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Peanuts from Heaven

Adopt a Prospect #3: Battle of the Beards

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It's a frightening time for Luis Perdomo (and his beard). With all the young college relievers getting drafted and signed up with the Twins, long standing vets like Perdomo had better prove their worth quickly or else they'll find themselves looking for work elsewhere.


Meanwhile for the beard feared throughout New Britain there's the troubling development out of Oklahoma City. Yes, there's a new, hip, threatening beard loose in the world of sports: the mighty muzzle of James Harden.


But is Harden's hirsute chin chafer any mach for Perdomo's prickly scrap saver? (Is there any way I can work in some more aliteration?) Let's go to the tale of the tape for the two mighty beards.



James Harden's Beard
"The Ogre of OKC"
Experience: 3 Years
Length: appox. 5 inches
Intimidation Rating: 7.5 Norisses
#of Cheez Its lost inside: 11
Media Exposure: 11.6 Million (TV)
Recent Victims: Tim Duncan's graying grizzle
Conceals: Blueprints for silky layups
Biggest Fans: ESPN Anchors
Award: NBA's Most Valuable Beard ('11-12)

Odds Beard gains sentience: 13:2


Luis Perdomo's Beard
"The Beast of New Britain"

Experience: 6 Years
Length: appox. 3 inches
Intimidation Rating: 7.3 Norisses
# of Cheez Its lost inside: 13
Media Exposure: 14 zipcodes (Paper)
Recent Victims: The Erie SeaWolves
Conceals: An extra 4 MPH on fastball
Biggest Fans: Me (Sorry Luis...)
Award: Carolina League All-Scruff Team ('08)
Odds Beard gains sentience: 3:1


Unfortunately it looks like the Ogre beats the beast in the eyes of millions (especially given Luis' recent sloppy outings), but to we few, foolish, Twins followers will keep touting the Power of Perdomo regardless of recent results.

Comments

  1. ashburyjohn's Avatar
    For contrast, you could rate Darin Mastroianni's beard: http://media.scout.com/Media/Image/43/437017m.jpg
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