced schedule, and the DH. I hate Falvine. I hate the Pohlads. Why do they have to run this team that I somehow manage to still care for?
Bargaining – There’s always next year. Let’s restock the cupboards. I’m looking forward to Vanimal’s used car threads at the end of July. Should be a good one. Lance Lynn for Forrest Whitley. You heard it here. Dozier to the Dodgers for catching prospect Will Smith.We might have to throw in Rodney to make it work, but LA eats ALL The cash.
Depression – I looked at standings, and I’m looking at my life. It’s kind of like the Twins’ season right now. Uninspiring. Sano really is in Fort Myers. He’s never coming back. Buxton will never learn how to hit. Polanco’s season last year was all a drug-induced hallucination. Nothing will ever be the same. The Twins will never again win a ring.
Rest in Peace 2018 Minnesota Twins Season – OK, I’ll admit to doing a similar theme last year, and then they went on to make it to game 163… so perhaps this is a reverse jinx. Or perhaps I’m still in denial. I think there’s a paradox forming here.
There, I’ve said it. Kubler-Ross, for what it’s worth was named by Twins outfielder robbie gROSSman after facing Indian’s ace Corey Kubler… It has something to do with Robbie’s approach towards Kubler given his career .400 ish OPS… or at least, that’s what I’m going with. Sounds better than some academic nerds with psychology backgrounds.