Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

Hi, Twins Daily! In the last few days, I have posted a few more draft recaps at my blog. If you missed them, and want to read about them, you can find them here: 1994, 1995, 1996.

Here is 1997:

Travis Lee was being a real jag and didn't want to sign with the Twins after the 1996 draft. The Twins did not want to duplicate that jaggery in 1997. They had a strict "no-jag" policy in '97, opting instead for super nice guys. In the end, the Twins drafted two very popular players and one (perhaps) unfairly unpopular player. They also drafted a guy who they would later draft much higher and with much worse results. Stay tuned!

1st Round Picks

The Twins had two, as the aforementioned jag did not sign. The Twins had the 9th overall pick, and used it to draft Michael Cuddyer. "Cuddy," or "Cuddy Bear," as he would be affectionately called, took some time to get it going, but ultimately became a useful and versatile player, albeit one with a very red face. With their Lee pick, the Twins drafted Matt LeCroy. He looked like a teddy bear, so the Twins completed the Cuddy Bear/Teddy Bear combo successfully.

Ah, but what if?

I know that Cuddy was very popular, but Lance Berkman went 16th overall and was roughly four times the player as Cuddyer (by WAR, which I know, I know, it sucks, but just handle it, k?). Berkman has a semi-decent Hall of Fame case and a no-doubt Hall of Fame nickname - Big Puma. Would he have become Big Puma in Minnesota? He'd probably be Berky or LancePants, so I think everything worked out perfectly for all stakeholders.

Best Player Drafted

Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Nick Punto! Punto narrowly edges Cuddyer out by WAR, mostly because he was a great defensive player with good on-base skills and he battled just slightly more than Cuddy. Honestly, Nick Punto drew a lot of ire from fans, but was never the worst player on the team and not nearly as embarrassing as Denny Hocking and his frosted tips (unprovoked Hocking shot alert!).

Of course, Punto didn't actually sign with the Twins. He went back to school (he's smart) and was drafted in the 21st round by the Phillies the following year. He would then come to the Twins in the 2003 Eric Milton trade.

Worst Player to Reach MLB

25th-round pick Adam Johnson, who posted a -1.1 career WAR. You may remember Johnson as a first-round pick, but that would come a few years later. In fact...

The One Who Got Away

I'd argue that Johnson is the one who got away. If the Twins had signed him back in 1997, he wouldn't have been around to draft in the first round in 2000. If not him, Punto, but he eventually found his way back to the flock.

Best Name

Tagg Bozied in the 50th round. Much like the Terminator, "he would be back, later."

Fun Facts

• The Twins drafted future backup quarterback Marques Tuiasosopo in the 34th round. He should have been in soap ads; seems like a huge missed opportunity.
• Michael Restovich, the Twins' second-round pick, went to Mayo High School. When you think of it, it's a Miracle that he Whipped himself to the Big Leagues. Right?
• The Twins drafted Tim Sturdy in the 23rd round. Oddly enough, he was 7' 5" and 155 lb.
• Michael Cuddyer was arguably a better pitcher than Adam Johnson
• The Twins drafted David Justice in the 49th round, which was later deemed illegal, as Justice was an established player with the Braves. It was worth a shot.

All those drafted who made it to the Bigs

Nick Punto, Michael Cuddyer, J.C. Romero, Matt LeCroy, Michael Restovich, Kevin Frederick, and Adam Johnson

One Sentence Summary

LEAVE NICK PUNTO ALONE!

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

Weekend Recap

Welp. The Twins weren't really supposed to be good or even decent this season, so a 2-7 homestand isn't crazy. It's more disappointing, after what seemed like a such a positive start. Regardless, this franchise is clearly trending upward, even if this past week doesn't reflect that.

The thing that struck me the most from the weekend was another shaky Scott Diamond start. I did a detailed breakdown of Diamond's 2012 and concluded that 2012 Scott Diamond was a good pitcher and if he can replicate what he did in 2012, he could have long-term success. You can read it here, if you missed it back in February.

I looked at Diamond's stats from the first half of 2012 (when Diamond was a borderline Ace), the second half of 2012 (when Diamond was good, but not great), and the start of this season (when Diamond looks like he might be regressing). What is different? Here's a chart with Diamond's peripherals:

	K%	BB%	LOB%	GB%	LD%	FB%	HR/FB	HR/9	BABIP	xFIP	ERA
2012 1st Half	13.9	3.7	79.3	59	20.3	20.7	14.8	0.91	0.285	3.57	2.61
2012 2nd Half	11.6	4.9	68.6	48.9	21.5	29.6	9.5	0.86	0.298	4.23	4.31
2013	9.8	5.5	70.6	47.4	19.7	32.8	13.3	1.36	0.318	4.62	4.99
League Avg (2012)	19.8	8	72.5	45.1	20.9	34	11.3	1.02	0.293	4.01	4.01

2013 Scott Diamond has looked a lot more like the 2012 second half Scott Diamond. He's getting fewer ground balls, and more of his fly balls are going over the fence. His walk rate is ticking upward and his strikeout rate is ticking downward. These numbers need to start reversing, or Diamond will have a very difficult time replicating his 2012 success.

I looked at some PitchF/x data as well. The samples are small, so there isn't much significance. However, some trends are evident. Looking at this chart, it appears that his curveball is as good as ever:

CB	O-Swing%	O-Contact%	SwStr%
2012	48.2	52.4	15.2
2013	46.7	48.6	15
Average (2012)	29	63.8	9.1

Batters still swing at a very high percentage of his curve outside the zone and they still make little contact. In addition, they swing through many of these pitches for strikes. That's good! However, this chart shows there are other concerns with the curve:

CB	LD%	FB%	HR/FB%
2012	24.8	27.4	11.6
2013	19.4	35.5	36.4

Mainly, batters are hitting more curves in the air and many more over the fence. That's bad! It's still early, but not a great sign so far. Let's look at his change:

CH	Contact%	Zone%	SwStr%
2012	79.6	38.2	9.9
2013	90.6	46.4	4.4
Average (2012)	79.7	44.9	9.1

His change was a pretty average pitch last year, but as his third pitch, it worked. This season, players are making better contact and rarely missing that pitch. He's throwing it in the zone more, and it's getting hit more. Not a great combo. Finally, here's a very small chart regarding his fastball:

FB	GB%
2012	56.5
2013	48.3

Basically, the decline of Diamond's ground ball rate can be almost fully correlated to the decreasing percentage of ground balls Diamond has coaxed with his fastball. If you add it all up, Diamond has basically been this pitcher in 2013: A league-average ground ball pitcher, with low strikeout totals and a good walk rate. In 2012, Diamond was a ground ball pitcher with low strikeout totals and an elite walk rate. These aren't major differences, but enough to turn a good pitcher into a shaky pitcher.

All that being said, it is still very early and I won't be convinced that Diamond is a different pitcher until at least a full season passes.

Analysis! Now on to the Madness:

Random Paint Image



I choose to remember this Scott Diamond, being ceremoniously carried off the field by his teammates after a series of spectacular starts.

Random Plug/Former Twin Update - Randy Ruiz

Ben Noble of Puckett's Pond posted a feature on a former Twin. I fondly remember Randy Ruiz and hopefully you do too. Plus, Ben's a really good dude and a great writer. If you remember Randy Ruiz as fondly as I do, you should check it out.

Random Photoshop

Byron Buxton hit a walk-off Grand Slam on Wednesday night. It was a bomb. Buxton has basically become the "next big thing" and fans are starting to clamor for Buxton's debut sooner than later. I don't know anything about his realistic ETA, but I do know that Nikola Pekovic of the Minnesota Timberwolves was clearly impressed, as he updated his crazy tattoo after he heard about Buxton's feat:



Good gravy, that tattoo is crazy.

Answering a random question from the Twins' Facebook page:

Q: Best movie ever...where is The Beast?

For context, this question was posted in reference to a picture of "Squints" and "Ham" from The Sandlot.

A: The Beast probably died 10-15 years ago. A dog of that size likely had a lifespan of about 8-10 years. The dog was likely at least 2 or 3 when the movie was filmed and the movie is now 20 years old. Thanks for asking though, it's a super uplifting topic to discuss.

While on the topic of The Sandlot, how come only two of the actors were present for this weekend? What are any of those guys doing right now? Shouldn't the Twins have been able to get 5 or 6 of those guys, at minimum. I bet if you give them free airfare, 20 bucks, and the chance to talk to people who think they're cool, they'd all be there. Typical cheap Twins, slashing payroll and stiffing Sandlot actors. Embarrassing.

