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  • Winter Weather Blues - Gimmicks

    It seems that just about every Twins game is snowed or rained or winded out these days. When is MLB going to wake up and start banning weather from their games?!? If nothing else, the Twins should have no home games in April, just in case it snows. Then, they should have no home games in May because of melting. June would be out due to mosquitoes. September is probably pushing it when it comes to snow again. August can be quite sultry.

    The obvious solution: The Twins play all 81 home games in a row, immediately following the All-Star break. At roughly 3 hours per game, they could fit four games in per day. This means that in about 20 days, the Twins could get all their home games in, without the threat of snow, melt water, dangerous pests and sultry temperatures. If MLB ever got their act together and enacted a plan like this, maybe we wouldn't have to sit through these random days without baseball!

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    Without baseball, I decided that it might be fun to cram as many gimmicky ideas as I can into one post. I love gimmicks. Slideshows, top ten lists, poems, bullet lists, other lists. Ok, maybe I just like lists. I still think I am on to something here. Just a bunch of gimmicks all put together. All it needs is a catchy title, and everyone will be hooked.

    I shall call it: Gimmick Post. Fasten your safety belts, it is going to be a wild ride.

    Random Top 5 List

    Here are the top 5 teams in the AL Central as of 4/22/2013:

    1. Royals
    2. Twins
    3. Tigers
    4. Indians
    5. White Sox

    That's right, your Minnesota Twins are in second place. My Minnesota Twins are also in second place.

    Fun Stat

    If Aaron Hicks walks another time in April (if the Twins ever play in April again, right? lol), he will set a Twins' rookie record for most walks in April by a first year player. He is currently tied with Jim Eisenreich, who added 23 hits that month. Hicks currently has 3.

    KWL Chart

    A KWL chart is an organizational tool that many teachers use with students to help them with a new topic. They can also be helpful with topics we want to explore further.

    K is what you know, W is what you want to know, and L is what you have learned.

    Here is a KWL chart that I made, with Brian Dozier as the subject:



    Pro-tip - Click on the image to make it bigger.

    I didn't learn much, but I am happy to know that Dozier has a friend in Josh Willingham.

    My answer to a hypothetical question posted on the Twins' Facebook page:

    Question: Why don't all you whiners take your precious retactable roof AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!

    Answer: I feel there should be a question mark after your exclamation mark, but I'm just being a punctuation perfectionist. I'm not sure what a retactable roof is either. The irony of this question is that a retractable roof would conceivably be placed in an area where the sun does shine, thus blocking it out. In a sense, you are answering your own question. If the roof was where the sun does not shine, then we wouldn't be able to enjoy the sun anyway, thus making the retractable roof quite useful and not inhibiting to a person who wants to enjoy a nice, sunny day of baseball. That being said, your use of capital letters is very effective.

    Random Photoshop:

    Joe Mauer gets a lot of attention for his sideburns. What if he didn't have them?



    Yeah, so maybe the sideburns work.

    A Link to something stupid I wrote:

    I transcribed my guttural reaction to Ben Revere's catch last week. You can read it here.

    Random Paint Image:

    Here is a picture I drew of Target Field, from these past few weeks. I tweeted this out earlier, but no one follows me on Twitter, so here it is again:



    A Link to something not stupid I wrote:

    I wrote a screenplay a few weeks ago. It is both not stupid and stupid. I think it's satire. I'm not really sure. However, there are many puns. I punned Justin Morneau, Vance Worley, Brandon Boggs, Trevor Plouffe and Anthony Slama. No one is spared! No one! Here it is.

    Parting Haiku

    No Twins game today
    The relentless winter weather is bearing down on us like an unstoppable force, berating us with constant barbs of snow and a biting wind that will chew all the way to our very soul
    Soon it will be May

    Perhaps that wasn't a Haiku. If you prefer accurate poetry, you can sub this line where you see fit: Winter weather will not leave.

    I like my version better.
    This article was originally published in blog: Winter Weather Blues - Gimmicks started by Brad Swanson
    Comments 8 Comments
    1. snepp's Avatar
      snepp -
      Your picture of TF looks eerily similar to that of my back yard.
    1. drunksam's Avatar
      drunksam -
      Your back yard is Target Field?!?!?!

      Lucky...
    1. 70charger's Avatar
      70charger -
      Brian Dozier's hair is epic.

      I had seats a few rows above the dugout in Baltimore in early April for the Twins game, and I may have yelled that at him after too many "Natty Bohs" (National Bohemian beer).

      He did not acknowledge my acknowledgement of his epic hair. Probably gets that a lot.
    1. PeanutsFromHeaven's Avatar
      PeanutsFromHeaven -
      My glee at seeing a K/W/L worksheet about Brian Dozier is matched only by the beauty of your drawing of your Target Field drawing. Education and artistry, a winning combination.
    1. Brad Swanson's Avatar
      Brad Swanson -
      Artucation! I am glad someone else shares my affection for Dozier's hair. I think Gleeman and the Geek talked about it this last weekend too.
    1. YourHouseIsMyHouse's Avatar
      YourHouseIsMyHouse -
      I too am a fan of Brian Dozier's hair. Not sure about his play just YET.
    1. YourHouseIsMyHouse's Avatar
      YourHouseIsMyHouse -
      Oh and I also read your screenplay. VERY FUNNY and I enjoyed it a lot. The subtle things like the chair trip made it fantastic. You're really good at painting the picture for people's minds.
    1. Brad Swanson's Avatar
      Brad Swanson -
      Quote Originally Posted by YourHouseIsMyHouse View Post
      Oh and I also read your screenplay. VERY FUNNY and I enjoyed it a lot. The subtle things like the chair trip made it fantastic. You're really good at painting the picture for people's minds.
      Thank you, that is very kind! I still think that forming a TD theater troupe to act it out is at least a 55 grade idea.
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