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Article: Twins Sign Left-Handed Pitcher Martin Perez

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 03:16 PM
Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic reported that the Twins have come to an agreement with free agent left-handed starting pitcher Martin Perez...

Martin Perez, our new 5th starter option.

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 01:39 PM
According to mlbtraderumors.com. we just signed Martin Perez. He used to play for the Rangers and is a lefty starter.

Article: Reviewing the Remaining Free Agent Relievers

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 11:41 AM
Twins fans became apoplectic on Friday evening when Cody Allen, coming off a horrendous 2018, signed a one-year pact with the Angels. All...

Non-Twins Off-season news, tidbits and transactions

Other Baseball Today, 12:04 PM
We had a thread for items around the baseball world that were worth sharing but not worth a thread of their own. Now that the 2018 season...

Article: Episode 408: Perez and Payroll

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 10:37 AM
Aaron and John talk about the Twins signing Martin Perez just seconds before the show started, the nearly empty free agent reliever shelv...


The Adventures of Derick and Thaddy

Posted by less cowbell more neau , 16 February 2018 · 727 views

darvish falvey levine portal
The Adventures of Derick and Thaddy Season 2, Episode 1 (Preview)

Title: Derick of the Ed Darvishgerald

Scene: approximately one month ago, C137 timeline. Thaddy's darkened bedroom at 1 Twins Way, a Nolan Ryan poster hangs above his bed. Thaddy is in bed sleeping.

(Derick opens door and enters room, turns on light, stumbles drunkenly.)

Derick: Thaddy! You gotta c'mon! Jus... Y[burps] gotta come with me! (Derick trips, falls at foot of bed, spilling alcoholic beverage from bottle on Thaddy's Rangers bedspread.)

Thaddy: (Thaddy rubs eyes) What, Derick? What's going on?

Derick: I've got a surprise for you, Thaddy. C'mon!

Thaddy: It's the middle of the night, What.. what are you talking about?

Derick: C'mon I gotta surprise for you. (grabs Thaddy by the ankle and drags him out of bed} We gotta go. Hurry up.

Thaddy: Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard!

Derick: We gotta go. We gotta get outta here. (drags Thaddy down the hallway of the Twins offices) I gotta surprise for you.

Thaddy: (Derick lets go of Thaddy's ankle and he is able to stand up) Okay! Okay, I'm up! Geez! Wh-What's this all about Derick? (Thaddy brushes himself off as they walk down the hall)

Derick: We're g(burps)ing on an adventure. We gotta go to Cleveland and get some Hot Sauce Williams hot sauce.

Thaddy: Hot sauce? This is all about hot sauce? Aw, Geez! I can get you some real hot sauce from Tex...

Derick: (interrupting) No, Thaddy! Not just any hot sauce, Hot Sauce Williams hot sauce! You can only get it in Cleveland. Hot Sauce Williams is a dump with a rude waitstaff so you know the hot sauce is good. Besides, everyone knows Texas quote, "hot sauce" close quote, is just ketchup with brown sugar and tabasco sauce.

Thaddy: Aw, Derick, we've had this talk before and I really need my sleep! I'm supposed to meet with Yu Darvish for lunch tomorrow. He might really...

Derick: (interrupting) Will you relax and shut up about Yu Darvish already? Do you really think he wants to bat ninth for some, some... National League team?

Thaddy: H-h-he might, and then we'll end up with Mike Pelfrey... or Anabel Sanchez, or... People remember Bartolo Colon and Nik Turley. People are going to catch on to this, Derick. P-people...

Derick: (interrupting) People are sheep! They spend hundreds of Earth dollars for a shirt with someone else's name on the back. I've seen infinite Yu Darvishes sign with infinite Twins teams and it doesn't work out in any of those timelines. Quit worrying, we'll be gone 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops. You'll have plenty of time to have your little lunch with Yu Darvish. (they arrive at the Twins parking garage)

Thaddy: Okay, if you say so, Derick.

Derick: Now, who's ready for some HO-O-OT SA-A-AUCE! (Derick takes out his portal gun and points it at the wall and a green portal appears) Oh-Hi-O(burps)h! (Derick and Thaddy walk into the portal and it disappears behind them. They don't return to the C137 timeline for five days)

[End scene]

[Derick and Thaddy opening title sequence plays]

Best explanation I've read for the offseason.

    • less cowbell more neau likes this
less cowbell more neau
Feb 17 2018 07:49 AM

This article probably requires a familiarity with Rick and Morty to make any sense now that I think of it. Maybe picturing an edgier Doc Brown and Marty McFly from Back to the Future if you've never seen Rick and Morty might help... or not.