Rejected Taglines for the 1981 Minnesota Twins
Image courtesy of Flickr/J. PettyThe ’81 Twins were…not good. Johnny Goryl got fired, the team was playing in a doomed Met Stadium, Calvin Griffith would sooner do racism in Waseca than spend money on free agents, and there was also a players’ strike smack dab in the middle of what would end up being a split season.
Still, you gotta put butts in seats, and the 1981 marketing team hoped to drum up some momentum around, um, Glenn Adams and Pete Mackanin. When it became startlingly apparent that the team didn’t have a lot of promise (Roy Smalley was your team leader in home runs with seven), those efforts were scrapped in favor of building excitement over the move to the Metrodome in 1982. The Twins Daily I-Team found a copy of proposed taglines in a haunted Mall of America basement, and we share them with you now.
- Remember When We Had Rod Carew?
- We Already Traded Ken Landreaux, Sorry About That
- There Might Be Some Minnesota Kicks Fans in the Parking Lot Who Will Let You Drink Their Beer
- Don’t Get Too Attached to Any of These Guys
- Life Is Pain Always
- Wear Closed-Toe Shoes Knothole Gang, Calvin Won’t Pay for a Grounds Crew and You Technically Have to Help Us Drag the Infield Between Innings! Mom Didn’t Read the Fine Print, This Is on Her!
- Kirby Puckett is Three Years Away Still
- Cable TV Is In Its Infancy So You Still Have to Go to a Game to See Us
- Listen to the Owner Badmouth Larry Hisle
- We’ll Call Up the Hrbek Kid in August if You Promise to Buy Tickets, Bloomington.
- You’re Not Going to Believe It Now but These Powder Blues Are Going to Look Fantastic in 2019
- Fielding Nine Players Every Night!
- The North Stars Are Across the Way If You Get Bored
- We’ll Trade Jerry Koosman for Randy Johnson This Summer. Not That One.
- Watch a Baseball Game While Dad Gets Tuned Up at Steak & Ale