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Peanuts from Heaven

What Ricky Nolasco Really Brings to the Twins

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News broke yesterday that former Marlins/Dodgers pitcher, Ricky Nolasco will be signing with the Twins (reportedly for a four/five year deal worth between 49 and 62 Million dollars).


There are many things to consider in this signing: the sudden acquisition of a (relative) strike out artist for a "pitch-to-contact" team; the commitment through 2018 (making Nolasco one of only 3 Twins guaranteed that long a deal); the degree of responsibility and position of "leader" foisted on a player who has only recently tasted meaningful baseball; the question of whether or not this will make any real difference to a team with so many pitching questions. But rather than ponder any of those things, we at Peanuts from Heaven will do what we do best: bring up something stupid and pretend it's important.


Consider, if you will, Ricky Nolasco's twitter feed (my brother--who has helped me start another site here--pointed the change in logo to me as proof that he was in fact coming here).


It is no stretch of the imagination to say that Nolasco's twitter feed makes ample use of the exclamation mark (19 in 6 posts, plus two more just for "LA"). A device that some writers of the English language use to show "excitement, vehement commands or emphasize the intensity of an emotion." Or, as we refer to that in Minnesota, "going crazy".


There have been very few Twins players or even fans in recent years, who could be accused of being either excited, vehement, or even having an intense emotion of any kind. So naturally we wonder, what Ricky Nolasco's first few days as a Twin will be like.

**Dream Sequence**
Ricky Nolasco sits at a pressconference table with Terry Ryan, Ron Gardenhire and (face of the franchise) Joe Mauer
Ryan: We are very proud to introduce Ricky Nolasco as the newest Minnesota Twin [polite applause from assembled reporters].
Nolasco: YEAH!! What's up TWIN CITIES?!?!?!!!!
Reporter: Ricky, how do you feel about joining the Twins?
Nolasco: Amazing!!! Obviously! I get to be in the land of 10,000 Lakes!! That's 9,999 more than LA could offer!!!
Reporter: Do you feel any pressure because of your contract?
Nolasco: Sure!! But I can do it!!!! We've got a tremendous group of guys here, including one of the greatest hitters of all time in Joe Mauer!!! I'm so pumped to play with you Joe!!!
Mauer: Thanks, Ricky. I'm...ummm...really excited to play with you too...you know?
Nolasco: And I get to be coached by a former manager of the year!!! That's awesome!! Nothing against Don Mattingly or Mike Redmond, but, c'mon!!! This is Ron Freaking Gardenhire!!!
Gardy: Thanks Ricky-y...'preciate that.
Nolasco: It's gonna be amazeballs, you guys!!! I know you've had some hard times, but there are some total badasses coming up from the minors!! It'll be great to see them mature! And I'm so grateful that management trusts me to be a leader on a team destined for greatness!!!!
Ryan: Easy, Ricky, let's not get too riled up just yet.
Nolasco: What do you mean!!!?! This is just how I talk!!!
Gardy: We normally try to be very calm and level headed whenever we can.
Nolasco: Oh, for sure, Skip!! Being level-headed is the BEST!!!
Mauer: What about, you know...polite, non-offensive, mutterings about trying hard and...ummm...stuff.
Nolasco: Sure, Joe! I'll try anything!! Why don't you try an exclamation!?!?!
Mauer: What would I exclaim about?
Nolasco: Anything!! Anything that makes your life great!! Your wife! Your kids!! Your job!!!
Mauer: Wild Rice Soup!
Nolasco: OH MY GOD!! YOU GUYS HAVE WILD RICE SOUP!!?!?
*And....Scene....*
Thank you Ricky Nolasco for reintroducing such a valuable punctuation mark to Twins Territory. Or, should we say: Thank you Ricky Nolasco for reintroducing such a valuable punctuation mark to Twins Territory!!!!

Updated 11-28-2013 at 03:20 PM by PeanutsFromHeaven

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Comments

  1. goulik's Avatar
    Lol, Thank You Peanuts!!! Truly humorous and hopefully at least a little bit true!!!
  2. Hosken Bombo Disco's Avatar
    Love it! Maybe Terry Ryan didn't consider that about Nolasco?

    I meant to say, maybe Ryan didn't consider that about Nolasco!!!
  3. ltwedt's Avatar
    Hilarious - and you really nailed it on Mauer - I wish he wasn't so vanilla - how about a little fire, Joe?
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