Mr. Horrorpants

History in the Air, Twins Hits Stay in the Yard (Twins 0 Tigers 4 Game 63)

The Twins played tonight, in as much as an official game occurred and they were there.

At least people at Target Field got to see Eddie Guardado and PR guy Tom Mee get inducted into the Twins Hall of Fame.

I listened to the first inning in my backyard, until the mosquitoes ran up the scoreboard in a hellish game of their own. I listened deeper into the game inside my house. I listened ...

Tags: chocolate lab puppy, dozier, guardado, plouffe, twinsinstereo

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Twins vs. Phillies

Run(s) Scored (Twins 3 Phillies 2—Game 60)

Run(s) scored.

When my team is at bat, I add up all the players and figure out how many runs could’ve gone on the scoreboard. I assume the highest number possible.

But when it’s the other team . . .

As soon as “Run(s) scored” appears on my smartphone screen all sounds around me cease. I can hear my heart beat. I don’t even count up how bad the damage could be. I just ...

Twins at Nationals

A Small Amount of New Hope (Twins 4 Nationals 3 - Game 57)

Thanks to rain that wouldn’t go away, this Nationals series will be played in a space of barely over one day.

Condensing things makes this interleague series into a neat little three part trilogy. Like Star Wars or The Godfather.

Well, it will be for anyone in the Land of Lakes still sporting a TC on their hat, at least.

Tonight’s game had the underdog ...

Tags: camp crystal lake, mario kart, span, the godfather, twinsinstereo

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Twins at Royals

Salem’s Lot (Twins 3 Royals 0 - Game 54)

I started my day with a run. My Michael Cuddyer shirsey kept me company.

It’s funny how sturdy a fan’s heart is. After the announcement a beloved player will no longer be a Minnesota Twin, grief sets in. Then, when the season rolls around, you’re cheering for the players still in the dugout and you only pout when you hear former Twins’ names on highlight reels.

Sorta like breaking up ...

Tags: cuddyer, kohl stewart, royals, steroids, twinsinstereo

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Twins versus Mariners

No Big Deal (Game 51)

The ball game was relegated to nothing more than background noise. The goose-egg on the Twins’ side of the scoreboard did little to lure me back in.

With baseball refusing to signal the beginning of weekend joy. My conversation with my friend turned to ghost stories and hard luck tales. I even dug out the flashlight for that special campfire vibe.

And so it’s like this: Baseball is apple pie, and ...

Tags: doumit, mauer, misfits, twinsinstereo, zen

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Twins versus Brewers

The Coliseum Cheers (Game 49)

I tuned into the game just before Sam Deduno got enough outs to put himself in line for a win. He’s like dynamite: The Twins get the exact perfect ratio of balls to strikes from him or everything blows up in their face.

The radio was all about the solid defensive performance from the Twins, but all the signals beaming out of Target Field amped up to 11 for a foul ball Chris Parmelee snagged, battling fate ...

Tags: deduno, parker hageman, parmelee, twinsinstereo

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Twins at Brewers

Wanting What Uecker’s Got (Game 47)

Twins found a win on their first game of the series in Milwaukee. I listened to the first inning on the radio and monitored the rest of the action on my phone. I only half believe giving up on a team hurts their chances of winning, but I absolutely know they won in spite of my pessimism today.

Listened to Bob Uecker call that first inning. Still weird to think about him having a stalker for all of those ...

Tags: doumit, duensing, twinsinstereo, uecker

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Twins at Tigers

10 Pins Fall Down (Game 44)

I asked the score if I should watch the Twins game. The score said no, and I had no regrets about spending some time with my wife, my friend, and an awful movie called The Greenskeeper.

The formerly infamous John Rocker, pitcher, played the killer.

It’s on Netflix.

In the ninth inning, we watched our phones to make sure the Twins avoided getting no-hit.

Following a baseball ...

Tags: benson, bluths, john rocker, mauer, twinsinstereo

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Twins at Braves

Gimme Danger? (Game 41)

Bad night in the US outside of baseball. Tornados took a chunk out of the country again, leaving too many dead (no matter the number) and many of the rest battling post-disaster financial hardship like it was a kind of cancer. For those affected, this will be a mile marker for the rest of their lives.

Sadly, but less tragically, Doors’ keyboardist Ray Manzarek died.

The Doors were dangerous rock and roll. ...

Tags: liriano, plouffe, ray manzarek, twinsinstereo

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Red Sox at Twins

The Vanimal and Clay (Game 38)

The Twin Cities team takes the loss and Break-Evening drops to two games away. And yet I dream.

Clay Buchholz stood at the other end of the street again Vance Worley, and the Vanimal was outgunned from the outset of the duel. The Vanimal stood tall in his boots and gave the Twins six innings.

The greatest distance in the world is the distance between two lovers before their first kiss. The second ...

Tags: david ortiz, joe bob briggs, the sandlot, twinsinstereo, vance worley

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White Sox at Twins

Four Sacks of Groceries and Two Dingers (Game 35)

When the Twins have a three run lead, it’s safe to grocery shop without excessive worry.

When the Twins are behind, each trip down the grocery store aisles is pure agony. Every spare moment and empty space offers an opportunity to check the score on your cell phone. When the other team’s runs pile on, it’s hard to keep shopping.

The Twins rewarded my trust with a surplus of ...

Tags: aaron hicks, adam dunn, jamey carroll, twinsinstereo

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Orioles at Twins

A Damn Shame (Game 32)

These days, it’s a lot easier to keep up with the Twins when you’re traveling.

This can be perilous, however.

For example, when the Twins blow a six run lead and you find out in the middle of a friendly conversation with your family. There are words and phrases that desperately need screaming, but politeness dictates you keep your mouth shut.

I settled on letting out a wordless scream. I ...

Tags: provus, rammstein, twinsinstereo

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Twins at Red Sox

Too Old for the Gang at Cheers (Game 28)

Home early, with my wife home as well, I started getting a hankering for watching the Twins play at a sports bar. Baseball’s just a little bit better when you’re covered in buffalo sauce and ordering another beer.

Except it was Monday. And I’m old. And wings plus beer plus anything else starts to add up to be a decent chunk of change. Don’t get me started on the calories, either. Plus, then you’re ...

Tags: david ortiz, ryan doumit, twinsinstereo, vance worley

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Twins at Cleveland

Except Tonight (Game 25)

For me, skipping the 10^th inning of an extra innings game is like skipping the opener of a rock concert. You usually don’t miss much.

Except tonight, when the Twins crapped out in extra inning (singular).

Because I am a fan of the heart and not of the head, I assume the Twins will win all games where the score stays close. And when a home run comes flying out of the Magical Land of Parmelee, the ...

Tags: mike pelfrey, trevor plouffe, twinsinstereo

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