Random Top 12 List

Here are the Twins' leaders in wRC+ for the month of May (as of 5/19/2013):

1. Joe Mauer - 228
2. Oswaldo Arcia - 132
3. Trevor Plouffe - 123
4. Justin Morneau - 123
5. Jamey Carroll - 115
6. Pedro Florimon - 112
7. Ryan Doumit - 108
8. Aaron Hicks - 89
9. Chris Parmelee - 74
10. Eduardo Escobar - 55
11. Josh Willingham - 55
12. Brian Dozier - 19

Something I wrote

I'm not going to link to them, but I have been recapping the past 25 Twins' drafts over the last week or so, and I'll have 1997 posted on Twins Daily tomorrow. I have been posting a new draft recap each day, on my blog - Kevin Slowey was Framed!

This seems like a good time to thank Twins Daily for putting my 1993 recap on the front page. A lot of people read my recaps as a result; far more than I could generate on my own. I think it is downright amazing that John, Seth, Nick and Parker are so willing to share their hard-earned following with all of us aspiring writers. Thanks to everyone who operates this site, it is hands down my favorite site on the internet.

Something stupid I wrote

I'll link to this though. I'm not sure this even qualifies as writing, but it is stupid. What is Oswaldo Arcia doing with his arms? I have 13 theories, and a bonus Paint image to boot. Also, I did start a Facebook group for some reason. There are six likes, which is five more than I expected. If you are interested, you can find and like it here.

Haiku

The Twins may be down
I refuse to frown or drown
Haiku should not rhyme

Have a nice week everyone!

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

Welcome back! In my never-ending quest to recap old drafts (feature ends June 4), I present to you, if you missed them:

1991

1992

Here's 1993, in all it's glory:

The 1992 draft was a nightmare, but the 1993 draft was like the morning after a nightmare when you realize that none of what you experienced was real and that you are safe in your own bed, but then ohhhh there's blood on your pillow but wait it's just that your tooth fell out because you haven't been to the dentist in years and everything's fine except the tooth. You know, that old tale.

1st Round Picks

Oh my, the Twins had 4 this year. They received two picks for losing John Smiley to free agency. If you remember back to the 1989 draft, you remember that Smiley was acquired in a trade for Denny Neagle, so that 1989 draft is the gift that keeps on giving. Also, the Twins received a first and a third when Greg Gagne signed with the Royals. So, the Twins selected Torii Hunter with their first first-round pick, which worked out well. They had the very next pick and selected Jason Varitek. He did not sign. They then got cocky and decided to draft by choosing hilarious names and selected Marc Barcelo and Kelcey Mucker with their next two firsts. Neither made the Majors, but both have funny names. Mission accomplished!

Ah, but what if?

Simple - what if Varitek had signed? He would have been the catcher for years, and likely would have bridged the gap to A.J. Pierzynski. Also, Scott Rolen went 46th overall, so he would have been great had the Twins employed a strategy where good players were sought instead of great names.

Best Player Drafted

Torii Hunter in a landslide. He has produced almost 50 WAR and was an extremely popular player in Minnesota. I wrote something long ago (six months ago) that investigated what could have happened if he had stayed in Minnesota through last season. You can read it here and enjoy it here as well.

Worst Player to Reach MLB

A lot of players drafted by the Twins in 1993 made it to the Majors. Many didn't play long, so the career WARs are bunched together. The worst was Kelly Dransfeldt with a -0.6 WAR. The Twins drafted him in the 7th round and he didn't sign. Therefore, the worst Twins draftee/signee is a tie between their 21st and 22nd round picks - Shane Bowers and Rob Radlosky. The fact that both made it to the Majors is remarkable, so we can ignore their stats.

The One Who Got Away

Varitek. Aren't you paying attention?

Best Name

Danny Peoples in round 59 of course.

Fun Facts

• The Twins had four first-round picks, as I stated before. Only one donned a Twins uniform. How does one don?
• Benj Sampson was drafted in the 6th round and marks the first player with a missing letter in his name to be drafted to the MLB. Congratulations Benj!
• The Twins used their 3rd-round compensation pick on Troy Carrasco, who did not make it to the Majors.
• The Twins drafted Toby Dollar in the 4th round out of a Texas High School. He did not sign. He then must have had an illustrious career at TCU because he was drafted in the 29th round by the Dodgers three years later. Cost himself a lot of Dollars.
• Jason Varitek hates Minnesota.

All those drafted who made it to the Bigs

Torii Hunter, Jason Varitek, Alex Cora, Lance Carter, Danny Kolb, Javier Valentin, Kevin Ohme, Benj Sampson, Dan Perkins, Emil Brown, Ryan Radmanovich, Rob Radlosky, Kelly Dransfeldt, and Shane Bowers

One Sentence Summary

Even if only Torii Hunter had made it to Minnesota, the 1993 draft would have been a huge success.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

The Minnesota Twins are going through a bit of a rough patch. The White Sox are terrible, but hit the Twins hard today and won the series. The Twins rotation is not performing. Mike Pelfrey seems jolly, but that's not enough. Vance Worley has cool glasses, but that's not cutting it. Pedro Hernandez is a lefty, but even that isn't getting the job done.

In addition, there are questions about the offense. Is Josh Willingham slumping or getting old? Is Chris Parmelee an everyday player? Is Aaron Hicks breaking out or just simply not historically awful anymore? Is Trevor Plouffe wearing more and more eye-black, in some sort of ritualistic manner to try to voodoo his way to success against right-handed pitching?

These are all legitimate questions, but not questions that interest me at all. I am most concerned with what Oswaldo Arcia is doing with his arms when he makes this motion:



Also, why is he so happy? Anyway, here's a link to a picture, if you are into accurate representations.

Back to the question at hand, what is Arcia doing? Someone stated that it's some sort of team-building symbol invented by Wilkin Ramirez. I'M NOT BUYING IT! Body language is universal, so I should be able to decipher what is meant when Arcia makes that "o" shape with his arms without being told.

I have theories, which I present to you without commentary:

• Asking for more Ovaltine, please
• Cracking walnuts for some of the smaller and weaker players
• Creating a self-picture frame, in order to assist people when they take pictures (or draw pictures) of him
• Spelling out his name, one letter at a time, with the intent unveiling a new letter every few weeks
• Advertising for O.co
• Telling Pedro Florimon that he loves him "this much"
• Trying to turn into a hot air balloon
• Creating the number zero, in a subtle homage to his favorite player of all time: Junior Ortiz
• Ripping Joe Mauer for not hitting more home runs
• Only one country starts with the letter "O" and that is Oman; he just learned that and is really excited to tell people about it
• Asking Ron Gardenhire to make him some eggs
• Trying to relate to Anthony Swarzak by flashing a crop circle sign to him, while in the bullpen
• It's not intentional, it's just how he stands normally

What is he really doing? You be the judge. If you have theories of your own, please share.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

Hello Twins Daily! I am continuing my journey through the last 25 Minnesota Twins drafts. As promised, I will not post each here, as I don't want to create any clutter. If you are interested in previous entries, you can find them here:

1988

1989

There! Here's 1990:

The 1989 draft produced one of the biggest names of the Twins' last quarter-century, in Chuck Knoblauch. How could the 1990 draft compete with that? Well, maybe the Twins didn't want that! Perhaps they didn't care about the 1990 draft after the success of the 1989 draft. Yeah. So, here's some stuff about this "nothing to prove" draft from 1990.

1st Round Picks

The Twins had two this year! They had a second first rounder as compensation for losing Jeff Reardon in free agency. Twice as nice! Well. The Twins drafted Todd Ritchie and Midre Cummings. Yep. Ah, but don't worry, the Twins had two second round picks in 1990 as well. They also got a second-round pick for losing Reardon. Wow, Jeff Reardon is the gift that keeps on giving. The Twins used their seconds on Jayhawk Owens and Ron Caridad. Let's just move on.

Ah, but what if?

What if the Twins had drafted a post? Could the post have fared better? More seriously, Mike Mussina went 24th overall, some twelve picks past Ritchie. The Twins wanted a right-handed starter, but they got the wrong one. Luckily, no one has ever heard of Mike Mussina. Wait.

Best Player Drafted

The Twins drafted "Everyday" Eddie Guardado in the 21st round. Guardado was both effective and popular. Those are not words one would use to describe Todd Ritchie, or Jayhawk Owens for that matter. Guardado went on to have a very long and fun career.

Worst Player to Reach MLB

The Twins drafted Brent Brede in the 5th round. He posted a robust -1.7 WAR in about 170 games. This draft is depressing.

The One Who Got Away

No one. The Twins didn't even draft and not sign a good player this year. No one.

Best Name

Chris Gump in the 47th round. Little known fact - Forrest Gump's cousin.

Fun Facts

• It wasn't all bad. The Twins did draft Rich Becker and Pat Meares in 1990. We've heard of them.
• In fact, the Twins' first five picks had a lower combined career WAR than Becker.
• 3rd Round pick Jamie Ogden went to White Bear Lake High School. This means that Ogden was a Bear and might explain his lack of big league success. He was a bear. Bears have massive paws and cannot hold balls and bats.
• Todd Ritchie somehow won 43 career games.
• The Twins also had a second third round pick, as compensation for losing Wally Backman. Apparently in the 90s, teams were compensated for losing Wally Backmans. Seriously.

