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Astros Being Investigated for Using Tech to Steal Pitchin...

Other Baseball Today, 04:44 PM
I can no longer say I want the Twins to emulate the Astros. Bush league maneuver to use cameras in order to steal signs.
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Front Page: A Bigger Twins Problem Than Pitching

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 04:30 PM
If you’ve given any thought at all to the Twins deficiencies this offseason, the chief concern has likely been the starting rotation. Two...
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Examining the playoff rotation

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 04:21 PM
Let me begin with stating that I really hoped we would have added "Impact Pitching" by this point. To be totally honest, I really wanted...
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Front Page: The Twins' Great Advantage (That They Are...

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 03:57 PM
Fresh off the Josh Donaldson news, it is becoming harder to criticize the Twins front office as they pushed their chips in and took a fre...
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Front Page: 2020 Twins Lineup: Five Things Josh Donaldson...

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 03:41 PM
The Minnesota Twins lineup in 2019 was lethal, hitting more home runs than any other team in major league baseball history. Bringing in a...
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Holiday Gift Ideas for Baseball Fans

You have a baseball fan in your life, and the holidays are barreling down on you like Jason Kubel getting sent home by Scott Ullger even though the catcher is holding the ball and checking his phone. You want to give them a thoughtful gift that appeals to their interests, but they don’t need another ballcap or autographed rookie card. Twins Daily is here to help.
Image courtesy of © Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports
Houston Astros Home Security
You and your family deserve to feel safe in your own home. Let baseball’s Houston Astros get to work. State-of-the-art surveillance technology and bleeding-edge customer service are the hallmarks of HAHS. The best part: There are no costly set-up fees because they’ve already installed it in your home. No need to thank them. They’ve been watching you shame-eat Pringles while watching Property Brothers for a while now and have some thoughts on your diet and viewing habits.

Minnesota Twins Power Bar
Need a little extra energy to get you through that next workout? The protein-rich, nutrient-packed Minnesota Twins Power Bar is the preferred exercise supplement of the home run record-setting AL Central champs!

Minnesota Twins Sleepytime Snack Bar
It’s the exact same bar, but if you eat it in the city of New York the effects are reversed. You’ll wake up stressed and resigned to your fate. Science and math can’t explain it!

Orel Hershiser’s Oral Herd Sizers
Ranchers can’t get enough of this cattle-counting tool from the Los Angeles Dodgers great. Just hold the device aloft anywhere on your property, and the calm, confident voice of the record-setting pitcher will give you an accurate (within 20 head) estimate.

Shirtless Brian Dozier Action Figure
The former Twins star and current member of the defending World Series champion Washington Nationals is immortalized forever in this pocket-sized, poseable action figure. Features actual Brian Dozier Good Hair and a slick, rock-hard torso that can’t be contained by shirts, tank tops, or jackets. Pair it with your Nick Punto Tearaway Jersey Action Figure for a gritty, sensual tag team!

Tom Kelly Comes Over and Talks to Your Rude Teen Son Like He’s Todd Walker
Parents, you’ve had it up to here with the backsass and aimlessness of your rude teen son. You’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work. Well, for a nominal fee, former Twins manager Tom Kelly will come to your house and talk to your rude teen son like he did to Todd Walker. Kelly will be unimpressed, sarcastic, and dismissive of whatever your rude teen son does. The tables are turned, Jeremy. And if you want to leave via free agency, Tom will happily drop you off at the closest USMC recruiting station.

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6 Comments

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John Bonnes
Nov 15 2019 07:23 AM
I can't stop giggling at how stupid the Orel Hershiser thing is.
    • Puckett34 likes this

I can't stop giggling at how stupid the Orel Hershiser thing is.

I think the gauntlet has been thrown down. Only Chief can top that one.

 

3ggdga.jpg

 

Chief, where are you, in our hour of need?

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RandBalls Stu
Nov 15 2019 09:43 AM

If I write a dumber joke I'll be impressed with myself. 

 

I can't stop giggling at how stupid the Orel Hershiser thing is.

 

    • ashbury likes this

If I write a dumber joke I'll be impressed with myself. 

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    • RandBalls Stu likes this

 

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I would drive the crap out of that car.

    • ashbury likes this
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Hosken Bombo Disco
Nov 15 2019 07:03 PM

What if your rude teen son is more like Marty Cordova?