It's ALIV . . . No, Nope. It's Not. Sorry.
by, 04-07-2012 at 09:59 PM (944 Views)
IT'S ALIV . . . NO, NOPE. IT'S NOT. SORRY:
FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF ROSIN PART 1
A MR. HORRORPANTS SCREENPLAY
INT. MAD SCIENTIST'S CASTLE. MR. HORRORPANTS IS WEARING A LAB COAT AND STANDING IN FRONT OF A LARGE BODY ON A SLAB. HE IS ACCOMPANIED BY STELLA, HIS TRUSTY ASSISTANT GREAT DANE.
Mr. Horrorpants pulls a sheet off of the body on the slab to reveal a Frankenstein creation wearing a Minnesota Twins Jersey. On the sleeve is a patch revealing the creation represents Minnesota Twins Fan Spirit.
Stella, why won't Twins Fan Spirit rise and live again?
Stella blinks, then finds a patch of straw to lie down upon.
Mr. Horrorpants lifts a weak, poorly stitched together arm from the creature's side.
The arms! We needed better arms to inspire life to beat in the creature's chest!
These arms are used and poorly stitched together!
These feet are easily tangled! The eyes cannot see!
Stella is already bored and asleep. Mr. Horrorpants looks out the window of Castle Horrorpants.
EXT. A DIRT ROAD IN THE COUNTRYSIDE. A MOB OF ANGRY TWINS FANS MARCH TOWARD THE CASTLE. THEY CARRY TORCHES AND CHANT NAMES LIKE "PUNTO" AND "RADKE" AND "HUNTER."
INT. THE CASTLE.
Maybe it has been dead for TOO LONG!
If the creature could have been revived last year, maybe we would have stood a chance!
We should NEVER have waited so long.
The villagers now pound loudly on the castle door. From an open window, bottles and empty cups begin to fly into the room.
Stella, it's worse than I feared! The Twins fans are so angry they're prepared for Knoblauching!
Quick! Call Tom Kelly.
Stella is already snoring.
Mr. Horrorpants turns back to the Twins 2012 Season. He shakes his head and grabs his EKG defibrillator paddles.
This experiment has just begun.
There must be SOME spark that could salvage it.
The castle door loudly splinters and falls apart under the onslaught of the frustrated Twins fans.
Hold off, fans!
There's still time . . .
The angry villagers keep advancing . . .