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Seven facts about Joe F. Mauer #WellPlayedMauer

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#1 walt-o-meal

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Posted 02 September 2017 - 10:30 PM

1. Fact: Joe Mauer was drafted first in the 2001 MLB draft. No other player has ever been drafted first in the 2001 MLB draft. #GoSeminoles
2. Fact: Joe Mauer has as many RBIs in a Twins uniform as Justin Morneau. Also, he has slightly more passed balls. But also fewer ABs as a White Sox. So uh, call it a wash. #WhiSox
3. Fact: Joe Mauer is batting over .300 for the first time since 8-19-2013 when his cerebellum was stolen, most likely by aliens. #TheTruthIsOutThere
4. Fact: Joe Mauer has a hit in 11 straight games, and is batting .448 since national Duran Duran appreciation day. #HungryLikeTheWolf
5. Fast: Joe Mauer is 20 for 44 (.455) since the moon got out of the way of the freakin' sun. #LunarInterference
6. Fact: Joe Mauer is batting at least 1.000 over his last 5 ABs. #MathIsHard
7. Fact: Some teams would pay up to $22,999,999.99 - but not a goddamn penny more - for this kind of performance from a veteran in a playoff chase. #MauerIsOverpaid
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#2 Brock Beauchamp

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Posted 02 September 2017 - 10:39 PM

Well done.
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#3 70charger

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Posted 03 September 2017 - 04:19 AM

#nailedit

#4 notoriousgod71

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Posted 03 September 2017 - 11:01 AM

Fact: Ninjas are mammals

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#5 snepp

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Posted 03 September 2017 - 03:39 PM

 

Fact: Ninjas are mammals

 

Fact: Joe is a mammal

 

Fact: Joe is a ninja

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Member VP of the "Baseball Player Positional Flexibility" Club


#6 a-wan

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Posted 03 September 2017 - 08:54 PM

 

Fact: Joe is a mammal

 

Fact: Joe is a ninja

 

But ninjas are human, Joe Mauer is not human!

 

Or are ninjas juggalos thus Joe Mauer is a juggalo?

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#7 goulik

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Posted 04 September 2017 - 10:28 AM

But ninjas are human, Joe Mauer is not human!


#BabyJesus

#8 Sconnie

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Posted 04 September 2017 - 04:16 PM

In the average living room there are 1,242 objects Joe Mauer could use to hit a soft single to left-center, including the room itself.
#joemauerfacts.com

Edited by Sconnie, 04 September 2017 - 04:18 PM.

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#9 walt-o-meal

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Posted 05 September 2017 - 09:56 PM

Fact:The only thing Joe Mauer hates more than no-hitters is skim milk.

"It's not real milk!I keep telling Maddy, but she just won't listen.Jeepers."

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#10 ashbury

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Posted 06 September 2017 - 08:17 AM

Fact: Once a cobra bit Joe Mauer's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Fact: Sharks have a week dedicated to Joe Mauer.

Fact: If Joe Mauer were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume.

Fact: In Soviet Russia, .300 hits Joe Mauer.

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Sarcasm. Just one of the many fine services I offer.


#11 walt-o-meal

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Posted 07 September 2017 - 11:13 PM

Fact: If the Royals were not allowed to walk Joe Mauer he would be hitting .310.

#4th batting title.


#12 USAFChief

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 07:57 AM

Fact: When learning CPR in high school, Joe Mauer brought the dummy back to life.

Fact: Joe Mauer's tears cure cancer...but Joe Mauer has never cried.
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Cutting my carbs...with a pizza slicer.


#13 Hosken Bombo Disco

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 08:11 AM

Authenticated Joe Mauer foul balls are going for $90,000 on the open market
He measured the achievements of others by what they had accomplished, asking of them that they measure him by what he envisaged or planned.
- J. L. Borges

#14 ashbury

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 01:36 PM

Fact: When learning CPR in high school, Joe Mauer brought the dummy back to life.

And I'm here to tell ya, the experience was EARTH SHATTERING!

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Sarcasm. Just one of the many fine services I offer.


#15 USAFChief

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 01:44 PM

And I'm here to tell ya, the experience was EARTH SHATTERING!


Meh...the revival was too late in the (chest compression) count for my tastes. Plus he didn't drive the guy in (to the hospital.).
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Cutting my carbs...with a pizza slicer.


#16 LA VIkes Fan

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 01:58 PM

Fact:Joe Mauer doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the earth down and releases it.

 

Fact: Joe Mauer doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

 

Fact: Elvis Presley, Richard Petty, Michael Jackson, and Budweiser all call Joe Mauer "the King".

Edited by LA VIkes Fan, 08 September 2017 - 02:00 PM.

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#17 D. Hocking

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 02:04 PM

 

Fact: When learning CPR in high school, Joe Mauer brought the dummy back to life.

 

 

Does the dummy participate in TwinsDaily?

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#18 Hosken Bombo Disco

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 03:07 PM

 

Plus he didn't drive the guy in (to the hospital.).

He took him the opposite way?

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He measured the achievements of others by what they had accomplished, asking of them that they measure him by what he envisaged or planned.
- J. L. Borges

#19 ashbury

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 05:08 PM

Does the dummy participate in TwinsDaily?

Participate? Hell, they made it a Moderator, amirite?

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Sarcasm. Just one of the many fine services I offer.


#20 twinsnorth49

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Posted 08 September 2017 - 05:23 PM

Does the dummy participate in TwinsDaily?


Often.....some might say, too often.
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