Game-time forecast: Clear. Winds blowing out to left field at 5-10 m.p.h. Temperature around 75.
And now we await Brian ...
Yeah... Where is he?
(tap tap tap)
Oh... That's me
Things to Think About:
1. Baltimore -- Baltimore is a city that doesn't matter to anyone because it's in between the legendary cities of Philadelphia and Washington DC. Oh... The City tries... It tries to climb out of those shadows by giving itself a nickname like the "Charm City" but vandals and the cast of HBO's The Wire keeping removing the "C" which makes it "The Harm City". Baltimore tries to positively enhance it's reputation by talking about the tasty Blue Crabs that can only be found in the Chesepeake Bay but Blue Crabs are now associated with an annoying itch that nobody wants. Baltimore is the home of the Ripkens and Stringer Bell at least it was until someone popped a cap in his &*%.... Umm... Billy is recovering and should be OK. To my knowledge... No one had ever died from a Cap in someone's &*% and Billy Ripken isn't entirely sure how it got there. Some of the worlds top Swimmers are from Baltimore... Michael Phelps and Katie Hoff are both Baltimorians... Umm Baltimorites... Umm... Baltimorettes... Umm... Screw it... They are from Baltimore. The world's best swimmers come from Baltimore because people from Baltimore often try to escape to Delaware.
2. The Orioles -- Orioles are birds... They are migratory... especially Orioles from cold weather climates like International Falls. They eat bird seed and White Castle Hamburgers and they are currently in 1st place in the American League East with a current 7 game lead over the New York Yankees. No one in the Baltimore front office or Mayor's office is exactly sure how the Orioles are in 1st place since they haven't been in 1st place since Jim Palmer pitched for them in 1940's. They were not sure what to do at the trade deadline because of the uniqueness of their situation.... They were not expecting to be here. So they acquired Jimmy Peredes from the Royals for cash. Cash that they got from the Blue Jays after they traded Brett Wallace to the Jays for Cash. I have no idea who this player named Cash is?
3. Oriole Park at Camden Yards -- The Home of the Baltimore 9 since 1992. The name has been shortened since then... It used to be called "Oriole Park at Camden Yards in Maryland off the Chesapeake Bay Bar and Restaurant". In today's world of acronyms... No one has attempted to call it OPCY... and this is mostly because of a severe case of apathy. Down the right field line... you get a dominant view of the B&O warehouse. This warehouse is used to store many different body parts and the smells that accompany them. Every Wednesday are handgun days at the park. Anyone entering the stadium with a handgun while wearing a ski-mask is allowed to enter for free and is given all the hot dogs and popcorn that they want.
4. Miguel Gonzalez -- Tonight the Twins face the Mexican sensation Miguel Gonzalez who hails from Tepatitlán de Morelos Mexico. Population around 100,000. No one in America has ever heard of Tepatitlán de Morelos because no one in America has heard of Central Mexico. We only know places like Cabo Wabo and Cancun but we have no idea that those places are in Mexico. Miquel is 30 years old and he was signed as a free agent in 2005 by the Angels. He was a rule 5 draft of the Red Sox in 2008 and then he signed with the Orioles as a minor league free agent in 2012. 2012 is when he came out of nowhere and started performing like a slight above average pitcher. He's OPS+ over 100 every single year.
5. My Wife -- I remember when I saw my wife for the 1st time. It was a like a lightning bolt had struck me and I told myself... That's the One... She's the girl that I'm going to spend the next 5 or 6 years with.