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Game Thread: Twins @ Toronto Blue Jays 8-27 12:07 PM CT

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#1 Vanimal46

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 08:38 AM

County-Fair2.jpg

 

ANNND Welcome! To Minnesota Twins Whine Line: County Fair Edition! I am Vanimal; your chain smoking, tattooed, and missing a few teeth carny for the next 2 days! Let me be the first to welcome you to the Minnesota Twins County Fair! We just rolled into town, providing all of the fun and games you and the whole family can enjoy.

 

Before we dive into all of the great activities available for a limited time, let's talk about weather and lineups...

 

It's going to be a beautiful day for our neighbors to the north! 74 degrees F/ 23 degrees C at first pitch. Warming up a bit more as the game goes along. Winds from the ESE at 10 MPH. 

 

Minnesota Twins (49-79):

 

1. Brian Dozier ® 2B

2. Joe Mauer (L) 1B
3. Max Kepler (L) RF
4. Trevor Plouffe ® 3B
5. Eddie Rosario (L) CF
6. Miguel Sano ® DH
7. Eduardo Escobar (S) SS
8. Juan Centeno (L) C
9. Danny Santana (S) LF

 

 

 

P- Ervin Santana ® - coming off a nice 7 IP 1 ER 10 K outing! 

 

Toronto Blue Jays (72-56):

 

1. Jose Bautista ® DH

2. Josh Donaldson ® 3B
3. Edwin Encarnacion ® 1B
4. Troy Tulowitzki ® SS
5. Michael Saunders (L) RF
6. Kevin Pillar ® CF
7. Melvin Upton Jr. ® LF
8. Devon Travis ® 2B
9. Josh Thole (L) C

 

 

 

P - Marcus Stroman ® - also coming off a nice 7.1 IP 1 ER 9 K outing! 

 

Sounds like we're in for a real treat on the diamond today. Now, let's light up a cigarette together and talk about the AMAZING attractions at Minnesota Twins County Fair!

 

Tyler Duffey Giant Slide: When you climb to the top of this 125 foot slide, you'll feel like the most important pitcher on a playoff contending team! ChiTown, our Carny Engineer, built this slide at a steeper angle than other slides you're used to... She loves the NEED FOR SPEED, and similar to Duffey's 2016 season, you'll come crashing down to Earth in a flash.

 

Jose Berrios House of Mirrors: Everyone is raving about this new attraction! The kids have a ton of fun walking through and seeing themselves as 8 ft tall giants, or 8 ft wide! Our favorite pitching prospect Jose has been feeling pretty small on the mound lately, so we came up with a solution! For the rest of the season, we're donating one of our mirrors to give the illusion of him being an intimidating force to batters!

 

Byron Buxton Vertigo Swings: Do you enjoy being swung around in circles at rapid speeds? Well, you're in luck, with the Byron Buxton Vertigo Swings! Much like our old friend, you'll be whipped around so fast that you forget where you are! Are we in Minneapolis? Rochester? Who knows! Here's an inside tip; ask North, ride operator, to crank the ride up to EXTREME!*

 

*Minnesota Twins County Fair is NOT responsible for jewelry and possessions lost while on EXTREME mode

 

Pat Dean Fastpitch: So you think Pat is a soft tosser, eh? Put your money where your mouth is in the Fast Pitch competition! Anyone who throws faster than Dean wins a life-like bear who wears Minnesota Twins gear!

 

Haunted House: Our award winning attraction! Fair goers have said this after leaving the house:

 

"This place is terrifying!"
"I won't be able to sleep for weeks!"
"I nearly peed myself at the end!"

 

At the house, you'll meet the following scary characters:

Phil Hughes, Tommy Milone, Kyle Gibson, Pat Dean, Andrew Albers... also featuring the ghosts of Kevin Jepsen, Ricky Nolasco, and Buddy Boshers!

 

We've got face painting, bumper cars, and a giant ferris wheel! So load up the car and drive on down to the fair!

And don't forget, starting at 8 PM stop by the Beer Garden to see the hottest rapper in the game, LL Cool Bean!
 

Let's go Twins!

Edited by twinsnorth49, 27 August 2016 - 10:12 AM.

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#2 70charger

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 09:36 AM

Excellent kickoff to a game thread.

 

I'll be watching today. For whatever reason. 49-79? Are you kidding me?

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#3 Platoon

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 09:37 AM

Great start. My only question is in the choice of a cigarette vs a hand rolled smoke of a more pungent variety! Although I will admit that watching the Twins will put you in the same lethargic state, totally devoid of any passion except possibly chocolate chip cookies, and that feeling when you wake up in the morning that it was all a dream. That said, the FDA strongly advises against using multiple mind altering substances at the same time!

