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Watch the Live Play-by-Play of the Virtual Twins Playoffs

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 10:33 AM
With the real Twins around the corner, I have elected to sim to the playoffs to try and tease how the real club will do this fall, and as...
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2020 Game Thread Intros

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 09:09 AM
Yes, I believe there will be baseball! Further, the Twins would be a popular pick this year to advance to the playoffs and maybe, just ma...
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Charley Walters: Twins-Saints partnership talks quietly o...

Twins Minor League Talk Today, 07:30 AM
Very interesting article in Pioneer Press from Charlie Walters. https://www.twinciti...uietly-ongoing/ There’s been a few suggestions in...
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Brian Dozier released

Other Baseball Yesterday, 11:29 PM
I noticed this one-sentence item in the most obscure part of this morning's StarTribune print edition:   San Diego released former T...
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“Joe Cambria: Saint or Scoundrel? The Controversial Life...

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 12:07 AM
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned in another thread an upcoming talk, as part of SABR's 2020 virtual convention, concerning the old Senat...
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Grown Man Asks Santa Claus For Starting Pitching

Zach Moen is 43. The Chaska native has been following the Minnesota Twins his entire life. His focus since the team’s humbling playoff exit has been singular: Improvements to the team’s starting rotation. With free agency a bust and the prospect of swinging a blockbuster trade daunting, he turned to an unlikely source for help.
Image courtesy of © Marco Garcia-USA TODAY Sports
“You know how in some department stores at the mall they have a little table and mailbox for writing letters to Santa,” said Moen. “I didn’t see an age limit sign anywhere, so I grabbed a blue crayon and got to work.”

Moen, who admits that he was previously very skeptical of the portly saint’s existence, said it was just one way in which he harnessed the power of dreams and wishes to fulfill his favorite team’s most urgent need this holiday season.

“I think most people agree that it’s weird to go to the mall and see a grown-ass man sitting on Santa’s lap,” said Moen. “But isn’t it weirder to have ample payroll to add any starting pitcher you want and not doing so? I went to Rosedale with purpose and resolve: To ask Santa for a new pitcher.

“I didn’t sit on his lap, by the way, I’m not a weirdo,” Moen added. “I just kneeled down and quietly but very firmly told him what I wanted. An elf named Tyler told me I needed to leave or he was going to call his manager, but I said what needed saying.”

Despite similar results at other malls (“You get used to the looks and security escorting you back to your car”), Moen entered Christmas Eve optimistic and prepared.

“So NORAD has this Santa Tracker, where they track the reindeer and Santa’s sleigh as they deliver gifts,” said Moen. “And you can watch it online. What I did on Christmas was zero in on the radar image of the sleigh itself. You can see the jolly old elf and the overstuffed sack of toys clear as day. But that sleigh is a two-seater. Who’s that second seat for? Mrs. Claus doesn’t go on these trips. Noah Syndergaard, maybe? I’m just asking questions.”

When Christmas Day dawned and no transaction news came with it, Moen was disappointed but did not lose faith.

“It was a bummer, there’s no two ways about it,” said Moen. “But you have to look at it logically, too. The way I see it, the player’s union will probably raise hell if a team puts a player on an unlicensed aircraft flown by magic animals over the holidays for the purposes of a trade. It’ll be way easier to do it through the traditional channels this weekend or first thing Monday. I expect we’ll find out soon enough.”

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7 Comments

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sampleSizeOfOne
Dec 27 2019 08:40 AM
But has Zach been good this year?

I am led to believe that is a consideration in the process...
    • ashbury, USAFChief, glunn and 2 others like this
If he didn’t get the starting pitcher, what did he get? If he got Coal, I blame him for wrecking it for all of us by being on the naughty list and asking for the Ace we needed! If he WAS on the naughty list and did this to us, how selfish of him! I would suggest Zach move to Chicago to hang out with Bartman. He and the Cubs will probably be more forgiving than we will...
    • glunn and Sconnie like this

Zach Moen will flip the new pitcher for cash to a team with World Series aspirations and pocket the windfall.

    • glunn likes this
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diehardtwinsfan
Dec 27 2019 01:28 PM

I wanted Cole in my stocking. Santa disappointed. 

    • glunn, Han Joelo, notoriousgod71 and 1 other like this
Right on time. Thanks for this one
    • Sconnie likes this
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notoriousgod71
Dec 27 2019 06:32 PM

 

I wanted Cole in my stocking. Santa disappointed. 

I would have settled for Madison.

Nice Work!

    • Sconnie likes this

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