All those drafted who made it to the Bigs

Eddie Guardado, Damian Miller, Rich Becker, Todd Ritchie, Pat Meares, Midre Cummings, Jayhawk Owens, Brian Raabe, James Mouton, Jeff Granger, and Brent Brede.

One Sentence Summary

The Twins won the World Series one year later, and that was fun.

Weekend Recap

Twins' starters combined for 2 strikeouts in 17 innings against the Orioles. Yikes. Baltimore doesn't strike out a lot as a team, but my goodness, 2 strikeouts in 17 innings? The starters have to do better than that. I get the whole pitch to contact, let the defense do their thing, battle, achieve success idea, but this is too extreme for me. Strikeouts aren't everything and some pitchers can get away with low totals. However, not many can get away with it for a long time. Relying on batted balls to make over 95% of the team's outs is not a great long-term strategy.

Joe Mauer is pretty good. He went 8-12 this weekend, added two walks and stroked four doubles. He went through a mini-slump a couple weeks back and I'm sure everyone was convinced that his career was over. It wasn't. Mauer now leads the offense in just about every possible category and is on pace for over 70 doubles. Honestly, if he hit 70 doubles, it would not surprise me all that much.

Wei-Yin Chen is left-handed. Wei-Yin Chen is a soft-tosser. Wei-Yin Chen pitched against the Twins on a Sunday afternoon. Given this information, the next sentence could be predicted by a time-travelling space-ape with minor brain damage and a lot on his mind. Wei-Yin Chen shut out the Twins for five innings and won on Sunday. Chen left the game with an oblique injury, likely from repeatedly making the "two hands clasped together, shaking triumphantly over each shoulder, back and forth" gesture too frequently.

Manny Machado is really good. #analysis

Random Plug

Grant Brisbee is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Nation of SB Nation and also for McCovey Chronicles of SB Nation. While he primarily writes about the San Francisco Giants, he does also post some general baseball thoughts. This week, he posted some "scouting reports" that he found from the newly released Hall of Fame scouting reports. They are extremely clever and hilarious. If you haven't read them yet, you really should.

Random Photoshop

Prior to that post, I had planned to send a "thank you" card of sorts to Brisbee, for all the fun articles I have enjoyed over the years. So, I made this photoshop of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album cover, with Hunter Pence's head in place of all the people on the cover. The results are terrifying and fascinating. Enjoy:



Former Twin

Here's a sad tweet:

Astros Sign Edgar Gonzalez, Designate Philip Humber bit.ly/17hxdMz #mlb
— MLB Trade Rumors (@mlbtraderumors) May 12, 2013

Well, the Edgar Gonzalez part is nice for him, but Philip Humber getting DFA'ed is too bad. Since his perfect game last season, Humber has been pretty awful. He was once a major part of the package that the Twins acquired for Johan Santana and now he is probably worse than Santana and Santana isn't even playing. He might get one more chance, but getting released by the Astros is not promising.

My response to a hypothetical Facebook Question

Q: Two days in a row without Hicks (Aaron Hicks). How are they going to score runs without his bat in the lineup? Hahahahha.

A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is freaking hilarious! I mean, how are they going to score without one of their worst offensive players, right? Right?!? Right?!!?!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! This is fantastic. Ignore the fact that Hicks is one of the most promising players on the team and just focus on the fact that he hasn't done well in one month of play. AHHAHAHAHAH.

But seriously, I'm sure you will love Hicks when he's playing well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Fun Baseball Card from the past

Why do big glasses look so odd, but big sunglasses are pretty much standard? What do you think, Max Venable?



Yeah, I don't get it either.

Fun Stat

The Twins pitcher with the most strikeouts in a game versus the Orioles? Johan Santana, with 14 on September 19, 2004. He struck out seven times the amount of Orioles as Twins' starters struck out this whole weekend. Never forget: Johan Santana was cool/awesome.

Link to something I wrote

I decided to recap each of the last 25 Twins drafts, leading up to the 2013 draft in June. I posted 1988 on Sunday, and you can read it here. It's a hoot. Do you remember Johnny Ard? Neither did I. Cool.

Link to something stupid I wrote

For some odd reason, I decided to start a Facebook Group. There is currently one "like" and probably some (like 7?) more to come. Once I reach 50 "likes" I will give away my prized Gary Wayne 1991 Score baseball card. If that prize isn't worth clicking a button and enduring countless annoying Facebook updates, then I don't know what is. You can find it here: Kevin Slowey was Facebooked!

Parting Haiku

Joe loves to double
Anything less is trouble
Home run allergy

Welcome to 25 drafts in 25 days! Over the next few weeks, I will be writing brief recaps of the last 25 drafts in Twins' history. This will all culminate with the 2013 draft, when the Twins will select 4th overall. I know that the MLB draft isn't as hyped as the NBA or NFL draft, due to the age and experience of the players involved, but the draft is an important tool used to build a franchise, especially for the Twins. This coming draft is extremely important, as the Twins have the opportunity to add to an already stacked farm system.

Twins Daily, I don't want to bombard you with these recaps, so I'll just post one every 3-4 days. I'll have links to those that I do not directly post here, but you can always check each year out daily at my blog: Kevin Slowey was Framed! I plan to post each of these around 11am for the next 25 days at that site. You can stop crying now.

Housekeeping aside, we'll start back in 1988 and work our way to the present.

1st Round Pick

The Twins drafted right-hander Johnny Ard out of Manatee Community College in Bradenton, Florida with the 20th overall pick in the 1988 draft. Manatee Community College. Unfortunately, Johnny didn't want to put in the Ard work it takes to get to the Bigs. I don't know that to be true. Glancing at his Minor League stats tells a lot, as he walked a lot of batters and didn't strike many out. Pretty Ard sell for me.

Ah, but what if?

Well, the 1988 draft kinda sucked. Robin Ventura was by far the best player, but he was drafted 10th overall. Alex Fernandez posted a 28.9 WAR for his career and went 24th overall to the Brewers. I am guessing the Twins would have preferred Fernandez to Ard, but only in hindsight of course.

Best Player Drafted

In the 11th round, with the 284th pick, the Twins selected J.T. Bruett. Bruett posted a career WAR of 0.2. That was the best number of any player that the Twins actually drafted and signed in 1988. A couple of their 1988 draftees had better careers, but we will get to that in a bit.

Worst Player to Reach MLB

In the 9th round, the Twins selected Doug Simons. Simons posted a -1.5 WAR, thus hurting the teams he played for, just by being around. He never pitched for the Twins, luckily. Simons posted a career 6.68 ERA in 66 career innings. Tons of sixes aside, he didn't really do much.

The One Who Got Away

The Twins drafted Aaron Sele in the 37th round, but he chose to be a dork and go to college. He was later selected 23rd overall by the Red Sox, so who's a dork now? He won 148 career games and was a player I often heard Twins fans long for. He had a career ERA+ of 100, which is league average, but compared with the entire remaining Twins' draft, he was Roger Clemens.

Best Name

Deryk Gross - 12th Round - What a difference one "y" makes.

Fun Facts

• 6th Round pick Pat Mahomes had a better career batting average than 4th round pick Steve Dunn, who was a first baseman
• The Twins selected Steve Dunn in the 4th round and then Steve Dean in the 5th round. Someone found that funny, I bet.
• Steve Dean did not make it to the Majors, thus having a WAR of 0. Steve Dunn did make it to the Majors and posted a WAR of -0.4, thus making him the less valuable Steve.
• Alan Newman was drafted 50th overall. Everyone remembers Alan Newman. He was 6' 6" and 240 lb out of La Habra, California. He was not Al Newman.
• The Twins drafted Scott Stahoviak in the 27th round, but he did not sign. He'd be back.
• A guy I went to high school with had a Scott Stahoviak jersey. Seriously.

All those drafted who made it to the Bigs

Alan Newman, Steve Dunn, Pat Mahomes, Doug Simons, J.T. Bruett, Scott Stahoviak and Aaron Sele

One Sentence Summary

The Minnesota Twins drafted some players in the 1988 draft and all of those players were horrible.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

On Tuesday night, Aaron Hicks made a nice running catch and flipped the ball with his glove to Brian Dozier, all in one motion. I cheered; Ron Gardenhire hissed. Gardenhire was likely upset with how nonchalant Hicks was or perhaps jealous of how silky smooth Hicks is. Regardless, an ensuing "conversation" in the dugout was caught on FSN's cameras and set off an explosion of commentary and crying (mostly from me).

Odds are, their conversation was about that play, but I can't help but think it could have been about something else. Here are a few working theories that I have:


Option 1 - Cold hands

Gardy: Hicksie, get over here.

Hicks: What's up skip?

Gardy: What did I tell you about leaving the hot plate plugged in while you're not in the same room?

Hicks: Don't leave the hot plate plugged in, it could start a fire.

Gardy: Right, and what did I see when I went into the clubhouse a few minutes ago?

