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Axel Kohagen

  1. Twins In Stereo.

    The Twins take the field tomorrow for the first time in 2013's regular season. It'd be an awful lot easier to find some hope for the year if the snow wasn't so stubborn in getting off of my lawn.

    Starting tomorrow, I'm going to record my impression of every Twins baseball game on this, my TwinsDaily blog. I'm taking a page from Stephen King and Stewart O'Nan, who documented a Red Sox season in their book Faithful.

    Red Sox won the World Series when they wrote that book. ...
  2. Pitch Men.

    I've been married for over ten years, so trying to find an emotional connection with this group of Minnesota Twins pitchers is really hard for me.

    Let me explain.

    Trying to keep up with the Twins players getting their innings in on the mound feels like trying to keep up with a string of bland blind dates that almost - but don't quite - squash the hope right out of your heart.

    I know this from single friends. It sounds like there's always something to like ...
  3. The Laughs of the 90s Are Alive With Provus.

    I've liked Cory Provus from day one. The man calls a good ballgame. He doesn't oversell the drama. He sounds like baseball ought to.

    Since I've permanently ditched cable for the radio, I've been spending a lot more time listening to Mr. Provus. My opinion hasn't changed.

    However, I've begun to notice something.

    He's funny.

    He's really funny.

    He isn't flashy about it. He's not about loud voices, zingers, or crazy stories. I can't quote ...
  4. A Snowy Vision of the 2013 Twins.

    While I was moping behind my snowblower, I noticed an unusual formation of snow. I turned off the machine and stepped closer to it.

    The identify of those piles of snow became clear. You've seen them before, too. They're the smiling, handshaking baseball players whose image lights up when Twins players hit home runs. The players looked at me as if they were waiting for me to speak.

    "Who will these 2013 Twins be?" I asked. "Who can I cheer for? Who can I believe ...
  5. The Snowed In Opening We've All Imagined.

    Weather reports tell me something wicked this way comes. I've got two gallons of gas for the snowblower and just enough left in my own tank to dig out from this one.

    Downtown, Target Field better be ready. Come April, we're all coming over to watch the game.

    With the weather waiting to pummel us yet again, how many of us are imagining a Wintery Wasteland Opening Day nightmare? Ever since they announced the stadium, the truly pessimistic of have smirked small, bitter smirks ...
  6. Playing on the Radio.

    I think Twins magic begins with a car radio, a commute of erratic, skidding traffic, and staring at the sun while waiting for red lights.

    Returning to baseball life is a greater gift to the fans living in places where the offseason is covered in snow and loneliness.

    When the bat cracks and the crowd cheers, we know the small city filled with red- and blue-clad fans will be born around Target Field. There will be beer, hugs, and shouting.

    At that moment, the ...
    Tags: twins, winter Add / Edit Tags
  7. Send Swarzak Squatching!

    It is time we all join together to accomplish a great thing, Twins Territory.

    We must send Anthony Swarzak on a Bigfoot hunting expedition.

    Swarzak has publicly discussed his interest in cryptozoology
    . I'm skeptical about the existence of an unidentified , two-legged mammal remaining undiscovered by science for so long, but I'm definitely a supporter of encouraging curiosity into the unknown.

    The Twins pitcher has taken enough ribbing for his curiosity about ...
  8. The Ballad of Big Jim.

    Twitter started sizzling yesterday. There's a chance Thome rejoins the team and puts a few more taters over the right field flag pole.

    There's no way this helps the Twins long term, but I can't help but be excited. Jim Thome is so heroic Greek mythology borrows heavily from his career.

    Mauer's never going to be that kind of hero. He's the quiet, unappreciated type. Biographies of the cool, consistent catcher will mention how little respect he got in his home town. They'll ...
    Tags: jim thome Add / Edit Tags
  9. The Bear Gets It.

    As a 35 year old man, you don't sit down next to Twins Mascot TC Bear without some trepidation. You're clearly in kid territory when you're posing with him. In fact, you're clogging up the photo line in front of several kids.
    Click image for larger version. 

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    You're not sure their parents understand.

    A space opens for you beside the bear and you sit down. You look to the bear. He slowly nods his giant, fuzzy head.

    Do you say anything? It's not like ...
    Tags: tc bear Add / Edit Tags
  10. Back to School.

    World Series, baby!

    Twins have lost two games of spring training, but they're actually playing and I heard them on the radio. Plus, Willingham knocked one out of the park. My head still knows they're going to suck, but my hearts already preparing to race as the Twins vie for the AL Central.

    I'm way too excited about guys with giant numbers on their jerseys. This year's Twins squad going to be like a group of high school seniors all the teachers have already written off. ...
  11. Full Squads, Empty Hearts.

    If my Twins blog gets any bleaker, it'll have to wear black eyeliner.

    Not too worried. First Spring Training home run by a Minnesota Twin will have me predicted a World Series victory in six games. I'm like that.

    Roger Clemens is threatening to become an obsession for me. He could go into the Ty Cobb Hall of Fame for players so completely unlikeable they've become loveable. I'd drive him there myself, as long as I didn't have to rub Icy-Hot on his groin area.
  12. Spring and Things.

    The Twins are down in Florida, getting ready to play baseball.

    I AM excited, of course. It just feels like all us Twins' fans got a Christmas tree out, and we're trying to pretend the packages that look and feel like bags of tube socks aren't really tube socks.

    It's gonna be a tube socks year, folks.

    Need to make it a goal to at least TRY to remember the names of the starting pitchers. Think I might try cue cards.

    Two crappy seasons behind us. ...
  13. Off Topic - Bring Back Childhood Memories and Support a Scary Wisconsin Slasher.

    This is off-topic, but if you grew up around the same time period as me, you know what happened after the summer Little League games.

    You went to a sleepover and you watched a scary movie. Probably one where a guy with a mask and a sharp object chased teenagers around the woods.

    Like the song says, they just don't make 'em like that anymore.

    UNLESS . . .

    Slasher Studios is looking for a few more donations to fund their movie Don't Go To The Reunion, ...
    Tags: off-topic Add / Edit Tags
  14. Betting on the Wrong Horse.

    Thought about the title of this blog. How would I feel if someone sends it back to me after a victorious Twins season? Then, I decided I'd feel pretty damn good about a winning season and probably wouldn't care someone reminded me I started out bitter.

    Twins fans across the Internet are writing like the team was dying and they're planning the services in its hospital room. Opening Day will be the funeral service, and Spring Training the visitation.

    Too morbid?
    Tags: camus, ennui, sartre, twins Add / Edit Tags
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