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Local Contrarian Eager to Find Fault with However This Trade Turns Out

Unlikable Chaska man shares his plan for the upcoming Twins transaction, or lack thereof.
Image courtesy of Flickr/Jorge Gonzalez
Barry Daniel has had a skip in his step and a song in his heart since Tuesday night’s bombshell announcement of a trade that would send Twins prospect Brusdar Graterol to the Red Sox, with Dodgers starting pitcher Kenta Maeda coming to Minnesota in return.

“The minute I heard that, I got on the internet and started letting everyone know that this was a horrible move for the Twins,” said the 37-year-old IT consultant at a post-work happy hour he wasn’t supposed to know about but someone mentioned it in front of him by accident and here we are. “Graterol has the potential to be a Nolan Ryan/Randy Johnson type, and we’re moving him for a middle-of-the-rotation stopgap? Come on.”

When word came down late Wednesday that the trade might be in peril due to Boston’s concerns over Graterol’s health, Daniel immediately stopped arguing in a group chat that Adam Sandler’s only good movies are ones with farts in them, not the serious ones. A new path was there to follow.

“If this trade falls through, it’s just further evidence that they’re more concerned about holding onto unproven, injury-prone prospect than trying to improve their most glaring weakness,” said Daniel, beaming as he sent his appetizer back to the kitchen a second time. “If they really wanted to make this trade they would have parted with a (Royce) Lewis or Alex Kiriloff. Gutless and scared, classic Twins.”

Daniel’s few friends at the happy hour say it’s been a long week, and it’s not even Friday.

“When the Timberwolves traded Andrew Wiggins today, I don’t think it took him five minutes to say that Wiggins was on the verge of a turnaround and this was a giant step backwards for the team,” said Carrie Stilson, the company’s HR manager. “Then he gets here, tells everyone who ordered guacamole that all the ingredients support drug cartels in Central America, and orders plain chicken strips. I just want to go home to my family.”

As the happy hour filtered out, Daniel sat alone at the bar watching the ticker on ESPN.

“Patrick Mahomes, Super Bowl MVP,” said Daniel, shaking his head. “Alex Smith would have won that game without any of the look-at-me nonsense.” The bartender groaned audibly.

  • Yoke, Dantes929, Sssuperdave and 6 others like this

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12 Comments

Thanks, Stu.

 

Don't follow the T'Wolves, but did they really trade Wiggins today?  

 

Thanks, Stu.

 

Don't follow the T'Wolves, but did they really trade Wiggins today?  

No.

 

Yesterday.

    • Mike Sixel, David HK and rdehring like this

Barry is a friend I follow on Twitter, but I have him on mute so I don't have to actually see what he says.

    • USAFChief, Dantes929 and JDubs like this
Photo
tarheeltwinsfan
Feb 07 2020 02:26 PM

Thanks for warning me against reading anything by Barry Daniel, real or fictional.

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theBOMisthebomb
Feb 07 2020 03:37 PM
We all have this friend. Brilliant.
    • Sconnie likes this
I laughed so hard!

He.... sent... his appetizer back.... again?!?

 

Where is he? Lemme at that guy!

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Richard Swerdlick
Feb 08 2020 06:13 AM

Must be nice to always be right.

    • Hoofbeats likes this
Why is this supposed “story” worth inclusion in this otherwise factual and upbeat website?
Isn't this 90% of MN fans?
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Dave The Dastardly
Feb 08 2020 08:48 AM

 

Isn't this 90% of MN fans?

Statistically it's 63.9%. 36.1% are able to attend spring training in Florida and therefore tend to be optimistic, especially after an evening at Kelsey's Bar and Massage. The Spring Training Buzz, it's professional term, however tends to dissipate upon returning to Minnesota at a rate inversely proportional to the depth of ice dams remaining on the roof.

    • Sconnie likes this

Well done as always!


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