Hicks: (sheepishly) The hot plate was plugged in.

Gardy: THE HOT PLATE WAS PLUGGED IN! DO YOU WANT TO START A FIRE? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT HOT PLATE IS? I'M TEMPTED TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU!

Hicks: No! I need it!

Gardy: You NEED to understand that a fire in the clubhouse kills us all. Is that what you want?

Hicks. (more sheepishly) No...

Gardy: Look, I don't want to die out here. I got lots of stuff I still want to do. I'm abiti...

Hicks: (cuts him off) I was just using it to warm up my hands.

Gardy: DO YOU THINK THAT MATTERS? DO YOU THINK THE HOT PLATE KNOWS THAT? A HOT PLATE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU USE IT FOR, IF YOU LEAVE IT PLUGGED IN, IT CAN START A FIRE! (pauses) I can't talk about this again, go sit down.


Option 2 - I ain't afraid of no ghosts

Gardy: Hicksie, get over here.

Hicks: What's up skip?

Gardy: What happened out there?

Hicks: I saw him.

Gardy: Saw who?

Hicks: I saw the ghost.

Gardy: You saw the ghost? What did we just talk about yesterday?

Hicks: You say there's no such thing as ghosts, but you aren't an expert.

Gardy: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY EXPERTISE? I KNOW MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW. I'VE FORGOTTEN MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY LEARN. I'VE LIVED THE GHOST-HUNTING LIFESTYLE AND IT IS NOT A LIFESTYLE I WANT FOR YOU... OR ANY OF MY PLAYERS! GHOSTS AREN'T REAL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Hicks: I know what I saw.

Gardy: YOU SAW NOTHING! (creepily calms into a zen-like trance) I'm tired of going through this with you, go sit down.


Option 3 - You can't eat the soaps

Gardy: Hicksie, get over here.

Hicks: What's up skip?

Gardy: I can't help but notice that the nice, decorative soaps that I put in the washroom are all wet and slightly smaller. I also can't help but notice that you were the last one to use the washroom. Care to explain?

Hicks: Uh, I washed my hands.

Gardy: Right, and I applaud you for that. However, what does the word decorative mean?

Hicks: That it's a decoration.

Gardy: EXACTLY! YOU DON'T USE THE DECORATIVE SOAPS, YOU ADMIRE THEM AND YOU ENJOY THEIR DECORATIVE PRESENCE, BUT YOU DON'T USE THEM! THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE LIQUID SOAP!

Hicks: Isn't soap soap?

Gardy: IF SOAP WERE SOAP, THEN WHY IS SOME SOAP LIQUID AND SOME SOAP SHAPED LIKE LITTLE TWINS LOGOS? IF SOAP WERE SOAP, WHY DID I SPENT 30 MINUTES GIVING A POWERPOINT ABOUT THE NEW DECORATIVE SOAPS IN THE WASHROOM. I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO MY PRE-GAME SPEECHES. GO SIT DOWN; YOU GO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!

Hicks: (hangs head, sits down)

Gardy: (muttering to himself) Is soap soap?


Option 4 - Apples suck

Gardy: Hicksie, get over here.

Hicks: What's up skip?

Gardy: What did you bring for the post-game treat?

Hicks: Uh, apples and juice boxes.

Gardy: Are you serious?

Hicks: Yeah, my nutritionist thought it was appropriate since we're all athletes and we need apples.

Gardy: Come on.

Hicks: I'm sorry, it wasn't my choice.

Gardy: Man, I wanted a candy bar or something.

Hicks: Can't you just get a different treat? You don't have to eat the apple.

Gardy: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS THAT EACH PLAYER HAS TO BRING TREATS AND EVERY OTHER GUY ON THIS TEAM BRINGS SOMETHING DELICIOUS AND FUN AND YOU BRING APPLES WHICH SUCK!

Hicks: I didn't pick apples.

Gardy: OH YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES! YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES ALL DAY LONG IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP AND BRING TREATS THAT EVERYONE ENJOYS! I'LL ANNEX YOU FROM THIS TEAM SO FAST! DON'T TEST ME! (points at Joe Mauer) LOOK WHAT I DID TO MAUER WHEN HE BROUGHT MILK!

(Mauer slowly rolls down his sleeves to cover the bruises, averts his gaze)

Gardy: Disgusting. Go sit down.


Option 5 - Deadliest Spoilers

Gardy: Hicksie, get over here.

Hicks: What's up skip?

Gardy: Did you watch Deadliest Catch?

Hicks: Yes! Can you believe that Junior stabbed Keith in the back like that?

Gardy: SPOILER ALERT, GEEZ HICKS! I asked if you watched it, not for a synopsis.

Hicks: I just assumed you saw it, since you asked.

Gardy: I'm sick of your assumptions! You need to assume that I haven't seen anything until I say that I have!

Hicks: Geez, I thought we were starting to really connect.

Gardy: YOU THOUGHT WRONG! YOU THOUGHT SO WRONG! SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN FOREVER!

Later, after the half-inning ends, Hicks starts to get up to go out into the field)

Gardy: WHAT DID I TELL YOU! SIT DOWN FORVER!

Hicks: *looks sad, hangs head, sits down forever*


Option 6 - Honest Abe

Gardy: Hicksie, get over here.

Hicks: What's up skip?

Gardy: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.

Hicks: Um, Gardy?

Gardy: We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground.

Hicks: (to Justin Morneau) What is going on?

Gardy: The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.

Hicks: Can I...

Gardy: It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.

Hicks: I'm just going to go sit down.

Conclusion: Gardy has a short fuse; respects decorative soap.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

Hello all. I'm going to try to be more consistent with my posts. I figure, if anyone actually wants to read the senseless ramblings of a madman, the madman should probably be conscientious enough to provide the ramblings in a consistent manner. A couple weeks back, I posted a Gimmick Post with some fun gimmicky ideas and I enjoyed writing it. I have also written some series recaps here and there, but I usually only have time to hit the weekend series. Both are fun, but I don't have time for both.

Frankenstein's monster, let's combine the two. Every Monday, I will recap the weekend series briefly and then move into some of the more random stuff, including poems, paint images and shameless self-promotion. I am also planning something for every Friday morning, although the content and format will be inconsistent. I'll also throw up some random stuff during the week, if something strikes my fancy. Enough with the idioms and explanation.

Weekend Recap

Clearly Kevin Correia and Mike Pelfrey switches faces for the weekend. Granted, their height, build, pitching style, body language, and pretty much everything else looked the same. Regardless, their performances from the weekend can only be explained by a Face/Off situation where Correia needed to pump some information from Pelfrey's incarcerated brother. Pelfrey had his first great start with the Twins on Sunday and Correia had his first clunker on Saturday.

Starting pitching has been the litmus test all season long. The Twins got two poor starts this weekend and one good start. Not surprisingly, the Twins won Pelfrey's good start and lost Correia and Pedro Hernandez's poor starts.

On offense, I get way too excited about home runs. Aaron Hicks hit his first career home run and I actually cheered out loud. I pumped my fist and everything. It was embarrassing and my dog moved to another part of the couch as a result. Chris Parmelee and Trevor Plouffe each hit home runs in the series and I of course assumed each was playing really well as a result. They really aren't. Home runs are fun though.

Random Top 5 List

The Top 5 Lowest Season BB/9 in Twins' history:

1. Carlos Silva - 0.43 - 2005
2. Brad Radke - 1.03 - 2005
3. Brad Radke - 1.04 - 2001
4. Brad Radke - 1.07 - 2004
5. Brad Radke - 1.19 - 2003

Answer to a Hypothetical Facebook Question

Q: Twins? in the ALLSTAR game? What?

A: The MLB All-Star Game is played every July. All-Star is one hyphenated word and you do not need to capitalize the whole word. Each season, fans get to vote for the players who they feel are the best in the game. Generally, they do a pretty terrible job, but have yet to be fired or even issued a written warning.

The Twins will have a player on the ballot at each position. When you get a ballot, either at a game or on the internet, you can select the players who you feel are most deserving. This includes Joe Mauer, if you want to vote for him. If you are basing your All-Star vote on a player's most recent 25 at-bats, you will be disenfranchised.

Each team will have at least one All-Star, so if you feel that no one on the team deserves the honor, you will be disappointed to be forced to watch a player from your favorite team, should you choose to watch the All-Star Game. That being said, voting at an actual game is a total calamity, as those little holes are hardly easy to punch. Typically, attempting to punch those holes will end in frustration and/or oversized holes.

Random Paint Image


Delmon Young is back in the Bigs! I drew this during the World Series last year. I can't remember why and it needs to see the light of day. I guess that explains why Delmon is wearing a Tigers hat. Anyway, in this portrayal, Delmon has taken a poor route on a fly ball, wandered out of the stadium and rammed into Detroit's water supply, flooding the city. But then, you probably already knew that from the image.

