Jump to content

Providing independent coverage of the Minnesota Twins.
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

The Forums

Article: What To Do With Logan Forsythe?

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 02:32 PM
On July 31, the Twins traded popular second baseman Brian Dozier to the Los Angeles Dodgers in a deal that had been in the works for roug...

Article: MIN 15, DET 8: Five Hits for Forsythe in Busy Ni...

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 02:32 PM
A conga line broke out on the basepaths at Target Field last night. The Twins’ pitching staff gave up eight run on 10 hits and six walks,...

Article: MIN 5, DET 4: Take a Bow, Joe

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 01:59 PM
If there’s one good reason to keep tuning into the Twins the rest of this season, it’s because we could very will be watching the end of...

Article: Twins Minor League Report (8/17): Pitchers Deliv...

Twins Minor League Talk Today, 01:27 PM
The minor league seasons are reaching into their final two weeks. A couple of teams have a shot at making the playoffs with a strong end...

Photo

Stay Off the Moors!

Posted by Axel Kohagen , 23 May 2018 · 418 views

supernatural kent hrbek werewolf lycanthropy
Gather round the fire, ye baseball fans. Imagine, if you will, a roaring blaze licking from beneath a tent of shattered bat handles. Listen to the tale I am about to tell, for EVERY word is true.

I tell the tale . . . Of the BASEBALL WEREWOLF!

A baseball werewolf behaves in much the same way as your regular, meat and potatoes werewolf. The moon and the night bring out its power, which is the ONLY possible explanation for why the Twins seem able to score ONLY AFTER THE FIFTH INNING in the last week of so.

How did the power of lycanthropy find our hometown nine? In older times, a person might become a werewolf by donning the fur coat of an evil person or spirit. Unless Bill Belichick left his Ewok-hide duster around after the Super Bowl, this theory seems DEAD ON ARRIVAL. It’s likely a careful fan might notice a Twins player taking the field while wearing a fur coat.

Kent Hrbek playing in a werewolf-fur coat is both likely to happen and a guarantee he will be the league MVP.

Another theory suggests a person can become a werewolf by drinking rain gathered in the footprint of a wolf, so if anyone recently spotted Logan Morrison carrying a LONG STRAW and heading to the zoo’s Minnesota Trail, PLEASE inform this columnist post-haste.

Most likely, a member of the Twins was bitten by a grizzled European character actor. After all, when’s the last time you’ve seen the Twins playing with their SILVER slugger awards?

As long as they keep winning, THIS COLUMNIST will howl at the moonshots for the home team! Even if they don’t score runs until his old buttocks are already abed and asleep!

Now comb your hair and let’s all head to Trader Vic’s!

⁃ Axel Kohagen of London

(For more serious lunacy, head to www.supertruestories.com and check out my podcast!)

  • DocBauer likes this