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  1. Losing Streak Helps Local Overreactor Find Regular Season Form

    Anders Goodwin is given to Twins-derived hyperbole.

    To the Apple Valley native, the Andrelton Simmons signing was “the team’s ticket to the World Series.” The Royce Lewis ACL tear “set the franchise back a decade, minimum.” And with the team losing a third consecutive preseason game on Thursday, he shared a new overreaction on multiple social media channels:

    “This team has no shot. 59 wins tops, and that’s if things go well for these chumps. Fire everyone, relocate the team to Montreal, seal the border. Sick of it.”

    When reached for comment, Goodwin initially did not back down.

    “No pitching. No power. No defense. It’s ridiculous. It’s a travesty. May as well join the [expletive] Peace Corps.”

    These statements stand in stark contrast to Goodwin’s Facebook post after the Twins got off to a 2-0 start in Florida:

    “This team is already firing on all cylinders. Go to Vegas, bet on the Twins to win it all, thank me later. Can’t wait for the haters who doubt them to get what’s coming to them. Bandwagon’s full, sorry Charlie. Love this team.”

    Reminded of this statement, Goodwin put the words in context.

    “These games may be meaningless to the average observer. Perhaps they are. But they mean everything to me. How am I going to give myself an ulcer when they get swept by a division rival this year? When Berrios throws a 2-hit shutout in a critical August game, will I have the presence of mind to howl shirtless on my front lawn? You have to put in the work. The panicking I do in March pays off down the line. Every post. Every group text. Every muttered obscenity.”

    Asked for his thoughts on the coming weekend’s action, Goodwin said his expectations were mixed.

    “I doubt they’ll win another game. Ever. But if they turn it around, I’m prepared to support their inevitable championship run and ruin the life of anyone who doubted it.”

    • Mar 04 2021 07:32 PM
    • by RandBalls Stu