Random Plug

Sam Miller is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Prospectus and tends to aim for the lighter side of baseball. In this article, he created the International Conference On Reverse Engineering The Rules Of 21st Century Recreational Activities in order to determine how baseball was fun. I laughed out loud at least three times and considered quitting writing altogether as well. Read it!

Random Stat

Kevin Correia gave up two home runs in the first inning on Saturday. He had only allowed two home runs in 36 prior innings this season. That's nuts!!!

Update on a Former Twin/Something stupid I wrote



Two for one! Kevin Slowey won a baseball game on Sunday. IKR? He hadn't won since September of 2010. I am well aware that I am easily the most excited Twins' fan when it comes to Slowey's success. I thought he was great but the Twins justifiably disagreed. He didn't really produce and if he was a pain in the clubhouse, then I get shipping him off.

I hate when the media rips him, but generally ignore it. When Dick Bremer was talking trash about him during a game about a month ago, I got all this random traffic to my blog, with people searching for reasons why the Twins didn't like Slowey and instead finding posts about 1989 Donruss and a picture of Trevor Plouffe squaring off against a baby cow. Regardless, I appreciate the traffic. Thank you, Dick.

Anyway, no one wants to see a person fail so spectacularly for so long. Plus, Slowey has been really good this season, posting a 1.81 ERA in 44.2 innings. I'm glad he won and I think he has to be the NL Comeback Player of the Year to this point. So that's nice.

The two for one comes with this link: Kevin Slowey never wins. I wrote this on Saturday, and it's probably the worst thing ever written. Not by me, by anyone. But, it's fun, so it's cool. Enjoy.

Something not stupid I wrote

Back in January, in an effort to celebrate TwinsFest, I ranked my 10 favorite Twins of all-time and drew a Paint image to accompany each player. My proudest drawing ever is included and I would be delighted if anyone wants to guess which Paint I am most proud of. Here is the link: Top 10 Twins.

Parting Haiku

Home runs are so fun
Thrill for both fans and players
Ben Revere has none

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

September 18, 2010. What does that day mean to you? Possibly nothing, perhaps more than that, but ultimately, it was just another day. It was just another day for Kevin Slowey as well. Slowey awoke fresh that morning, went to the ballpark and started a baseball game for the Minnesota Twins. Slowey pitched well, going 6.2 innings, giving up just two runs on five hits and a walk. He struck out eight and improved his record to 13-6. The ball literally jumped from his hand, like a basketball player jumping for an offensive rebound and then throwing down a powerful put-back dunk. Little did Slowey know that he would still be waiting for his next win to this very day.

Two and a half years, but only fifteen dreadful starts later, Slowey is still searching for that next win. The path toward that elusive win has been winding, like a snake living in a terrarium that is too small. His travels have taken him all over the nation, but success has not followed. This isn't easy to swallow for the 2005 second-round pick out of Winthrop. He made Minor League Baseball look silly, like a tall guy walking on his tip-toes through a forest of miniature model train trees. It only took him three years to reach the Big Leagues, but he was back in the Minors in just that same short, fleeting, momentary, passing period of time.

How Slowey returned to the Minors is a sordid tale, one that is difficult to express clearly and without constant metaphor. A Pittsburgh-native, Slowey was known for his steely demeanor and nerdish leanings. His book learning was frowned upon and his intelligent manner of communicating was spat upon with the disdain of many generations of Proletariat backlash. That Slowey was smarter than those in the room was a demon that seethed within his belly, lashing out repeatedly when Slowey was forced to interact with members of the Media and clownish teammates.

Slowey harnessed that demon on the mound, using it as motivation, like an eight-year-old with a father who makes him play a sport for 12 months straight and then watch videotape of his performance to make him a better player even though all he really wants to do is watch some TV. Using that motivation, Slowey became a reliable hand, someone the Twins could really turn to in times of need. Times like when Slowey started games. But Slowey never really fit in with his team. In a lot of ways, he was the Zubaz of Minnesota. He was liked because he was comfortable, but he just didn't look right or fit well or gain the respect of the other pants, so to speak.

2011 would be Slowey's lowest point as a pitcher. He spent the majority of the season battling shoulder and abdominal pains like a warrior fighting a mythical beast while also learning how to love. When he had slain his own body like a two-headed dragon, he was ready to get that next win. However, that next win would be a figurative two-headed dragon, who could breathe both fire and ineffective pitches. At the end of that fateful season, as if written in the stars, Slowey finished without that elusive, slippery, mysterious win and added a 6.66 ERA to boot.

This would be Slowey's final season with the Mighty Clones of the North. The force of his potent brain was too much for the Twins' clubhouse. He read Newsweek instead of nothing. The Twins shipped Slowey off to the Rockies of Colorado, both physically and baseballically. Slowey wouldn't last long amongst the mighty mountains of the Northwest, ending his travels in Cleveland, a city where all dreams come true.
Alas, Slowey's Cleveland dreams of winning baseball were dashed, sputtered out like one of those old-timey cars that you see at a car show but that also isn't running well and is just a model at this point. Slowey wouldn't pitch an inning for the Indians, spending his season split between the misery of injury and the humiliation of Minor League Baseball. Slowey's tale was as winding as a long, gross rat tail, but was also very close to falling off altogether.

Flash forward to just one year later. Slowey had resurfaced in Miami, a city best known for Burn Notice. Through fortitude, hard work, grit, guile, resilience, cunning, wiliness, slyness, command and control, Slowey reached the highest level of the Majors, as if he had climbed his own Mount Kilimanjaro or a really long staircase. Now at the top once more, Slowey was ready to earn that unattainable win, and slay the dragon, oppress the Proletariat and conquer the Zubaz while getting that cameo on Burn Notice that he so richly deserves.

Fate is a cruel mistress. Fate is unkind. Fate is a that person who won't move over in the fast lane. Slowey has been dynamic this season, like a magician set on fire while performing card tricks of the Gods. And yet, that win has eluded him, like a green shell from Mario Kart that wasn't aimed quite right. Slowey spent all of April hurling a baseball like he had never hurled before, but at the end of the month, he still sits winless. Slowey still endures. Slowey still burns. Slowey still aches. But Slowey won't relent.

Slowey turns 29 today; bittersweet as birthdays always are. As the hands on the clock spin like one of those breakdancing guys who is really good at spinning on his head, it is impossible to forget about mortality. However, few will ever have to wonder what it might mean to never have another win in life. For Kevin Slowey, he has to wonder every day if that last win, way back in September of 2010, will be his last. One last fleeting moment of pure success, drenched with the sweat of hard work and dedication, dripping with the saliva of lessons learned, engorged with the tears of failed expectations and covered in the blood of man. This amalgamation of bodily fluids is all one can really ask for, and all one can really hope for another.

Welcome to the third installment of my (fake) mailbag. In the past, I have used this space to answer the tough questions that no one seems to want to actually ask me. Today, I have a treat! Actual questions! Well, not all of them. See if you can spot the fakes.

Which flavor ice cream is Anthony Swarzak?
~ @ERolfPleiss on Twitter

Now, this is a question!

Well, he's certainly vanilla. That isn't a race-based statement, I just think he is kind of boring. However, he does sprinkle in some surprises here and there. He is also known to be a little strange and believes in Bigfoot. That's cool, but certainly not normal. He'd never be my first choice, but likely would not be my last choice either. That eliminates anything with coffee in it.

Anthony Swarzak is a Take 5 McFlurry. It is vanilla-based and would be better with chocolate but the Kaisers at McDonalds won't make you one with chocolate ice cream. Again, not racial, I just prefer chocolate ice cream in all instances. Back to Swarzak ice cream. The Take 5 contains pretzels, caramel, peanuts and peanut butter. Each is delicious and together they form a winning combo. The addition of the Take 5 almost makes the vanilla ice cream tolerable.

However, McDonalds is a corporation, so good luck getting a consistent amount of Take 5 in your McFlurry. Most times, you are left with a lot of vanilla ice cream. That's Anthony Swarzak, mostly vanilla ice cream, with some tasty treats every so often.

Torii Hunter made some statements welcoming Aaron Hicks to the line of great Twins centerfielders and said he'd hit for power not just be a slap hitter. So who was Torii dissing most?
~ TwinVike61, Twins Daily member

Torii Hunter seems to love nothing more than hearing Torii Hunter talk. In this instance, I believe he was aiming his comments at Ben Revere. I believe this to be true because Hunter is linked closely as some sort of mentor to Denard Span. I can't remember seeing the same thing with Revere and Hunter. Therefore, Revere is probably the slap hitter that Hunter refers to. In reality, Revere is a slap hitter with no power, so I guess Hunter is right. Hunter will almost certainly be on MLB Network when his playing career ends. I will almost certainly continue to not watch MLB Network with sound.

If the Twins were forced into a situation where a position player was needed to pitch, who would they use and why?
~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN

This question requires a lot of thought. First, I think the way the roster is constructed, we would only see a position player pitch if a game went to a lot of extra innings. There isn't a Drew Butera on the team that you would feed to a hungry team that has already scored 20 or so runs.

