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Game Thread: Twins @ Milwaukee, 8/12/2020, 6:10PM CT

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 08:32 PM
      Good evening and welcome back to the always fun Twins Daily Game Thread! Get ready for some exciting baseball actio...
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Ump Jerry Meals is Unstoppable!

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 07:20 PM
I figured the star of the show last night deserved some special attention.  
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Where are they now? Ex-Twins in 2020

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 08:20 PM
I said in the 2019 thread that I would start this forum thread...    Let's start populating it. How many former Twins are on ro...
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2020 Twins Transactions

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 04:11 PM
There haven't been many yet, but I'll start this today...   The Twins just announced that Zack Littell (hamstring) has been placed o...
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Marlins: 14 positive Covid cases, home opener cancelled...

Other Baseball Today, 02:25 PM
Before the season started, I was wondering about what would happen if the virus started spreading like wildfire in a clubhouse. Well here...
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Results Mixed As Twins Replicate Florida Spring Training Experience

Unconfirmed reports say multiple players, staff devoured or chomped by Earl, a rogue alligator from Orlando.
Image courtesy of Public Domain
Target Field saw its first baseball action of the season this week, as players began reporting for a delayed spring training. Excitement soon turned to chaos as a rogue alligator “gave a good old Everglades chomping” to numerous players, staff, and journalists.

“The team wanted it to feel as much like a Florida spring training environment as possible,” said Larry Thurman, VP of Community Engagement for Orlando’s Wilderness Safari and Topless Frozen Yogurt Bar. “We sent up a couple gators to give it a real Sunshine State feel. I guess Earl got a bit peckish.”

Earl was one of two gators loosed in the Twins clubhouse on Wednesday, where he terrorized and/or gnawed on multiple players and team officials.

“(Max) Kepler came tearing through the clubhouse yelling about the green bear and I was very confused,” said Twins manager Rocco Baldelli. “Turns out Glen (Perkins, retired Twins pitcher and south metro handyman) told him that’s what alligators were when Max got here from Germany and no one corrected him. Anyway, that’s when I saw Earl going to town on a couple advance scouts and I got out of there.”

Minneapolis Animal Control sedated the alligator, and team officials say that while there are multiple injuries and “extensive” gouging, there were no fatalities. Reports that Dan Gladden attempted to ride the gator like a motorcycle and compared it unfavorably to Steve Lombardozzi are unconfirmed at this time.

The other alligator, Eugene, appeared to tire quickly and settled in for a nap on top of The Athletic’s Aaron Gleeman. Officials say both the gator and Gleeman appear to be sleeping soundly and there are no plans to disturb them.

A team spokesperson said the workouts at St. Paul’s CHS Field will go on as scheduled this weekend but with less immediately hazardous Florida effects. Sprawling retirement villages, championship golf courses that wipe out native wetlands, and extensive insurance fraud are all expected to take over the capital city's Lowertown neighborhood beginning Friday afternoon.

  • nclahammer, Dave The Dastardly, Twinsrule1991 and 1 other like this

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8 Comments

Caution: do not attempt to drive within a twenty mile radius of either of the venues until further notice. The sudden influx of old people running red lights and making random lane changes will be hazardous to your car's metalwork!

    • Sconnie likes this
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twinsfanstreif
Jul 03 2020 09:13 AM

It's 2020 man, you can't joke like this. The thing is, this could actually happen and it wouldn't even be in the top 10 craziest things to happen in 2020........I hate (and weirdly kind of love) this year so much

    • ashbury likes this
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Hosken Bombo Disco
Jul 03 2020 09:36 AM
Maybe the murder hornets can scare the alligators away?
    • ashbury likes this

Lets just hope they are not "Meth Gators" https://www.cnn.com/...trnd/index.html

 

 

On the bright side, we can expect a local eatery review from LENIII any day now.
    • ashbury likes this
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Dave The Dastardly
Jul 04 2020 08:57 AM

Word on the street is that Earl has been skinned and is being made into a couple dozen pairs of baseball spikes. Teeth are being strung into a necklace for The Turtle. Seemed appropriate.

Genious

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sampleSizeOfOne
Jul 04 2020 09:41 AM

On the bright side, we can expect a local eatery review from LENIII any day now.


Word on the street is that Earl has been skinned and is being made into a couple dozen pairs of baseball spikes. Teeth are being strung into a necklace for The Turtle. Seemed appropriate.


I'm sad to hear that. I was looking forward to hearing Earl's review of the players.

We might find some business opportunities by comparing them to Len's reports.

At least Earl will serve a valuable lesson for the values of social distancing and the benefits of curbside pickup. I am curious how many he will serve...

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