Royals Fan Tired of Your Complaining
Image courtesy of © Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY SportsJeremy Tanner is your friend from childhood. A Missouri native, he's loved the Kansas City Royals that entire time, through years of incompetency to their improbable World Series win to their return to incompetency.
And he's had just about enough out of you.
"I saw him post on Facebook about how disappointed he was in Wednesday night's game," Tanner told Twins Daily. "He said the Twins wasted Byron Buxton's amazing home run with bad pitching and worse defense. Imagine my surprise to look at the standings this morning and see who had the best record in baseball. Guess who it is. Just guess."
Tanner, a Delano resident, was just getting warmed up.
"Meanwhile, I kept scrolling down the AL Central standings. Well below the team with the biggest division lead in baseball, WHICH IS THE MINNESOTA TWINS BY THE WAY, and well below Cleveland and Chicago and even the useless Tigers, that's where the Royals are. 23.5 games back. IT'S NOT EVEN FATHER'S DAY YET."
Tanner gathered himself, lit a cigarette, took an improbably long drag, and continued.
"Last week, when the Twins sent down (Willians) Astudillo, he texted me about how he was disappointed but understood the move. He actually texted a Royals fan about how he was disappointed that Minnesota's third catcher wasn't playing quite as well as the first two catchers. The unmitigated GALL. I've watched the platoon of Martin Maldonado and Cam Gallagher all year, and he's TEXTING ME ABOUT CATCHERS."
Tanner, who works for a local liquor distributor, lit a new cigarette with the butt of his old cigarette.
"The one positive about this weekend's series is that (Michael) Pineda isn't pitching for Minnesota. The last time we talked, he was worried if Pineda had what it takes to be the fifth starter. Instead of strangling him right there on the spot, I just shrugged, didn't mention that they'll make the playoffs if they run an actual human baby out there every fifth day, and asked how his wife is doing at her new job."
Tanner says he plans to go to Saturday's game with you, but would just as soon take the train because he hates looking for parking.
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