As per usual, I decided to do some in-depth research, for this thread, (some might call it wiretapping) into clubhouse shenanigans. The following is a transcript of a recorded conversation. However, to protect the innocent, I have put this in the form of an award winning screen play. (Thank you. I’ll put my participation trophy on the wall next to my participation plaque)
Scene: meeting between baseball master minds. Shot starts wide showing a comfortably appointed office with 4 people seated on tasteful furniture reminiscent of the Art Deco era of furniture design.
Camera slowly zooms to closeup of the Manager as he chats with Owner, GM and POBO.
Manager: 13 pitchers? Do you realize the number 13 is unlucky? Not only that, but are we going to have 13 pitchers on Friday the 13th?
Shot then moves to POBO.
POBO: umm, you realize the next Friday the 13th isn’t until October, right?
Wide angle with POBO and Manager, POBO’s eyebrows blending in with hairline due to direction of conversation. Considering how far back the hairline starts, this is a minor miracle)
Manager: Hey, I’m just trying to plan in advance. I mean, I know the teams pythag says we’re not going to even come close to the playoffs, but still, what kind of manager would I be if I didn’t look at all the possibilities?
Quick cut to owner as the owner makes a coughing sound that strangely sounds like “crazy.”
Owner: Coughhrazy (into hand)
Cut to manager, as he stares at Owner with a glare that, were it a death ray, would disintegrate the Owner on the spot. Face turns red as the rant bursts forth from his lips
Manager: Crazy? You want crazy? I’ll give you crazy!! Just wait until you see me bat the ex-catcher 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th, all in the first 5 games!
Wide shot of POBO, Owner and GM all staring open-mouthed at the manager.
Closeup of the GM as he finally speaks to the manager.
GM: You do know it’s mathematically impossible to bat a player in 9 different spots in 5 games, right?
Quick cut back to the manager.
Manager: Yeah, and it’s mathematically impossible to be eliminated from the playoffs in April!!
Stunned silence as the logic of this statement is digested by the FO brain trust. Quick pan of Owner, GM and POBO faces, all of which are registering a certain amount of disbelief at the manager’s statement.
Camera moves back to the face of the manager.
Manager: Okay, silence means assent. Good, glad you’re all on board with my plan.
Again, silence. Camera slowly moves back to encompass the FO who’s faces are impassive at this last exchange.
GM: (sarcastically) Would you prefer 14 pitchers? (immediately regrets opening mouth)
Manager: Awesome! We really are on the same page!! I always knew I liked you!
Camera moves back to take in FO brain trust as they shuffle out of the office. Owner turns to POBO as the door swings shut behind them.
Camera closes in on POBO and owner.
Owner: POBO, why are we leaving your office?
POBO: Really? You’re asking that after the discussion we just had?
Camera fades to black.
Some things to think about:
1. Too many camera angles?
2. Lighting: Should I have spent more time detailing the kind of lighting for this masterpiece?
3. I know 9 is the optimum number of characters an audience can track. Should I have added more characters?
4. On a weirdness scale of 1 to 10: 1 or 10?
5. Blame Riverbrian for this introduction. He brought Shakespeare into the act. Unless this is brilliant. Then, it’s all about meeeeee!!
Pitching for the Twins:
Pitching for KC:
1. Brian Dozier ® 2B
2. Max Kepler (L) RF
3. Byron Buxton ® CF
4. Joe Mauer (L) 1B
5. Miguel Sano ® 3B
6. Jason Castro (L) C
7. Jorge Polanco (S) SS
8. Eddie Rosario (L) DH
9. Danny Santana (S) LF
1. Alex Gordon (L) LF
2. Mike Moustakas (L) 3B
3. Lorenzo Cain ® CF
4. Eric Hosmer (L) 1B
5. Salvador Perez ® C
6. Brandon Moss (L) DH
7. Paulo Orlando ® RF
8. Alcides Escobar ® SS
9. Raul Mondesi (S) 2B