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Kevin Slowey was Framed!

All the effort of some sort of horrible amalgamation of Denny Hocking, Matt Tolbert and Nick Punto. But no frosted tips. Now with puns!

  1. Forgotten Twin? John Moses

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    My memories of John Moses

    John Moses was a more notable former Twin to me than to just about anyone else in the World. The reason why comes from my Grandmother. She thought I looked like him. I remember being told that as a child and it confused me as an adult. Of course, I looked back at some images of myself from childhood, and you be the judge:

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  2. Monday Morning Madness: September 9, 2013

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    The Twins revived a fun tradition and got swept by the Blue Jays late in the season. It wasn't the traditional stomping we're used to, but the same basic idea. The Twins have also lost a shocking 10 games in a row at home. Where's the home field advantage, Target Field? Maybe it's time to remove that Target dog from the batters' eye. It's very distracting.

    Punto's back?

    I got a random text from my mom earlier ...
  3. September Mailbag

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    Everywhere I go these days, it seems that people have questions for me. What's that stain on your shirt? Did you do that to your hair on purpose? Can you please move back a couple steps? I figured, with so many questions to answer, the only reasonable response is to breakout the old mailbag and answer some of the more burning questions that ESPN, Fox Sports One and Telemundo refuse to answer. Here's some mailbag:

    On a recent
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    Updated 09-06-2013 at 09:08 AM by Brad Swanson

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  4. Monday Morning Madness: Labor Day!

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    I'm just going to admit that it is getting harder and harder to watch Twins baseball. First, the lineup and rotation are drab to say the least. With Mauer hurt and now Morneau traded, there isn't a lot of star power. Second, the season is so long and we don't even have the mirage of a possibly competitive team at this point. That being said, I do watch the games and I do enjoy them. There is plenty to look forward to in September, even ...
  5. 20 Twins Trades: Goodbye JJ Hardy

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! I also wrote about that Francisco Liriano trade from a million years ago, if you want to read about it.

    After the 2009 season, the Twins decided to make a smart move and deal from outfield depth to address a position that had been a weakness on the team for the better part of 20 years. Just one year later, the Twins decided, "meh, shortstops are for dorks" and traded that same player away for a couple of relievers. Buckle ...

    Updated 08-30-2013 at 03:13 PM by Brad Swanson

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  6. Monday Morning Madness - August 26, 2013

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    Since I am filled with useless snark, I stated back on August 12 that if the Twins could win 30-35 of their next 17 games, they could get back in the Central race. See, the joke is... Anyway, with three games remaining in that 17 game stretch, the Twins will win no more than seven games. Whatever. Perhaps the team isn't good enough to win two games every game. However, the Twins are still on a 72 win pace (actually 71.5 but I'm rounding ...
  7. 20 Twins Trades: Ramos for a Proven Closer

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! If you want to read about the Carlos Gomez/JJ Hardy trade, just click here.

    Ok, let's all just try to be cool here.

    The Trade: BREAKDOWN!

    The Minnesota Twins traded Wilson Ramos, Joe Testa and cash to the Washington Nationals for Matt Capps.

    I'm not sure Twins fans remember this, but Capps was really good in 2010. He took over as closer and fired off 27 innings of 2 ERA. He saved 16 games down ...
  8. Monday Morning Madness - August 19, 2013

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    Over the past week, the Twins offense has been inconsistent, their starting pitching has been up and down and their bullpen has started blowing leads. It's almost like this isn't a very good team. This weekend, the Twins had a lot more trouble with the lowly White Sox at home. This would be troubling, but the last three seasons have been troubling so I'm not sure we can feasibly add any additional trouble at this point. On the plus side, ...
  9. 20 Twins Trades: Goodbye Johan

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! I also wrote about the Carl Pavano mustache trade earlier this week. You can read it here.

    Ok, I'm going to need a second. It's just... it's hard to talk about this one. I mean... it's Johan. He was my favorite... PLAYER! BLAHAWAAWA! I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I can't do it! I'M JUST SO UPSET. I MEAN, HE'S JOHAN SANTANA, WHY DID THE TWINS HAVE TO TRADE HIM AWAY?!? ...

    YOU'RE CRYING! ...

    NO! JUST LEAVE ...
  10. Monday Morning Madness - August 12, 2013

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    Over the course of consecutive weekends, the Twins have proved that they can defeat teams of the quality of the Houston Astros and the Chicago White Sox. I'm not sure what that means, but I guess it could signify that the Twins have vacated their position within the dregs of the league; a position they had held for the prior two seasons. Whatever the wins mean in the cosmos, they are enjoyable for us fans no matter what. Why is there ...
  11. 20 Twins Trades: Garza and Bartlett for Delmon Young

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! I also wrote about the J.C. Romero trade this week. Yep, that famous trade. If you ever wondered how much I despise Romero, it won't take you long to figure it out.

    ​It's hard to imagine a scenario where the Twins would trade a promising young starting pitcher for a young stud hitter. However, back in 2007, that very scenario played out. While the trade did not work out for the Twins, the idea may not have been completely off-base. ...
  12. Monday Morning Madness - August 5, 2013

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    We can finally put the "could the Twins even beat a AAA team" jokes to bed. They can. The Astros are pathetic, even if their rebuild strategy is being lauded by many. While that strategy might work out long-term, the current team is rotten and I can't even imagine being an Astros fan right now. At least the Twins have a couple players worth watching while they flail. Anyway, the Twins rebounded nicely after the Royals series ...
  13. August Mailbag!

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

    As always, these are actual questions written by someone and answered by me. I may also be that other someone. It's not a big deal.

    Justin Morneau recently passed Bob Allison for fourth all-time in Twins' career home runs. Of course, he's still behind Allison in franchise history, but whatever. Morneau has 212 home runs and counting. Who will be the next Twins' player to pass Morneau on the all-time home run list?
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  14. 20 Twins Trades: Welcome to Punto Country!

    Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! I also wrote about the two Luis Castillo trades this week. It's a bit long, but there were two trades, SO GIVE ME A BREAK. Here it is, enjoy.

    There was blood in the water. A.J. Pierzynski was still warm. The Twins had just turned one soon-to-be-expensive player into three shiny new parts, each carrying a much smaller price tag. The Twins were carrying a seven-figure pitcher who was going to get even more expensive. Why not swap him ...
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