Let's eliminate all the obvious names. No way the Twins risk Joe Mauer, Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau, Oswaldo Arcia, or Aaron Hicks. Each player is either too established or has too much upside. Hicks reportedly can hit 98 on the radar gun, but still, Jose Canseco.

Anyone likely to start the game is unlikely to pitch, due to fatigue and whatnot. That takes out Chris Parmelee, Trevor Plouffe, Pedro Florimon and Brian Dozier, although throwing Florimon to the wolves wouldn't really mean much in the cosmos.

Jamey Carroll is probably too old and Ryan Doumit only looks old, but is too frail.

This leaves Eduardo Escobar and Wilkin Ramirez. Escobar has a pretty decent infield arm, so he might be the choice. However, I'd go with Ramirez for three reasons. First, he seems like a good guy. Second, he knows his spot on the team is tenuous at best, so he'll do what it takes to stay. Third, he's a pinch hitter/fifth outfielder and would be easy enough to replace (sorry Wilkin).

So, my prediction is that if the Twins ever find themselves in the 18th inning of a game with no pitchers left to use, Wilkin Ramirez will take the mound and the remaining crowd of 56 will be super pumped.

How many more days until Kevin Correia turns back into a pumpkin? Or would he be a totally different type of squash?
~ @ERolfPleiss

When's his next start? Kidding! I actually delved quite deeply into Correia's stats earlier this week. To sum that piece up: I have no idea what statistical analysis is.

However, three stats concern me. His strikeout rate and home run rates are very low and his strand rate is very high. The strikeout rate is too low for sustained success. The home run and strand rates are way out of line with his career numbers. Most 32-year-olds do not suddenly establish new baseline numbers.

There are a few pieces of the equation that point toward Correia sustaining some level of this performance and not regressing all the way back to his pre-Twins days:

• Elite walk rate - he basically allows no runners via walk
• BABip isn't crazy low - he hasn't been lucky with non-home runs
• Relatively normal hit rate - guys get on base, just not via walk

If those numbers maintain, he can remain successful to some extent. If he starts walking batters, then things can change rapidly.

Finally, to address what type of squash Correia is - he is a cucumber, because I didn't know that was a type of squash and I wanted to share that new knowledge.

Will any player ever top Joe Nathan's Twins career saves record?
~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN

Prolly not. The reality is that long-term, established closers are a luxury that teams with middling payrolls should simply not afford. Glen Perkins is a fine closer and will likely rack up a bunch of saves in the next few seasons. However, if he ever truly establishes himself as an elite closer, the Twins should trade him as soon as they can, considering a reasonable replacement is available.

The Twins' philosophy in last June's draft was to select a boatload of college relievers, convert many to starters and collect the profit. However, some of those college relievers-turned starters will convert back to relief. A few could become elite relievers, capable of replacing current set-up men and closers. If this is the case, the Twins would then be able to trade their established players for other needs or prospects.

In a perfect world, no reliever even approaches Nathan's record because Nathan himself probably should have been traded long before he reached the record that he now holds. Unpopular opinion perhaps, but think of what the Twins could have gotten for Nathan after a couple of those dominant seasons.

If you do drugs, what do drugs do?
~ @ERolfPleiss

l don't do drugs. Drugs make me sick. They're bad for your body. Up with hope, down with dope!

That being said, drugs mimic the brain's natural chemicals. However, because these chemicals are no longer in the proper quantities or being released as the brain is used to, drugs tell your brain to take more drugs, which leads to addiction. Your brain doesn't get it because it used to like these chemicals, just not like this, man. Now the brain is all confused and disjointed and things start to go all haywire and wonky. Haywire + Wonky = bad.

The message is clear: No!!!!!!!!! Drugs

Please use three Twins player names as verbs.
~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN

Fine, but you'll have to use context clues to determine what each verb means.

1. Mikey Pelfed his steak. He ate it anyway.
2. Even though he was really nervous, Joey really Mauered his spelling test. He celebrated with milk.
3. Trev really Plouffed that ball. It almost went through his legs twice.

Brad Swanson is the butternut squash of blog-guys. He really Pelfed this mailbag. If you have a better answer to any of these questions or future question for him to answer, please respond in the comments. 10Q.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

Do you like meaningless stats? Do you enjoy cherry-picking? How about fallacy?

Are you enamored with Kevin Correia and his shockingly awesome start to this season?

Do you like being asked questions?

I thought it might be fun to look at Kevin Correia's stats, with an eye toward history and multiplication. If you think that sounds fun as well, please keep reading.

Pro-rated stats

The Twins have played 22 games this season. Correia has started five games and stands to start about 28 more (give or take, depending on whether the Twins move to a one-man rotation or something bizarre like that).

Wait, let's explore that. If the Twins decided, "hey, let's see if we can't make Kevin Correia's arm explode" and allowed him to become the full-time starting pitcher, he would get 140 more starts. Right now, he is winning three of every five starts and losing once in five. This would be his record if those numbers held (which I am pretty sure they would):

87-29

Hmm, that's an awful lot of losses. He would probably lead the league. Here is how many strikeouts he would have, averaging 15 for every 5 starts:

435

That's a lot. However, that would be over roughly 1050 innings, and thus not very impressive but really impressive. Nolan Ryan struck out a modern record 383 batters in 1973, and did so in 700 fewer innings. Not nearly the workhorse Correia could become under this scenario though.

Ok, this is just not realistic. I mean, if any team is going to a one-man rotation, wouldn't the Twins be the last team you would expect? Let's try to be normal here.

If Correia keeps this pace and gets 28 more starts, here will be his final numbers on the season:

9.9 rWAR, 2.1 fWAR (THATS A JOKE DO YOU GET IT?) 240 IP, 20-6, 2.23 ERA, 225 hits allowed, 59 ER, 33 BB, 99 K, 0 balks, 0 wild pitches and 0 hit-by-pitch.

I'm quite certain that FanGraphs.com would 404 as well.

Find players with crazy rate stats like Correia's

Pro-rating stats is easy. It's basically multiplication, which any eight-year-old can do. Six-year-olds? Not so much, but six-year-olds lack in a lot of areas, if we are going to honest with ourselves.

Using Baseball Reference's season finder, we can pinpoint just how many pitchers have stats like Correia's and how they compare. I'll start with his rate stats, which currently sit as such:

• SO/9 - 3.7
• BB/9 - 1.2
• HR/9 - 0.5
• H/9 - 8.4

14 pitchers have posted a season with those stats, since 1901. It hasn't been done since 1942 which simply means that Correia is a throwback. Tiny Bonham, Babe Adams, Slim Sallee, and Noodles Hahn have the most ridiculous names from the list. Oh, and Al Orth.

So, it's rare. I am sure many pitchers have put up comparable stats over 36 innings though. Correia's walk rate alone is masterful. I wonder how many pitchers have had a walk rate that low for a full season...

93 is that number, most recently Cliff Lee just last season. Brad Radke did it four times and Carlos Silva once, for a nice 4:1 Brad to Carlos ratio. The highest season ERA on this list is Radke's 4.49 back in 2003.

The best ERA from someone who didn't pitch when all people who were photographed looked surprised that their photo was being taken even though you had to sit for like, a really long time, is Greg Maddux, when he posted a 1.63 ERA back in 1995.

On the flip side, Correia's strikeout rate is quite low. Historically low, one might say less than confidently.

It's not really that historic. Actually, it has happened 2,237 times since 1901. Rather than be thorough and comb through the data, let's cherry-pick, as you all tacitly agreed that you enjoyed it. Since 1961, this feat has been accomplished 261 times, which is much more manageable for me.

The worst ERA of that group belongs to Livan Hernandez, who posted a 6.05 ERA in 2008, at the age of 67. Carlos Silva was second, at 5.94 back in 2006. The best ERA of this bunch belongs to Joe Horlen, with a 2.06 ERA back in 1967. Correia's current ERA would be the 4th best since 1961 with a strikeout rate as low as 3.7 per nine innings.

Since 1961, only five names appear on both lists, and one is a 2005 Carlos Silva, which has an oak-y finish.

Correia currently has a 179 ERA+. This number is astronomical. Just how astronomical? Well, only 68 pitchers have posted such an astronomical number since 1901. Just glancing at the list, Randy Johnson did it 58 times and Pedro Martinez did it 57. I could be counting poorly, as I was hit in the nose with a dodgeball while putting eye drops in. Regardless, if Correia can keep up that number, he will join some elite, blurry company.

