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Axel Kohagen

  1. Sacrificing Shirseys.

    I drive by Target Field nearly every day. In the off-season, it looks like a brand new piece of playground equipment. The next time I go past it, it'll look broken-in.

    Target Field's not Yankee stadium, but it deserves history. And what's history without a few ghosts?

    Revere was a player with a future. Moving him is smart. Giving up winter dreams about his potential will still hurt.

    I was as ready as I could be to lose Span. Losing Revere came as a surprise. ...
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  2. Snappers Visiting the Rapids: Notes on a Mr. Horrorpants Road Trip.

    Finally, I made the trip.

    Cedar Rapids is only an hour away from where my parents live, and I finally got out on the open road to watch the Beloit Snappers play the Cedar Rapids Kernels. The following notes and pictures will not provide any interesting baseball knowledge, but they might inspire others in the Twin Cities to make the trip to Cedar Rapids to see the visiting Snappers play.

    All pictures are my own, which is more of a confession of guilt than an attempt at bragging. ...
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  3. The Day-to-Day Zone

    THE DAY-TO-DAY ZONE

    FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF ROSIN PART 3

    A MR. HORRORPANTS SCREENPLAY

    BASED ON AN IDEA BY MICHAEL HAAS (@digitalHaas)


    INT. BLACK AND WHITE. A MOD 50s LIVING ROOM. THERE ARE SEVERAL COUCHES MADE UP OF LIGHT GRAY RECTANGLES. A COFFEE TABLE SITS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM, COVERED IN MAGAZINES.

    DENARD SPAN ENTERS THE ROOM, LOOKING CONFUSED AND FRUSTRATED. HE SITS ON ONE OF THE COUCHES.

    HE SHAKES ...
  4. Humble Suggestions for a Very Special 10 Year Anniversary Edition of AaronGleeman.com

    I, for one, suggest we definitely spend some time celebrating Aaron Gleeman on 10 years of maintaining his blog. Gleeman is a succinct and clear writer who never sacrifices quality, even when producing articles in great quantity. He makes it easy to join into online conversation with other Twins fans, and I'm thankful for what he's done.

    So with that in mind, the 10 year anniversary of AaronGleeman.com has to go down like it was classic Johnny Carson stuff. Here are some suggestions: ...
  5. Ch-ch-ch ah-ah-ah

    CH-CH-CH AH-AH-AH

    FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF ROSIN PART 3

    A MR. HORRORPANTS SCREENPLAY


    THE CAMERA PANS OVER AN EMPTY TARGET. DESPITE THE STADIUM'S BARRENNESS, WE CAN HEAR THE SOUNDS OF BASEBALL. PERHAPS THE HAPPY SOUNDS OF THE 2010 SEASON.

    MR. HORRORPANTS IS STANDING ALONE AT HOME PLATE. HIS LAB COAT IS FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE.

    BEHIND HIM, FROM THE OPPOSING DUGOUT, THE SPECTRAL IMAGE OF JOHAN SANTANA APPEARS.

    ...
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  6. Terror at the Martin Romero Institute!


    TERROR AT THE MARTIN ROMERO INSTITUTE:

    FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF ROSIN PART 2

    A MR. HORRORPANTS SCREENPLAY

    INT. A LIVING ROOM OF AN ABANDONED HOUSE.

    Mr. Horrorpants enters the room. He kicks at a crushed plastic beer cup. From the corner, a crouched human being stirs. The crouched stranger stands and reveals himself to be Carl Pavano, dressed as a teenager from the 1950s.


    PAVANO
    Nick?

    MR. HORRORPANTS
    ...
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  7. The Marlins Memo.

    From: Michael Fakename
    To: Marlins Home Run Feature Design Team.

    I. Love. It.

    When I said I wanted something that looked like Rainbow Brite puked on a snowglobe, I was just a boy with a dream. You and your design team made this boy's dreams come true!

    Can I make one small request? Could you add just ONE MORE Marlin to the display?

    I'm envisioning a marlin that comes out of the top of the display, but real slowly. I mean, REALLY slowly. Almost ...
  8. It's ALIV . . . No, Nope. It's Not. Sorry.


    IT'S ALIV . . . NO, NOPE. IT'S NOT. SORRY:

    FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF ROSIN PART 1

    A MR. HORRORPANTS SCREENPLAY



    INT. MAD SCIENTIST'S CASTLE. MR. HORRORPANTS IS WEARING A LAB COAT AND STANDING IN FRONT OF A LARGE BODY ON A SLAB. HE IS ACCOMPANIED BY STELLA, HIS TRUSTY ASSISTANT GREAT DANE.

    Mr. Horrorpants pulls a sheet off of the body on the slab to reveal a Frankenstein creation wearing a Minnesota Twins Jersey. On the sleeve ...
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  9. Friends, GMs, Bloggers, and Fans: The Blogger "Controversy"

    The following are my thoughts on the blogger versus journalist "debate." They are largely unresearched and completely subjective, but I hope they offer something to the public discussion.

    1) It's not really a debate. This discussion is about the journalistic appraisal of the talent of the blogging community. I don't believe the discussion lends itself toward critiquing the journalistic community. Some mainstream journalists (Jon Heyman comes to mind) get more blogger abuse ...
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  10. Profit and Loss

    Nishioka's demotion to Rochester woke the Internet like a robin singing. At that moment, Spring Training truly arrived. Players without unquestionable abilities are now assets, each compared to similar players and measured for potential value for the team.

    When someone like Nishioka is cut early, it adds drama to the entire process. He represents a large investment of time and money, and sending him to the minors so quickly says a lot. This leaves the Twins with a bench spot to fill, ...
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  11. A Spectral Jason Tyner.

    This morning, I sat down with my granola and Diet Mountain Dew, ready to begin my day. As my hindquarters hit the couch, and before my hand could reach the remote, I noticed a strange presence sitting in a chair in my living room. I was surprised, but somehow I recognized this intruder.

    "Jason Tyner?" I asked.

    Tyner nodded.

    "How did you get in my living room?"

    "You're imagining me here," he said. His mouth did not ...
  12. A Spring Training Report From A Civil War Era Soldier.

    12 March, 2012.

    Ft. Myers, Florida.


    I trust this Letter finds you Well and in Good Health and Spirit. Tell Mother I miss her Hot Dish Casserole every Day.

    I fear this Baseball Season will be what We feared it would be when this Spring Training Campaign began. It is now mid-March, as you can see, and we are still faced with the same Questions of last Year's horrid and shameful Defeat.

    The Artillery was splendid yesterday, on 11 March 2012, ...
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  13. Unrelated Cross-Promotion.

    Last year, as some of you know, I wrote an online novel called The HooseCows. It's about an independent league baseball team where broken ballplayers try to find peace dealing with ballpark ghosts and bad people. It's available at www.cfcows.com. Currently, I'm preparing it for publication.

    The problem is I missed writing fiction, and I wanted to write something else. I missed having a story to tell, so there was only one thing to do . . .

    The new story will have under ...
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  14. I Walked-Up With A Monster!

    In my continuing quest to improve the ferocity of Target Field Walk-Up Music, I have had an epiphany.

    For around a 100 years, horror movies have hired composers to add intensity to the moment. Why not go with the professionals on this one? After all, some of the Twins players could use a jolt of intensity in the pysch-out department.

    Here are some horror themes that would sound mighty smart pumping out the speakers at the ballgame.

    Song: "Psycho: A Suite ...
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