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Thank You Nick Nelson

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 06:35 PM
Your recent Twitter thread should be promoted to all fans. I'm so tired of LEN3 and other media personalities tearing down fans that want...

Article: The Discard Pile

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 06:34 PM
While it's true that the Twins pushed their payroll to unprecedented heights in 2018, it's not accurate to suggest the front office execu...

Article: Twins Payroll Really is Resource Allocation

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 06:35 PM
On Monday Seth did a great job of outlining where the Minnesota Twins were at as of January 14. His 25-man roster projection looks nearly...

Article: Twins Sign Left-Handed Pitcher Martin Perez

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 06:02 PM
Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic reported that the Twins have come to an agreement with free agent left-handed starting pitcher Martin Perez...

Twins stuff from around the Web (Fangraphs, Twitter, Athl...

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 06:35 PM
Per request.....new thread! this seems like a really odd post to start with, which makes sense for a thread about the Twins and Internet....

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Stay Off the Moors!

Posted by Axel Kohagen , 23 May 2018 · 544 views

supernatural kent hrbek werewolf lycanthropy
Gather round the fire, ye baseball fans. Imagine, if you will, a roaring blaze licking from beneath a tent of shattered bat handles. Listen to the tale I am about to tell, for EVERY word is true.

I tell the tale . . . Of the BASEBALL WEREWOLF!

A baseball werewolf behaves in much the same way as your regular, meat and potatoes werewolf. The moon and the night bring out its power, which is the ONLY possible explanation for why the Twins seem able to score ONLY AFTER THE FIFTH INNING in the last week of so.

How did the power of lycanthropy find our hometown nine? In older times, a person might become a werewolf by donning the fur coat of an evil person or spirit. Unless Bill Belichick left his Ewok-hide duster around after the Super Bowl, this theory seems DEAD ON ARRIVAL. It’s likely a careful fan might notice a Twins player taking the field while wearing a fur coat.

Kent Hrbek playing in a werewolf-fur coat is both likely to happen and a guarantee he will be the league MVP.

Another theory suggests a person can become a werewolf by drinking rain gathered in the footprint of a wolf, so if anyone recently spotted Logan Morrison carrying a LONG STRAW and heading to the zoo’s Minnesota Trail, PLEASE inform this columnist post-haste.

Most likely, a member of the Twins was bitten by a grizzled European character actor. After all, when’s the last time you’ve seen the Twins playing with their SILVER slugger awards?

As long as they keep winning, THIS COLUMNIST will howl at the moonshots for the home team! Even if they don’t score runs until his old buttocks are already abed and asleep!

Now comb your hair and let’s all head to Trader Vic’s!

⁃ Axel Kohagen of London

(For more serious lunacy, head to www.supertruestories.com and check out my podcast!)

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