Hear Me Out: It’s Time for Junior Ortiz Boulevard
Image courtesy of Flickr/Jerry HuddlestonOne of the highest honors local sports heroes can garner is getting a block or two stretch of a city street named after them. We have a lot of roads in this state that could use some Hall of Fame or World Series luster. Think of how much better that back-up at the Lowry Tunnel would be if you were waiting for traffic to clear on the Gary Gaetti Travel Hole? The problem, as you might have noticed, is that there are but a handful of Twins in Cooperstown and a mere two titles.
We’re going to have to get creative. And we’re going to have to get a Junior Ortiz Boulevard.
Some might ask, why Junior? Younger people might ask who that even is. That utter failure in parenting aside, the backup catcher from the 1991 World Champs is deserving. Keith Atherton is deserving. Scott Erickson is deserving. Mike Pagliarulo? You guessed it: Deserving.
Since no one denies that this is the correct course of action, what’s left to determine is where to put Junior Ortiz Boulevard. I don’t think it should go to the Twin Cities: Minneapolis already has a couple baseball streets, and St. Paul doesn’t have so much as a parking lot named after Dave Winfield, Joe Mauer, or Paul Molitor, so they get nothing until they get their poop in a group. The greater metro can get bent out of shape when someone else in the cul-de-sac installs a front door that’s the wrong color, so they’re probably out. We must go into greater Minnesota. This is where the obvious answer lies:
It’s a picturesque town in the Minnesota River Valley with a rich baseball tradition. More importantly, it’s the SECOND ULM. Ulm Senior is in Germany, making this one…junior.
I propose that New Ulm find a street, preferably the main drag, the one by the old Hardee’s, or the road by my friend Dave’s brewery, and correctly rename it Junior Ortiz Boulevard. The best way to do this is through citizen involvement, so I urge all reading this to reach out and make your voice heard.
New Ulm Chamber of Commerce: email@example.com
New Ulm Convention & Visitors Bureau: firstname.lastname@example.org
Mayor Robert J. Beussmann and the New Ulm City Council, now is the time to lead. When you’re cutting the ribbon on Junior Ortiz Boulevard this summer, voters will remember that where others feared to tread, you were bold, nimble, and decisive. Do the right thing. For Junior Ortiz. For democracy itself.
Image license here.
- nclahammer, Minny505 and JDubs like this