Aaron Hicks is a batting average eating goblin. This would be a common refrain among Twins fans if “batting average eating goblin” was common baseball lingo. We should probably work on making that happen.

More importantly, we should put Hicks’s numbers into a little perspective. His astronomically, historically, atrociously low batting average, is astronomical, historic and atrocious, but let us free our minds a bit. The numbers I’m about to explore are not going to get good, I will ...