Other Fun Facts/Miscellany

• Correia is currently tied for 100th in the MLB in strikeouts. Anibal Sanchez struck out 17 in one game.
• Correia is tied for 7th in fewest walks, just ahead of Kevin Slowey.
• Correia is 20th in ERA, just ahead of Kevin Slowey.
• If you rearrange the letters in Kevin Correia, you get Cevin Korreia.
• Kevin Correia's fastball sits at about 90, or roughly 20 MPH faster than you can throw (probably more or even a lot more).
• Joe Mauer is his catcher (I think), so that probably explains everything.
• Correia was a Giant, then a Padre, then a Pirate, now a Twin, always a shapeshifter.
• Correia's GB% is 45.8%, which makes him a fly ball pitcher, no matter what Beck Bremleven tries to tell you.
• The proudest I have ever been of an analogy is from my Correia signing post. See if you can find it!

Sumitup

Kevin Correia is pitching better than anyone expected. Anyone. If someone tries to tell you that they envisioned this level of performance, you have my permission to tie their shoes together, but only as a lesson. Please draw their attention to the tied together laces and explain to them the lesson you have taught them. I mean it, no one needs to get hurt just because they are a filthy liar. His numbers are fun to look at because they are so unexpected. I look forward to seeing what craziness his numbers will bring in the future.

Seriously, no one make anyone trip on their laces.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

The Twins split their four-game series with Texas this weekend. Unfortunately, I missed the Sunday game due to something called "Couples Shower." I was not aware of such thing, but have since decided that these should be outlawed completely. I won a game of Bingo where all the numbers were replaced with wedding terms. I was told I could pick any prize I wanted, so I chose "watching the Twins' game." This was met with laughter, which was followed by my sadness. Total abomination. Where were you on this one, James Madison?

Anyway, I watched the other three games.

Trevor Plouffe

I've stressed patience with Aaron Hicks, but I'm losing patience with Trevor Plouffe. Check out his career lefty/righty splits:

I	Split	G	GS	PA	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	SO	BA	OBP	SLG	OPS	TB	GDP	BAbip	tOPS+
	vs RHP as RHB	215		659	594		129	27	2	23	64	47	147	.217	.281	.386	.667	229	10	.247	86
	vs LHP as RHB	110		242	217		58	14	1	13	32	20	42	.267	.335	.521	.855	113	7	.274	137
	vs LH Starter	69	62	268	247	32	59	15	1	14	36	19	52	.239	.296	.478	.774	118	7	.249	113
	vs RH Starter	171	148	633	564	86	128	26	2	22	60	48	137	.227	.296	.397	.693	224	10	.257	94

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 4/28/2013.

Is it possible that Plouffe is just a good platoon player, and nothing more? I still want to see Plouffe get about 550 at bats this season, but I'm not sure he will earn that chance. Eduardo Escobar is hot right now, and getting him some time against right-handed pitching might not be a bad idea. Plouffe has a full season's worth of plate appearances against right-handed pitching, and the results are not pretty. If you consider that his defense has been shaky and his throws are always adventurous, there are many reasons to be concerned.

Aaron Hicks

I vowed to not write about Hicks until there was something new to discuss, and I finally feel that Hicks is doing things that need to be discussed. He seems to be turning the corner, but I refuse to speculate about his confidence level or concentration level, as I am not inside his head. However, his competence level is up and that is something I can clearly see.

He made a variety of impressive plays this weekend. The four most memorable plays were probably his delayed steal on Friday, his awesome diving catch on Saturday and his 2 RBI double on Saturday. He also showed off his strong, accurate arm in the second inning of Saturday's game, firing a laser to second to get Nelson Cruz trying to stretch a double. However, two other plays caught my eye, each with more subtle impact.

The first play occurred in the second inning of Friday night's game, when Hicks played a ball perfectly off the wall and nailed the cut-off man. Pedro Florimon threw a rocket home to get Geovany Soto at the plate. Hitting the cut-off man is obviously important, but sometimes guys with big arms will try to throw too much, so to speak. Hicks is a flamethrower, but still seems to understand the importance of good, fundamental baseball.

The second play was on Saturday and directly lead to the Twins' first run. Hicks was on first after reaching on an error. Eduardo Escobar hit a rocket to left, and Hicks read the play the whole way. He used his great speed to get to third without a throw. It was an aggressive and correct play and when Brian Dozier hit a long fly to center in the next at-bat, Hicks scored easily. These are two excellent examples of how Hicks' defense, baserunning and arm make him a more valuable player than his offensive stats may ever show.

Brian Dozier

So far, so good. This applies both to his move to the leadoff spot and his move to second base. He looks fluid at second and provides a decent amount of range. He doesn't seem to have any issues turning double plays. At the plate, Dozier has been great since moving to his new spot in the lineup. The type of hitter we (as fans) have to hope Dozier is (good plate discipline and good contact) is suited for that part of the order. I fully expect Hicks to return to the leadoff spot at some point, but having Dozier there for now makes sense.

Eduardo Escobar

Is Escobar the new Alexi Casilla? He's short, small, and plays excellent defense. He can play all infield positions. He's right handed and a switch hitter. He seems gregarious and seems to enjoy playing baseball. He's probably my favorite player and I'm not sure why. It all adds up. Let's just get some space between his front teeth and call it a day. I fully expect Escobar to cool off, but having a new, cheap Alexi Casilla isn't a bad thing. While on this topic, I wrote about Casilla's HOF candidacy on Saturday.

Alex Meyer

I think we have reached full "get excited" mode with Meyer. Here are his stats so far this season:

Year	Age	W	L	ERA	G	GS	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	HBP	BF	WHIP	H/9	HR/9	BB/9	SO/9	SO/BB
2013	23	2	0	1.64	4	4	22.0	21	4	4	0	8	26	1	94	1.318	8.6	0.0	3.3	10.6	3.25
2 Seasons		12	6	2.68	29	29	151.0	118	48	45	6	53	165	6	615	1.132	7.0	0.4	3.2	9.8	3.11

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 4/28/2013.

Small samples aside, the strikeouts and walks are definitely encouraging. A slightly lower walk rate would be nice, but a K:BB ratio over three is always positive. If Meyer keeps this up, he'll probably be in Rochester at some point. I still think it's a stretch that he gets to Minnesota, but next season seems very likely. Twins' fans have longed for an "ace" since Johan Santana was traded away. Meyer has that potential.

Get excited!

Other MLB Thoughts

Bryce Harper

Good gravy. I picked Harper as my NL MVP prior to the season. I also predicted a 40-40 season, which is very unlikely because he doesn't need to steal bases anymore. The MVP part seems very reasonable. However, I called the power even earlier. Here is the first sentence that I wrote about Harper when I chose him as last seasons' NL Rookie of the Year:

" I think Bryce Harper hits 40 home runs next year."

You can click the quote if you want proof. I wish I hadn't written "I think" because I was sure of it. His power is insane. Just look at his swing:

Can't embed, click here!

The controlled violence he creates with that swing is unreal. If he doesn't hit 40 home runs this year, next year, the year after that, and every year going forward, it will be due to injury or a strike or the collapse of baseball as a sport. Otherwise, there's just no way.

Matt Moore

While I'm patting myself on the back, I called Matt Moore as an AL breakout player before the season. It was an easy call, as Moore has tons of talent and was considered a prospect on par with Mike Trout and Harper prior to last season. It's coming together for Moore and Tampa Bay this season. Check out these stats from April:

Year	Age	W	L	W-L%	ERA	G	GS	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	ERA+	WHIP	H/9	HR/9	BB/9	SO/9	SO/BB
2013	24	5	0	1.000	1.13	5	5	32.0	13	4	4	3	15	38	338	0.875	3.7	0.8	4.2	10.7	2.53

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 4/28/2013.

Those stats? They're real, and they're spectacular. They also might be a bit lucky, but that doesn't change them one bit.

St. Louis Cardinals

Oh yeah, the Cardinals are pretty much always good. I thought Cincinnati would easily win that division and I figured San Francisco and Atlanta for the two Wild Cards. However, I failed to remember that St. Louis is always good. Matt Holliday, Carlos Beltran and Yadier Molina are probably all Hall of Famers. Allen Craig, Matt Carpenter and Matt Adams are nice, young players, although Adams is hurt right now.

However, St. Louis' pitching is what I am drawn to. Shelby Miller is having an excellent season, and showing why he was such a coveted prospect. Jamie Garcia and Lance Lynn have been great. Jake Westbrook has been lucky good, but that works for now. Adam Wainwright has a 37:1 K:BB ratio! The bullpen is excellent, lead by Edward Mujica (terribly underrated) and Trevor Rosenthal (terrifying fastball). The Cardinals are always balanced and always good. I always forget that too.

Washington Nationals:

The Nationals went through a bit of a swoon recently, but it is way too early to give up on them. ESPN should especially know better. Check out this screen grab I got on Friday:



I think two Mets teams would be too much for Mets fans to handle. Have a nice week everyone!

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

Earlier this week, I wrote about Joe Mauer and his Hall of Fame career. I was really taken by just how well Mauer stacks up against catchers throughout history, players from this era and Hall of Famers in general. If you didn't read it, you can find it here. If you did read it, you can find it there too, but you probably shouldn't read it again. Read this instead. I thought, well, this is probably an exercise that I could complete for a lot of players, to see if anyone's greatness is being overlooked.