Edited by Platoon, 27 August 2016 - 09:38 AM.

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TwinsWorld: Did you hear we just updated the Stadium Club?

If I wanted balls and strikes called by a robot, I would get an Xbox!

#4 Platoon

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 09:43 AM

Molitor has some difficult decisions to make. Which LF is least likely to run into our SS? Which CF charges the catchers overthrows the most agressively. Which 1B is most able to corral a wide variety of baseballs thrown in the general vicinity of the 1B dugout! And most important, will the plane from Rochester land in time?
TwinsWorld: Did you hear we just updated the Stadium Club?

If I wanted balls and strikes called by a robot, I would get an Xbox!

#5 twinsnorth49

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 09:50 AM

When is the US going to start displaying those scary ass pictures on cigarette packages? I'm not a smoker but one look at some of those and any temptation to start would quickly be gone.

 

8mouthlow.JPG

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#6 Vanimal46

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 09:53 AM

 

When is the US going to start displaying those scary ass pictures on cigarette packages? I'm not a smoker but one look at some of those and any temptation to start would quickly be gone.

 

8mouthlow.JPG

Good lord that's disgusting. I'm sharing that with the National Carny Association immediately! 

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#7 Platoon

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 10:04 AM

In retrospect you quite possibly missed the most appropo analogy between the Twins, and the local fair. Stock car races. Both are events where family and crew members go with an interest in the event and participants. But for the general public, while outwardly advocating an interest in the outcome of the contest, most watch in anticipation an almost assured disaster. While no one wants to see anyone injured, morbid curiousity prevails! And like a stock car race, a Twins game always possesses the likelihood of objects flying into the stands, and like a stock car race, the people in the infield often appear to be merely spectators! :)
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TwinsWorld: Did you hear we just updated the Stadium Club?

If I wanted balls and strikes called by a robot, I would get an Xbox!

#8 Craig Arko

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 10:30 AM

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I always wanted to know what it would be like to simultaneously experience the 1918 flu,  Great Depression, and 1968 mass protests while Andrew Johnson was president.


#9 D. Hocking

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 10:42 AM

I predict low fair attendance this weekend, because so many people will be home so they can properly follow the annual Whine Line Game Thread Weekend.  Hopefully the Twins will step it up and be worthy to be part of these much anticipated threads.

 

And for the fair - Twins on a Stick.

 

twins2.JPG

 

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#10 twinsnorth49

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:09 AM

 

This team is more of a "Working at the Car Wash Blues" type.

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#11 operation mindcrime

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:11 AM

Great at bat Dozier!
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#12 USAFChief

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    Bad puns. That's how eye roll.

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:12 AM

psst...hey carny guy...got any more of those "cigarettes" for sale?

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Cutting my carbs...with a pizza slicer.


#13 operation mindcrime

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:12 AM

Nice steal Dozier! I like the aggressiveness!

#14 USAFChief

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    Bad puns. That's how eye roll.

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:15 AM

Dozier 1, Blue Jays 0.

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Cutting my carbs...with a pizza slicer.


#15 ashbury

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:17 AM

I am changing my mind about what to do about our mild logjam at second base, this off-season.

 

Get what you can for Polanco, preferably packaged in some fashion for a high-end talent.

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Junk is stuff we throw away.Stuff is junk we keep.-- George Carlin


#16 SQUIRREL

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:18 AM

When is the US going to start displaying those scary ass pictures on cigarette packages? I'm not a smoker but one look at some of those and any temptation to start would quickly be gone.

8mouthlow.JPG


Some of the commercials they have are good for that. The one where a young woman goes to buy a pack and the clerk says she hasn't put enough on the counter to buy them, and the young woman proceeds to peel off some skin on her face to purchase them. It's really icky, even the sound of it. I have to mute it or change the channel whenever that one comes on.
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“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

#17 Halsey Hall

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:22 AM

Great lead intro, Van!

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he gone!


#18 70charger

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:22 AM

That high fastball is to Rosario what catnip is to my cat. They can't lay off, and it makes them look stupid.

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#19 USAFChief

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    Bad puns. That's how eye roll.

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:23 AM

What do you call Bruce Wayne's mother's mother's mother's mother's mother?

Cutting my carbs...with a pizza slicer.


#20 ashbury

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 11:26 AM

What do you call Bruce Wayne's mother's mother's mother's mother's mother?

The old bat? (Ducking, probably you should too if this was your intended answer.)

Junk is stuff we throw away.Stuff is junk we keep.-- George Carlin




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