Using Baseball Reference's amazing play reference, I shall set out on a journey to find an overlooked player and rightfully adjust everyone's attitudes on his playing career. If I can truly change the minds of the masses, then I will become the most powerful baseball blog-guy of all time. If I can do this successfully, my legacy will be cemented right next to that DIPS guy and whoever invented OPS. This is my one chance, and I cannot blow it. History awaits. Now, to pick the perfect candidate...

Alexi Casilla seems like a good choice.

Here are some Sexi Lexi facts:

• Casilla is a middle infielder
• Casilla debuted in 2006 at age 22
• Casilla is 28 and in his eighth season
• Casilla is not a power hitter
• Casilla is not a good hitter
• Casilla's has two skills - baserunning (?) and throwing the ball while completely parallel to the ground
• Casilla has played exactly 500 games in his career. Round!

How does Casilla compare to his contemporaries in the middle infield? Casilla has had 1794 plate appearances in his career. Between 1988 and 2912, there are 121 middle infielders with roughly that many or more plate appearances. Casilla ranks 100th in OPS+, right ahead of Pat Meares. We are not off to a good start here. He's 114th in home runs, 116th in RBI, 119th in hits, 94th in OBP, 104th in slugging percentage and 98th in batting average.

This isn't going well.

Well, this isn't Casilla's game. He's not a hitter, he's a speed guy! I'm guessing he'll be great in the speedy categories like doubles (114th), triples (95th), stolen bases (59th), and runs (114th). Hmm. He does have the second fewest at bats on this list, so it's pretty obvious that he just needs a chance to hit more, right?

Is it possible that Casilla just stacks up better against everyone? Perhaps his skills do not compare favorably to other speedy infielders, but will look shockingly tremendous against plodding corner infielders and stupid outfielders. Let's see how Casilla ranks within a different sample:

Spanning Multiple Seasons or entire Careers, From 1961 to 2012, Played 85% of games at C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, LF, CF, RF or DH, (requiring At least 1750 plate appearances), sorted by greatest Adjusted OPS+:

Casilla ranks 1209 out of 1331 players. Crud.

Oh oh, maybe stolen bases!

Casilla ranks 498 out of 1331 players. Blast, then crud.

So what? Casilla's young. I bet a lot of guys started their careers as bad hitters who offered little on the bases because you can't steal first and got hurt a lot or was just benched due to better options. The only way to know for certain is to check Casilla against other Hall of Famers, during their first eight seasons. Let's see how good they were before they hit their stride. There were 123 players in this sample:

• Batting Average - 3rd from last - ahead of Ozzie Smith!
• OBP - 10th from last - ahead of Ozzie Smith and Robin Yount!
• OPS+ - Last :(
• OPS - 3rd from last - ahead of Ozzie Smith! Was Ozzie Smith good?
• Fewest Strikeouts - 36th! - although in a LOT fewer at bats
• Walks - Last, but not that far behind Brooks Robinson and Roberto Clemente!
• Hits - Last, but strangely only 65 fewer than Harmon Killebrew
• Doubles - 2nd from last, ahead of Killebrew, although Killebrew played like no games in his first five seasons...
• Runs - Very last
• RBI - Super Last
• Home Runs - 4th from last, somehow
• Games played - 2nd last, 12 more than Killebrew
• WAR - Last, comically so

Ok, so maybe Casilla was comparable to Smith, who still had about a 28 WAR advantage on Lexi. Killebrew was three years younger when he debuted, so he gets a pass. Although, I'm not ruling out Casilla hitting over 500 home runs now.

Perhaps jumping to Hall of Famers was a bit premature. This really means nothing, when you think about it the exact way I am. Perhaps Casilla is a late bloomer. I bet lots of guys were. We need a more apt comparison to his current self, with the understanding that he is going to definitely explode as a player within the next few seasons.

It stands to reason that if Casilla is working on a Hall of Fame career, his first eight seasons will compare favorably to other middle infielders after eight seasons. Most of the time, Hall of Famers are judged against their positional counterparts. When Casilla has his mid-career explosion, he will surpass his peers and cement his legacy. That makes perfect sense. Lots of prominent players will be low on this list, I bet. Alexi must be better than some notable players. So, let's find out! I am very optimistic.

(Redacted)

Look, I don't see why I need to include these stats at all. He's pretty much last in every counting stat and nearly last in all the rate stats. So what? Stats aren't everything. There's the eye test too, you know. Plus, I thought RBI didn't matter and batting average was all luck. What really matters is that Alexi has heart and hustle. He also has a pretty nice smile and I just don't feel you are respecting that. Respect his smile!

You know, I'm not sure why I am even bothering with this anymore. I've clearly failed and will have to wait for another chance to establish myself in the realm of good blog-guys. Maybe when I write about 1987 Topps baseball cards later this week, no one ever does stuff like that. However, I do present to you one final stat, and a stat that no one can argue with. If this doesn't at least get you partially on my side, I'm not sure what will. In fact, I'll feel sorry for you. I said it. I even put it in a chart for the real stat-heads.

Rank	Player	Balls Thrown While Horizontal for outs
1	Alexi Casilla	I think like 2
tie-2	Everyone Else	Probably zero

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

It seems that just about every Twins game is snowed or rained or winded out these days. When is MLB going to wake up and start banning weather from their games?!? If nothing else, the Twins should have no home games in April, just in case it snows. Then, they should have no home games in May because of melting. June would be out due to mosquitoes. September is probably pushing it when it comes to snow again. August can be quite sultry.

The obvious solution: The Twins play all 81 home games in a row, immediately following the All-Star break. At roughly 3 hours per game, they could fit four games in per day. This means that in about 20 days, the Twins could get all their home games in, without the threat of snow, melt water, dangerous pests and sultry temperatures. If MLB ever got their act together and enacted a plan like this, maybe we wouldn't have to sit through these random days without baseball!

Without baseball, I decided that it might be fun to cram as many gimmicky ideas as I can into one post. I love gimmicks. Slideshows, top ten lists, poems, bullet lists, other lists. Ok, maybe I just like lists. I still think I am on to something here. Just a bunch of gimmicks all put together. All it needs is a catchy title, and everyone will be hooked.

I shall call it: Gimmick Post. Fasten your safety belts, it is going to be a wild ride.

Random Top 5 List

Here are the top 5 teams in the AL Central as of 4/22/2013:

1. Royals
2. Twins
3. Tigers
4. Indians
5. White Sox

That's right, your Minnesota Twins are in second place. My Minnesota Twins are also in second place.

Fun Stat

If Aaron Hicks walks another time in April (if the Twins ever play in April again, right? lol), he will set a Twins' rookie record for most walks in April by a first year player. He is currently tied with Jim Eisenreich, who added 23 hits that month. Hicks currently has 3.

KWL Chart

A KWL chart is an organizational tool that many teachers use with students to help them with a new topic. They can also be helpful with topics we want to explore further.

K is what you know, W is what you want to know, and L is what you have learned.

Here is a KWL chart that I made, with Brian Dozier as the subject:



Pro-tip - Click on the image to make it bigger.

I didn't learn much, but I am happy to know that Dozier has a friend in Josh Willingham.

My answer to a hypothetical question posted on the Twins' Facebook page:

Question: Why don't all you whiners take your precious retactable roof AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!

Answer: I feel there should be a question mark after your exclamation mark, but I'm just being a punctuation perfectionist. I'm not sure what a retactable roof is either. The irony of this question is that a retractable roof would conceivably be placed in an area where the sun does shine, thus blocking it out. In a sense, you are answering your own question. If the roof was where the sun does not shine, then we wouldn't be able to enjoy the sun anyway, thus making the retractable roof quite useful and not inhibiting to a person who wants to enjoy a nice, sunny day of baseball. That being said, your use of capital letters is very effective.

Random Photoshop:

Joe Mauer gets a lot of attention for his sideburns. What if he didn't have them?



Yeah, so maybe the sideburns work.

A Link to something stupid I wrote:

I transcribed my guttural reaction to Ben Revere's catch last week. You can read it here.

Random Paint Image:

Here is a picture I drew of Target Field, from these past few weeks. I tweeted this out earlier, but no one follows me on Twitter, so here it is again:



A Link to something not stupid I wrote:

I wrote a screenplay a few weeks ago. It is both not stupid and stupid. I think it's satire. I'm not really sure. However, there are many puns. I punned Justin Morneau, Vance Worley, Brandon Boggs, Trevor Plouffe and Anthony Slama. No one is spared! No one! Here it is.

Parting Haiku

No Twins game today
The relentless winter weather is bearing down on us like an unstoppable force, berating us with constant barbs of snow and a biting wind that will chew all the way to our very soul
Soon it will be May

Perhaps that wasn't a Haiku. If you prefer accurate poetry, you can sub this line where you see fit: Winter weather will not leave.

I like my version better.